Entry tags:

!open, darcy lewis

Who: Darcy and Jacob and Open
Where: Station Window
What: Father's Day Sads
When: late Sunday
Rating: TBD
Open: Yes

Darcy was sitting with her legs crossed on the floor, eyes fixed out the large window in front of her. Jacob was sleeping on his belly, with a stuffed toy under his head, a few feet away, his nose practically up against the glass. She’d brought him out here when he was fussing at bedtime, not wanting to keep the other kids awake with his crying. It hadn’t taken long for him to fall asleep once he had the stars and planets around them to distract him. But Darcy wasn’t ready to move yet. The floor wasn’t particularly comfortable, but the hallway was empty. Quiet. There wasn’t a lot of quiet in the Rogers-Winchester-Banner apartment, unless she stay up far later than she should. Usually she liked that about the place, it kept her occupied, distracted. Just like she’d used this big window to distract her son from whatever it was upsetting him, by staying busy she felt like she could hide away from the bad feelings that lurked at the back of her mind. But still, sometimes she liked the quiet.

Things were getting better, she didn’t cry as much, didn’t withdraw as much. But sometimes, sometimes it was still hard. She tucked her knees up under her chin and wrapped her arms around them. She glanced to Jacob and stared out the window again.

“I miss you.” she murmured in to the silence. “I know you’re okay. I know you’re happy. And I know you don’t remember any of this. But I miss you.” Her thoughts felt incredibly selfish to her then, knowing she wanted him there instead of where he was. Wishing that she could have him again, even if it meant ripping him from his home, from a place where he seemed to be doing better. She sighed and closed her eyes, trying not to dwell too much on those thoughts.