InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "As if"

The Judges Of Sabra La Tau (sabra_la_iudex) wrote in sabra_la_tau,
@ 2011-09-25 06:14:00

Entry tags:

!days 270-279, !games, adachi emiri, akin iyapo shing kaalnikanjlo, albert de morcerf, amami riku, aoi 'santa' kurashiki, ashikawa mitsuru, chrome dokuro, chrono, danielle 'dani' phantom, edward elric, ermillina 'snow white' curtana, excel, folken fanel, gokudera hayato, hizumi mizushiro, howard link, kanou taisuke, lelouch lamperouge, lenalee lee, lulu, masahiro namiki, maya fey, nabuca, rena ryugu, rokujou miharu, rolo lamperouge, rory pond, shinonome kon, sion astal, takizawa yuta, tazendra, temma, yoi-te, yuffie kisaragi, {d'eon/lia de beaumont}, {doumeki shizuka}, {howell jenkins}, {rapunzel}, ~{the kid}

[Game 163]
Who: Everyone
Where: Arena
When: Day 275, morning
What: A game

[The bleating of goats call you to the arena once again. The statue of a young boy sits on the throne, his chin resting on his hands. There is a simple, wooden raised platform right below the throne that serves as a stage. Decorating the ground in front of the stage are enough cushions and pillows for everyone to sit on. Circling the stage area are simple panels in team colors. On them are three buttons. The Kid sounds tired... bored...]

Let’s be honest today.

[Mingle | Game Start (team posts go here) | Stage | End Game | Memories (Hydra, Pyxis (Cygnus), Cepheus, Lacerta, Orion, Lepus, Apus, Lynx)]

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Re: [Endgame]

copyofaphantom
2011-09-25 05:50 am UTC (link)

Like you can talk! You wouldn't even reach out for my hand the ONE TIME I might have been able to really help someone I care about! I wanted to protect you like you want to protect me and like they want to protect me!

AND THEY DO PROTECT ME!

They protect me from so MUCH! I have NOTHING back home, Tide! Nothing! I have a father who wants to kill me, a cousin who I can't go to, and I DON'T EXIST. I'm a CLONE. I'm a almost two year thirteen year old with the mind of fifteen year old with all the ability to understand things, but having none of the experience so I AVOID PEOPLE unless I can smile like everything is FINE and hope I can con them out of food!

I'm alone and scared and ALL I WANT is to be able to have someone tell me they love me and hold me more than once every near dozen months because I have no where to go!

They protect me by just BEING THERE because as long as they're THERE, I feel like I have the ability to at least BE ABLE TO SMILE!

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] overclocking 2011-09-25 05:57 am UTC (link)
	[Disregarding the first part of that LIKE A BOSS] You live in constant fear that the people around you are going to disappear and you'll be alone again. Why? Didn't you come here to build a better life? When they tell you they'll be there, you should trust them. No one's telling you not to protect them- but you can do it without hurting them, too. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [Endgame]

copyofaphantom
2011-09-25 06:03 am UTC (link)

BECAUSE THEY DO!

The others like me are GONE, because I didn't do a thing to protect them! I let Dad just throw them aside! I could never understand Dad then to get him to see what he was doing to himself! I can't go to Danny because I'm afraid, I'm afraid that it won't work, that I'll cause him to be hurt more, and as much as Dani wanted to, she CAN'T.

And one day, I have to go and I'm terrified I'm going to remember some other reason, something vitally important I need to wish for, and I won't be able to see my family again! Or they'll be eaten by the ground or something worse and then I'll be alone again!

Or something will break them so badly I can't reach them and I don't want that! I'd rather die! I'd rather die and be in that horrible nothingness than bear to lose them, to have them broken or taken away where they can't be happy anymore!

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] overclocking 2011-09-25 06:10 am UTC (link)
	Anyone who's ever cared about someone has feared those things, Razzy. That was your old life and your old world. What happened there won't necessarily happen here. These aren't the same people or circumstances. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] copyofaphantom 2011-09-25 06:13 am UTC (link)
	And if I let them get hurt, then it might happen! I can't...I CAN'T let it happen! I have to protect them! I have to save them! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] overclocking 2011-09-25 06:15 am UTC (link)
	The people here are strong...strong enough to give up who they are in order to pursue their goals. I don't think they would be destroyed as easily as that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] copyofaphantom 2011-09-25 06:19 am UTC (link)
	If that was true, Lacerta wouldn't have taken Persona's offer. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] overclocking 2011-09-25 06:21 am UTC (link)
	...why do you say that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] copyofaphantom 2011-09-25 06:23 am UTC (link)
	Part of it was undoing Mirror's penalties. But what she SAID when she made the offer was because our memories are dangerous. So...so many of them have memories that DO things to them. That hurt and change them and they can't fix it. As soon as we had the ability, Cobra wanted us to jump right into Allen's heart. We almost DID, he talked us into waiting. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] overclocking 2011-09-25 06:25 am UTC (link)
	But with the patronage they can fix it...that's why you accepted. It's just another way of surviving. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] copyofaphantom 2011-09-25 06:26 am UTC (link)
	At the risk of doing more damage. At the risk of dying and being harmed. It's possible to completely destroy a heart. It's HAPPENED. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] overclocking 2011-09-25 06:32 am UTC (link)
	Surviving is a risk in itself. I'm sure you know that. So if they've made it this far, especially in this place, it shows that their will is that strong. You can worry, and you can defend them, but doing it at the cost of yourself isn't necessary- because they can defend themselves, too. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] copyofaphantom 2011-09-25 06:34 am UTC (link)
	And yet they keep dying! They keep dying and I can never help, even when I get power! Even when I get strong! I don't want it! I don't want to be the only one safe, I'm not going to be just a child! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] overclocking 2011-09-25 06:43 am UTC (link)
	You're not just a child, Razzy...but you are too young to be feeling responsible for the wellbeing of everyone around you. In fact, I think anyone would crack under that much pressure, regardless of age. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [Endgame]

copyofaphantom
2011-09-25 06:51 am UTC (link)

Of course they do! They ALL DO! They don't want me to see it, but I DO and this time Mirror was doing it for no specific REASON.

There would be no holding back! There WAS no holding back! If she got Allen or Watanuki or even Aeris, it would have been bad! Horrible! I couldn't...I couldn't! At least whatever she did...I thought...

At least I'm half a being whose MEANT TO BE INSANE! At least I'm half that and it's not a default to being an insane thing that tries to kill everything or WORSE!

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] overclocking 2011-09-25 06:58 am UTC (link)
	[You earned yourself the oddest stricken facial expression at that last bit] [quietly] No...you're definitely not any of those things. And you're right to think few things would be worse. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [Endgame]

copyofaphantom
2011-09-25 07:04 am UTC (link)

... [That face.]

It scares him. That thing he wants to hide away SCARES him and Allen doesn't get scared. But given the chance, he'd throw himself at Mirror before anyone.

Watanuki has already had his heart completely destroyed and Aeris...Aeris keeps HIDING.

And Tsuna...I don't want that on Tsuna, he's managed to be so strong and Fraz is still new and Cobra doesn't want us to see his fears.

Lacerta is so strong and brave and parts of themselves SCARE them. At least...I KNOW I can be not scary. Feramis showed me that, that if I can keep...keep something of my humanity, I can keep from becoming a monster.

I can...

I can avoid having that look you have...I can avoid it being on any of their faces, at least once...

[And she sounds so desperate as she says it. Just once, just once she wants someone to not look so stricken and afraid in front of her. She doesn't want it anymore.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] overclocking 2011-09-25 07:10 am UTC (link)
	[So I guess I'm recently Mirror'd and transparent as hell. THIS IS A REALLY POORLY TIMED CONVERSATION. Nnnnot looking at you anymore.] That...that isn't a burden you can keep from them. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [Endgame]

copyofaphantom
2011-09-25 07:20 am UTC (link)

[And grabs your hand.]

Spirits...don't do evil on their own. They do as they do and it is humans that might make them malicious.

There's malice, but this part...this part that's afraid to hurt them, afraid they'll die, as long as it's this part, this selfless selfish part instead of the part that's afraid and hurt and made, then it's fine. It's not the bad part...

I can...I can make it as painless as I can... [A slightly manic laugh.] Even if it hurts so much, if I don't get mad at them, then it's fine...because then it's just sad and it's not something dangerous, not something scary...isn't that right?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] overclocking 2011-09-25 07:32 am UTC (link)
	[Oh god you are super crazy, HOW DO I EVEN EXPLAIN TO YOU ALL THE REASONS THAT IS NOT FINE] Razzy...no. That's a terrible, dangerous way to think. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [Endgame]

copyofaphantom
2011-09-25 07:39 am UTC (link)

[GHOSTS ARE CRAZY. THIS IS WHY I NEED HUMAN HALF.]

But then I don't get that face! And if I don't get that face, it's not as bad. It's not being afraid of myself, it's not becoming a monster, I'm not like dad and become something that never SEES what could make me happy...

I just...them. It has to be them, all them, I WANT IT TO BE THEM and NOT ME because I'm dangerous if it's me!

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] overclocking 2011-09-25 07:42 am UTC (link)
	[sdfgh aaaaa do you even realize \o/] R-Razzy . . . (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] copyofaphantom 2011-09-25 07:52 am UTC (link)
	[Yeeeeah, no. Well, maybe. IT'S SORT OF HARD TO TELL.] Then I won't be afraid like Allen or you and then it's fine. I can still protect them, I can still do good for them and it isn't as bad and I won't be that red eyed girl. [Another laugh.] So it's better she got me! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] overclocking 2011-09-25 08:00 am UTC (link)
	[We both just got Mirror'd and THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH YOU and you just said a whole array of completely terrible things and I don't even know, how do I even...] (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Re: [Endgame] overclocking 2011-09-25 08:01 am UTC (link)
	[Whup well my hand slipped and I'm slapping you a little. Very lightly, just enough to STARTLE SOME SANITY BACK IN THERE??] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)