InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I love you"

Lily Evans (just_lily) wrote in silverage,
@ 2011-08-08 19:29:00

Entry tags:

!log, lily evans, sirius black

Misery
Who: Lily, Sirius
What: Sulking, reflecting, generally being angsty
When: Monday night
Where: her room in the Welcome Center
Rating: Lowish
Status: Complete

Well, that had gone all to hell, but she wasn't sure what else she'd been expecting. She'd forgotten she'd never told Sirius that Severus was here, and she had no idea if Remus had or not. Still, if she never had a conversation like that ever again it would be too soon.

She'd made good on her promise not to come back, and on the one of taking a walk. She'd stalked aimlessly around the city until she'd burned off the worst of her rage -- though that rage was actually a combination of several other emotions that were most easily expressed as rage. She was pissed at both of them, and at herself, because she really hadn't meant to unleash the news like that. She'd thought about tearing the note down afterward, but had instead opted to leave it where it was. If nothing else, Remus could read it and have an idea of why everyone was in the moods and places they were.

After stopping to eat at a diner, she assessed her mental state to ensure she was more or less sound before heading back to her room. Not quite there yet, she ordered a second round of desert and nursed that for a bit longer. After that, she was just tired, and she still had four more days of work ahead of her.

She had no idea where she stood with them, and she hated being on shaky ground. She reasoned Sirius would be around eventually and they'd apologize and everything would be all right again. This wasn't the first time they'd done this to each other, and Lily knew it wouldn't be the last. They were both entirely too hot-headed to engage in discussions. They fought. The only reason she wasn't sporting any bruises or burns right now was because they'd been separated by two blocks and several buildings. Otherwise, she had no doubt they would've had their wands out on each other.

Severus though ... she didn't know. He'd seemed softer at the end of it, but she still had no idea what decision she was being accused of. Living with Sirius? She couldn't be friends with both of them? Not that she imagined she was friends with Severus, but she'd hoped things would go in that direction. Now, she had no idea if that was a dead horse or just an extremely lame one. Was there a hope of it, or not so long as Sirius was around? She didn't think there were any plans to change their intended living arrangements, but she guessed she'd see what Sirius had to say about that.

When Lily finally made it back to the welcome center, exhausted and drained, she trudged up to her room. She flicked her wand out to check and make sure Sirius wasn't inside before she let herself in. She dropped her bag by the door and made it as far as the couch before she flopped down. She stared vacantly at the ceiling and sighed. She made a mental list of things she had to do, and she promised herself she'd get up and do those things. Soon. In a moment. She just needed to lay here and do nothing for a bit.

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the_grim
2011-08-09 04:44 am UTC (link)

Sirius tried to recall how long it usually took Lily to calm down when she was this age. He forgot sometimes that she was younger ... not that those three years suddenly stopped them from arguing, but still. He knew he'd gone about it the wrong way, but he was just baffled that she would want to spend any time at all with Snape, let alone go to the bastard's place by herself.

He also knew that he was being even more over protective than he usually was, but it had only been a few days since he'd seen her dead. He thought he was entitled to a little protectiveness.

After spending some time with Remus and cooling down himself, he left his friend's room to head back to Lily's. If she wasn't ready to forgive him, he would spend the night with Moony, but he hoped she had at least calmed down enough that this visit didn't end with them hexing each other.

As he walked through the hallway, he glanced around and behind him to ensure he was alone and then shifted into a large black down. Shaking out his fur, he padded the rest of the way to Lily's room and then sat down in front of the door. He barked once, sharply, and then let out a long, mournful howl. Honestly, who could stay mad at an over-sized, apologetic dog?

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just_lily
2011-08-09 04:51 am UTC (link)

Lily jerked slightly at the bark, and rolled her eyes at the howl. She wasn't surprised he'd made his way up here, and she hadn't even managed to get off the couch yet. It wasn't really fair to yell at him when he couldn't yell back, but she wasn't completely certain she was ready to play nice with him.

"Unless you've learned how to bark apologies, I'm not interested," she called through the door. Well, she called vaguely in the direction of the door. She was sure he heard it, either way.

Lily fished her wand out of her shirt and flicked it toward the door to unlock it -- but not open it. Maybe she'd see if he'd worked out how to mouth open a door with a knob. It wouldn't surprise her if he had. She figured she should sit up and attempt to deal with this, but laying right where she was worked just fine for her. Maybe she'd wind up just ... falling asleep here.

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the_grim
2011-08-09 08:30 pm UTC (link)

Padfoot huffed out a breath when she unlocked the door, but didn't open it. He sat there for a moment, just in case she was making him wait, but since patience wasn't something he had an abundance of, he concluded quickly enough that he was going to have to open the door on his own.

Which completely ruined his cute dog entrance, but whatever. At least she'd unlocked it.

Of course, he also considered staying right where he was and howling until she gave in and opened the door herself, but that seemed counter productive to his goal.

After a glance up and down the hall to make sure he was still alone, he turned back into himself, disinclined to paw at or slobber all over the door handle. Letting himself in, he closed it behind himself and moved to the couch, gazing down at her with an arched brow. "Honestly, Evans, what if that had been some poor starving dog out there?"

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just_lily
2011-08-10 12:34 am UTC (link)

“Then someone in a better mood would have taken pity on it. Or thrown it outside.” She pointed her wand at him and very seriously considered hexing him on principle, but she really didn’t have the energy for it.

Laying on the couch, otherwise unmoving, she watched him. “Thought you would have gotten your own room before I’d see you here again,” she said as she rested her wand across her middle, though she still didn’t release her grip on it.

While she wasn’t interested in revisiting the matter that had started this, she reasoned it would come up. “Did you manage to find anything to eat?” Not that she planned on getting or making him anything, but it was a place to bring the conversation that wasn’t to their notes. She twirled her wand between her fingertips, her lips pursing slightly before she fixed her cool emerald eyes on him.

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the_grim
2011-08-10 01:57 am UTC (link)

Sirius raised his brows, his body tensing when she pointed her wand at him. He didn’t pull his own at this point since he imagined that really would get them hexing each other and he would really rather avoid that. He relaxed some when she let her wand rest across her stomach, but he knew he wasn’t out of the woods.

“Haven’t eaten yet. I went to Remus’ for a bit and then came here,” he explained, moving to take a seat in one of the chairs. Resting his hands on his thighs, he huffed out a sigh and figured he’d rather get this over with than dance around it, being cool to each other.

“I shouldn’t have acted like I could tell you what to do. I was just blindsided,” and he had known it would piss her off, but he truthfully couldn’t understand why she would even want to spend time with Snape and did worry that she was in danger in his slimy company. It made him wonder if she’d ever tried to rekindle her friendship with Snape back home and he’d just never been aware of it.

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just_lily
2011-08-10 02:04 am UTC (link)

"I meant to tell you," she said. "It ... just between everything else, it slipped my mind." It was funny how they could apologize to one another without actually ever saying sorry. She wasn't sure where she'd picked up that habit with him, but there it was.

"Then I meant to tell you he was teaching me wandless magic," she confessed. "But ... again, with everything else, it ... didn't come up and he and I didn't have a chance to get together again, and ... now that's all shot to hell so it's a moot point anyway." Her lips pursed in annoyance before she looked away.

"Anyway. Like I said. If he'd wanted to do anything, he had his chance. I know you don't understand it, but he and I were best friends once." She often wondered where they would have gone, if not for that epic disaster at the end of their fifth year. If he hadn't said it. If she'd forgiven him when he apologized. But she'd been hurt, and she'd finally had to face what he was becoming. The path he'd chosen. That was how she'd seen it, at any rate.

Lily clenched her jaw and shoved those thoughts away. They'd just make her sad and angry and she didn't need to be that right now. She'd had a shitty day and she wasn't interested in adding old pain to it as well.

"There's some crisps in the cabinet," she offered since he hadn't eaten, though he was also capable of picking up a phone and ordering take-away if he wanted.

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the_grim
2011-08-11 04:44 am UTC (link)

He tilted his head back against the chair, gazing up at the ceiling. He knew -- logically he knew -- that he reacted to anything involving Snape a hundred times worse than if it was someone else. However, he didn't think he was completely out of line to question whether or not it was a good idea for her to spend time with him. Former best friend or not, Snape was bad news and she had cut ties with him for a reason. Sirius was of the mind that those ties shouldn't be repaired.

"I don't understand it," he muttered after a brief moment of closing his eyes. Pete was one of his best mates, but there was no way he could be in the same room with him now without trying to murder the traitor. Okay, so Snape hadn't (to his knowledge) gotten any of her friends killed, but who knew what he was really doing in his spare time.

"But I don't have it in me to argue anymore," he admitted, sounding tired. He lifted his head to regard her, sighing heavily. It was an effort not to launch into why he didn't think she should trust Snape, even though he didn't even want to get into it.

"How old is he, anyway?" He asked instead, pushing himself up and out of the chair to fetch the crisps.

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just_lily
2011-08-11 04:51 am UTC (link)

"I don't expect you to," she said, and she didn't. She didn't expect anyone to see the world in quite the same way that she did, or to see the people she cared about through her eyes. "But understand it or not, you'll have to get used to my decisions in the matter. You don't have to like them, but they are my decisions to make, and if it turns out you were right, then you have grounds to play the 'I told you so' card to your hearts content."

Lily watched as he rose and she shook her head. "I didn't ask, but ... my age, or thereabouts. He didn't look that different than he did the last day of school." He wasn't as old as Sirius, at any rate, or he'd likely have heard about her death and Voldemort's temporary defeat.

She finally did manage to get herself up off the couch if only because that was where Sirius was staying the night (though she guessed he could be a dog and sleep wherever, and for all she knew, he did) and because she had to shower and make her way to her own bed, eventually. She moved to settle into the chair for now, curling her legs up in it.

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the_grim
2011-08-12 03:31 am UTC (link)

Sirius rolled his eyes while his back was to her as he grabbed the crisps out of the cabinet. Mentally, he weighed the pros and cons of arguing this tonight and if he wasn't completely emotionally exhausted, he definitely would have. He wasn't sure she totally understood his side of it, but then again, maybe he didn't actually have a leg to stand on except for the one he made up in his head.

"I just don't want you to end up dead. Again," he murmured as he took over the couch since she abandoned it. He kicked out of his shoes and then offered her the crisps in case she was inclined.

"But I'll try not to be a prick about it. Just... try to cut me a little extra slack for a bit, yeah?" It was still really fresh in his mind and he couldn't help but worry. Maybe if Snape wasn't that old, he wasn't as bad as he could be. He didn't really know Snape's timeline and what exactly the git was getting up to when he was fresh out of school.

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just_lily
2011-08-12 03:36 am UTC (link)

"I don't think he'd kill me. Or let me die." If the notes had been true, and she wasn't honestly sure -- but he had no reason to lie about trying to save her -- then she didn't think Severus was any danger to her. The only danger would be getting caught in the crossfire if Sirius provoked him.

She could also understand Sirius' stance on the matter. She wondered a little if James had never started in on Severus if he even would have reached Sirius' radar.

It was, she decided, nothing she wanted to think about tonight. Or ever, but she had no doubt it would come up again and again as long as she kept in contact with both of them.

"Having any luck on the job front?" She asked. It was a blatant conversation change, and she trusted him to get the message: conversation over.

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the_grim
2011-08-13 06:20 am UTC (link)

He shook his head, frustrated that she seemed to be under the impression that just because she thought something about Severus, that made it true. Well, he'd thought that Pete was going to keep their secret. Lot of good thinking did. Since the whole point of coming back here tonight was to patch things up and not to get into another fight ten minutes after their unspoken apology, he clenched his jaw as he held back the words.

Maybe he'd bring it up tomorrow when it wasn't so fresh or in a couple days when he had another fight in him. Anyway, she was so damn stubborn, he'd probably argue her right into Snape's clutches if he pushed at it any more tonight.

It was also difficult not to want to get the last word. Even if he'd been about to change the subject himself, the fact that she did it was annoying. So while he fought valiantly to be a grown up in this situation, he was quiet a little longer than her question actually warranted before managing to answer.

"Found a place that fixes up cars. Thought I might give that a go. It's about the only useful Muggle skill I've got."

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just_lily
2011-08-13 06:26 am UTC (link)

"Cars," she repeated. She'd known about the bike, and she supposed it wasn't such a stretch to graduate up to cars. So she nodded. "You should look into that, then," she encouraged. They certainly couldn't afford a place if she was the only one working, and she was very interested in affording a nice place.

Or making them share a room. Honestly, she could go either way there, but she really was a little concerned about the matter of them bringing home overnight guests. Not that she imagined it was an immediate concern, but it was likely to be an eventual one (at least for Sirius), if they were stuck here long enough.

The longer she was here, the less likely she thought it was they'd get home. "What about ... deliveries? Paper deliveries or take-away. If working on cars doesn't pan out, maybe driving one will." Granted, therein came the issue of acquiring one, but ... well, he could start with a motorbike maybe and work up from there.

"We'll find something," she said as she rested her cheek on her crossed arms, her eyes closing. She should shower, and go to bed she knew, but the idea of moving was exhausting.

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the_grim
2011-08-13 06:58 am UTC (link)

"Cars," Sirius echoed. If he had a choice, he'd rather only work on bikes, but he hadn't found a place that specialized. Maybe one existed and he just hadn't spotted it yet. "Lots of metal. Four wheels. You've seen them. You know they drive on the wrong side of the road here?"

He considered the delivery idea and supposed it would do in a pinch. It wasn't his first choice, however. He wasn't sure he'd have the privilege of being choosy for too long, but he'd see.

"If you're going to fall asleep there, I'm going to go sleep in your bed," he threatened. He would, too ... well, maybe not tonight when she still might be inclined to hex him.

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just_lily
2011-08-13 07:05 am UTC (link)

"Oi, smartass. You aren't out of the doghouse yet. I'd mind your barks if I were you. And it's not wrong, it's just ... different." Though it did seem wrong to her as well.

Lily sighed and managed to unwind herself from the chair, gaining her feet slowly. "You would not. You'd be scared of what I'd do to you in your sleep. You can have the couch, bad dog."

She rolled her shoulders and stretched, and was glad she'd eaten earlier. She thought she'd just try to get up early and shower before work; she was too drained to manage it now. "See you in the morning, yeah?" If she was lucky ... there'd be some word in the morning that James had arrived. She just ... didn't think they were that lucky.

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the_grim
2011-08-13 07:39 pm UTC (link)

"Am I ever out of the doghouse?" Sirius asked doubtfully, a little smile briefly curving his lips. He watched her slowly manage to stand up as if he wasn't sure she was actually going to make it.

Curious what she would really do to him if he was sleeping in her bed, he thought maybe he'd curl up there as a dog some evening before she got home from work.

"Sleep well, Evans."

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just_lily
2011-08-13 08:00 pm UTC (link)

Lily gave him a look that told him just what she thought of that question before she shook her head slightly. "Every once in a while," she amended before she lifted her hand in a wave tot head off to her room. She'd sleep, and surely things would look better in the morning.

She did manage to strip out of her clothes before she flopped down into her bed, her eyes closing as soon as she hit the pillow. Today had been exhausting; tomorrow couldn't be any worse.

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