Lily Ryker (lilryker) wrote in the_dome, @ 2013-11-22 18:04:00 |
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Entry tags: | 04-14-2017, lily, lily and lochlan, lochlan |
Some Unwanted and Wanted Enlightenment
Who: Lochlan & Lily
Where: Lily's house
When: Evening (after the storm)
Lily had spent all day trapped alone at home and was beginning to go a little stir crazy. There wasn’t really any part of her that wanted to be outside in the weather as it had been, but she also didn’t want to be inside much longer either. Princess seemed to be pleased with her presence lingering longer than it typically did, at least. The kitten had spent periods snuggling beside her, chasing after nothing in particular, more snuggling, and the occasional hide-and-pounce game. If it weren’t for her furry baby, she was sure she would have lost her mind by now and been banging her head against a wall. That is until she received a text message from Lochlan, her mood brightening considerably at the mention that he was going to come check on her. She had tried telling him that he didn’t need to, but he insisted and she certainly wasn’t going to argue being able to see him. She had missed him more than she had wanted to tell him because she didn’t want to be overly needy considering they had just spent all last night and a part of the morning together in amazingly sweet, sweaty, hot, bliss.
Hovering near the fire that she had been keeping up in her fireplace for a good part of the day, she sat with guitar in lap, strumming chords and humming a few lines along with it. She would pause every now and again to jot down chords she liked and words or phrases to match in a notebook on the floor beside her. She wasn’t sure when Lochlan would be over, but she was doing her best to keep herself busy so as to avoid suffering from a bad case of ants in her pants.
Lochlan left Eily at the pub when the rain seemed to have let up a little and gone to check on his sisters. The storm was pretty nasty but he didn't care. He felt numb. He was doing his duty though, taking care of his family. Lily, however, was not his duty. She was the one person he actually wanted to see right then. Though he knew it wasn't going to be happy fun times with her. Even less likely would be more sweet, sweaty, hot, bliss though when he'd left her this morning, he'd fully intended on coming back this evening to ravish her all over again.
Now? He knew he shouldn't have slept with her. He was so far from okay with things with Eily that he felt like he'd used Lily as a distraction. Not that he hadn't been with Lily in the moment. And definitely not that he didn't love her. He was just messed up inside right now. When he reached the steps up to Lily's door, Lochlan took a deep breath, forcing his thoughts out of his mind as best he could though he wasn't able to boost his own mood enough for her not to notice he wasn't 100%. Still, he didn't need to come in and dump all over her either so he would try. Blame being tired or something. He could hear her guitar before he climbed the steps and he almost thought better of going in until she'd moved on to something else he couldn't ruin. In the end, rain-soaked and a shivering, he knocked anyway.
Lily scrawled out a completely illegible word when she heard the knock, making a conscious effort to avoid throwing her guitar out of her lap to get up to her feet. It wasn’t like there was an endless amount in Delphi, so she knew she had to treat it with care. Setting it on the couch as she passed, she nearly skipped to the front door and opened it with the biggest, brightest smile; it felt absolutely amazing to be so happy. It had been forever and a day since she’d felt this good, having a difficult time even pinpointing when exactly it was she felt this way last. Had she before? Who the hell cared! She threw her arms around Lochlan, nearly leaping into his arms, and pressed a kiss to his lips. She hadn’t been as smooth as she wanted to be, but she became too excited when she laid her eyes on him again.
If Lily hadn't been smooth, Lochlan hadn't noticed. He put his arms around her and he held her close, feeling her there in his arms, so warm and alive. He returned her kiss, his lips very cold from having been in the freezing rain for almost an hour now. Then he rested his head against her shoulder, simply holding onto her, with a soft sigh of something bordering on contentment that she was here and that he could have her in his arms. "Should probably get a towel so I don't track water into your house," he said after a long moment, his tone quiet and perhaps thoughtful.
Lily was surprised by how cold Lochlan felt, quickly pulling for him to step back into her house with her. “I don’t give a damn about water tracking in. Are you feeling okay?” Her hands went up to feel his forehead, having noted the softness of his voice when he spoke about her bringing a towel out to him on the porch or some nonsense. “Let’s get you by the fire.” She pulled on his hand toward her living room before pausing. “Or do you need to take a hot shower? What would warm you up best?” Her mind was already wandering over what sort of warm food she could cook up with what she had and without an oven. She could always get creative with the fireplace and really kick it old school.
He followed her in spite of not wanting to track water through her house. Who was he to protest when it was her house. "Yeah just cold," he said, shivering. It had taken a lot for him to finally get to that point but here he was, trembling thanks to the cold. "It was sleeting out there at one point." He resisted the almost canine desire to shake the water off himself right there in her front hall. He let her lead toward the fire, relishing the warmth that he could feel long before he normally would have. He glanced at her when she mentioned the shower. "Just let me sit for a few minutes in front of the fire. That should do the trick." He hoped. He shuddered and smiled gently at her. "Sorry I got you wet," he said, no hint of the double meaning in his tone.
“I saw!” Lily nodded her head, having spent a considerable amount of time peering out the window and just.. watching. Not as exciting as TV, but it wasn’t like she even had the option of that here if the power was on anyway. She looked down to herself and shrugged her shoulders lightly with a smile, moving out of the room to fetch him a few towels to dry himself with and a blanket. She was too distracted with making sure he was okay to hear any kind of sexual innuendo at the moment. A few minutes had passed before she returned, getting to wrapping him first for dryness then for warmth. “Do you want some soup or something?”
The cold was threatening to settle into Lochlan's bones because he just didn't care right then. He'd stayed out in the weather for longer than he should have or even needed to. But sitting in front of the fire he felt some of the frost leave his body but not his mind. He rested his palms on his knees and closed his eyes, letting the fire be too hot on his skin because it felt better than the numbness. When she came back, he pulled what she'd wrapped around him closer about his body and smiled gently again at her. "I wouldn't say no to soup or a nice big glass of moonshine." He half laughed, his lips feeling like they were cracking a little as they warmed and he moved them.
“You’ve got it!” Lily said cheerily, eyes glancing up towards the doorway as Princess made her presence known again. “And look who’s here to keep you company while I get that for you.” She smirked, crouching as she beckoned the kitten over. It didn’t take long for her to join the two of them, sniffing lightly at Lochlan’s knee and damp clothing with her soft, twitchy nose. Lily stood and left to move into the kitchen, gathering a bowl of chicken noodle soup she had managed to keep cool (she hoped) by not opening the fridge at all since the power went out, a sauce pan, wooden mixing spoon, and the last jar of moonshine she had. Her arms were full when she returned, carefully setting things down near the fire she was going to be utilizing. “I think the soup should still be good…I just made it this afternoon, before the damn power went out.” Her eyes flicked up to him, unsure if he’d want it or not.
Lochlan watched the kitten wander in, having heard and smelled her before he saw her. He reached out to scratch the kitten's ears. "How are you today, little girl?" he asked, feeling a little less stressed as he pet the tiny purring body. He played with Princess, letting her nip and claw at his fingers. He could tell she was play fighting and it was almost funny to watch he take on his hand. He glanced up as Lily returned, his expression very clearly communicating he was pleased to see her. "If you heat it, it should be fine," he said, liking the sight of her in caregiver mode. It was a new side of her he hadn't seen yet and he appreciated it.
Lily nodded with a smile that he did want it, hands moving to open the jar of moonshine she had snagged then handed it to Lochlan. “Drink up, me hearty.” She winked, calling on their previous banter of pirate lingo on the way to their high hide a few days ago. She stood, moving out of the living room once again to obtain something to set the pan on while it would heat in the fire. She stared at her kitchen for a good minute before an idea struck her, opening her oven and pulling one of the racks out. She had taken a step away from the kitchen before turning right back around and grabbing an oven mit, then again made her way back to the living room to get to it. She poured the soup into the pan and carefully balanced the oven rack atop the fire logs, managing to set the sauce pan on the oven rack fast to avoid burning herself but slow enough to avoid knocking anything over. A house fire was not her idea of a good time. She remained crouched before the fire to observe the soup as it cooked, stirring with the wooden spoon every so often. “So, were you at your sisters?”
His smile was a ghost of its usual self but perhaps she'd think his face was still trying to warm up and be useable again. He took the moonshine with a bit more of a smile at her words. "You never forget a thing, do you?" he said though that was a little bit of a silly thought since it hadn't literally been all that long ago. But so much had happened since then and he felt so much closer to her now that it could have been years ago since the high hide. "Aye aye and thankee, Cap'n." He took a long drink from the jar, feeling the pleasant warmth as it burned all the way down into his stomach. Then he set the jar aside and continued to watch her until she left the room. He tried not to lose himself to his thoughts once she was out of sight and Princess had wandered away again but he couldn't help but mull over everything that had happened with Eily. When she came back he felt relief and a little tinge of guilt. "Yeah I went looking for them to be sure they were okay. Fi's always okay, but I worry about Avery sometimes. It doesn't always feel normal for a 17 year old to have complete run of her own life."
Lily nodded in agreement, sure she would be weirded out too if she had a sibling Avery’s age that she didn’t have complete watch over. While she always worried about her own brothers, she knew logically that she didn’t really need to; they were more than capable in handling themselves no matter what situation crossed their paths, but they were older boys who were pretty rough, whereas Avery was young and sweet. Then again, she seemed pretty tough. She was the kind of girl you didn’t want to underestimate. Several minutes had passed with Lily carefully eyeing the soup, lifting the oven mit and carefully removing the pan once the soup had started to bubble and boil slightly. She paused, realizing she didn’t have a clean bowl or spoon for him to eat with then hurried out of the room with pan in hand and dirty soup bowl in the other. She poured the hot meal in a clean bowl for him and slapped a spoon inside once she had set the dirty one in the sink, then made her way back once again. She was glad she knew her house inside and out without even the lights on, able to move about with ease.
She kneeled beside him to offer the soup with a soft smile. She could tell something was off, the energy he was radiating wasn’t exactly.. Lochlan. Not the Lochlan she had just seen this morning, anyway. She remained quiet, eyes drifting to the fire as her mind began running wild in it’s typical fashion with what could be up.
If he was honest, he worried just as much about Fiona as he did about Avery. But it was for similar reasons as he worried about Lily in the beginning. And even now sometimes. That she knew what she was doing with the men in her life. That she wasn't selling herself short or letting herself be used. It wasn't something he ought to be worrying about where his own girlfriend was concerned but he couldn't help it. He was ten years older and used to being big brother Lochlan to everyone that much younger. It didn't invade his thoughts too much with Lily though. Not anymore. Though maybe it should have. He was feeling guilty about so much with her. Not regretting it but worrying that things had happened for all the wrong reasons.
He took the soup when she offered it, noting that she was very quiet and wondered if she was the sort to pick up on the mood of those around her and follow suit. Thinking back, that made some sense though he had been so stuck in his own head when it had happened that he hadn't thought to wonder about it. "Thank you," he said quietly, grateful she'd gone to such trouble for him. "How are your brothers holding up in this? Did their business have to close with the power out?" Since he had no idea what their business was, he didn't know if they had a set location that would have to be closed.
“Of course.” Lily answered with a nod, stretching her legs out as much as she could before her to absorb some of the warmth of the fire. She pulled her legs back again when she felt that she was catching a good amount of heat, tucking them beneath her. At the mention of her brothers, she shook her head and shrugged her shoulders lightly. “I haven’t heard from them today.” If she was honest, she was still pretty aggravated with them about their reaction to her relationship with Lochlan, so she wasn’t overly effected by the fact they hadn’t checked in on her today. “I’m sure their brothel is doing just fine.” She hadn’t put much thought behind her words, they just pooling into the air as she continued to watch the flames dance up into the very bottom of the chimney.
Lochlan ate the soup carefully, wondering why it was that his tongue could still be so sensitive after all of the lighter fluid and drano mixtures of alcohol he’d put into his mouth lately. It was delicious and he felt like he hadn’t eaten anything in days when he tasted it. He made a small sound of enjoyment with his lips as he watched her warm herself. He would have liked to put his arms around her again but that could wait until he’d finished eating. He didn’t like that she hadn’t heard from her brothers today but maybe they were busy, or, he hoped not, perhaps they were hurt. He wondered if maybe he should tell her he’d go look for them but they were men. He didn’t need to look after men. He sputtered when she mentioned a brothel, the spoon clattering into the bowl as he coughed slightly. “Your brothers run a brothel?” Oh Patrick was not going to like that.
Lily quickly looked over at the sound of Lochlan’s spoon clanking against the bowl as he coughed, for some reason her mind now jumping to the idea that he was choking and that she was going to have to figure out how to do the Heimlich. Then once she realized she had overreacted with that one, she back tracked over what she had just said when he asked for confirmation. “Oh.. right.” She nodded her head slowly. “They do. I think they try to keep it kind of hush, but last I heard, business was ‘good.’” She scrunched her nose up at the thought that that many people were paying for sex, but she tried not to judge. “That’s why I didn’t get into what they do at Fi’s.”
Lochlan had kind of figured that there was a very good reason she hadn’t gotten into any of what her brothers did when they were having dinner with his sisters. Now it made sense and he was glad she had kept that to herself then. The last thing he needed was for them to know about that. He wasn’t sure why. He didn’t figure either one of them would take a shine to the idea of paying for sex but still. The converse thought that his girlfriend was a family member of brothel owners might have brought up questions in private about whether or not he paid for sex. Namely with Lily. Not a great subject for conversation. “That sounds … interesting. I guess whatever floats your boat.” Who was he to judge what others did? It wasn’t for him though. “So uh how’s the night club coming? Anything new since the last time I asked?” he said with a slight smile as he changed the subject.
Lily couldn’t help but laugh at Lochlan’s overall reaction to the information, remembering her own being very similar when her brothers first shared with her their big plans on how they planned to make money within Delphi. Her mind shifted easily enough over to the topic of the club, wondering if they were going to be able to get everything up and running for the weekend like originally planned. “I think all that’s really left is getting the sound equipment and lights in. It was supposed to be open by this weekend, but with today’s storm, I don’t know if that’s going to happen.” It would be a bummer to have to wait another whole week before being able to see the club in action, but it would be better late than never. She ran a hand through her hair, dark eyes moving over him as she retreated back into her own thoughts. She couldn’t help but feel like this was taking a turn into small talk and she found that to be a little unsettling. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” She tilted her head to try and get a better look at him from head on. “You seem.. off.”
Lochlan was sorry to hear that the power out might lengthen the timeline for opening the club and he nodded though, understanding why it would be. “That stinks, honestly. I was hoping to get in there with you and get our dance on. Sooner rather than later. But it’ll happen eventually, right?” he asked though it was kind of a rhetorical question. This was most definitely small talk and it was keeping him from thinking too much beyond this room and beyond her. So when she asked him again if he was feeling okay he felt like a wave of icy water had washed over him again. He set down the mostly finished bowl of soup and pulled his wrap closer around him again. “Just tired and cold, I guess.” He was both of those things. He didn’t want to outright lie to her but was it the sin of omission? Maybe so.
Had Lochlan and she not had a conversation about his energy light switch last night and if she wasn’t aware of how warm he had a tendency to be now, she may have just attributed his lack of enthusiasm and usual zest to really being sleepy and cold. But she didn’t completely believe him, as it were. With a frown, she drifted a slight distance away from him as she leaned away and propped herself up with her hand farthest from him. She couldn’t flat out call him a liar because maybe the weather had really just got to him.. but on the other hand, something didn’t feel right. It was that nasty gut feeling that she had learned to listen to from her previous relationships that had been full of lies and other harmful things. “Right.” It was all she could think to say as she pushed herself to stand, moving out of the living room without another word and back into the kitchen. She opened her fridge and reached for a beer, opening it before taking a big old drink as she leaned back against the kitchen counter.
It was strange. It was as if he’d just watched the shutters go down or something on her eyes. Not only did her body distance itself but so did she herself seem to. And when she left the room after only a word, he knew she had been picking up on how he was feeling. He wondered though why it had made her want to leave. He sat there staring at the fire, unsure of what to do next with himself. If he’d been in a better headspace he would have gone after her to be sure things stayed square between them. Then again, if he were in a better headspace she wouldn’t have left the room. He sighed and, as hours before with Eily, he felt tears begin to burn behind his eyes. He refused to let them fall but they hurt. So he grabbed the jar of moonshine and took another long drink, wondering if she would come back or if he should just leave. He was no good to her like this.
Lily had tilted her head back a few times to guzzle down the beer she had in hand, setting the empty glass on the counter behind her before reaching into her fridge for another. She eyed her front hall from where she stood, tempted to just leave herself instead of confront whatever conversation was waiting for her in there. Did he not want to be with her anymore? Or, did he just really regret them sleeping together and want to take it back? Maybe he figured out pretty damn quick that she wasn’t his life mate and that was that. He’d go off into the woods with whoever it was he was already in love with before her and live happily ever after, while she drank and smoked herself into a coma. And with those thoughts, it wasn’t long before her second drink was downed and she was reaching for the last in the fridge. She could feel herself nearly slumping down onto the floor, not out of any particular buzzed stupor, but just out of dread for the inevitable. I hope she'll be a fool. That's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool. All the bright precious things fade so fast, and they don't come back. That was the one line that always rang so faithfully true in her life, why had she thought she escaped it?
Lochlan waited a long while. He listened to her in the kitchen. He heard each time the fridge door opened. Each time she started another beer floated to his nose. What in the world was happening in there? Why had she walked away to go drink in the kitchen? He had the weight of the world on his shoulders it seemed like but he still stood up. He picked up the moonshine and the bowl with the spoon still in it. He shrugged off the wrap which landed on Princess who protested but he didn’t stop. She could figure it out on her own. He walked into the kitchen and deposited everything on the counter. Rested against the counter beside Lily, not looking at her. He didn’t speak for a full minute, choosing his words carefully. “The moonshine is better. It was in there with me though. Do you want me to leave?”
Lily had watched him enter the kitchen and set items down, observed him settling in beside her, but without meeting her eyes. Her own gaze shifted to the floor as she continued with her beer in hand, about to object to his leaving when she caught herself. There was a big lump in her throat as her mind poured over what to say, or rather what to ask, to kick this into gear. It was time to put on her big girl panties and deal with the situation, instead of trying to run away and hide from it or just ignore it all together. “Are you going to be honest about what’s going on?” No harshness was carried through her words, her tone only slightly exposed the defeat she was feeling on the inside.
Relief was mingled with a little bit of panic when she asked him if he would be honest. She didn’t want him to leave but she wanted the whole truth. He picked through his mind, trying to find if there were bits of truth he could give her without the whole picture. He didn’t want to hurt her. But she seemed to have some idea that this was a big thing happening in his life as evidenced by the beers she’d consumed while avoiding him. He took another minute to answer her, sure he was probably better off leaving but he didn’t want to be that guy. He didn’t want to be any guy that she’d known before. It had sounded like they’d all hurt her. “My life kind of blew up this afternoon,” he said simply.
Lily glanced up to Lochlan when he finally did speak, confusion the only emotion evident on her right now. Which was good. It was better than tears or anger or a mix of the two. “What do you mean? Why wouldn’t you say that when I asked you the first two times if you were okay?” She wasn’t fully sure she understood what he was talking about. In fact, she was completely sure she had no idea what he was talking about or why he wouldn’t just explain that previously. Something still had her feeling uneasy, so she continued to grip her drink as though it were a shield to protect her from any emotional swords that would be stabbed in her general direction.
He was kind of grateful that confusion was all he saw when he glanced over at her. It meant she sensed but she didn’t know what was happening. And that was good as far as he was concerned. For the reason he was about to give her. “I didn’t want to dump it on you, Lily. I kind of wanted to come here and forget about it because you make me feel safe. Loved.” Which was 100% the truth about how she made him feel. “But I don’t want to stick around if you’re going to be so unhappy. I don’t want to make you unhappy.”
She heard what he was saying and she could understand to a point, but she still felt torn. She didn’t like being lied to, whether or not it was blatant, and she didn’t like still not knowing what was happening. She thought they were serious enough to at least share big life occurrences with each other and then be able to communicate if they just needed to be distracted. She swallowed hard, not sure she could get to be at a better place right now, but not wanting him to leave either. The thought of leaving herself crossed her mind again, but that would just result in him leaving too. So that was counter-productive. She lifted her beer to her lips, remaining silent as she pondered over what to do in her mind. “I can’t help you feel better if I don’t know what’s going on.”
It was so soon in their relationship for something this disruptive and he knew it. He wanted to protect them from this because he knew it was possibly going to be ruinous. And if she was reacting this way, his worst fear of being alone after having mated was going to come true. He could feel it coming. It was the last thing he wanted. But so had been his conversation with Eily. Still, he was here with Lily and she did deserve some answers. "The girl I told you about before. The one I can't be with. She knows now. And I'm at her mercy. She could destroy my entire life." He looked at Lily, willing her to understand and not feel threatened. He wanted to be honest with her but he never wanted to hurt her. But it seemed like all he was doing was failing. "I came here not just to check up on you but because I need you. I love you."
Lily felt her stomach drop at the words, “can’t be with” and “at her mercy.” She wasn’t sure what exactly that meant for them. She tried to control any physical reaction as he continued, though it was pretty obvious when the color had drained from her face. “Did you tell her?” She was having a hard time wrapping her mind around this again. If he didn’t want to love her, why was he confessing it? Why was he even around her to begin with? Unless someone else told her. But then what did the rest of it mean? “What if she loves you too?” There was a slight edge of panic in her voice that she couldn’t quite get a handle on, but she was almost on the brink of not trying anymore. What was the point? “I love you too.” She whispered, needing him too in that moment.
He needed to tell her all of it and he saw that now. Maybe it would make a difference. Maybe it would make things okay for them. But he was terrified she'd walk away after he delivered that particular grenade. "I had to tell her. It wasn't possible to not tell her. She knows me too well not to know when I'm hiding something this big. She doesn't love me too." He didn't want this. Didn't want to lay this on Lily. She was so apart from this, a safe haven of sorts, and he did love her. He didn't know how to fix this or say any of it in a way that didn't make him look like an ass. "I'm so sorry, Lily. That I'm saying any of this to you. That it would even bleed over into us because I don't want it to. You saw it though." He waved his hands toward her drinks.
She wasn’t sure what to do, what to think, or even really how to breathe anymore. All she heard in his explanation was that she was his second choice, and who was to say that whoever the hell this girl was, that she wouldn’t have a change of heart? Where would that leave her then? Well, here. There wasn’t very far she could physically go, but she could become a shell of herself again. She’d been in that dark place before and she didn’t want to go back. “So this was such a huge deal that you just exploded and confessed your love for.. whoever she is.” She set her beer down finally and brought her fingers up to rub at her eyes and hold them closed. She wasn’t sure she could trust herself to open them right now.
Lochlan stopped. This, whatever it was, wasn't going to work the way it was going so far. "I don't think you understand this. Literally, Lily. I cannot be with her. It's not possible. For any reason. All it does it break my mind and my heart. But when I found you I knew I'd found someone that wouldn't break my mind or my heart." Maybe he was digging himself in deeper here but the moonshine was starting to take its effect. "Dammit!" he said and stood up. "Dammit, dammit. I can't be honest with you without it being shitty and that's the last thing I want! I want you. I need you. I love you. It hit me in the midst of so much but you stand out and you're important to me." What the hell was he even saying. It felt scattered. He just wanted her to believe him and not disengage. He wanted her. He knew that. That was there and it was unchangeable. Regardless of his feelings for Eily he would have wanted her.
Lily wasn’t sure she would ever understand why Lochlan couldn’t be with this person. She wasn’t sure she ever wanted to be able to understand, though. All that mattered to her in that moment was that he declared his love for her separately. It wasn’t a “since I can’t have her, I’ll settle for you”, it was a shit had been complicated but she stumbled into his life at just the right time and actually meant something to him. She could feel the genuine passion behind his words and somehow, she was able to push past all the pain she had been experiencing to push herself up from the counter. By the time he said she was important to him, she took the steps to erase any distance that had built between them and wrapped her arms around his neck, her mouth searching for his like it had been a century and a half since she’d kissed him last.
Lochlan wanted to tell her everything. Wanted to make her understand completely. Entirely. So there was no doubt. He didn't want the feelings for Eily. He never did. They were wrong and they could go nowhere. They weren't even part of his normal temperament. They'd just spent so much time fighting zombies that he'd bonded with her in an inseparable way. And then he'd fallen in love with her and begun comparing every other woman to her. Lily wasn't anything like Eily - at least not on the surface. And that worked in her favor. He kissed her, the tears that had threatened before beginning to fall against her cheek. He didn't know what he was doing but he wanted her close.
Lily had pulled herself close to Lochlan, unwrapping her arms so she could rest her hands on either side of his face and gently wipe away the tears that slid down his cheeks. While she had some tears of her own, she was only concerned with alleviating his distress and sorrow over the situation. “I love you.” She repeated it a few more times, softer, as she pressed another kiss to his lips. “I want you and I need you too. You’re one of the most important people in my life. You mean the world to me.” Just a few moments before when she wasn’t sure what exactly was going to come out of his mouth and she was convinced she was losing him, she had literally felt her heart begin to crack and ache with pain. Now that he was a part of her, she would be nothing without him and she knew that without a doubt.
Lochlan got control of himself a little more when she touched his face. The tears stopped and he felt less on edge. He was still wound pretty tightly and that wasn’t going to change because everything was still a huge mess. He had no idea how he and Eily were going to work through this but he did know she’d been determined. Usually that presented some sort of solution. He wished he could find a solution with Lily but he didn’t want to include her in the wrongness. Didn’t want to risk losing her because of it. He nodded at Lily’s words though, believing her. He needed to break this spell of clouds so he attempted a joke. “Damn, it really must be the sex that keeps you coming back,” he said though his eyes were flicking between hers, hoping she understood what he was doing and didn’t take that as an insult.
Lily smacked Lochlan's arm playfully as she let out a much needed laugh, not insulted in the slightest. She was familiar enough with his need to lighten situations now, and she was grateful he didn't stop trying to do so with her here. "Those hips of yours are magical." She moved her arms to encircle his waist and rested her cheek against his chest. "Do you want to stay over tonight?" She was hoping he would say yes, but she wasn't necessarily expecting him to. After the intense conversation, she wouldn't be surprised if he needed to get away for a bit.
He chuckled a little when she smacked him because he'd deserved it. It was good to hear her laugh even if he couldn't fully join her yet. "Hey, hips don't lie," he said lightly, pulling her close and laying his cheek against the top of her head. The more she touched him, the closer she was, the less out of control he felt. Did he want to stay over? What he needed space from most was the tension that was inevitable when he finally saw Eily again. Which would happen if he went home. It wasn't the best reason to agree to stay, he knew, but Lily was a safe haven right now. He kissed the top of her head. "I want to stay for now. Rest. Talk if you want. I just want to be with you right now."
"Can we just lay down and not talk?" Lily asked with a smile in her voice. She didn't want to talk more about what happened with him earlier because she didn't need to know the knitty gritty of it all. Or maybe she should know since it kind of effected her too, but she didn't want to know. She also didn't want to just make idle small talk either because it just didn't feel right with him. All she really wanted in that moment was to spend time with him and enjoy it without either of them having to think too much. "Or I can play a song for you that I was working on earlier?"
Lochlan nodded. He wasn't much up for talking either but he didn't want to just sleep either. He wanted to be with her, awake, aware, even if he was exhausted. He liked the idea of her playing him a song. It was an activity that could be done while he rested and they neither of them had to talk. Not that he would have gone more into what had happened with Eily. He'd told Lily all he could without it becoming hurtful or exposing himself. "Yes, play me the song? Does it have words?" he asked, curious.
Lily still held tight to him for a minute before finally letting go, moving to take his hand in hers before returning to the living room. "There are some words, but it's still a little rough." She figured there were at least enough words for him to get the gist of what the song was about. Besides, she was pretty excited about the melody she had worked out for it so far, so she could always fall back on that if needed. She lifted her guitar off the couch by the neck and took a seat back on the floor near the fireplace because it was warmer there. She waited for him to get settled before she began plucking at the strings, the entirety still pretty fresh in her memory. Between the chords used and her tone if voice as she sang, the song came across rather sad. It was an abstract song all about a girl who'd been through the ringer with life, who nearly gave up but decided to fight back one last time. She went on a long, winding journey in search of the scattered pieces of her heart until finally, she found them, collected and pieced back together by the gentle hands of someone she had always known and who'd always known her in some way, without having actually met before. The tune had lightened by the end, though she paused as she kept up with her light strumming, watching the fire. "I'm not sure how it ends yet."
Lochlan gave her a squeeze as she lingered, appreciating it because she was so calming. He followed her into the living room and sank onto the couch, a brief smile remembering the first time they'd fallen asleep here together. He listened to her sing and play, caught by the story and drawn along with it. At some point he sat forward, listening more intently, his arms on his knees. When it was finished, or rather unended but she was finished playing, he smiled at her. "That was really good, Lil. I want to know what happens to her." And he did because in some ways he felt she was part of Lily. He wanted to know what happened with Lily in the end too. Did she get her happy ending or was she destined to have her heart broken when that was the last thing he ever wanted to do to her. He wished that he was sitting down beside her now but he was so weary that he didn't move. "If that's what you call rough, I really want to hear polished."
Lily couldn't wipe the silly grin off her lips when Lochlan complimented her, her eyes brightening. "You really like it?" She placed her guitar to the side, pushing herself onto her hands and knees to scribble out some of the pieces she had come up with when she was singing to him, her notebook having been across the way. She chewed lightly at her lip as she narrowed her eyes at the paper, taking another minute to write before she realized she had kind of disappeared in her own world. She looked back to him, still on her hands and knees. "Are you warmed up? Do you want anymore food or anything?"
He really liked story songs to begin with, most of the Irish tunes he enjoyed were story songs, so he was pretty much predestined to like her song purely on that merit. But it was also personal and she'd shared it with him and it was really good. "I do. I hope you figure out the ending so that I can hear the whole thing some time." He was still leaning forward as he looked at her, watching her fade into thought and her music. He wondered if she knew how lovely she was when she was doing her own thing, not really thinking about the outside world. He smiled like he'd gotten caught doing something he shouldn't have when she came out of herself and spoke to him. "Well, I'm not entirely warm. Any chance there's a warm body around here that wants a snuggle?" He looked around on the floor. "Princess?"
Lily smirked as she pushed herself onto her feet, bounding for the couch as if Princess was really going to fight her for him. She leapt on it to join him, managing to land almost perfectly in his lap as she called out to the kitten that poked her head out curiously at the commotion. "He's mine!" She giggled and wrapped her arms around Lochlan's neck, pressing a kiss to it with a grin. His arms had to be her favorite place to be because no matter what was happening, they always seemedto have an internally warming effect on her. She lifted her head to look him in the eyes, taking in his blues with a smile.
Being a bit playful and laughing felt good just then. He sat back quickly as she jumped into his lap and couldn't help but chuckle at her. "Hello there, Minxy. I'm yours, huh?" he said with a smile and kissed her cheek. "Do you think Princess will fight you over that spot? I'd be a little nervous of her claws. She got me pretty good earlier." He held up one hand that had a few minor scratches on it from his play session with the kitten.
Lily nodded with a mischievous glint in her eye, tempted to show him just what she felt about him being hers. She knew that she had better behave right now though, so she hummed out a response instead. "Mhmmm. You're my Wolfman, and I'm your Minxy." A concerned expression crossed her features when he lifted his hand to show his battle wounds from braving a hand romp with Princess. She took it and brought the hand to her lips, pressing a soft kiss there. "I'm sorry she's so vicious. But, I'm the queen of the house so she has to listen to me." She pressed another kiss to his hand. "What do you think of being the king?" She winked to him, lips still brushed against his skin.
Lochlan caught her look and gave her a bit of a smile, shaking his head with some amusement. He had zero mental energy for that but she wasn't pushing so his expression was more affectionate than anything. He kissed her chin and nodded. "That's right. We're a pair." He chuckled at the idea that the kitten was vicious though he liked he got his boo boo kissed thanks to Princess. "Oh, here she is, late to the party," he said as the kitten joined them by dropping down over Lochlan's shoulder to nuzzle his face. "I think she's challenging you," he said with a little grin. "As soon as you both decide who's really queen, I'll let you know about being king.
“Challenge. Accepted.” Lily said defiantly, nuzzling her nose against the other side of Lochlan’s face. It was difficult not to laugh at the idea of a head-to-head competition over queendom with her kitten, but they both needed to be distracted for the night and being silly was pretty much a guarantee to do that. She lifted her hands to paw at Lochlan’s chest as if she were kneading it, struggling to get out a sorry excuse for a purr. Animal noises apparently were not her thing. The whole thing seemed to be confusing Princess as the kitten stared at Lily, pouncing into Lily’s lap and meowing at her while she waited for her own attention.
Lochlan watched the shenanigans, his smile only growing at Lily’s each new animal imitation. It occurred to him that this was on the same level as a family moment and he liked that a lot. Apparently, along with Lily being part of his pack, so was Princess. He felt just as protective of the tiny kitten as he did of Lily. He chuckled as he heard the terrible purring. “Oh wow, I think you need to work on that. She’s definitely got you in the whole being a cat department.” He watched the kitten and then glanced at Lily to kiss her cheek again and pull her a little closer. This was exactly what he needed right now.
Lily faked a sigh, looking down to the kitten with adoration evident in her eyes. “She does have me beat pretty badly at that, doesn’t she?” She brought a hand to lightly scratch behind Princess’ ear, the kitten happily rubbing her face against her hand. She settled in nicely against Lochlan’s chest as he pulled her closer, resting her head against his shoulder as she continued to pet Princess. The kitten had contented herself to rolling into a ball on her lap now, the sounds of her perfect purr reaching her ears. “What did you want to be when you were younger?” She asked curiously, the question randomly popping into her mind.
Lochlan could hear the kitten purring and amusement struck him as he momentarily thought about the kitten purposely trying to show Lily up with her mad purring skills. He played gently with the ends of her hair and thought about her question. “Hm, I’m not really sure. I mean, when I was really young I always wanted to be a firefighter or a truck driver. Usual boy stuff. I went to college and studied engineering for a little while but it never quite stuck. I got a bachelor of science degree, just barely, but I never actually gave a lot of thought to that. I kind of enjoy bartending and kicking ass a lot more than anything else the world had or has to offer. What about you?”
Lily smiled at the idea of a little Lochlan, imagining he must have been the cutest little Irish boy. She liked hearing about his life prior to Delphi, it made her feel all that much closer to him, and she figured now was as good a time as any to learn more about the man she was going just a little bit crazy over. A little bit being an understatement. “I didn’t go to school.” She shook her head. “I wanted to be a singer. First, a pop star, and then I decided I wanted to be a rock star, and then I settled on some type of star. Obviously, that didn’t end up working out.” She grinned, knowing she couldn’t really complain. She had always been too distracted with life as it was to try that hard to break out into fame. She rested her hand on Princess, nuzzling her nose against Lochlan’s neck before she settled in again. “Do you believe in god?”
He listened to her, grinning a bit as she talked about the types of stars she wanted to be. “I think it worked out pretty well, actually. Heavenly body,” he said with a little wink at their previous conversation. His mind went back a few steps though to what she’d said before. “By not going to school, you mean college… or?” He gave her hair a little playful tug as she nuzzled and then thought for another moment about her question. “I think I would say that I do. At least, I believe there’s a higher power and that it’s why the entirety of civilization wasn’t wiped out with the zombies. But then my family was always good Catholics, or so we were supposed to be. My grandda was devout and I had a couple cousins who were priests. What do you believe?” He was enjoying the question and answer session, always up for learning more about this beautiful girl.
Lily flushed just a little when Lochlan gave a shout out to their night in the lake, recalling it and the other fun things that had happened last night. She distracted herself with his next question so as not to start getting all hot and bothered, nodding lightly against his shoulder. “Oh, I went to high school. Private school, actually. My parents wanted us all to have good educations.” She may have considered going to college someday if the entire world hadn’t changed, but she would never see the point in it now. “I’m glad you aren’t a priest.” She lifted her hand from Princess, the kitten seeming to have dozed off where she was, resting it against his chest. “Or, maybe I just would have corrupted you and been eternally damned.” She took a moment as well to think over her own answer, never having been one to be overly religious. “My family surprisingly was.. in some way. I’ve just seen too much terrible shit to completely believe there’s someone out there, looking down, and.. I don’t know, doing godly things. But, maybe there is something out there.” She lifted her head to look up at Lochlan sheepishly when her next question came to mind. “...what’s your birthday?”
Lochlan heard the brief change in her heartbeat and realized that the mention of their conversation at the lake had been an unintentional tease. He chuckled inwardly and made a mental not of how to rile her up later on. He nodded as she spoke about her education. “I thought so. I mean, you don’t seem uneducated. Though I suppose education can be earned in many ways that don’t have to do with formal school settings.” He snickered when she spoke about him not being a priest. “I did give my mother a heart attack one year when I threatened that I wanted to become one. You should have seen the horror on her face. ‘But you’re supposed to give me lots of little grandbabies, Lochlan Michael!’” He imitated the face in an exaggerated way. “I just wanted to see her make that face. I would never have been good at priesthood. I like girls too much.” He gave her a squeeze. “I don’t blame you,” he said, understanding her religious viewpoint. It made sense to him that would be her point of view. “August 4th. Though it might as well have been April 1st. When is yours? I’ll start saving up for a gift.”
Lily laughed as a result of both his story and his facial expression. She found it humorous that his story somewhat paralleled his sister also requesting to be an aunt of a hoarde as soon as possible. “You O’Reilly’s are all about babies, huh?” She did take the opportunity to make a mental note of his middle name, grinning to herself about it. Even his name inspired a round of giddiness in her. “Oh, what are you going to get me? Birthday surprises are the best!” She slowly moved to stretch her legs out before her more, being careful not to disturb the little one in her lap. “October 10th. You’ve got plenty of time.”
He liked her laugh and was glad she was tickled about his past shenanigans. “Oh, I don’t know about me and babies. I know Fiona seems to have taken up Mom’s position that I’m meant to give the world lots of babies, but I’m not sure about that yet. I guess if I were married to the right woman.” He smiled a little and shrugged. “Could you imagine though, a bunch of little me’s running around. The world isn’t ready.” He was thoughtful a moment and then decided to tease her instead. “It’s going to be a surprise. A really good one,” he said, though planning that far ahead had never worked for him. His relationships didn’t always last very long. He was counting on this one to last though. He knew he wanted it to, at least.
Lily couldn’t stop her mind from wandering to the idea of giving Fiona and his mother their wish for a world full of little Lochlan and Lochlanettes, but kept that thought completely to herself. She couldn’t think of many other ways to send a guy running faster than to start talking about families and settling down this early in a relationship. “The world would be a much, much better place.” A smile was evident in her voice, her hand dropping down to his side as she tickled lightly in response to his teasing. “I’m not afraid to use tickling as a weapon to get it out of you.” Her threat was playful, massaging at his side more than maliciously tickling at it. Had she known his thought process, she would have happily agreed with his sentiment. She was beyond determined to make this work no matter what, because she had never cared so deeply about another relationship as she did this one or about a man as much as she did the one she was cuddled up against now. “If you don’t mind my asking.. are your parents still alive?”
Lochlan snorted softly, chuckling. "Yeah, well, I do not want to be the person who has to look after that gaggle of unbidden energy. I was such a troublemaker as a kid. Still am, so they say," he said as though he were proud of that last bit. He shifted a little beneath her and settled further in with a pleasant sigh until she tickled him and then he jumped a little and squeaked out a protest. "Hey! Hey now!" he said but he was laughing and trying to grab at her fingers before they really started to work. "It will probably be something thoughtful and heartfelt. Like bubble bath or chocolate." Two things that were in extremely short supply these days but would have been so obvious and thoughtless before the zombies and then the doors to the dome closing. "I don't really have ideas yet but I will!" he promised. When she asked about his parents he went quiet and shook his head. "No, I don't think so. We found a lot of O'Reillys along the way but never them. So Patrick, Eily, and I became sort of the parents for the younger ones while we were out there. Eily still parents all of us here in Delphi. You probably ran into her at the pub at some point." He was distracted by the tangent into Eily territory, working to not let anything about that show on his face, but didn't ask her back if her parents were alive.
“I’m sure you wouldn’t be able to stay away once you actually met them. C’mon, it’d be an army of you.” She hadn’t moved when he got jumpy, a smug smirk only settling in at her lips once her hand was apprehended. She probably could wiggle her other hand towards his other side if she was determined, but she resisted the urge to get in a full scale tickle war. His mentioning of bubble baths and chocolate may have been a big motivator behind that decision, her eyes brightening as she lifted her head just at the thought. “Chocolate in a bubble bath? With so many bubbles that I could make beards and hats and give myself giant bubble boobs?” She knew it was all things she would do, and she hoped he would join her for the fun too. She regretted asking about his parents when he fell quiet, a frown tugging at the corners of her lips that had been on a marathon of grins, smiles, and smirks prior. “I’m sorry..” She couldn’t recall having met an Eily, but maybe she’d recognize the girl if she ever saw her. While she always put in a good effort to learn people’s names, she usually ended up forgetting them at bars because.. well, alcohol was involved. She tried to think of things that made her feel better when she felt sad, her music being one. Lochlan being another. Clothes! “Do you want to play dress up?” While she tried to keep her face serious, amusement danced in her eyes and gave her fully away.
He still wasn’t sold on the whole being a dad to a bunch of little Lochlans. He knew his father had always said he’d gone prematurely gray over Lochlan, much to Fiona’s delight. But perhaps, like he’d said, if he were married to the right woman there would be at least half of her in them to temper all of their craziness. He couldn’t help but laugh when she described all the things she’d like to do with the bubbles. He imagined each of them, looking upward with a grin. He nodded. “I think that needs to be arranged,” he said and looked back down at her. He shook his head when she apologized. “Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m okay, you know. It’s just a serious thing to me, I guess. I’m not upset.” He was back to snickering as she suggested dress up though. “And just what do you think you own that I would look good in? Because I’ve been told my calves look great when wearing heels.”
Lily was relieved to see she hadn’t struck as much of a nerve as she thought she originally had, but continued with the conversation changer because it was proving to be incredibly entertaining. She let out a loud laugh at the idea of him strutting his stuff in heels, or even just attempting to walk in heels since it was so much harder than it looked. Not once a good shoe was broken in, of course.. but getting to that point was difficult. Why was she thinking of Lochlan wearing heels enough to break them in so they weren’t as uncomfortable? “What don’t I own that you would look fabulous in? I bet I could even dig out some short skirts to really show off those legs.” She wondered if she should be embarrassed about the amount of clothes she had, considering they weren’t as easy to come by now. Maybe she’d go through some soon and pull out things she didn’t wear to donate.
Lochlan wiggled his eyebrows at her and pushed out his lips a little in the traditional girlie duckface post. “My lips hold lipstick pretty well too. But I think I draw the line at short skirts.” He poked at her arm with one finger. “You know, my sister Fiona was saying she’d like to steal you. If it’s a girl you want, you might go find her. I’m sure she’d be thrilled to play dress up with you. And other things.” He said it as though he were wounded that she’d already decided that was what she wanted and he was resigned to that fact. He was losing her forever to his sister. Le sigh.
Lily had to wipe a tear from her eye from the amount of laughter that had followed suit with his posing and lipstick lip flaunting, shaking her head slowly at the idea of dating his sister instead. “I only want you.” Apparently her laughter had disturbed Princess who stood, arched her back high into the air, then leapt to the floor and sauntered off in an exaggerated manner. She didn’t pay too much mind to the kitten, taking the opportunity now that her lap was free to reposition herself. She scooted out of his lap and turned to lay back, resting her head in his lap instead. “Maybe we should just pretend we don’t have power in the future. It will be a time to talk and laugh and cuddle.” How that differed from any other time they spent together, she wasn’t sure. Either way, she wasn’t complaining in the slightest.
He wasn’t fully laughing with her but he was grinning and enjoying her good mood. He was always struck when he saw new angles of her and realized how much beauty there was in her that he still hadn’t seen yet. He wanted to kiss her but she was talking and so he simply smiled. “Glad to hear it. I only want you. Mine!” he teased though he wouldn’t really go all caveman on her. Would he? He did feel possessive. “Goodbye, fair Princess.” He looked down at her once she was resettled and ran his fingers back through her hair gently. “I think I like that idea. Light a fire, turn the lights off, cuddle. Except without the stint in the torrential weather beforehand for me.” He let his fingers play a little along her cheek as well, touching her soft skin contentedly.
Lily’s laughter had died down, but another giggle did escape her when he playfully claimed her. “You do have a point.. crazy monsoons should not be on the agenda every time. Too bad you didn’t have a surf board to cruise down the street on.” She turned her face towards his hand, tilting her cheek so she could press a kiss to his fingers. If she hadn’t been there herself, she never would have believed that their night had essentially begun on an incredibly difficult note. She liked the fact that they could work through the shit together to get on to something better, something brighter. She rested her head back in his lap and closed her eyes with a happy sigh, wishing she could stay like this here with him for always.
Oh that was an image. Lochlan on a surfboard, the sounds of Wipeout playing in the background, as he maneuvered the streets. He chuckled at that. “That wouldn’t get too much attention, no. But definitely no crazy monsoons next time we do this.” He smiled at her kiss and ran his thumb along her lower lip. “You know, you’re rather an amazing woman, Lily Ryker. I’m very glad I’m not a priest. I think we’d both end up damned in hell if I were.” He laughed lightly and echoed her sigh, having similar wishes to stay like this for a good long time.
Lily opened one eye to look at him with a grin, lifting her arms to stretch as she opened both again. She sat up from where she had been laying, falling victim to feeling a little bit restless again, turning to prop herself up on her hands and knees so she could be level with him. “And you, Lochlan Michael O’Reilly, are quite the extraordinary man.” There was something amusing to her about using his full name. “Who knows, maybe I would have been a nun. And we would have met in a church, and all kinds of crazy things would have happened from there.” She arched a brow at him. “I bet I’d give a great spanking with a ruler.”
Lochlan was amused by her restlessness though he had a feeling he knew that it would not lead to him resting himself if she kept at it. He grinned as she used his full name, forgetting momentarily that he’d said it when imitating his mother’s horror at him becoming a priest. “Extraordinary, hm?” He pushed her hair behind her ear, his fingers grazing her cheek again affectionately. “I’m glad you think so.” He burst out with a bit more of a laugh and he shook his head at her. “Yeah I’m sure you’d figure out all kinds of ways to punish me for being naughty. Though I have a feeling a nun running after a priest with a ruler might be bad news in a rectory or wherever priests live.” He had a brief mental image of that in cartoon form. His cartoon version of a priest trying to tug up his pants over a naked bum as he ran away from a cartoon Lily whose habit lifted above her knees as she ran, revealing a black negligee.
There were many things Lily liked inspiring in Lochlan, but one of her favorites was laughter. His smile was absolutely contagious and the way his eyes lit up each time was hypnotic. She had begun to fall into just watching him, a stupid grin crossing her lips when she realized she was kind of just staring for a solid minute or two. He did manage to distract her from her gazing with his comment on being reprimanded for naughty behavior, biting her lip to contain any further statements that could land her into a heap of sexual tension. “You look like you’re feeling really hot, you should take your shirt off.” Lip biting was apparently not a good avenue to control oneself.
Lochlan didn’t mind that she’d stopped and was just staring at him. He started right back, memorizing the way the fire played against her features and her hair. Losing himself a little bit in her dark eyes. His own dipped down to her lips momentarily but then she was biting them because he’d made the unfortunate statement using the word “naughty.” He saw where her mind was going and if he hadn’t been so exhausted emotionally and mentally he would most definitely have followed her. “You want to be the death of me, I know,” he teased. “I’m actually still a bit chilly.” Which he said matter-of-factly and not invitationally. He was amused though by her and also flattered that she craved that much attention of that sort from him.
“The best way to fight hypothermia is to put two naked bodies together.” Lily spouted out her fact, relying on science for this one. “I imagine it helps to rub them together too. Friction causing heat and shit.” Her voice drifted as a grin took it’s place, wondering if she’d ever be able to really calm herself down around him. Probably not with how sex was with him. And then her mind was racing again, her heartbeat trying to keep up as she laid back on the couch in a rather dramatic fashion. She draped an arm over her face and exhaled, “I think I’ve got a case of the vapors.” The vapors being a fiendish desire to rip off Lochlan’s pants and ride him ‘til next week.
“I don’t doubt that your argument is scientifically sound, you are a very good experimenter,” he said, shaking his head at her again. It would have been nice to feel like he could give her what she wanted. Especially because their last time together had been so amazing but he had a feeling he wouldn’t even be able to rise to the occasion tonight with everything he had weighing on his mind. He was also a little afraid he might call her by the wrong name with all of this going on. He watched her antic and smiled. “We’ll have to figure out a way to remedy that situation,” he said thoughtfully. Then he reached down, poking lightly at her side here and there to see if he could find a spot as ticklish as his own.