InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "It really is you."

they call me hadouken (downrightfierce) wrote in rockthatmeme,
@ 2016-01-16 13:52:00

THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH MEME

Everyone lies. Sometimes it's the little things, sometimes it's the big things, but we all do it. Whether it's something insignificant like stealing the last cookie, or hiding a part of you from someone you care about, here's your moment to be free. For whatever reason this is the moment to be a hundred percent honest, in all things.

How to Play:

Post with your character | fandom | and any preferences.
Be sure to mention any scenarios you are interested or not interested in playing.
Tag Others.
Be awesome to each other.
Have fun!

Use the RNG to help you pick or choose on your own!

PROMPTS

BY CHOICE: The truth has been weighing on you and you need to tell someone it. This is your decision and your choice, and you've accepted there will be consequences you will have to live with.
NOT BY CHOICE: Maybe you're a really honest drunk, or maybe you've been drugged. Either way, something is forcing you to come clean, even if you don't really want to.
LAST WORDS: Maybe you're dying. Or you're leaving this person for a prolonged period of time. What matters is you're being separated from someone important to you and they need to know the truth before you go.
FOUND OUT: You've been caught red-handed. They've found out your secret and confronted you about it, now it's time to face the music.
NOT YOURS TO TELL: Sometimes you find something out that's not your secret to tell - but keeping it from someone is eating you up alive. Maybe their significant other is cheating on them, they were switched at birth, whatever it is they need to know and it's fallen on you to tell them.
IN BED: Whether you're about to fall asleep, woke up from a dream, waking up in the morning or even post other bed activities, everyone is always a little more honest under the blankets.
WILDCARD: Not interested in any of the options or have an idea of your own? Do your own thing; you do you!

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detectivespivot
2016-01-17 05:10 am UTC (link)

Patty stares at him incredulously when he pseudo explains his reasoning behind keeping his feelings to himself, and she sits up in the bed suddenly. "Are you serious right now?" She asks with a surprising heat in her voice, an annoyance that was practically unheard of for her.

"That's why you didn't say anything? Because you thought that I - are you serious?"

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theworstalpha
2016-01-17 05:24 am UTC (link)

She sounds more annoyed than she does understanding and he's surprised because he's not used to hearing it, but he expects it because he deserves it. And to be fair to her, he knows how it sounds. But it's not just about self-deprecation; Derek knows that he's a mess and he's not in any place to try to start a relationship with a sweet girl who deserves the world when he has nothing to give.

"I didn't say anything because I can't...do anything about the way I feel right now and you deserve someone who can. I didn't want you to...wait around for something when I don't know if I'll ever be ready."

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detectivespivot
2016-01-17 05:47 am UTC (link)

Patty stares at him in disbelief because she can't really wrap her head around what he's saying. She doesn't understand what he means by 'what she deserves', and she doesn't understand why he's not ready if he loves her. That's a big word, it isn't something flighty that can just be tossed around, Patty takes it very seriously. She shakes her head.

"What are you so afraid of? What do you think is going to happen? ...Do you think that I'm going to hurt you? Or you're going to mess around, or... or something?"

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theworstalpha
2016-01-17 05:54 am UTC (link)

"I'm afraid of a lot of things," he admits, knitting his brow. "That you'll hurt me or the people I care about. That you'll leave me, because everyone does. That I'll hurt you because I'm too closed off because I'm fucked up..."

He pauses and looks down. "I was afraid if I told you how I felt, you'd put everything on hold to wait for me and I didn't want to do that to you, because I might never be...normal. Ready. Anything less than a goddamned mess."

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detectivespivot
2016-01-17 06:16 am UTC (link)

She knows that it shouldn't, but the fact that Derek thinks her even capable of harming him or the people he cares about in any way stabs her. "I am one of the people you care about," she argues before she can stop herself.

At first, Patty doesn't know what to do. She isn't sure whether or not she should argue with him, because how could she be with someone who she has to convince she isn't a bad person to in the first place? They were best friends at a minimum, and if he still thinks that of her, than Patty doesn't know what to do next.

"I love you too," she admits, her face burning hotly. "...And I'm okay with you being messed up... that's what a relationship is, helping each other through those things. But if you don't trust me..." she trails off with a tiny frown, shrugging and looking away from him. "...Okay."

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theworstalpha
2016-01-17 06:24 am UTC (link)

For a moment, Derek's quiet. He knows that Patty isn't the type to have looked him up, because it isn't her style, but the thing about that is that she doesn't know everything he's gone through and how trust and fear aren't mutually exclusive for him. Hearing her say it back to him, that she loves him, catches him more off guard than it probably should.

"I trust you," he tells her quietly. "But that doesn't change the fact that I'm afraid." If he was being honest, Derek trusted Patty more than he trusted his own judgement.

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detectivespivot
2016-01-17 06:33 am UTC (link)

She looks confused again. "Being afraid is normal. Why are you afraid now, why-" she stops herself abruptly from finishing her sentence. It's something that she's wondered ever since Derek's video aired on the network when everybody's lives were being hung out in public. He was with a girl, one that he had hired for something, one that he barely knew, that he slept with... and yet he was afraid to be with Patty? Why that girl? Why not Patty? It hurts her, and she doesn't want to say that aloud so she won't. It's none of her business, she supposes.

"If you don't want to do anything about it then we won't. I'm not going to force you..."

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theworstalpha
2016-01-17 06:42 am UTC (link)

Derek lifts his eyebrows a little in question when Patty starts to ask something and then stops abruptly.

"Why what?" he asks, looking back at her with curiosity and uncertainty uncharacteristic of Derek as most people know him.

He sighs softly. "I don't know what I want and that's half the problem, Patty. I know how I feel about you and I know that every time I love someone I end up hurting myself in the end or I hurt the people I care about and, as you said, you're one of them. I just don't...know. I don't know, Patty, I don't know. I'm sorry."

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detectivespivot
2016-01-17 06:48 am UTC (link)

"No, nothing," she tries to brush it off quickly, pushing her hair behind her ear as she looks down at the bed beneath her, but she tenses a little when he mentions the other women that he's fallen in love with. She only knows of one of them. And she hates being compared to her.

"I'm not her, though." She says it fiercely, a little sharper than she means to. "I just - I can't believe you don't see the difference, I can't believe that you can't tell how different this all is. I'm not some... gun slinging sex doll, I'm your friend, I actually care about you, I'm here because I want to be, not because you hired me, I don't understand why you keep-" she stops again, her hands shaking a little, and she clasps them together in her lap.

"...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, that wasn't right. I know that I don't know everything. I'm sorry."

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theworstalpha
2016-01-17 07:00 am UTC (link)

Derek stiffens when she brings up Braeden. Half of him feels defensive, because it wasn't like that. He genuinely liked Braeden and she saved his life teaching him to defend himself when he was trapped in a human form. The sex was few and far between. But at the end of the day, Braeden left and Patty's still here.

"It's not just about Braeden," he replies. "And even if it was, I thought she was around because she wanted to be, too, but she wasn't. And before her, I thought Jennifer was around because she wanted to be, but she wasn't, either; she just wanted an alibi and a guard dog while she was murdering innocent people as human sacrifices. And I thought Kate wanted to be around, but she just wanted to find out when would be the most opportune time to exterminate my family would be. And before that, Paige was my whole world and she loved me, I know that she loved me. ...and because of me, she died. She was fifteen and because of me, she's dead." He stops and takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "It's not that I don't trust you or that I—I just...everything I touch turns to shit, Patty, and I love you."

He took her face in his hands and looked her in the eye. "I love you and I don't want to lose you...and I know that I will. If you don't walk away, something terrible will happen to you, because that's just the way things go in my life and I don't want that for you. You're so perfect...Patty, you're so perfect," he whispered, losing his voice with emotion.

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detectivespivot
2016-01-17 07:17 am UTC (link)

Patty's face softens as Derek explains what he had experienced, and although she certainly didn't guess that, she knew it must have been something horrible. It just sounds like he has horrible luck, or horrible taste, or both, and Patty's heart goes out to him. Of course it does. He's her best friend. She loves him.

She's getting mixed signals again, because he's saying that he's not ready, and he doesn't want to do anything about how he feels, but he's taking her face in his large hands, and she looks at him with a frown when he puts her back on that pedestal he seems to always place her on. "I'm not perfect," she corrects him once more, but she doesn't elaborate. Instead, she tries to focus on the situation at hand, her head still fuzzy with a heavy buzz.

"So that's it?" She asks weakly, her own voice cracking a little before she clears her throat. "You make that choice for both of us? Because it sounds like the terrible things happen to you the majority of the time, Derek. Not them. Not since you were fifteen years old. So... are you afraid that I'm going to do something terrible to you or not? ...Are you making that choice or not...?" Her eyes meet his, wide and sad, and for the first time in a while she doesn't look hopeful because... she's not. She knows the answer. She's just trying to remind him of what he's decided, because he seems confused. Lost. And right now, he's the one who's calling the shots, he made that clear to her in the very beginning.

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theworstalpha
2016-01-17 04:41 pm UTC (link)

If Derek realized that he was giving out mixed signals, he would stop, but he's drunk and she's Patty, and he just wants to be close to her; so much that it hurts. And he can't. He knows that as soon as he does, she'll reveal herself to be some kind of a monster or that she'll realize what a waste of time he is and she'll walk away like she should. So while he aches to kiss her, he settles for holding her face.

It occurs to him belatedly that it's too late to salvage anything. He's said too much and it's over now. She'll never stay the night here again after laying around in their pajamas watching movies. She'll never surprise him by showing up at four in the morning with a bagel and a coffee even though he can't feel a thing and profess she's ready to go on a run. If she still wants to go to the Fall Out Boy concert, it won't ever be the same as it could have been, because Derek's already ruined everything opening his big fucking mouth.

He looks as destroyed as he feels once that realization settles over him. "I want you so much," he admits, sounding just as broken as he looks. "But I can't. I can't have anyone, I can't do anything. All I do is fuck things up."

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detectivespivot
2016-01-17 06:13 pm UTC (link)

Patty stares down at him, watching the obvious internal struggle that he was fighting against with himself. Everything his body is telling her is that he wants her, and it had been so long since Patty ever felt truly wanted. She rarely speaks to people here save for some sparring conversations with Cisco and Lydia. Derek, he's the one she spends her time on, he's the one who she looks forward to seeing, because he's the one that's important. He's the one who helps her stay together in this awful place, and to see him struggle makes her chest ache.

She doesn't know what she's supposed to do. Everything he's saying is completely conflicting with everything that he's doing, and Patty has two opens. She can do what he wants, or she can do what he thinks that he wants. But Patty knows Derek, whether he wants to accept that or not. She knows that he's never going to consider himself as 'ready', despite how much of a driven person he is he always needs a push when it comes to getting out of his own head. Patty, on the other hand, lives knowing that unless she's willing to take a jump, she's wasting her limited time on the earth. So she sighs, and she takes Derek's hands on either side of her face before gently pulling them away and lowering them.

Then she shifts, moving close and throwing her leg over his lap to straddle him, and the hands that she removed from her face are now brought to her waist. She stares down at him, as if waiting for him to stop her, and even if he tries she's not going to allow it. Derek is weaker right now, and although he's well built, when he's like this, Patty can tactically hold her own unless he uses full force. And she knows he won't. She leads his hands down, searching his face as she does, and she brings them to settle on her backside before moving to take his face in her hands this time. She doesn't give him time to protest and she doesn't hesitate, not being one to overthink things. She leans down and she presses a soft kiss to his lips, holding him in place so she can deepen it and lean into him, her body pressed against him in a way it was aching to do for months.

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theworstalpha
2016-01-18 07:44 pm UTC (link)

Derek's heart sinks when Patty takes his hands in hers and lowers them from her face. He's waiting for the other shoe to drop. He's waiting for her to get off the bed and walk out of the bedroom, his house, and his life.

...but she doesn't. She moves to straddle his lap and she puts his hands on her waist for a brief moment before she lowers them even further and before he can even fully process what's happening, she's kissing him. Patty's body is pressed against him in a way it only ever is in the secrecy of his dreams and she feels warm and soft just the way he always thought she would.

He's going to ruin everything, he knows it. In the back of his mind, he knows that she's just going to walk away; they always walk away. But she's kissing him and he's wanted it for so long that he can't help melting into it, reciprocating it with a fervor that can only come from months of bottling up his feelings and letting them fester.

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