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aleonhardt ([info]aleonhardt) wrote in [info]spinningcompass,
@ 2020-12-04 09:40:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:abigail hobbs, annastasia leonhardt

Meeting Miss Hobbs
Who: Annie and Abigail
Where: Wheel 3 South, Floor 141.
What: Abigail's first session.
When: The day after Annie's network post.
Rating: TBD (Psychology/Murder Detail/Narcotics)
Open: Probably not
Status: Ongoing


Annie hadn't even considered the possibility that she would need an office, let alone that it would have been soon. She had assumed most people would have a place they were comfortable with or would have invited her somewhere, so when Abigail had suggested meeting her she had worked quickly to set something up.

She moved her things from a one bedroom apartment of Wheel 3's southern blocks 141st floor to a two bedroom overnight after she had her little "session" with Blank. Blanks. She flexed her fingers on the hand where she had taken a deep slash from a blade. It was healing over nicely, but slowly, such as her body was want to do.
The second room she fashioned into a "professional" looking office. Two comfortable chairs, a lounger, desk with it's own office chair. She then took a trip to the shops in the small hours to get a few different supplies. Snacks, Alcohol, Tea and Coffee, Water, Kettle, Mugs and other various bits and pieces to have on demand if it was needed.

Having had no sleep (but not really needing any) and being alerted by her timer, she topped her system up with SHATTER from the auto injector and watched hours pass out of the new bedroom's window. Despite being used to it's effects, she occasionally liked to ride them out, before finally returning back to the room confronted by her face without the glamour.
With a precious hour to spare she got changed from the green flight suit she had grown accustomed to wearing into a more formal, futuristic, grey and corporate pencil dress paired with black, red bottom heels. She looked in the mirror, restoring her glamour to make her appear human and smoothed down the front of the dress.


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[info]abigail_hobbs
2021-01-04 09:09 pm UTC (link)
Abigail made a mental note, not to speak too much of Hannibal - in case he was ever returned to her and Will.  She still loved him.  She loved her father too, though she knew he could never live on the station.  He had no control of his impulses.  As she thought it over, she did her best not to display any emotion.  Not even a fidget.  It was like being in the Maryland facility again, doing her best to keep control until she decided how much to trust others. 

"Thank you for the privacy.  You, um, you handled it yourself."  She thought it over.  In her world, the FBI seemed to have so much control over psych patients.  She was learning that how she had been treated wasn't normal for other worlds.   She didn't want to let her imagination run wild, picturing Annie as Jack Crawford or the doctors he controlled.  She wanted to build trust.  She still felt she had to ask -"That sounds like you had some authority.  Was that as a therapist or some other role?"

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[info]aleonhardt
2021-01-05 02:29 pm UTC (link)
Annie's software noted the tension, but she mentally passed it off as first session nerves. She had little to no awareness of Abigail's past or peers on the station, old or existing. She smiled, inclining her head and steepling her fingers together.

"It's a little complicated... and a long story, but in the interest of giving you a full picture of who is offering you these sessions I suppose it's only fair to give you a little exposition." she said, separating her finger tips briefly in a committal gesture.
"I was an Operative of a company called SLA Industries. They were responsible for the provision of all of societies needs, end to end. In addition to that, Operators oversaw the security and safety of the planets under the protection of SLA. Initially, I used my psychological training to profile potential subversives... terrorists, who fought against SLA or posed a threat to civilian life."

"After some time... I transitioned from Operative life to a more Corporate and Business position. It was then began treating individuals rather than hunting them." she said reclining back into her chair a little. "So to answer your question, both as a therapist and something else."

She took a draught of her coffee, appraising it's quality for a moment before she continued;
"Perhaps my humour was a little morose. I apologise if I have made you uncomfortable."

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[info]abigail_hobbs
2021-01-07 04:33 pm UTC (link)
Abigail shook her head. "No, not uncomfortable." At least not at the humor. Hannibal, and even Pop at times had a similar sense of humor. She figured it might be common in people who were aware of the darker side of life. The other information was more to take in. She'd been a profiler, on a much grander scale than the FBI. Would she sense a hidden evil? Abigail always worried there was a part of her that was sick, like her father, lurking somewhere in the back of her mind. It might be what made her find killers and killing to be so powerful.

"My father was a hunter, of animals." Abigail said. It was technically true, at least at first. "He taught me to hunt. Then he got sick. A lot of my issues, I guess you'd call them. They started with him. But I'm not like him." She wanted that to be clear, before she went into any detail. She was also reassuring herself. She was not her father's daughter anymore.

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[info]aleonhardt
2021-01-08 03:52 pm UTC (link)
Annie smiled at Abigail's reaction, for some parts glad that Abigail wasn't upset by her humour. She could sense something beneath all of this though, something that Abigail was reluctant to talk about. Deeper and darker. The girl had a very effective masque that intrigued Annie's curiosity. In her own world, in her early career she would have let Abigail leave and had SHIVERs arrest her within a day or two.
Now, Abigail was one of the few cases she might find that would keep her worse qualities at bay.

"Our parents are often the source of our own little intricacies. They shape who we are, form us and help us grow. But we are not them, we are never them." she nods. "Although I feel as though there is a little left unsaid. When you say your father got sick, was this an illness you had to care for or... something else?"

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[info]abigail_hobbs
2021-01-12 09:58 pm UTC (link)
A tiny smile crossed Abigail's face for a moment.  There was a good memory of Hannibal comforting her with similar words.  "Someone once told me I wasn't my father's daughter anymore."    She still believed that was true.  Whatever dark urges crossed her mind, they were never like her father's compulsions. 

"It was a mental illness."   Abigail answered automatically.  It was how she thought of her dad, even if Hannibal had tried to convince her he was simply different. 

"He loved me.  He was a good father until my last year of high school.  He couldn't handle the idea of me leaving home and he just snapped."   She knew some people didn't believe things could change so quickly, that there had to be some warning signs - but Abigail hadn't seen it coming.  "He came into my room one night and told me he wanted to kill me."  She stopped herself there, before mentioning the girls he actually killed.

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[info]aleonhardt
2021-01-13 08:14 am UTC (link)
Annie congratulated herself inside for getting the girl to smile. It felt like a loose connection, but at least they were beginning to bond.

"Well. I for one am glad that he didn't.." Annie replied calmly noting, again, an underlying reservation to continue or another detail carefully hidden away.

"These sudden changes in the stability of home and the stable pillars of our life that we have relied upon for so long can effect us more than we know. I would imagine the scars of that threat run deep. How did that incident resolve? Did your father ever attempt to hurt you?"

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[info]abigail_hobbs
2021-01-17 08:12 pm UTC (link)
Abigail glanced away for a moment.  She suddenly remembered a recurring nightmare, where her father's victims and Nicholas Boyle would all tell her that she should have let her father kill her.  They'd all be alive if it wasn't for her.  She had to wonder if Annie would still feel the same when she knew that.

Looking back, Abigail gave a small nod.  "He killed girls.  Girls that looked just like me.  When the FBI came to kill him, he killed my mom and cut my throat."  She gently touched her scarf, thinking of the scarf beneath it.  "He said he was taking our pain away."   She added in a quieter voice.

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[info]aleonhardt
2021-01-18 01:40 pm UTC (link)
That was enough to merit a raise of an eyebrow, a perfectly measured response that masked a deeper reaction. Annie crossed a leg over the other and shifted her weight onto one elbow in her chair and clasped her hands together.
Multitasking, her mind searched her vast databases for the FBI. She found a hit on a law enforcement agency from an old amaranth. That made some sense to her at least, as after all, in the Worlds of Progress serial killers were hunted on televised shows for sport.

She wondered where the girl's mind had wandered briefly, in that instance of broken eye contact;
"I am sorry that happened to you. I would imagine that that made some sense to your father, but doesn't make the experience any less awful for you." Annie's voice carried a lot of sympathy. She made sure to bury any desire to press for more detail, feeling the darker impulses of her own past bubbling underneath her control.

"If you don't mind me asking... where did you go just then?" she asked gently. "You glanced away for a moment."

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[info]abigail_hobbs
2021-01-18 03:17 pm UTC (link)
"It was the worst day of my life."  Abigail said with a tiny nod of her head.  The truth was that the day with Hannibal had been as bad, or even worse.  He knew exactly what he was doing and why, without any delusions.   He'd broken her heart.  Still, it had been the worst day at that time, so it was sort of true.  That was enough to let her say it convincingly to most people. It was what was expected, wasn't it?  The day her mom died should feel the worst.

"I remembered a dream."   Abigail answered, being completely honest this time.  "This same dream I've had for years.  I'm back at the facility, in a group therapy session.  Instead of other patients, the girls in the group are the ghosts of the girls my father killed.   They keep telling me that it should have been me instead of them."

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[info]aleonhardt
2021-01-18 04:00 pm UTC (link)
Annie nodded with the girl, making a few notes in her cyberbrain to follow up later. "Believe me I know, the loss of one's parents before their real time is awful, let alone to lose them both in the same day and by the actions of one of them. I am impressed by your own strength to be so open about the incident at all, that is a milestone that some I know are incapable of."

Her own self included, Annie mused to herself. Even her guarded admittance that her parents were dead felt like too much despite the fact that was wholly unsurprising when her age was factored into the equation.

"Dreams are usually a sign of something unresolved in our subconscious... A way of our minds repairing trauma or feelings that we have yet to truly accept. I would imagine that your fathers' admittance that these girls deaths were caused by his own specific delusion towards you means that you bear some of the guilt for his crime." she relaxes back into her chair. "Whilst I find that understandable, that you might feel that way, I think it's important for you to affirm that it isn't true. The responsibility is with your father."

She smiles, softly, "I think you already know that."

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[info]abigail_hobbs
2021-01-18 05:40 pm UTC (link)
"I used to live on an island before I lived here.  It was a magical island, it brought people there in the same way the station does.  A lot of people here now, were on the island with me."   Or at least they had been.  Abigail had lost a few.  She still had people like Pop, Finn, Katherine, and Jake though.   "The island did strange things.  One time, it created an evil fog that affected people.  When I was affected by the fog, I made a post on the network, telling a lot of my secrets.  Ever since then, it's been easier to be open about it.  My friends and the family I've made, they were still okay with me."  That had made a huge difference.

Abigail shook her head.  "It is and it isn't true.  I could have let him kill me so he wouldn't have needed other girls. I died anyway, about a year later."   And she helped him.  With so much of the story told, the one detail should have been easier to admit.   Yet, it felt stuck inside her.  

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[info]aleonhardt
2021-01-18 06:28 pm UTC (link)
Annie hummed at the first part. "I suppose that would make it easier, although probably not how you had intended sharing those details about your life. Although I suppose it is somewhat comforting that they stood by you."

"I'm confused.." she began, "Did you know your father wanted to kill you before you knew about him killing the girls? And... how do you know you died?" she asked carefully.

She was a little worried about the answer to the second part of the question. Was Annie dead back home? Was this some kind of punishment for her failure?
She swallowed the growing block of hurt in her throat and kept her composure. This would be something for her to digest alone. Not in the middle of a session.

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[info]abigail_hobbs
2021-01-18 08:00 pm UTC (link)
"It is comforting.  The fog became dangerous and two people saved me from it.  One of them, he's a good friend now.  Like a big brother."  Abigail commented. Having Jake around was like a security blanket.  Na'vi or human, she felt certain he'd always protect her if he could and she liked to think she'd do the same.

"No, he told me he wanted to kill me first, then later he told me about killing girls that looked like me in my place.  So that I could live."  Abigail hoped that helped.  It was hard to explain a mind as sick as the shrike. 

"After my dad died, there was another serial killer.  A copycat."  Hannibal had been so much more and had gone by other nicknames.  Copycat was the only one explained by the connection to Abigail's father.  "The island messed with people.  I was sent back home and the copycat cut my throat.  Then I was sent back and my life was saved.  But the me that was back home, I..she died."

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[info]aleonhardt
2021-01-19 09:30 am UTC (link)
Annie nodded, raising a gently hand to show that Abigail's explanation was sufficient. Her body mimed taking a deep breath, a subconscious reflex that she had become used to calming her mind briefly. Abigail's own circumstances were different to hers. There was still a chance she was alive back in her own amaranth, perhaps...

"Ok. That changes things a lot." she nodded. "I can completely understand the projection of guilt especially after being told that your life came at the cost of others."

"Do you have any hobbies, Abigail?" Annie asked, changing the subject.

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[info]abigail_hobbs
2021-01-20 06:53 pm UTC (link)
Abigail felt a bit of relief at not having to explain the angel that saved her when she was sent back. Or how someone as powerful as an angel could simply disappear. There had been many losses; it was the way the island and the station worked. The powerful ones simply vanishing were always the most confusing to her. Even more, she was grateful she didn't have to explain how she knew she had died back home.

Abigail nodded. "Yes, I play harpsichord. It arrived with the rest of my stuff here. It takes up a lot of space in my apartment. Pop and Finn never complain though. Pop's my adopted father here, not my dad from home. Finn's my boyfriend. We have cats and dogs." Family probably didn't count as a hobby. "I cook and bake. I draw. And I hunt when there's a door."

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[info]aleonhardt
2021-01-21 09:33 am UTC (link)
"I find anything related to music is a fantastic outlet for our minds." Annie smiled, "Dancing, singing or playing.. I don't play anything myself but I love to dance."
She nodded, giving Abigail another scan with her eyes as she considered the complexity of the case in front of her. There was a lot going on and a lot left unsaid.

"It's good to know you also have a more intimate and personal support structure. Pets and a family unit. I can't imagine what facing these type of things alone would be like, even with a therapist to talk to..." she smiled softly, breaking eye contact for a brief few seconds.
She could imagine. She did know what it was like. She was living it.

Annie looked back to Abigail. "So... I think we got to know each other a little better, and I think we can draw back to my original question. Is there anything you want us to focus on in these sessions?"

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[info]abigail_hobbs
2021-01-22 08:03 pm UTC (link)
"Me too.  It can be an escape and help me to relax.  Or it can let me express stuff that's hard to say out loud.  Or it can just be fun."  Abigail agreed.  "I don't dance or sing much, just for fun sometimes."  Or to be closer to Finn.  

Abigail nodded.  "I don't think I would have made it through everything that's happened here without them.  So much keeps happening."

Abigail took a deep breath.  "I have nightmares for one.  The thing I want the most help with is my fear.  I get scared.  A lot.  I was doing well, but then I kept losing people.  I start wondering what if they didn't just disappear?   What if there's someone like my dad, or worse, here?"  Another deep breath, calming like Hannibal taught her.  "I don't want it to get to the point where I look myself away in my home.  Or push away my pop or Finn."

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[info]aleonhardt
2021-01-25 08:03 am UTC (link)
As she nodded through Abigail's next few sentences, Annie's eyes glittered a little with excitement before she blinked the emotion away quickly.

She wondered, however briefly, if it was worth telling Abigail about her own past on Mort. To gain that brief moment of ecstasy before release but it would be fleeting, like a snack size box of FeelGoods, almost but just never enough. Perhaps after they had bonded a little, after the girl had embraced her own strength.

"There are many ways to fight fear," she began, opening a notebook and writing some notes while her eyes remained fixed on Abigail. "We can focus on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and teach you natural coping strategies and emotional regulation before focusing on your core issues. This would take time.
I could try a version of hypnotherapy, so that I can come to your dreams and help you change them and allow your subconscious time to heal. It's unconventional, but might yield faster results
I could proscribe you something to manage the nightmares and your sleep cycle. I must warn you however, that this is a band-aid and not a fix. We would need to employ this alongside other methods."

Annie smiled again. "Of course, the approaches are your decision. I can facilitate any of these or consider other options."

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[info]abigail_hobbs
2021-01-26 09:37 pm UTC (link)
Abigail wondered for a moment if she had seen something in Annie's expression.  That bit of enthusiasm from her therapist could be a good thing; it showed she cared.  And had such interest.  Even Hannibal had to look down when he was writing. 

"Cognitive behavioral therapy sounds good."  A small voice at the back of Abigail's mind was telling her that was what she should choose.  It was the logical choice, from what she'd read in her textbooks.  Slowly and steadily working at her issues was what she needed.  She should want traditional and normal, rather than more unconventional methods in her life.

Abigail couldn't help being both nervous and drawn to the idea of hypnotherapy though.  She had memories of the bright light, chamber music, Hannibal practically whispering to her - his style of hypnosis.  He'd even used it to help with her pain as her ear healed.  Or what was left after he'd taken it.    "How would the hypnotherapy work?  Would there be a bright, flickering light, music and low voices?"  She asked.  "Would I have any control during it?"

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[info]aleonhardt
2021-01-27 08:46 am UTC (link)
Annie nodded with a neutral expression when Abigail suggested CBT. That was expected, a typical approach. Safer. Familiar.
But then she asked about the hypnotherapy. She stopped writing and placed the pen between the fingers of both hands acting like a bridge between them and smiled.

"Flickering lights, to begin with. I would induce a form of lucid dreaming where I can act as a guiding agent in your subconscious. You would have control, almost complete control, of the situation and what we review in your dream.
In addition, I can record the sessions for our review in the real as part of our CBT approach and complement both approaches."

She gestured upwards with the pen, breaking the bridge. "We don't have to stick with any specific programme of treatment or route of progress. If needs be we can change the tack to be more cautious.

Or aggressive. It is your choice, after all."

Her eyes glittered with the excitement again, she watched Abigail carefully, returning the pen to it's cap and placing it gently on her notes.

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[info]abigail_hobbs
2021-01-27 06:47 pm UTC (link)
"I had a similar therapy before.  I think it helped, at the time.  Some of my memories are a little mixed up."  Abigail said, although therapy might not have been the right word.  Looking back on her experiences, she wasn't as certain of how much of it had really been for her benefit and how much had been to manipulate her.  Her hand went to her hair, playing with a few strands that were near her scar.   

She nodded.  "I like that idea, using both to complement each other and having the option of changing it if I want to."  She was reassuring herself with the words.  This time, she'd have control.   She moved her hand away from her hair slowly, reminding herself that she didn't need the nervous habit.

"Someone once told me that trauma was an affliction of the powerless and that is how I feel sometimes. Powerless"    Abigail commented.  "I want to always feel that I have some say in our sessions."   Otherwise, it was too easy for her to lose herself.

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[info]aleonhardt
2021-01-28 10:54 am UTC (link)
"Alright." Annie nodded, noting the idle habit of Abigail's to play with her hair. She leaned onto one arm in the chair and inclined her head slightly at the final sentiment. She agreed with the core message, but not the full sentence.

"Well, I will need some time to prepare some equipment and reprogram some software to help with the session. I guarantee, again, avenues of our sessions together will always have informed consent where I am able to grant you clarity.
I may, in some cases, ask things you are uncomfortable with but you always have the ability to refuse to answer or say no. I want to be your ally in your journey."

She took another draught of her coffee. "For now though, I think we have achieved a rapport and I am happy to take you on as a patient. What I'd suggest is that you keep a journal of your dreams and the situations that make you feel powerless. We can look to see how we can give you that level of control again in your life and self."

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