Tweak

InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm fat and very beautiful"

yesidid (yesidid) wrote in spinningcompass,
@ 2018-06-18 04:14:00

Entry tags:

!open, darcy lewis

Who: Darcy and Jacob and Open
Where: Station Window
What: Father's Day Sads
When: late Sunday
Rating: TBD
Open: Yes

Darcy was sitting with her legs crossed on the floor, eyes fixed out the large window in front of her. Jacob was sleeping on his belly, with a stuffed toy under his head, a few feet away, his nose practically up against the glass. She’d brought him out here when he was fussing at bedtime, not wanting to keep the other kids awake with his crying. It hadn’t taken long for him to fall asleep once he had the stars and planets around them to distract him. But Darcy wasn’t ready to move yet. The floor wasn’t particularly comfortable, but the hallway was empty. Quiet. There wasn’t a lot of quiet in the Rogers-Winchester-Banner apartment, unless she stay up far later than she should. Usually she liked that about the place, it kept her occupied, distracted. Just like she’d used this big window to distract her son from whatever it was upsetting him, by staying busy she felt like she could hide away from the bad feelings that lurked at the back of her mind. But still, sometimes she liked the quiet.

Things were getting better, she didn’t cry as much, didn’t withdraw as much. But sometimes, sometimes it was still hard. She tucked her knees up under her chin and wrapped her arms around them. She glanced to Jacob and stared out the window again.

“I miss you.” she murmured in to the silence. “I know you’re okay. I know you’re happy. And I know you don’t remember any of this. But I miss you.” Her thoughts felt incredibly selfish to her then, knowing she wanted him there instead of where he was. Wishing that she could have him again, even if it meant ripping him from his home, from a place where he seemed to be doing better. She sighed and closed her eyes, trying not to dwell too much on those thoughts.

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not_theotherguy
2018-06-25 06:22 pm UTC (link)

He still wasn't sure if any of it was real, not 100%. Ever since Sakaar and the Grandmaster and Hela, he'd been out of his mind, jumping from a frying pan into a fire and apparently surviving the whole damn ordeal to come home to the family he thought he'd lost forever. Jacob smelled of home, of life worth living, and Bruce would feel his heart calming. Hulk still wouldn't come out, sick of fighting for Banner's friends at his beck and call. The whole thing was weird.

"Where can we go?" he asked, not sure of where they were either. How long had Darcy been a single mom for? Did she even want him back. It wasn't as if she couldn't find a guy in a second, with her firecracker wit and that cheesy smile. She could have anything. "I still don't understand how we're here..."

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yesidid
2018-06-25 07:08 pm UTC (link)

“We’re near some living areas. We could go to our apartment but it’s loud and crowded, there are empty ones near it. No one will mind.” She told him, still tucked in to his side, an arm wrapped around his back with his shirt wrinkling where she held it tightly between her fingers. She needed to hold on, even if she knew it would do nothing if this place wanted him to be gone.

She shrugged a little bit. “It’s like the island. None of us know how we got here. After they took down the spire and everything went cold we just sort of fell asleep and then woke up here.” Not everyone. He hadn’t. But the others that had gone could be discussed later. “Some were asleep for days, some better part of a year. I think there still might be one or two that haven’t woken up yet.”

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not_theotherguy
2018-06-25 09:01 pm UTC (link)

They'd all fallen asleep? Bruce just blinked at her for a moment, trying to wrap her head around the idea of that, of so many people just dropping into a deep sleep, waking up at different times. He should have been there, protected her and Jacob, done whatever he could do. There was another regret.

Bruce nodded just a little, unsure of what else to say about it. He was so confused, his head far too quiet than it had been for the better part of a decade. He felt guilt, a deep-seated guilt running through from his head to his toes.

"Wherever you think is best," he said softly, not wanting to scare Jacob by how freaked out his father was. "I need some water or something."

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yesidid
2018-06-25 10:16 pm UTC (link)

Darcy watched him, almost like she could see the wheels turning in his head as he tried to process what she’d told him. When he spoke she just nodded gently, knowing a way around toward where she knew some empty spaces were that would take them past a grocery-type store. The apartment would have water but she wanted to get something for him to eat too. She had a feeling that whatever he had come from hadn’t included snack breaks. She paused for a short moment, just watching him, before she stood up on her toes to kiss him. It was light, gentle, but she needed it. And she thought he might too.

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not_theotherguy
2018-06-25 10:24 pm UTC (link)

Her lips on his, feathery but real, brought his frantic head into some semblance of calm. She was real too, human and alive as much as he was. It didn't matter if neither of them were, did it? Darcy and Jacob were there and that meant everything to him. "Sorry. Kind of... freaking out. I'll be better later, we can... we can talk about some stuff. Jesus, this is still insane."

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yesidid
2018-06-25 10:33 pm UTC (link)

"I think I'd be more worried if you weren't." She smiled, setting her feet back flat on the floor. "Come on, there's a store over here." She took one of his elbows so he didn't have to let go of Jacob, who was falling back asleep on his shoulder.

She let him to the store where she picked up a variety of drinks, some simple food for them and see cereal for Jacob. Enough for a day or two in case they didn't want to go back out. Once stocked up she led them to an apartment that was in the same area as where she usually lived but empty and let them in.

"It won't be much, all of our stuff is in the other one, but it'll be calm, and just us." She told him, as they stepped inside.

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not_theotherguy
2018-06-29 07:19 pm UTC (link)

There was no way in hell that any man, monster or alien beside was going to take his sleeping son out of his arms. Bruce hadn't had nearly enough time to get over the initial shock of being back, let alone the fact that his family was still here safe. Jacob was going to be in his arms for hours. Darcy seemed to understand and she led him by his elbow into a store,

He was quiet throughout all of it, fighting away the images of people falling to the ground as dust. Bruce squeezed his boy tight in his arms, focussing on the here and now. What else could they have done or do anymore? Thanos won.

The apartment was a welcome relief from the open hallways and it felt more secluded and secure, calmer enough for him to relax a little. It was irrational behaviour but that was all he had to fall back on.

"Calm's good," he whispered, not wanting to wake Jacob. "I like calm."

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yesidid
2018-06-29 10:05 pm UTC (link)

“We’ve been staying with Steve and Bucky, and Dean, and all of their kids, and their kids.” she rattled off a little bit, not wanting to take her eyes off him more than a moment, even while she tried to get some of the food put away. She got him a bottle of water and some kind of flatbread that she liked. She wasn’t sure how hungry he’d be or how much he’d actually want to eat but thought it might be simple enough to appeal even if he didn’t.

“It’s been...I liked having people around but it’s a lot sometimes. That’s why we were out in the hall.” It was so strange, to be having this conversation like it was just another night but she didn’t want to freak out. Jacob didn’t need that, Bruce certainly didn’t need it. She’d have time to have her reaction later, she wanted to take care of them now.

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not_theotherguy
2018-06-29 10:11 pm UTC (link)

They had grankids already? Bruce wondered for a moment how long it had been but then remembered that the island had liked to play with timelines too and figured maybe a spacestation would be the same deal. He needed to get some semblance of his vocabulary back in order to not sound like a blithering idiot for his wife.

"I'm sorry it's been hard," he said quietly, listening to the undercurrent of her words. "You shouldn't have to have gone through all this change. It's not fair on either of you." Bruce rubbed Jacob's back softly as he slept. "I wish I could have changed something."

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yesidid
2018-06-29 10:32 pm UTC (link)

Darcy was in the process of setting his food on the table in front of the couch when he spoke and she reached up quickly to cover Bruce's mouth.

“Don't wish for anything.” she warned softly. “Steven, the one who used to be a little boy here, he almost died from a wish last month.” She sighed softly and rest her head on his shoulder, positioning herself to almost bracket Jacob between them.

“I missed you. I hated every minute of it. But I don't blame you Bruce, I know you'd never do that to us if you could help it.” She murmured. There was no point in lying, trying to tell him that everything had been fine, but she was just so happy to have him back that it almost didn't matter anymore. She worked her arms around him. “Do it again though and I will find you and you won't be happy about it.” There was no actual malice in her voice as she hugged him a little tighter.

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not_theotherguy
2018-06-30 09:30 pm UTC (link)

Right, the W-word. He had forgotten about that whole debacle with Isabel and her powers, and the island taking advantage of literal things. It was like he'd forgotten how to live in this... dimension. How many people had disappeared, come back, disappeared again? He could have missed entire generations in the blink of an eye.

"Sorry. I think I forgot most of the rules about this place. The only thing I would think about was you and Jacob," he replied quietly, feeling drained. "I need to get my head around all this or I'm not gonna be any use to anyone."

Her not blaming him didn't seem to actually help, and in fact made him feel worse. She should resent him for disappearing, right? Being kind to him felt undeserved. He did smile when she reamed him out jokingly before he sank into her hug. He was so tired.

"I love you two more than everything."

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yesidid
2018-07-01 02:55 pm UTC (link)

"It'll come back to you." She reached up to toy with the hair at the back of his neck. It was dirty, and bits had stuck to his skin from sweat but she couldn't really care.

"We love you too." she whispered, kissing his jaw. "But you should sit, eat. Get some rest." she told him, detangling herself a little bit so she could brush some dust off his cheek and push his hair out of his face.

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not_theotherguy
2018-07-02 08:45 pm UTC (link)

"I hope so," Bruce whispered, without trying to sound broken and failing miserably. All he wanted was for her to wrap her arms around him and tell him that Thanos wasn't his fault, that they hadn't been left behind. It was a pipe dream, wasn't it? He didn't deserve a loving wife, a healthy, happy kid, not when families were broken and scrambling, screaming for each other back on earth.

Bruce had to shut his eyes for a second, focusing on Jacob breathing steadily in his arms. "I don't... don't know if I'll be able to sleep, Darce."

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yesidid
2018-07-02 08:56 pm UTC (link)

She could hear it in his voice. See it in the way he clutched their son. Something had happened. Something big. And she didn't know what to. The was likely nothing she could do, but she wouldn't know until he felt like he could tell her.

"Didn't say you had to." she told him softly, "Just rest. Sit, have your water, watch him sleep for a while." Heaven knows she'd had plenty of sleepless nights doing just that herself. "Just...try and breath for a minute. For me." She didn't say it but all she could hear in the back of her mind was that little, nagging voice telling her that she was going to lose him again. That he would be back but so broken that he'd just disappear again before her eyes. That she wasn't enough to keep him and she'd lose him all over again, not to the island or the station or whoever was in charge of them but to his own mind and the wills of someone with nothing left.

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not_theotherguy
2018-07-02 09:04 pm UTC (link)

He knew that she was right, intellectually speaking. Logically, he had to sleep and eat, be a good father and a good husband, love his family, make something of his PhDs, because what else was there now? It didn't stop him from feeling like there was a huge weight of the dead on his shoulders, on all of his teammates' shoulders weighing them down. He didn't even know if they were still here, let alone if they remembered.

"You're right," he said eventually, half to appease her. "It's just... it's like I'm walking around in my memories, Darcy. When I think about what I saw, that seems like... Hell." Bruce swallowed thickly. "What do I do?"

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yesidid
2018-07-02 09:32 pm UTC (link)

Her heart broke all over as she looked up to him. He looked so tired and lost and hurt and she couldn't make it better.

"I...don't know." she admit softly, her voice a little weak, closing her eyes and leaning in to him again. "Maybe find someone to talk to." she suggested. She didn't think it would be her, but maybe having someone else to talk to about whatever it was he'd done since leaving here, maybe it could help.

"Thor is here." she told him, "He's...asleep now but he knew more about you back..there. About Sakaar and the Hulk and saving Asgard." Darcy was pretty sure this wasn't what Bruce had come from, but maybe it was close enough that Thor could help him.

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not_theotherguy
2018-07-02 09:52 pm UTC (link)

Darcy had no idea. He'd forgotten about Asgard, about half those people dying painful deaths, about the Hulk. He remembered all of it because Hulk had let him see, to pass on the message to Dr Strange and Wong, to find Tony and get some damn help. "Maybe," Bruce muttered quietly, reluctantly. He felt exhausted still, even though he knew sleep was far away. He could pretend for a while.

"Sleep, eat or shower first?" he asked. It was easier to do what she said to do right now. Decisions were bad things.

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yesidid
2018-07-02 10:21 pm UTC (link)

Darcy could tell she wasn't helping, but she didn't know what else to do. Bruce was here! He was finally back and she'd gotten her wish but she couldn't help him. She kept her eyes shut tight for a few more seconds to make sure they wouldn't be wet when she opened them to look back up to him.

"Eat, shower, sleep." she told him, "Or shower, eat, sleep if you can stand to put him down." She brushed her finger's through Jacob's wispy curls.

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not_theotherguy
2018-07-02 11:00 pm UTC (link)

It amazed him how much Darcy's voice could hit a calming button deep in his soul. Bruce felt a tiny bit better with every word of kindness she said, even though it would take a long time for him to be able to talk about what happened with anyone. He knew her well enough to know that she was trying not to cry, and he hated that.

"Shower, I think. I feel... dirty..." he mumbled, giving Jacob a squeeze before getting up. "Where can I put him down? I don't wanna wake him."

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yesidid
2018-07-02 11:55 pm UTC (link)

"Do you want to be alone in there?" She asked, really not sure what the answer would be. She was sure he wouldn't actually want her in the shower with him but wasn't sure if he'd want to be in the room by himself or not. "And be honest." The last thing she wanted was for him to wish he could have some time on his ownbut feel like he needed to let her be there.

"I can hold him, or I can put him down." She offered.

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not_theotherguy
2018-07-07 07:45 am UTC (link)

"I don't know..." he replied, both wanting some space and for her to be there so he could make sure she didn't float away into dust as well. Bruce knew that if she or Jacob ever had that happen, he would break and would be lost forever. "Maybe just... keep me company? Talk to me?" he asked, hoping she wouldn't feel so put out by his need for space and closeness simultaneously.

Bruce thought for a moment, reluctant to do either, frankly, but decided that Jacob was safer with his mother and made to pass him over to her arms.

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yesidid
2018-07-07 04:38 pm UTC (link)

"I can do that." Darcy nodded, taking Jacob in to her arms and letting him settle in to her chest before she led them in to the bathroom. She pushed open the door with her foot and held Jacob with one arm while she pulled two towels out of a cabinet on one wall with the other. The first she handed to Bruce, the second she dropped on to the floor next to the shower before carefully sitting down on it. It took her a minute to get settled, leaning back against the wall and letting Jacob sprawl on her chest so she didn't have to really hold him up, but once she was comfortable she looked up to Bruce again.

"This okay?" she asked, figuring it was the best option. She'd be close enough that he could hear her easily over the water without either of them having to talk so loud that they'd wake the baby.

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