EZIO AUDITORE + LEONARDO DA VINCI
S FOR SAD | SADLY COMPLETE
IS IT POSSIBLE TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE YOU AREN’T DATING?
Waking up with two sets of memories was… strange. It was even more strange when one was waking up in an unfamiliar bed. Not the one in Breck, not the one back in Florence, not even the bed he’d had in Atlantis previously. Leonardo allowed himself a few minutes to catch up, to assess the situation and to… breathe. He looked out the windows, walked out of the house, confirmed that they were, in fact, in Atlantis.
He almost wished he was home. Which home, he couldn’t admit to, even privately, but Leonardo spent a good, full minute hunched over the front porch of the house, breathing deep. Memories swarmed his head, from three different places. Married, and to Ezio, no less. With children. His best friend, closer to him than anyone had ever been in the entire world, and someone he had been sure he was in love with for years. Forbidden was a word he’d used to describe Ezio numerous times, to himself.
He didn’t want to call the other place fake, but knowing it had all been removed from them was heartbreaking. That didn’t stop Leonardo from needing to see Ezio, though, to make sure he was well. But he had no idea where to start. The fresh air and walk would do him good regardless, so he set out along the paths, leading to the other side of the pond.
Ezio had been awake and tense for at least an hour. He hadn’t realized it at the time, but Leonardo - Lee - sleeping in the sunroom the last few nights had been setting him back to his true sleeping habits. The ones based on decades as a paranoid assassin and not those of police work and peace and parenting.
Merda. They’d had a life that was utterly incomprehensible to him, and yet when the illusion had started, it had felt right. Stale and stressed marriage that it was, Ezio’s heart had felt full all the same. There’d been no doubt in his mind that the choppy waters would calm and they’d grow old and happy together.
His head spun with a sense of loss and panic that overwhelmed. He hadn’t unpacked a single one of the complicated emotions fighting for attention in his heart, of course. He’d merely stewed the last day in Breckentale, and then every minute since waking back in Atlantis. Stewed and paced the unfamiliar layout of his new “home”. He really hated being moved around like a clueless little pawn.
Still, his anxiety would drive him to madness if he didn’t confirm Leonardo was back as well and unharmed, so he too set out to look for his friend. Even if the thought of seeing him set something wild loose in Ezio’s ribcage. The feeling kicked up again, actually, the moment he caught sight of Leonardo’s aura and altered his course to meet him near the pond.
“Leonardo…Maestro...” Ezio’s mouth felt parched. He swallowed and wet his lips with an anxious sweep of his tongue. “Are you all right?”
Technically, Leonardo hadn’t seen Ezio in longer than just the hour since they’d woken up here. His own mental break had gotten the best of him and he’d vanished for several hours, running off to the woods of Colorado so he could breathe. It hadn’t been his finest moment, and he most certainly owed Ezio an apology. Or an explanation. Or both.
The idea of that made him twitch, the coward that he was. He still had the memories of Ezio’s warm mouth on his, and that would be something that lingered. It was somehow worse knowing that it felt right, coming off of years of wondering what it would be like. “Ah- Of course. I was just coming to find you.” His normally exuberant nature when seeing Ezio again was tempered slightly, and he tucked his hands under his arms. “I’m sorry, for just leaving like I did. It wasn’t fair to you.”
Ezio wasn’t feeling particularly brave himself. If he had been, he wouldn’t have shuffled awkwardly, or crossed his arms, or tucked his hands under his armpits. He never did that. God, why was he doing that?
“You...do not owe me an apology, Leonardo.” The hand thing felt glaringly ridiculous, so he dropped one and shoved the other through his hair. He blew out a breath, but tension still left him looking stiff. There was no good place for his hands. Or his eyes for that matter. He glanced off over the pond. “In essence, we were kidnapped and...manipulated? I don’t know what that was. Or why it was. But I do know it was not your fault.”
“It wasn’t any of our faults,” Leonardo was fine to agree with that, even if he had a lot of science-minded thoughts flowing through his head. Nothing that he voiced outright, though, given their awkward distances and stances. “Still. I’m all right. Physically.” He gave a little humorless laugh, and berated himself silently. Leonardo was usually good for letting things slip by, in making sarcastic jokes even when he was kidnapped and beaten. But humor just couldn’t find it’s way past his lips in this moment.
He blew out his own breath, and looked over to the pond almost in tandem. “I just wanted to check on you. I-” He looked back at Ezio and just moved from foot to foot restlessly. “Don’t really know what to say now. Or do.” It was on the tip of his tongue to say he was sorry again, for that, but somehow knew it wouldn’t go over well.
“I don’t know what to say or do either,” Ezio frowned. Not dwelling on everything that happened would be impossible. Already this morning, he’d marinated in the memory of them kissing in the kitchen and Leonardo’s poor back going out on the way to the bed. How many times had they very nearly done more than kiss? It made his skin feel tight and his pulse pick up even now.
“I hope--” He risked an uncertain glance at Leonardo. “I hope you and I can find our way.” He didn’t say way back, because he wasn’t sure which back he’d want. “We should see about helping investigate why this happened. What it means…” His heart felt heavy as he closed his eyes and sighed. “How strange is it that I cannot help but wonder about our--about Abigail and Nora? Surely they weren’t real, so they are not alone there now….right?”
Leonardo let his eyes close, and gave himself a few seconds to think. He would not let this ruin a twenty year friendship, he could not let this ruin things with someone he valued above all others. The only other time they had been this physically close - proximity, not sexually - had been when Leonardo lived at the villa years before. They had seen each other nearly daily, when either wasn’t traveling. Before that, months would go without anything besides letters, and now it was an overload of Ezio.
Up until this moment, that overload had been a very good thing. He could focus on the science mind of things much easier, though, and Leonardo leveled his gaze on Ezio. “I- Well, there is a theory, it was developed a very long time after our own time but something I thought of a lot back … there. It is the Many-worlds interpretation. Atlantis is it in a nutshell, that people from many worlds, many universes, parallel, alternate, connected and unconnected, exist all at one time on various panes.” Hopefully Ezio was still following along, and Leonardo was fully talking with his hands now. “It is entirely possible we simply inhabited a universe already existing when we were forcefully pushed there, and away from here. That world may continue on as if nothing had happened while we are back here, the same as how time stops in Rome while we are gone.”
Ezio was afraid for a moment that Leonardo would start speaking in genius, but it made sense, his theory. And it calmed a little of the hurt in his heart. He’d never imagined a family for himself, but he’d assumed it would have to happen eventually. Assassins needed to pass on their hereditary skills and as the last of the living Auditore men, he had an obligation to uphold. Still, children had always felt like a distant possibility. Having the memory of two very specific, very loved daughters in his head had made it personal. It had made it feel like he’d failed them. Especially when he was avoiding facing everything else.
“I hope you are right, maestro.” He nodded, glancing away. “No child deserves to be abandoned.” Realizing that sounded especially maudlin, he smiled apologetically. “Forgive me. Do you...Are we…” Deadly assassin, once upon a time lothario, and Ezio Auditore couldn't seem to get through this conversation with his best friend without stammering. There was heat in his cheeks, for God's sake. He huffed a tiny frustrated snort. “Are your new living arrangements bearable?”
It was strange for Leonardo to feel that longing as well, as he'd never expected to have children. If he had previously had the desire, he could have found a tolerable wife no doubt, but with his own upbringing and desires being less than normal for their age, he had always passed on the idea. But now he found himself missing the girls just as much as Ezio did.
Awkwardly, he tucked his hands under his arms again. “It's acceptable, I still wish I could have a workshop.” Small talk with Ezio was miserable. He wanted to pour his heart out instead, but didn't know if he could handle rejection at this point. So Leonardo looked up with pain in his eyes and pursed his lips, “Amico.. I do not know how to separate my two memories yet, and I imagine it's the same for you and many people. I think,” he swallowed a dry lump, “we should stay apart for a while. I am afraid I need distance.”
Ezio had felt the words coming, before they left Leonardo’s mouth, like a terrible precognition. He’d opened his mouth to comment on the desire for a workshop, but only just stayed there with his mouth slightly agape until Leonardo’s request hit him square in the chest. He pressed his lips together in a tight, unhappy line.
“Distance,” he parroted woodenly. “I don’t--” How many ways he could say how much he hated that idea? How terrified it made him? At least a dozen, on the tip of his tongue. But he only sighed quietly and rubbed at the bridge of his nose, where a migraine was forming. His voice came out rough. “Of course, Leonardo. If you think that is best.”
“I-” Leonardo wasn’t sure that was best. He didn’t even know what was the best idea. But he knew that going back to how things were before was going to be difficult, even more so with the instinctive pull to hold hands or reach in for a casual kiss. To act like lovers. Even just now, he wanted to reach out and sooth any wrinkle across Ezio’s face, but knew he had no right.
Even what might have been welcome now wouldn’t be, once things were settled and the memories of Breck were behind them. He knew that he couldn’t compare with-- Shaking his head, Leonardo shifted his weight around nervously. “I don’t know what’s best, Ezio. I have never been more unsure of anything in my life. But I think this is what’s necessary, for now, si.” He began stepping away, just one or two steps. “I’m sorry.”
Leaving Leonardo very often involved a hug and the heartfelt exchange of goodbyes. The space between them now felt like a bottomless chasm. Not that Ezio was a dramatic sort or anything. He reached out anyway, on instinct, and ended up letting his hand fall on the top of the bench seat back next to them. His smile felt forced and awkward and he hated it.
“It’s all right, amico. I understand,” Ezio murmured. It was almost true. He knew why he thought Leonardo was running, and he knew why he was too terrified to chase after him. Still. “Please don’t…just don’t go far, all right? We will set things right. And I am--I have no wish to be here without you.”
Or anywhere, really, his unhelpful mind supplied.
Oh, Ezio. Leonardo’s face searched his best friends, almost longingly. This hurt, for both of them, and he hated every moment of it. The idea of having Ezio so close to him and not reaching out to tell him everything, in quick ramble, was unacceptable. But the other alternative was making himself sick to his stomach with want. He knew from experience that time and space would make it better, he’d been there many times over the decades, but refused to admit to himself that it came right back the second he saw Ezio again.
His face was softer now, “No, I won’t go anywhere.” If he didn’t start walking now, he never would, so Leonardo let himself take a few real steps. “I will see you, amico.”