Gin Vickers is a dreamer (ginsoakeddreams) wrote in the_dome, @ 2013-11-08 23:48:00 |
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Entry tags: | 04-14-2017, cody, cody and gin, gin |
Post Midnight Stalking
Who: Cody and Gin
When: Wee Hours
Where: Gin's House
After spending the rest of his day wandering around feeling all kinds of off, Cody wound up stalking Gin. He'd followed her from a long distance to her place, then sat outside of it for hours. Well past dark, into the wee hours. Eventually, he wandered into the house, imagining she was asleep, and he ghosted into her bedroom. Quietly skirting the bed, he sat down by where she was sleeping, back leaned up against the bed itself, and he listened to her breathe.
Gin had sketched for hours after both Cody and Ember had left. It hadn't occurred to her until it was well after dark that she should go home. She felt such an array of emotions after interacting with both of the dead people that she'd come up with some pretty stark, odd things on her sketchpad. Still, fatigue and the fact she hadn't eaten found her traipsing back to her house. It was stupid to be out past dark with werewolves and whatever else possibly was running around but she was almost a sleepwalker at this point. Lost in thought and on a mission. She fed herself, took a long bath, and got into bed. Only to find sleep a fickle mistress. She tossed, turned, and murmured in her sleep, until something external seemed to settle over her and she fell deeper into sleep. Resting, she smiled in her sleep until her dreams took a strange turn. She woke suddenly but something told her to keep her eyes shut so she did. She waited, trying to sense what was happening around her but sleep swirled with fear and she couldn't get her bearings immediately.
Cody glanced up, even if he didn't properly turn around. She didn't seem to be having that great a night of sleep, though he made a general rule of not waking people up when they were doing that. He had a few times and it seemed to make things worse. Though, he had to admit, he had the urge to do so with Gin, not really wanting to leave her in nightmare land. Then again, her inspiration seemed to have stemmed from there.
After a moment or two of attempting to sound like she was breathing normally when she obviously wasn't able to, she finally opened her eyes. She figured that if someone was there who wanted to hurt her they'd have done it by now. And besides, there was a very familiar sensation prickling along her skin. She knew that feeling now. The last leavings of her strange dreams faded away and she whispered, "Cody? What are you doing here?"
He didn't answer her. He wasn't sure he had an answer, not even one that he could give to himself. So, he just didn't. He stayed where he was, quiet, wondering if she'd go back to sleep or if he should leave.
Gin waited a beat but the feeling, Cody's presence, didn't dissipate. It continued and she wondered why he wouldn't speak. Her mind flittered through possibilities and gave up. Who cared why he was here? He was here and she was going to ask her questions this time. She took a deep breath, clearing more of the fog from her mind. "How did you die?" she asked, not fully expecting an answer but she turned on her side and waited.
It was hard for him to figure out what to do. He was already on the defensive, knowing he was in her room where he wasn't supposed to be, and she was asking a question he didn't know the answer to even if he considered himself a huge dumbass for not having it. And it could have been metaphorical or an accusation, really, or both. She'd certainly be justified if she was mad.
When she asked the second question, he internally sighed. So, she knew now. It was no longer a mystery whatsoever. Which he didn't take very well. He'd sort of wanted to just leave everything where it could have been, even if he logically understood that was broken now anyway. He stared ahead, not moving, but about two seconds from bolting. "Creative suicide."
Creative suicide. Gin wanted to sigh, wanted to reach out and find him. Touch him and run her fingers through his hair. Maybe she thought she could comfort him but what comfort could she be? Alive. Warm. Shit. This sucked. "How creative?" she asked.
He didn't answer for a minute, but eventually did. "I stole a car, and crashed it. I used to do that a lot, the crashes sort of getting worse as I went. That night, there was this bridge. It wasn't pretty. I didn't die right away, though because this area was about as tiny and podunk as you can get, no one actually found me til the next morning, and it was because people needed the bridge, not because anyone was looking for me."
Gin inexplicably felt tears fill her eyes. She really hadn't wanted to know he was dead. She hadn't wanted to know he was broken either. But he was and there she was, in the dark, so close but she didn't know how to reach him or why he was even there. "No one looked for you?" she asked, her tone quietly appalled.
Her voice sounded a little different to him, and he frowned, half looking over his shoulder, even if he didn't fully move to see her. But he was now listening closer, tuning in more to how she sounded, her breathing, her voice. "No. The only person who would have noticed I was gone died a few weeks before. She was my girlfriend. She overdosed. No one else gave a shit." He was quiet a second. "...are you sure you want to know this?" he asked, shifting then. He turned toward her, on his knees, and he rested his arms on her bed, looking at her. Now that he was talking, he was feeling a little less defensive by the minute. Maybe it was just hard to keep that up around someone like her.
Gin watched as he came into focus, taking in Cody's face and demeanor. She still wanted to reach out and touch him but she didn't try. Didn't want to chase him off. She ached some inside that the one person who would have noticed he was gone had died. She wanted to fill that place but not as a girlfriend but because he was so alone in her mind. And so was she. "Yes," she whispered. "I want to know." Fuck it. What did she have to lose other than the first person she'd known who'd inspired her and managed to get her to realize things about herself that no one had ever challenged her to understand before.
He kept his eyes on her, seeing a little light in hers. Was she teary? She didn't seem okay. He was a little confused about it, and found himself wanting to comfort her a little. "I've been dead a long time. I died before the zombies even happened. So, this isn't fresh," he assured her. "You don't have to be upset."
Gin almost scowled at him. She'd feel how she felt but she backed off a bit. He was in her bedroom in the dark and in the quiet. If she hadn't awakened he still would have been there and some part of her thought of him watching over her. "I don't have to be, no." She sighed because she couldn't help herself. "But I am. What… " she swallowed, almost thinking better of asking but she wanted to know and if he was here now she was going to ask. "Why?"
When she backed off, he got up and walked away, a little too aware that he was completely someplace he shouldn't be. He was violating her...what, house? Privacy? Something. He didn't quite know what level he should place it at, but it was there. He was a creepy stalker and he knew it. "Why what? Did I kill myself?" he asked for clarity. "I wasn't worth it." He shrugged. "I never was. Even with my girlfriend? God our relationship was fucked up. If you knew her, she'd be that friend with the fucked up boyfriend you continually warned her about. I was That Guy, pretty much from birth.”
Gin felt sick. She swallowed and pushed herself up to a sitting position. She wanted to see him but either the darkness was too thick or he wasn't visible. So she looked at her hands as she folded them in her lap. "You… I honestly don't know how to accept that. Because ever since you showed up in my life I've had nothing but inspiration. Understanding. Good fucking advice. I mean… " She stopped. It felt like being effusive would run him off and Gin wanted to talk to Cody.
He looked at her, leaning against the wall, and he spit blood, though as usual it didn't stain the floor. "You don't really know me. I got to star as...everyone else that wasn't me. Honestly? I'm a little sad that that's over. That I'm not a mystery anymore. The more you get to know me, the more you're going to realize that any single other version of me in your head is far better than the real thing." He said it with a matter of fact tone. He wasn't trying to throw himself a pity party, he honestly believed what he was saying.
It was like the opposite reaction to having the guy you really liked suddenly take notice. Gin felt even more sick to her stomach. She wanted to fix but she recognized that she couldn't and that he didn't want her to and fresh tears spilled. What did you do when your pet mystery ended before you were ready? But he couldn't be that simple, could he? No one really was, right? Resolve formed in the pit of her stomach. "Fuck you," she whispered. "You gave me so much and now you want to take it back. You're still the guy who teased a scare out of me in an orchard. And you're still the guy who challenged me on a million levels so that I could realize what was happening in my own head. Now you want to tell me you're not worth my gratitude?"
Confusion hit him, and he stared. He opened his mouth, then shut it again, really not sure what to do. He certainly hadn't meant to make her cry. Jesus. And she was saying 'fuck you'? It was Ember all over again, only without the sex. He shut up because he didn't know what to say, even if he knew he needed to say something. He'd at least picked that part up from Ember. "I'm not trying to take anything back," he said, the fact that he was flailing a bit clear in his tone. "And I also didn't mean to make you cry...I'm sorry?" he suggested. “I don’t really understand what I did,” he added, so she’d know he was confused.
If she'd known that she'd come across so closely to Ember, Gin would have been silent. She was mostly just frustrated he'd discount himself and give her reason to think he wasn't worth as much as she felt he was. Her tears had been altruistic, not a means to guilt him but apparently she couldn't even do that right. "Don't apologize," she whispered. "Just… Just stop believing no one can like you. It isn't true."
"But I seriously didn't mean to make you cry..." he said. "That wasn't - I mean -" he wasn't sure what to say there. "The entire time I was alive, there was only one person who did like me and that was inbetween times she hated me. Now I've been dead for a while, I'm pretty much even worse than when I was breathing, so yeah. I'll believe people can like me when I really see it. Which isn't a judgment on you, just so you know. I'm the fucked up one here. You seem like a really nice person, really talented, with an amazing mind. I really didn't mean to crash your night. I didn't even mean to wake you up."
Gin felt venom and fire up her nose as she listened to Cody. She squirmed and there were expletives. She was hurt and sad and whatever. "I hate you," she whispered, her voice grated over darkness. "I hate that you are dead and I can't know you in reality. And I hate that you won't let me make my own decisions about it. Fuck you," she said lightly. "But for real? You're the catalyst for so much change in me that I never would have found without you. And you're here. Fuck, Cody."
Cody stared. Jesus, she sounded like his ex. Like, in a truly uncanny way. It was jarring for him, hitting him like a punch to the chest, and a phantom pang from his death wound resounded in him. In the end he kept his mouth shut because he didn't know what to say even slightly, and he was in fact, completely swept up in being blindsided by the sudden echo from his own past, that was probably entirely in his head. But that didn't make it less real for him.
Gin wished she could find him in the dark with her eyes but again, he was either in shadow or not visible and that made her sigh and soften some. She sat up, holding her sheets to her chest as though she were naked. She felt naked. “I don’t hate you. Not really. I’m sorry I said that,” she said to his silence. “But somehow you’re important to me and there’s nothing I can do about whether or not you’re here. I can’t go find you if I need to talk. I can only guess what you must think of me either. You’ve seen some of my most vulnerable parts, and … “ And what? He was here, wasn’t he? He wasn’t disgusted at least. Maybe he was here to make fun of her but she didn’t think so.
Wait, no! was the first thought that went through his mind. He stepped closer again, despite her vulnerable move with the covers. He hadn't realized it but he was being invisible, and when he stepped into a shaft of light, he did come back into view. "Don't be sorry! Let it out! You're allowed to feel how you feel, and if you hate me? Hate me. Or hate me for a second, then go back, whatever." He was far more used to that than he was someone who was nice to him all the time. "Don't worry, I'll fight back. And you realize you haven't asked me to be around. Right now? This is me, stalking you."
Gin’s eyes caught him finally as he stepped forward and she pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms arms around them. She should be freaked out that he was in her house, in her bedroom. Ember had been right. He did stalk people. And part of her really didn’t like it but there was another part of her that wanted to say she needed to take what she could get. Whatever he’d give her. “I don’t hate you,” she said again quietly, her chin on her knees as she watched him. “But what the hell are you doing in my bedroom while I’m sleeping and how long have you been in my house?” She wondered if he’d been there when she was taking her bath or changing for bed and the thought made her shiver a little. The old feeling of paranoia she’d had before their talk earlier started to creep back in and it was adding fuel to the frustration that had prompted her to say she hated him.
"I've been here a while," Cody said. "I'm here...I don't know why, I guess. I was thinking about you. About all the paintings. No one's ever seen me like that before. Even if it wasn't really me." he answered. "I can leave, if you want me to."
Gin weighed the situation. It was weird and she was emotional thanks to the late hour. Or at all. "I don't want you to leave," she said but she wasn't sure that was true because what the fuck. "What do you mean? No one's ever seen you like that?" She didn't want to be weirded out but she kind of was… and then she was kind of pleased he would even think so highly of her as to turn up in her bedroom.
He wanted to roll his eyes at himself at the little feeling of relief he experienced when she told him she didn't want him to leave. He would have, probably. But he wouldn't have been happy with it. He got a little closer, and sat down on the end of the bed, even if it didn't move in the slightest. He wasn't really there to move anything. "No one's ever seen me like...anything like you did. Honestly?" he shrugged. "I'd take any one of your fantasies over my life in a second."
Gin didn't move but to squeeze her arms around her knees more. "Cody, what does that even mean?" she asked, refusing to accept his vague response about not having been seen the way she had seen him. "I know you're dead," she said even though it felt so distasteful, "But you're here. I feel you. Why are you here?"
"It means anything you've come up with even in your dreams seems ten times better than my life, before and after death," Cody said. "...here like your bedroom? Or here like hanging around as a useless ghost?" he asked for clarification.
She supposed she could have inferred that from what he’d said but she was beyond assuming she understood any of this. She needed it spelled out for her a little bit because it was so different and she was sure she should really be outraged or scared or something but she wasn’t. Maybe she’d desensitized somewhere along the way. Lia had picked up on that herself. And Gin’s loneliness combined with open mindedness was having her accepting of a lot more than most she supposed. But she didn’t care really. Nobody had seen her the way Cody had seemed to when he was asking his questions, leading her toward understanding of herself better. She needed that. Or him. Or something. “That is so sad, it’s so sad,” she said and her tone said she meant it. “I don’t understand that, not at all. Because you helped me so much. You saw me differently.” She sighed, knowing she wasn’t ever going to be champion of the world but maybe she could conquer a little corner for Cody somehow. “You’re not useless, but why are you stuck here? I get why you’re here right now in my room.”
"I don't know for certain, but I think it's an anger thing. I've been called a poltergeist before. Shit breaks around me all the time, mostly when I get upset about anything. I've got kind of a hair trigger, I guess. So...angry spirit, that's my best guess. But when you die, you're just dead, and if you're a ghost, you're a ghost, but there isn't any clarification going on. One second I was choking on my own blood, the next I was staring at the car and my body in it, realizing I'd bled out. He paused, then pointed to his chest, tugging his hoodie aside more so she could see the stain on his shirt there. Then he tugged it up, so she could see his death wound. “Being impaled sucks, I don’t recommend it.”
Gin nodded, having seen her lightbulbs react to him. "You were angry earlier? When the lights… " she let her voice trail off because she wasn't sure she wanted to understand why the things she'd said earlier had made him angry. She'd been trying to be nice, trying to repay the kindness she'd felt he'd given her. But obviously she'd done it wrong if she'd touched on his hair trigger. She swallowed hard as he showed her the wound in his chest. She had no desire to reach out and touch it or even look at it longer than a moment. She closed her eyes and slowly shook her head. "Why did you do it? Why really? Did someone say something that was the last straw?" Because, while she wouldn’t judge him for it, she couldn't understand suicide. Couldn't understand why anyone would choose not to be there for the chance that someone could and would really love you.
"Not angry so much as just upset. It sort of translates the same to helpless inanimate objects," he told her. He dropped his shirt when she looked away. "No one said anything. There wasn't anyone. The only person who ever cared, some of the time, was my ex, and she was dead. Anyone who had anything to say to me sometimes blamed me for her death, but other people...just didn't say anything at all. I was a town pariah, because of my family. Which objectively, is understandable. The kid from the wrong side of the tracks? That was me."
Gin kept her eyes closed but she couldn't help but be moved by his story. Her heart went out to him and tears started again. They slipped down her cheeks slowly a couple at a time and until she took a deep breath, wiped her eyes, and opened them. She couldn't speak to his past but she could say what she'd felt that had inspired her paintings. "The Cody I met was interesting, amusing, snarky, confident. You came back even though I'd said you were an asshole. Which you were, by the way," she said with a finger raised and a bit of a smile as she remembered him disappearing and then saying 'boo' in her ear when she'd least expected it. "Why was she dead?" Gin couldn't help herself but ask in the face of all of this conflicting evidence about his character. She didn't even pause to apologize for asking because she just wanted to understand and there was no judgment in her voice.
He reached out when he saw tears, but didn't touch them. It was so weird to see. He hadn't meant to do that, it hadn't been a goal at all, but there it was. Just...not something he was even remotely used to. "Being an asshole is the only thing I'm good at," he said, though he really had a little half grin on his features. "And I think I said a minute ago, but maybe not. She overdosed. We both partook now and then, but she was always a little more into it than I was. We'd hit an 'off again' patch. I'd been heading to see her," he trailed off, expression going from the faintest of smiles to a dark sadness. "I'd had this idea, that we could just leave town. I knew it wouldn't work, none of us had any money, we wouldn't really have gotten far. But I wanted to try. I just figured, we could leave, and maybe start over, or something. But when I got there, the police and ambulance were already there."
Gin sniffed and half smiled at him, noticing he’d half attempted to touch her. “It’s not the only thing, you idiot,” she said and shook her head. It wasn’t even close to the truth in her mind that he was only good at being an asshole. People in his past had apparently programmed him to believe it by making him a pariah and blaming him for things he wasn’t responsible for. They’d obviously not bothered to get to know him. She nodded when he reiterated his ex’s overdose. “No, I meant like why did she overdose,” she clarified but she said it so quietly that he might not have caught it. She needed to be a bit clearer she knew but her mind was a little cloudy with emotion. The story was so sad. It felt like all the hope had been sucked out of the room around her. It was like he’d never been given a fair chance by anyone, not even fate. It sucked majorly and she sort of felt angry about it on his behalf. If there’d been someone she could have punched in the nose, she would so have gone and done it. “I’m sorry,” she said after a moment, knowing it wasn’t the right thing to say but not knowing what else to say.
He did. "Oh, that. I don't know. I don't even know that it was intentional. It could have been an accident. It happens, and she always did have trouble knowing when to stop anything, she was someone who liked to chase the high, y'know? I think if she'd had the money to become one of those extreme sport types, she would have in a second," Cody explained. At her apology, he for once didn't bat it back. "Thanks," he said, sounding slightly confused, but a little grateful too. He believed her. "That was five years ago," he said, reaching up to swipe blood from his lips, leaving a streak of it across his cheek. "...I think. I'm getting a little lost on what year it is anymore. But it was only a couple weeks after my death that the zombies hit here. I was always kinda mad about that. All I would have had to do was wait it out a little longer, then I wouldn't have had to kill myself at all."
Gin felt sadness for Cody. Righteous anger and a boatload of other things but the one thing she didn't feel was pity. If her mind had been there she would have hoped that he knew that but she was busy being focused on him and his story instead. "She almost sounds a little like my Daniel," she said after a moment with a bit of a dreamy smile, the sort she always got when she thought of him. "He was always interested in the next big battle. Ready and raring to go until there was nowhere left to go. God love them both." Her expression left dreaminess at the sight of the blood smearing across his cheek. She hadn't realized it moved, had come to think of it as one might a port wine birthmark, but when she was reminded it was blood it sent a small chill through her. Part of her was actually a little afraid of this scenario after all. Ghosts. Invisible people who could be anywhere. "Honey, you wouldn't want to be killed by a zombie," she said with a firm shake of her head. "I'm not sure if you saw any of it but the way a man suffers when a zombie is killing him…" She shuddered at the memories she had in her mind.
"I saw it. I was here, just not here," Cody said. "And I know it wasn't pretty, but I wonder if I wouldn't have wound up a ghost if I had died differently." He paused. "Tell me about Daniel," he invited. He settled back, dropping to his side, propped up by his elbow.
Gin's brows furrowed. "You think that it's because you ended your own life you came back a ghost?" She made a small, thoughtful sound. She supposed that would make sense based on the one thing she was sure of about ghosts - they were beings that had unfinished business. She'd say that a guy Cody's age, with a whole life ahead of him, had a lot of unfinished business. She didn't push more on that though. He'd asked her about Daniel, and after telling her his own story, she could give him that. "Daniel was a beautiful man. Mostly on the inside which is where it counts to me anyway. But he was a soldier so after he swept me off my feet and we were married," she said with that same dreamy smile again. "Well he had to go so quickly overseas on a tour. Oh but we loved each other and made a plan that we wouldn't be like other military couples where one or the other strayed because they couldn't keep missing the other so much. No, we did everything humanly possible. Sent letters, care packages, we Skyped as often as we could. I sent him naked pictures which I'm sure kept half the guys in his unit warm at night even though he promised to keep them to himself." She giggled and shook her head. "Ah, he was brilliant. Some days I really miss him."
Listening to her, he was happy she was telling him the story. It sounded like a nice one, and it was nice to think that she'd had someone like that. Other people got to have that, apparently. But, even if Cody could be bitter a lot of the time, he was glad Gin had. "Sounds nice," he said. "You sound like you were happy, either way. What happened? Or, if you want to leave this at a happy story, you don't have to tell me," he told her, not wanting to bum her out either.
Gin's brows lifted and she shrugged. "Oh, it's still a happy story because we were in love. We were never not in love. But he died over there when the zombies started rising. I'll never know how or for sure, I guess. Which means I can keep loving him as long as I like." She smiled at Cody gently. "Thank you for asking about him. Most people don't want to ask a widow about her husband. But sometimes it's nice to tell people about Daniel." She paused a minute. "What was her name?" she asked quietly.
"Ari. Or, I guess, Ariana, but I never called her that. She was beautiful, though. Hair cut all short, but god her eyes...they were just as gorgeous when she was looking about ready to murder me as they were in the middle of ...other activities. And to be clear, she wanted to kill me about as often as that. I think we loved each other as much as we were capable. And our love was...violent," Cody shared.
Gin couldn't hide the small grin playing at her lips as she listened to him describe Ari. It was clear he'd very much loved her and she was happy that he'd had that, however brief in his brief life. It made her hope that if there was a thing between him and Ember, that it could be something he felt was as important. Or something. She wasn't quite sure what it was she hoped for him other than just some kind of peace, some kind of positivity in his afterlife if he had to be stuck in it. "She sounds like a force of nature. I wish I could have met her," she said without really thinking about how Cody might feel to hear that.
"She was," Cody agreed. "That's pretty much exactly what she was. I always felt like maybe if I dropped out before she did, she would have made it through." Which might not have been the case, but he really had to think that. She'd been so vibrant. He'd always been hanging on by a thread.
Gin had visions of Cody in a happier time with the girl he’d described. It made her smile widen slightly even as she hated hearing that he thought, even if indirectly, he might be responsible for Ariana’s death. She wondered what Cody had been like in life. If it might have just taken one more person to believe in him and he would be alive here in Delphi instead of a ghost. Or maybe there were some people who were doomed from birth. She didn’t want to think that way though. “Do you think maybe she’s a ghost too somewhere?” she asked and then clapped her hands over her mouth. “Sorry, don’t answer that.”
"No, it's okay," Cody said. "She isn't. Ghosts, we're on the same plane of existence, or whatever, so we see each other, we can interact. I looked for her, trust me. I mean, I guess it's possible that she became a ghost and just left for greener pastures or something, but I don't know that she would. I think if she'd been a ghost, she would have been waiting for me to die when I was bleeding out. Or maybe that's just me being an idiot, but that's what I think."
Gin understood what he meant. Ari had loved him and would certainly have been waiting for him. That's what she would have done if she'd died before Daniel. She would have found a way to get to him and be with him until the day he died. She nodded at Cody. "No, you're probably right about that. She wouldn't have left. And if you can see all the other ghosts, you would know, yes. I met Ember today. How many others are there like you?"
"A lot. I mean don't get me wrong it isn't nearly so many as the living. But there are quite a few. I only really talk to a couple." He paused. "Is she still mad at me?"
Gin shivered a little and pulled her covers closer again. A lot of ghosts. Which meant she could have any number of unseen stalkers at any given time. She tried really hard not to start getting paranoid again about it. She’d stop functioning and become a shut-in if she thought a whole lot about that. She glanced at him, unsettled again by the blood on his face. “I don’t think so,” she replied. “She sort of told me what happened today and I tried to have her rethink the situation to be a little more observant.”
He noticed her eyes falling on his cheek there, and tried to wipe at it again. "Sorry," he said. "I know I'm pretty fucking disgusting," he added. "And wait, huh? Observant of what?" he asked, confused. "Do you know what I did wrong? Because I don't."
Gin shook her head. "Not disgusting, no. It's real… but it's a little disturbing," she said honestly. She wasn't sure how much she should go into their discussion. There was kind of a girl code, right? She stuck to generalities. "You didn't say something sweet. But when I asked her what else happened she realized you'd done something sweet. It gave her something to think about where communication style differences come into play."
"I wish I could do something about it. Ember, she can switch what she looks like at will. I can't though. I don't know what I look like anymore. Honestly, the first impression I've had of me in ages is your paintings," Cody admitted. Which gave him an idea, but he didn't share it just then because of the other information she'd given over. "...I was supposed to be sweet?" he asked, blinking, clearly confused. Then he groaned, and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "We started everything out because she teases the shit out of me every second of our time together, it's her favorite thing to do. Torture me like that. So I finally break, it's completely unplanned, and pretty dirty, and just...and I was supposed to be sweet?!"
Gin offered him a kind smile. "It's really not all that bad. I'd come to see it as part of you until you smeared it and it reminded me of what you are…" she let her voice trail off because there wasn't anything more to say to that other than she'd enjoyed forgetting he was a ghost. "I'm sorry the first impression of yourself through my eyes were … not exactly of you. I'm working on something new though. You'll have to see it some time." Her new painting was reflective of how she felt about Cody. Whatever it was. She was more able to express in colors and shapes than with words and that suited her fine. She covered her mouth with several fingers when he described his encounter with Ember. His seeming exasperation entirely understandable. One soft giggle escaped though. "I'm guessing she didn't realize she'd want that when it started but she did by the end. And apparently you were sweet but she missed it."
"You know how I learned people could see me? I got disgusted looks and people told me I was an asshole for 'dressing up as a zombie'," Cody said. "I don't know. Anyway," he said. "...I sort of had an idea. What if you...painted me, but me not looking like a dead monster guy?" he asked tentatively. "...maybe I could try to shift what I looked like to that?" He paused as he considered the Ember stuff. "I'm not good with words."
Gin frowned at that, knowing people had no idea what they were saying or doing to him by reacting that way. Still, it felt mean and like it only added to how hard his life had been to be disgusted by him in the afterlife. She shook her head when he said he wasn't good with words. That hadn't been her experience earlier. "Yeah you are. Though maybe not being sweet. I don't know. But you really helped me earlier today. I feel like I owe you and I think I'd like to paint you looking alive. Especially if it could help you shift what you look like -- if you wanted to," she added because it wasn't important to her that he do that. Knowing what he was possibly kept her from going overboard on the whole crushing thing she did with most people. If he wanted to though, she'd be more than happy to help.
Cody shook his head. "You don't owe me. If anything, I think we've so far been mutually beneficial. You've given me a lot to think about, and just...yeah. It's been nice," he admitted, coloring slightly at that. But it was true. "And if you would, I'd appreciate it. I don't know if it would work but I'd like to give it a shot." He glanced at his clothes. "...and maybe something different to wear..."
"Mutually beneficial," she repeated with a bit more of a smile. "See, you are good with words. Even if I do feel like you've helped me way more than I could ever help you. Out of curiosity though. What have I given you to think about?" She lifted a brow at his request for different clothing, her expression suddenly mischievous. "Sure," she said. "Something different to wear."
"I don't know. How I see me. The fact that apparently it was really nice to see someone else see me. I like talking to you. It's interesting. You're interesting. There's a lot going on in that head of yours....." he trailed off as he caught that look. "You are not allowed to stick me in some leather sex suit!"
There really was a lot that went on in her head. More so than most people ever realized. She'd been so happy that Frankie had visited her earlier though because some positivity had been infused into her mind. Frankie had even been okay with Cody and Gin's obsession with him. "I do see you, or at least… I see what I think is you. From all you've told me and all the times you invaded my dreams." She said the last bit with an ironic tone. Which gave way to a fit of giggles. "Now you're just fueling my imagination. Leather sex suit it is!"
"No!" he said grinning and having to laugh a little - such a ridiculously rare occurrence. "Please? Isn't it bad enough that you always paint me naked? If you sex suit it up, I'm going to lay here, and do my level best to remember your paintings of me naked and see how that works. Then you'd have a naked ghost in your bed."
Gin was completely giggling then. His protestations were beyond. Especially when he promised to try to be a naked ghost on her bed. "Are you sure that's going to deter me away from leather sex suits?" she asked, realizing she was literally, unashamedly flirting with someone who was dead. No, that wasn't right. She was literally, unashamedly flirting with Cody which she had not done before. It hadn't even occurred to her but she sobered a little. "If you prefer not one in leather or latex for the rest of your existence," she began, because who knew with ghosts and trying to change. "I think I can manage to do jeans and a t-shirt."
Cody really liked the sound of her giggle. Generally? He didn't make people laugh. So, it was nice to hear. "Jeans and a t-shirt would be awesome. Just anything that'll make me look not like a fucking freak I'd be happy about." he said, gazing up at the ceiling with a mild turn to his lips.
She couldn't help but burst into giggles again because there were so many possibilities now in her mind. So many ways she could portray him that weren't leather or latex. Farm animals, cartoon characters, etc. But she tried to scale herself back, remember the blood, remember he wasn't real and she couldn't crush on him. Or anything else really. Still she really liked him. "Footie pajamas then. I got it," she deadpanned.
Cody reached over, and expended the energy to manifest just for a moment, long enough to flick her leg. So just for a heartbeat, his weight was on the bed there, he moved the blankets beneath him, and then he was back to being incorporeal, but he'd had to. "I'm not a toddler!" he insisted. "...despite what I just did!"
Gin flinched at his flick, both for the sudden pain and for the coldness of his touch, but it didn't last long because she kept giggling. "No, no, definitely not a toddler," she confirmed even though her tone said she believed otherwise. Then she spoke more seriously. "I think people have a right to see you less ghostly. I'm going to paint you that way. Adult-wise."
"My trick didn't even get me a tiny pinch of surprise?" Cody asked, surprised himself. "I just touched you and everything, nothing?" he sighed and shook his head. "Tough crowd," he noted.
Gin's eyes went wide. "Oh good lord. No, it wasn't nothing," she answered, and giggled. "I can feel you but you're like there. I know I'm not scared enough of you. I've been told." She paused a moment trying to assess her own reaction. "You just don't want footy pajamas. Okay, maybe I can accommodate that."
"I don't really think I could hurt you much even if I did try," Cody said. "Which I wouldn't." He paused. "I manifested for a second, that's why I could flick you. I can be here if I try. Just...y'know. Not for very long."
Gin shook her head. "No, I think you could do real damage if you wanted to. I don't think you do. Not now anyway." She spoke with confidence, sure she was speaking the truth. She sighed softly, nodding. "You touched me too. That meant so much to me. I don't know if you meant it to but it did."
Cody shrugged. "I do enough damage without trying it," he told her. "I guess I never really thought about doing damage while manifested. I don't do it much. It hasn't seemed worth it," he admitted. "...when, just now? When I flicked you? Or are you talking about at your shop?" he asked, because he did think he knew what she was talking about there. "...glad to be of service."
Gin shook her head, not believing him but then she knew she didn't have all the facts. She knew that she was accepting things that would have made other people run away. She knew it. She wasn't normal and that was fine with her. Mostly. She smiled at Cody.The flick hadn't meant as much as when he'd touched her in her shop. After she'd said how much she needed to just be touched and he'd done it. She gave him a bit of a smile. "Back in my shop. Your flicking was just kind of funny," she said, smiling a little.
"Gotta admit, you looked really..." he trailed off, not sure how to word it. "When I did that," he added to clarify, even if he knew it was unnecessary. "It was interesting. Generally, when I touch people it's creepy for them. They don't like it, because it's cold."
Gin nodded. "Yes, Cody," she said bluntly. "Yes, I know I'm not normal. But seriously? Who would paint portrait after portrait and be normal?" she asked. "I looked silly, right? Like I should have been scared but I wasn't. And I know." She sighed softly and looked at her hands. She'd never been one to judge people and it had obviously carried over into the afterlife. She wasn't even judging ghosts. So be it. "When you touched me though. Back in my shop. It meant something to me. But I said that already."
Cody blinked slightly, and propped himself up again. "...I like your brand of abnormal," he told her. "Besides, normal is overrated, isn't it?" he posed. "You didn't look silly, you looked...like it might be nice to kiss you," he admitted. "It crossed my mind. Not 'silly'."
She smiled a little at that, that he liked her brand of abnormal. Her acceptance of the people around her had never extended this far until she'd met Cody but she really wasn't going to apologize for that. Not at all. She empathized with him and his story. If he were still alive she'd have wanted to champion him until he was no longer a pariah in his town. That felt like justice to her. "Kissed?" she asked, touching her own lips curiously. "Why?"
"I don't know. Usually that doesn't happen?" he suggested, shrugging. "I mean, I guess, the normal amount, I'm dead, not without a sex drive," he added. "But you just were standing there, and reacting to me like that and yeah. It just made me want to."
She relaxed her hold on her covers for the first time, her expression thoughtful. She guessed she could understand what he was saying. There wasn't anything that seemed personal about it so she tried not to let it open the doors to her other emotions that tended to crush on everyone in some small way. "Dead but not without a sex drive. Damn. I really do need to be sure I paint you better. So long as it helps!”
He smiled. "I hope it does. I'd kind of like to at least try to figure out how to do it? But yeah...no actual concept of what I really look like anymore, or what I should look like. So, it's 'gross dead guy' for me. If it does help out, I'll owe you."
Gin could do it. She knew she had the imagination and the talent to give him what he wanted. She hoped that translated into his ability to learn from it and apply it in the way he seemed to want to. She shook her head. "No gross dead guy ever," she said and then asked, "Why would you… what would you owe me?"
"I have no idea. Information? Maybe? Some favor only I could perform sometime in the future? Scaring the shit out of someone? I don't have real ideas here, I've never owed anyone still living before," Cody said. "But, just keep it in mind. I'd owe you something. It's only fair, right? I mean your other paintings, you can sell those, you get compensation. But if you did a painting for me, it's not like I could pay you."
Gin thought about his suggestion. She couldn't imagine having a ghost in her debt. Mostly she just wanted to know Cody would keep coming back to talk to her. She paused and said quietly, "The only thing I'd want is for you to say you'd keep talking to me." At that she felt shy and shrank back a little. Her face might have been a little pink too.
He blinked. "Oh," he said, surprised. "OKay," he agreed. It was simple to agree to that, because at the moment, she was officially taking up his time as 'stalkee'. Only way more interactive than before. Which was new, but very interesting and so far he liked it. He liked her.
She’d affixed value to him. He’d helped her realize a few things about herself and her current situation just by looking at her paintings and talking to her. She felt more like she was in his debt. And after he’d abruptly left earlier she had worried he wouldn’t come back. “Thank you,” she said quietly.
Cody eyed her for a moment. "Don't thank me for continuing to talk to you like it's some favor I'm doing. Or like I would only do it cuz that's what you want. Don't cheapen you. I was here of my own volition tonight, remember? You're worth my time."
Gin’s brows raised and her chin tilted down slightly as she looked up at him, her face an expression of amusement at his bold words and the line he’d drawn in the proverbial sand. “You realize I’m going to be saying that right back at you at some point, right? You cheapen yourself all the time, Cody. Knock it off and I’ll follow suit.”
"Whatever. I'm dead. It's not like it matters for me. But for you? You've got a life to live. People to impress with your artwork, shit like that," Cody said, but he sounded like he was relenting. "...which speaking of, I should go. Let you get back to sleep."
This time it was just one brow that shot up. “See? You just did it again. You might be dead but you’re here and you’re interacting. You have a presence and an effect. Quit belittling that.” She thought a moment about him going. Well, at least she knew he’d be back this time. “Do me one favor before you go?”
"Sure," he said, stretching as he got up. "What is it?"
She smiled as he completely ignored what she'd said. That was fine. She wasn't his mother. "Tell any other ghosts you see hanging around to get lost? Well, except Ember I suppose."
"Okay." He said with a shrug. "No problem. Though just so you know, I haven't seen anyone else around you. And you now know what it feels like when I'm around, so you'll know if I am. But yeah, either way. Sure. I'll do my best to deter other stalkers."
Gin nodded, watching him. “Thanks for that. I’ll have less nightmares, I’m sure.” And she’d had enough nightmares lately. “Hope you have a good rest of your night.”
"Yeah, you too." he said, then faded from view, watching her for another heartbeat before he did actually leave properly this time. He had a lot to think about now, but he at least felt less shitty than he had before she'd woken up. He was calling it good.