Maryanne Elizabeth Walker (maryanne_walker) wrote in spinningcompass, @ 2013-06-21 01:21:00 |
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Current music: | Better by Maggie Rose |
Entry tags: | !open, !plot, maryanne walker (oe), ~clint barton (comic) |
Who: Maryanne and OTA
Where: The wall
What: Feels
When: Just after sundown
Rating: Depends on who answers.
Open: YUS
Status: Ongoing, plot!
It was her second time coming to see the wall. To trace her fingers over names she knew so well. Over the ones she'd loved and had to let go of. Bruce, Matt, Grey, Ira, Cutler, Robin, Sam... It was beautiful, but long. Way too long. Still she stopped at every name that she called 'hers', and placed at least one of the bundle of flowers she held in her hand. Some got two, or three. Maryanne found the name without any trouble. As she had the first time. It wasn't the first time she'd come to 'find him' thinking thoughts of that long train ride to nowhere. Usually it was for some significant date. Today wasn't any different, though it wasn't a date that they did anything spectacular. It was a simple mark of the month before she got dropped here. Almost to the minute. And yet her mind was on that train ride. This time last year they were making sure the new cabin was well christened. And doubly so when Matt and Sophia went to go eat supper. If she closed her eyes she could still smell the sweat that coursed down his body. Feel the steady hammer of his quickened heartbeat against her breast. Taste his lips. She prayed she would never forget. How it felt to be loved. And not have to question it. Even if they hadn't said the words. They had been there. Before she knew it, as she lay the last of her flowers across the top of his marker, words began to spill from her lips without any accompi. As tears rolled down her face. "There's a bottle on the shelf, talkin' to me Sayin', "Come over here, you can have a drink" We can make it through this lonely night together But that's a road I don't wanna go back down And I hate myself for what I'm thinkin' now Hey, it's just one night, it's not like it's forever I just want to feel better I just want to feel good, feel alright Feel anything but what I feel tonight I just want to move on with my life And put the pieces back together I just want to feel better All these pictures running through my head From the way he loved to the way he left Not a single day goes by, I don't miss him When the lonely gets to be too much I try to kill the pain with a stranger's touch Though I know I won't forget him altogether I just want to feel better I just want to feel good, feel alright Feel anything but what I feel tonight I just want to move on with my life And put the pieces back together I just want to feel better I know there's gonna come a day When he's still gone and it's okay I just want to feel good, feel alright Feel anything but what I feel tonight I just want to move on with my life And put the pieces back together I just want to feel better I just want to feel better." Her voice didn't crack once. But once she was done she had to sniff. Tracing her fingers over the carved letters. D-a-r-y-l D-i-x-o-n. "I'm so sorry." She whispered before she openly wept. Unable to hold the tide back anymore. Unclear as to why she was actually apologizing. |