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The Tenth Doctor (lonely_god) wrote in silverage,
@ 2011-07-26 16:17:00

Entry tags:

!log, 10th doctor, rose tyler

Who: Rose Tyler and the Tenth Doctor
When: July 26, after this
Where: The TARDIS, parked just next to the Welcome Center
What: The Doctor and Rose are reunited, though it's not quite in the right order.
Rating: TBD, probably low
Status: Closed, In progress

Rose was here. Rose was here and she was coming to see him. Rose was here. The Doctor knew he was taking a huge risk, meeting with her now, when she didn't know him, not as this him, not yet. He knew that there was a chance she was not going to react well to the fact that he wasn't her Doctor, not yet. She hadn't been willing to accept his tenth incarnation at first. She hadn't understood. Would it be the same this time? He wasn't certain, and while he certainly cared, he couldn't help but be excited in spite of himself. He had another chance to see her. Another chance to be with her, even if it was only as friends. How could he stay away from that opportunity? How, after everything that had happened?

The TARDIS shuddered as she materialized beside the Welcome Center. She still wasn't happy with the current situation, but she'd acclimated somewhat. The Doctor could tell. Simple jumps from one side of the city to the other had become easier for her, though she was still trapped, still unable to move outside a small area or to move through time. He found himself fiddling with the controls even after she'd settled. He was nervous, he realized. There was a chance that Rose wouldn't accept him. There was a chance that he would frighten her. There were so many things that could go wrong. He briefly entertained the idea of running away, again, but pulled his hands back from the controls before he could. He'd told Rose that they needed to talk. He wasn't going to leave her to wonder. Not this time.

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pinkandyellow
2011-07-26 10:01 pm UTC (link)

Rose left her neighbor, Mrs. O'Hara with a great big hug, officially forgiving her for any unintentional panic the woman may have caused earlier. She had even thought to get a cab, something Rose had forgotten in her excitement to get out the door. She would have to find an explanation to the whole thing that would suit her later. Something that didn't involve aliens and space travel or, as Mrs. O'Hara clearly thought, suitors. But all of that could wait.

The Doctor was here. Finally. The thought was on repeat in her head, overwhelming everything else. There was a part of her that realized that things were probably really very bad if the TARDIS was stuck. Worse than she had originally thought anyway. And something was off, apart from the whole being stuck in 1964 thing. And she still didn't get why he hadn't contacted her before even if it had been another him. But he was here. And for now, that was all that really mattered.

It seemed to take the cab forever to get to the Welcome Center, even with her attempts to encourage speedier driving, and she had to double back to pay the poor man, but finally she rounded the corner to a welcome sight. The TARDIS. The ache of worry and fear and bitterness she had been carrying around for the past four months faded away. Home.

“Boy is this place a sight for sore eyes,” announced Rose as she bounded in, a grin on her face as she looked about, happy to find that it was exactly as she left it. “I mean, I know that I said the sixties might be . . .” Except for that. She trailed off and did a turn. But the Doctor wasn't there. She frowned, having not really expected to do this with company about. “What's he in the kitchen?”

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lonely_god
2011-07-27 12:46 am UTC (link)

The Doctor had expected something like this. He'd known there was a possibility that Rose hadn't been told what he looked like this time around, that perhaps she was still unaware that he could change his face. He hoped that this time around, the explanation would go over better than it had when he'd first changed. Then again, back then he'd had the advantage of changing right in front of her. That had certainly made it easier to argue that he was in fact the Doctor, and not some sort of impostor.

Oh, how he wished now that he'd thought this through more thoroughly. Only, he'd been so anxious to see her, and he'd already waited nearly a week to seek her out. Well, there was no help for it now. He'd started down the path already. He'd have to walk it to its end.

Stepping away from the console and straightening, he composed himself and said, "It's me, Rose. I'm him." There was no gentle way to break the news to her, not really. This was the best that he could do, and hope that she would be willing to listen long enough to be convinced he was telling the truth.

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pinkandyellow
2011-07-27 02:01 am UTC (link)

She stared blankly at him trying to comprehend what exactly he was trying to tell her. “I don't understand. Who are you supposed to be?” She was supposed to know him. But she didn't. Who did he think she was looking for? And what was the Doctor playing at, anyway? Where was he? This was not like him. And the only other explanation was .. . but that wasn't possible. She backed up a step, staggering slightly as all the conversations she had with his companions filled her mind. The bow ties. She had just thought he had finally gotten around to updating his look. She hadn't thought much of it at the time, but Donna had specifically asked her what he had looked like.

It was just . . . absurd. She was being absurd. They were having her on. A joke. Or an imposter. Or something. She didn't know. She just had to find him. “Doctor,” she called, the word catching slightly in her throat. She'd have to try this again. A bit firmer this time. “Where is he?”

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lonely_god
2011-07-27 02:08 am UTC (link)

"It's me, Rose," the Doctor repeated gently. "I'm him."

Perhaps he should have gone about this a different way. Perhaps he should have prepared more. Though, what could he have done? Changed back into the leather jacket and jumper and dark pants and boots he'd worn as his ninth self? Why? It wouldn't have proven anything except his ability to find the wardrobe and get dressed. Prepared a video record of events inside the TARDIS so he could show Rose what had happened? That would have been even more cruel than having to tell her that he was going to change, in her future. That he had already changed, in his past. No. It was far better to come at the problem head-on, as he'd done before and was doing now. She deserved the truth.

"I know this is difficult. I know you wanted me to be ... well, him. The other me. The same Doctor you first met, with the daft big ears and Northern accent and short hair and the U-boat captain look. I'm sorry, Rose, but I'm not him. Not anymore. And I can't change back."

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pinkandyellow
2011-07-27 03:15 am UTC (link)

Difficult? It was so many other things than just difficult. And Rose could feel every worry that she had tried to squash over the past four months begin to bubble up. It had taken her so long to just admit that she had gotten pulled here on her own. To just stop thinking that the Doctor and Jack weren't being held hostage somewhere in New York City or that just because she was stuck didn't mean they were off getting into dangerous situations that they couldn't get out of. They had each other. They would be fine. And she managed, telling herself that they would find a way through whatever was blocking the city from the rest of the world, that she would see them again, and her mother, and everything would be fine.

It wasn't fine. Apparently the Doctor was here. But he wasn't. And she didn't understand how he had done it or how it was possible, but she had a pretty good idea as to why. What she had tried so desperately to just not think about. “He can't.” She closed her eyes in the effort to stop the tears. She couldn't even think the word. Doing so just sounded too final. "He just can't."

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lonely_god
2011-07-27 03:27 am UTC (link)

The sight of her tears broke the Doctor's hearts all over again. He shouldn't have done this. He should have left well enough alone. He should have left Rose to believe that his other self, his earlier self, was coming for her. He should have done so many other things that he hadn't, and instead, he'd let his own desires overrule all common sense and placed himself before everyone else.

"I'm sorry," he found himself saying. "I'm so sorry. If I could ... I would change. I would. I'd change everything. This place, the fact that we're both here ... Rose. This isn't supposed to happen. You're never supposed to be pulled to New York in the 1960s. I'm sorry, Rose. I am. I was an old fool. A selfish old fool. I just ... I wanted to see you."

He was babbling. Again. He really did have to do something about that. No wonder she had thought he'd been into the coffee. The trouble was, he didn't know how else to respond. He couldn't let her think that he'd wanted this, wanted to hurt her. That was the last thing he had wanted. The last thing he would ever want.

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pinkandyellow
2011-07-27 05:21 pm UTC (link)

There were so many questions floating through her mind. If she wasn't supposed to be in New York, than what was supposed to have happened? What happened that he had to change? How did he do it? Did he just find a body to switch into? Could he make it so she could call her mother? Her good, old reliable mother. She could imagine it. She would answer the phone, barely letting Rose get a hello out before she was rambling on about something completely mundane that had happened. It would be as if nothing had changed. She so wanted that right now.

Something between the beginning and the end made Rose pause though. He was blaming himself, she realized. It was something that she had seen the Doctor do so many times. The guilt he carried around that she had tried so hard no to add to. Even when she had thought they were going to die in that old basement or when she had been trapped underground with the Dalek. It was like a punch to the stomach. She could hear it there, even if he was usually a lot less wordy about it.

“Oh my God,” she breathed. “It's really you. You're him. You're. . .” Rose swallowed. “The Doctor.” She felt lost. Everything was just wrong. So, so wrong. She opened her eyes to look at him, thinking maybe she would find something else that hadn't completely disappeared. But save for the fact that they were standing in the TARDIS, everything was different as far as she could tell. Even the accent had changed. She looked at him helplessly. “But how?”

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lonely_god
2011-07-27 06:29 pm UTC (link)

"Satellite Five." The answer was out before he could stop it. He shoved his hands in his pockets and hung his head, looking for all the world like a schoolboy who'd been caught in the wrong and was genuinely sorry for it. "After the Jagrafess was destroyed, the Daleks moved in. They made the Earth their own for a while, in secret, until someone on the inside manipulated events to pull us into them. We won, but ... there was a cost." There was always a cost. How he could ever forget that, he didn't know, but forget he did, as he had this time. Somehow, though, he'd been lucky enough to come across someone like Rose, someone who gave him chance after chance when he didn't deserve it, just as she was doing now.

"I absorbed the energy of the time vortex, and that's fatal, even for a Time Lord. I had to change to save myself. It's called regeneration. Time Lords sort of ... rewrite our biology at a cellular level. New arms, new legs, new face, new everything. Only I'm still me. The important bits are always there. Especially this time." He wasn't sure exactly when he'd fallen in love with Rose, but he thought, sometimes, that it had must have been around the time he regenerated. Why else would he have become someone so perfectly suited to her? Why else would he be so afraid to no longer be this him?

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pinkandyellow
2011-07-27 11:03 pm UTC (link)

That was alarming. “Daleks,” she repeated. Plural. As in more than one. The one had been terrifying enough. They had just barely made it out. And this next time they wouldn't. At least not exactly as they had gone in. Only she wasn't there. Not anymore. She realized suddenly that she should have tried harder to find him. She had just given up because she had run out of places to look. But the Doctor was here now she supposed. And they had the TARDIS. That had to count for something. There had to be something she could do. Then maybe he wouldn't get hurt. Or almost die. Or have to change. They could fix it.

“You said. . . you said this wasn't supposed to happen. I'm not supposed to get stuck here. So things have changed. That could change. We could figure out whatever is going on and fix it and send me back. I could warn him and Jack. We'd be better prepared.”

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	lonely_god 2011-07-27 11:40 pm UTC (link)
	"No. Things haven't changed. Rose ... if they had changed, I wouldn't be here. Neither would Martha or Donna. Not as we are. Satellite Five will still happen. I'll still change. Everything that happens after that ... " He shook his head. "I'm sorry. From what I can tell so far, whatever's happened here isn't going to affect our timelines at all." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pinkandyellow
2011-07-28 05:01 pm UTC (link)

“Oh.” She looked down and fiddled with the hem of her shirt if only because she had no idea what else to say or do. Her mind kept jumping to where she was supposed to be and how, even though she knew the future, she wouldn't be able to make a difference. She mostly understood that the Doctor was alive and okay and right in front of her, but he still felt light years away. She didn't know how to step forward and close the distance.

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	lonely_god 2011-07-28 07:21 pm UTC (link)
	The Doctor took the initiative, crossing the room to gently clasp hands with Rose, just as he had done all those years ago when he'd first changed, and she'd been so uncertain. "It's still me," he promised her. "I'm still your Doctor, Rose Tyler. Always have been." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pinkandyellow
2011-07-28 09:58 pm UTC (link)

She could hear it again. This time in the way he said her name. She just didn't quite see it yet. “I believe you. I do. I just thought . . .” She studied their clasped hands for a moment not quite sure what to make of it. It felt like Platform One all over again. That moment where she had suddenly realized that she had jumped into a box with a man she knew nothing about. Someone who had been unwilling to even tell her where he was from. She had so thought things had changed.

“It's just . . . you're impossible. Absolutely impossible. You should of told me. They kept mentioning bow ties and I kept thinking he'd look absolutely daft in a bow tie. Like an older Pee Wee Herman or somethin'. So maybe I should of figured out something was off earlier. You with your stubborn refusal to change clothes. But who makes a leap like that?” She deflated. Donna had seemed to know that this was a possibility, so why hadn't he trusted her with it. “You should've told me.”

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lonely_god
2011-07-28 10:16 pm UTC (link)

"I should have," he agreed. "I should have, and I didn't. It's not something I like to talk about. It isn't your fault at all, Rose. How could you have known?" The Doctor often neglected to tell his companions in advance about regeneration. Even after the trouble failing to do so had let to with Rose, he still didn't bother to tell Donna or Martha until it seemed a real possibility that he was going to die.

"Please, Rose ... just give me one more chance. Just one," he found himself almost begging of her. He'd been through so much to find her again, and this was his last chance. He felt it at his core. Whatever was going on here, when it was over, he would return to a world where Rose was gone, and the only thing he had to look forward to was being replaced by a new Doctor. Better than death, perhaps, but not at all what he wanted.

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pinkandyellow
2011-07-28 11:48 pm UTC (link)

She nodded. She had no choice but to accept his explanation. It was in the past. Done. And as he continued talking, the bitterness over the past quickly gave way to fear of the future.

The future was quite suddenly terrifying. Not only was something going to happen to the Doctor that would force him to change, but there was the question of what was going to happen to her as well. There was Donna who knew of her but hadn't met her and couldn't quite meet her eyes. And now him, who seemed almost terrified at the thought that she might leave. It had been there all along, she realized, but she had been too hurt and confused to hear it. There was so much she had to work through in her head still, but she couldn't just walk away. Not when he looked at her like that. So she stepped forward, and after a moment's hesitation, wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

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lonely_god
2011-07-28 11:58 pm UTC (link)

Relieved, the Doctor returned the embrace, holding Rose close. "Thank you," he whispered in her ear, his gratitude evident in his voice. How he'd missed this feeling, the knowledge that no matter what, Rose accepted him and cared for him. There was so much comfort to be found in her arms.

"Anything you want to know," he told her, "anything at all ... I'll tell you. Everything. It's going to be all right Rose. I promise. It's going to be fine. You and me ... Oh, it'll be brilliant. Fantastic."

Even though he lost her, even though he'd fallen so very far in her absence, he knew in his heart that she would have an amazing life.

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