Eli Hayes (poke_the_dragon) wrote in the_dome, @ 2013-12-11 23:24:00 |
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Entry tags: | 04-15-2017, eli, eli and finn, finn |
Feeling Left Out
Who: Eli and Finn
Where: Their House
When: Afternoon
When Eli woke up that morning, he'd gone hunting in the rain. It was the kind of thing he could get lost in, running for hours, chasing down rabbits, eventually bringing them back to the house for a stew. He hadn't realized how much time had passed till he returned, starving for a meal, so he set about skinning the rabbits in the kitchen in preparation for a stew. He was sure he was quite a sight, drenched and muddy, standing in the kitchen with a knife in his hands, but he didn't want to stop to shower till the stew was on.
Finn had gone to work on minimal sleep, working hard again as people came by for more wood for fires and letting himself get lost in the work and the rain and not his thoughts. When he got home he was soaked through, half in his own head and considering a run, just to avoid the changes in the house. While he wouldn't mention it again, part of him didn't feel like he belonged here anymore. That he wasn't family. He was already different, but now it was even more so. Only, no matter how big the part of him that felt alone, he wouldn't leave them. He couldn't. Who was he if he wasn't here? He was so lost in his own thoughts that he barely noticed the mess that Eli was as he slipped out of his wet coat, nodding at Eli. "Afternoon."
“Hey,” Eli said, looking up from the rabbit. “I was going to make some stew. Are you hungry?” He wasn’t the best cook in the world, but rabbit stew was something he could manage, even if it wasn’t as good as Corey’s.
Finn frowned, finally taking Eli in. "Rabbit?" That was different. They'd not hunted as much and with so many other options from the farm, rabbit wasn't a go-to anymore. "I'm...no, I'm fine."
“Yeah, I felt like hunting this morning,” Eli said. It was more that he felt like running, getting some energy out of his system, and had just ended up hunting, but he didn’t think the details mattered. He looked up with Finn’s hesitation, frowning slightly. “You sure?”
Finn couldn't remember his last meal. There was hot chocolate with Liam and Audrey, but that was it really. He didn't have an appetite. "Not hungry," he settled on since he wasn't really fine. "Didn't know you were still hunting."
“I’ve gone a few times with Corey,” he said with a small smile. “And now I can hunt as a wolf, so it’s different.” The hard part was not tearing the rabbit to shreds and eating it raw. He wasn’t sure how his human body would feel about that afterwards. “Have you seen Audrey this morning?” He needed to check on her, see how she was transitioning. The first few days were the worst.
"Different. Right. I suppose everything is now." He looked at Eli when he mentioned Audrey, frowning. "Not since very early this morning when she and Liam told me they'd turned into werewolves." He was curious how Eli would feel about that, what his reaction would be even if he'd had a hand in it.
“Not everything. Just some things,” Eli said, since that was the way he saw it. His daily life hadn’t changed all that much. The only real exception was his ability to hunt, plus the full moon. “Audrey turned Liam?” he asked, his head snapping up with a look of surprise. Audrey had asked what she should do if Liam wanted to be turned, but he didn’t expect it to happen so quickly, or that it would happen at all.
"Feels like more than just some things." To Finn at least and he wasn't sure how the others didn't feel that way. He looked up when Eli did. "She did."
Eli’s jaw tightened, as did his grip on the knife. He couldn’t fault Audrey for it, nor Liam, but that didn’t mean he was necessarily happy about it. “Is she going to turn you, too?”
“I doubt that. They brought it up, but...I’m not sure I want to.” Finn squared his shoulders. “I’m also not sure I belong though, what with them becoming like you. There’s not much of a need for me and I’m different now so…” He trailed off, not sure what the end result was other than the twisting feeling in his stomach was worse than when it was just Avery’s words eating at him. He’d seen the way Eli reacted though. “You’re not pleased?”
“What do you mean, there’s not a ‘need’ for you?” Eli frowned. “Of course, you belong. You’ll always belong.” How could he think otherwise? It was Eli he felt like he didn’t fit in, now that he’d learned that Audrey had feelings for both Finn and Liam. And apparently they’d had a talk with Finn that didn’t include him. Now that Audrey had what she wanted, she had no use for him… “It’s their decisions, but… I dunno. I guess it just bugs me.”
“I don’t feel like I have much of a purpose. I was always striving to take care of you,” he said shrugging a little. “And now you don’t need it.” He looked at his hands, not sure what to do with them. “Why does it bother you?”
“Your purpose is that you’re our friend. And I think they wanted to be able to take care of themselves,” Eli said. That was the part that he got. “If we got rid of people just because they weren’t useful, then we wouldn’t have had them with us in the first place,” he pointed out, then was quiet for a moment more before answering. “I knew Audrey wanted me to change her if things went well. I guess I thought it would be something just between the two of us, especially since…” He sighed, then shook his head. “It doesn’t matter, I guess.”
“I liked feeling useful,” Finn said with a sigh. “The part of me...part of me feels like I need that.” He wasn’t always a fan of the way people referred to him as two people, but he was starting to feel it. “Especially since what?”
“Yeah, me too. I understand that part. I think you can still be useful, though.” Finn could still do everything he did before and Eli would be thankful for it. He doubted that Audrey being a werewolf was going to make her suddenly want to chop wood, or that Liam would desire to become a hunter. But maybe he was wrong. “She likes both of you,” he said, his eyes turning down to the rabbit. “She doesn’t like me. So I thought we’d at least have that.” A special bond just between the two of them… except not.
Finn looked up. “Useful how?” he asked. He didn’t feel like it and that was hurting the worst. As Eli explained himself though, Finn frowned more. “I’m not sure...she’ll have much interest in me now. We’re too different, right?” That had been weighing on him heavily as well. “You have Corey, though, yes?” Finn thought that was still a thing, but maybe he’d missed something. “It gave Liam back his voice. Which...I also thought I’d do.”
“Becoming a werewolf shouldn’t change everything. You’re not defined by what you bring to the group.” Though he knew that in D&D terms, that was exactly the case. That could be why Finn was struggling with this so much. “You’re not just our ranger; you’re our friend who’s good at hunting, who leads fearlessly and cares that we all make it through safely.” He didn’t know how else to say it, until it came to him. “If there were a fight, you’re still the one I’d want fighting with me.” It was the highest praise he could give Finn, though he wasn’t sure Finn would know it. “Yes, I have Corey.” That didn’t really fix things for him, though. This was different. “At least they told you.”
Maybe it shouldn’t change everything, but Finn felt like things were spinning out of his control. He listened to Eli, hearing the same things over and over again until Eli got to the end. “You really want that? Me to fight alongside you?” he asked. That seemed like quite the compliment, especially considering now Eli was even stronger. “But it’s not the same?” Finn ventured about Corey. “I suppose yes. I’m sure they will tell you soon enough.”
“I’d rather you than them, even if they are werewolves now,” Eli said. “You’re a good fighter. You keep your head in battle, while I’m just raging all over the place. Audrey and Liam might be stronger now, but they haven’t fought like we have. I… I don’t know why being turned would bring back Liam’s voice. It has a different effect on some people.” He really hoped that Liam wasn’t an alpha. That seemed completely out of character to him, plus he didn’t want the struggle of deciding who to take orders from. “Yeah, it’s not the same,” he sighed. “I guess I’m just jealous that she likes everyone in the house but me.” But it was more than that. Already things were changing. It felt like they’d had a family gathering that he wasn’t invited to. “I’d have figured it out, noticed the change in Liam’s scent. I didn’t know Audrey was ready to tell people. I feel like I just changed her.”
Finn nodded, feeling like he was right there. “Yes, I can’t imagine they’ll learn to fight overnight.” That was a good start at least. “I keep seeing the wolf that attacked you though. It makes me anxious.” He paused at Eli’s jealousy, frowning more. “I suppose...well I’m not sure. I don’t know why she wouldn’t. Maybe because of Corey.” Though she supposedly still liked him despite liking Avery. “I don’t know if they planned to tell me. I walked into it. I was curious what happened to make Liam speak again.”
“I know. That part makes me nervous. But the full moon went so well that I didn’t feel like I had grounds to tell Audrey no.” Or maybe he was just incapable of telling Audrey no. Now that he considered it, that made much more sense. “I wasn’t like the wolf,” he reminded Finn. “And I can change on my own and still be me, so it’s different.” He didn’t know if Finn knew that part yet, since they hadn’t really had time to talk. “I do like Corey. And I know that-- that I can’t like both of them.” It didn’t work like that, even in his brain. He knew it wouldn’t work. “I’ve never known a speaking Liam.”
Finn was quiet for a moment before looking at Eli. “That wolf wasn’t...stupid.” He wasn’t sure what it was, but it hadn’t seemed as instinctive as a normal animal. “I’ve seen that. The changing. Audrey turned into her wolf.” Which was nice, since it was the closest he’d gotten to her, but Finn kept that to himself. “You could. I think it happens.” It was happening to Audrey. At mention of Liam, he smiled, nodding. “He’s still quiet, just less so. And fun.” Finn barely remembered it, but that was because of his mind, not because the memories were faded. “You’ll like him.”
“Oh.” So she’d changed for them as well. Already she didn’t need him, not even for questions about shifting or anything. A knot in his stomach tightened and he focused on the rabbit, tearing the meat off the bones. “I don’t want it to happen. She’s not interested.” And it would just make things even more complicated, though it wasn’t like he had control over who he liked. “I hope so. So long as he doesn’t go all alpha on me, it should be fine.”
“You’re as upset as I am,” Finn stated, but didn’t dive into it more. He was glad he wasn’t the only one entirely not okay with things. It still left that sour feeling in his stomach. “I don’t think you know Liam very well. He’s not...like that.”
“I don’t have a reason to be upset. No one’s done anything wrong,” he argued, but it was true, he was upset. The reasons might be irrational, but they were still there, wrecking havoc in his mind. “I didn’t think he was, but it sounds like getting bitten changed him, so who knows.”
“I’m upset as well,” Finn offered. “I just have a bad feeling about all of it.” He sighed and shrugged. “I feel left out of this major change.” Which maybe Eli was feeling as well. “I suppose it has. Maybe he’s less scared now.”
Eli took a deep breath, trying to let the tension melt away. It half worked, but not as much as he wanted it to. “That’s why I did it for Audrey. So she could feel safe. I didn’t see a reason to tell her no, but… what if I’m wrong? And Corey might be pissed at me for it. And I thought maybe it meant something, but then she went and changed Liam, so I don’t know. I feel left out and I was a part of it.” Which didn’t make sense, even to him.
But it made sense to Finn who nodded sagely. “I understand. I’m not entirely pleased with you for making the decision, but I know how Audrey can be.”
“If I said no, she’d just go to someone else,” Eli said, watching Finn. “She helped out at the camp. She saw all the werewolves. If someone was going to bite her, it might as well be me. Or that’s what I thought.”
Finn considered that, then nodded. “I’d rather you than some stranger, but I’m still not okay with it. I’m not okay with Liam being bit either.”
“What do you want to do about it?” Eli asked, since he was the one that started it all. Not that he could help being bit, but if he hadn’t been, then everything would still be the same.
Finn’s shoulders fell. “There’s nothing I can do. It makes them happy. So I can keep working and maybe just...stay out of the way.” Which reminded him of the run he’d wanted to take, despite the weather.
“You don’t need to stay out of the way,” Eli said. “I don’t think this had anything to do with you. I think they wanted this for themselves.” That was the only part of it that Eli did understand. It was the rest the hurt his head.
Finn nodded. “I get that. I do. I just…I think I need to learn where I fit in with all this.” He wasn’t sure honestly and he didn’t think it would make more sense right away. “And I’m too worried for them to be as happy as they want me to be.”
“I understand.” Eli didn’t know if he was worried, but he still understood. It sucked to feel like an outsider, and it sucked even more to feel helpless. He’d been both lately and still managed to feel that way besides being one of the werewolves. “So… I’m gonna put this on to cook, then jump in the shower. You sure you don’t want to eat with me?”
Finn looked at the foot and shook his head. “I’m going to go for a run. It’ll help me think.” Maybe. Or maybe he’d just cover the entire dome and get nowhere, but at least it would be something to do with himself. “Thank you for the offer though.”
“Anytime,” Eli said and he meant it. For him, being a werewolf was an accident and it didn’t change anything about him, at least as far as he could tell. Finn was a good guy, and an integral part of their little, messed up group. He might not see it, but they needed him as much as he needed them.