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Axel King {likes random nudity} ([info]nomoreclothes) wrote in [info]reduxpitch,
@ 2016-05-14 09:46:00

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Entry tags:!thread, character: axel king, location: limbic alley, retired character: ashleigh spinnet

WHO: Axel King and Ashleigh Spinnet
WHAT: FEELINGS Home improvements and Axel embarrassing himself
WHEN: Saturday, May 14; mid-morning
WHERE: Ashleigh's flat
RATING|STATUS: KISSING (Axel is shirtless because of course he is) | Complete!


Truth be told, Axel felt a little awkward with Ashleigh. Ever since he'd admitted his feelings to himself (only out of necessity, really), he wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. Should he continue to flirt with her? Continue to annoy her? She'd assured him that she liked it, but sometimes, like the other day, he got the impression that she really didn't think much of him, and that stung. It was his reaction to that that made him come to grips with that fact that he might be a little in love with her. But just a little. Because it didn't make any sense at all. They were just so opposite. When it came to everything. He was loud and inappropriate and fueled by emotion, and she was responsible and logical.

But she didn't take any crap from him, and she called him on his shit. And despite everything, if he really needed something, she was there. Axel knew that it didn't make much sense, and that probably no one else would understand, but they didn't have to. All that mattered was if he and Ashleigh could understand it. And therein lay the problem. They both didn't understand it. Or anything, apparently. They were always getting their wires crossed, and until this last...incident, he hadn't known why. It was because he had real feelings for her, and either she knew it, or she had them too and just wasn't ready to admit it. Because they didn't really talk about their feelings, they just sort of talked around them, sometimes hinting, but mostly ignoring.

Axel knew he couldn't tell her how he felt, either, even if he was ready, because she wasn't ready. He had never actually been in love before, regardless of how much he liked to pretend he was always in love with the girl of the month, which was partly why he didn't know what to do with himself. And Ashleigh...well, she'd already made it perfectly clear how she felt about changing the nature of relationships. No, telling her was flat out of the question.

Maybe he could show her, though. Or at least force her to consider the possibility that he could be more for her. She said she didn't need help with her flat, and he believed her, but he wanted to prove he was good for something more than just getting on her nerves, so he insisted. Now, Axel didn't actually know anything about renovating, but that was beside the point. He could learn! Research was what Ravenclaws did best, wasn't it? So he found himself a muggle bookstore (because using magic for everything was just too easy) and bought a couple books he thought might help. He'd intended to read them, he really did, but they were boring and he ended up just skimming for things that looked interesting and/or important, and called that good.

Saturday morning, he woke up bright and early, had himself a super healthy breakfast of sugary cereal, and stuck the books in his music bag before heading over and knocking on her door.


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[info]demipointe
2016-05-14 06:00 pm UTC (link)
Ashleigh hadn't actually expected Axel to show up, for several reasons. First of all, she'd never taken his offer all that seriously. It was a mistake she'd made before, and one she'd tried to correct, but apparently taking Axel seriously didn't come easily. Secondly, even if he had intended to come over, Ashleigh had assumed he would forget, or get distracted, or postpone it until Sunday evening by which time it would be too late. Ashleigh fully intended to be finished by the end of the day on Sunday - she couldn't just not have a functioning kitchen until the next week, after all.

Her plans had been made, her materials purchased (the second best part of any job) and all that was left was the actual implementation. Naturally, Ashleigh had a list. And then a schedule drawn up from the list, with appropriately timed breaks to eat meals and sleep. By the time Axel arrived, she'd already made herself several thermosfuls of good coffee to keep her going while the kitchen was out of action, gutted the old kitchen and finished arranging the walls in the new kitchen, on the other side of the flat. Since she was going to be brewing in her, she didn't want too much direct light, but nor did she want to eat or cook in complete darkness - so she'd been able to experiment with frosting the glass of the windows, which had been new.

She was dressed comfortably, in the black leggings she wore for theatre dance and a loose light blue t-shirt, with her hair caught up in a bun. If she'd known Axel was coming, she'd have bothered to put on socks, but changed little else. When she heard the knock, she glanced at her watch, thinking that perhaps it was later than she thought and Briana had worried she'd miss lunch. That seemed more likely than Axel appearing, but it was too early. When she opened the door, she was genuinely surprised. "Oh." Not, perhaps, the most flattering reaction, but she did step back to let him in automatically. "I- You're here." Aisling might have had a point in that Ashleigh really needed to stop thinking so little of him. On the other hand, she already considered him a friend even with as often as she underestimated him. "Come in. Sorry." Again, with the apologies, but she did feel bad. "Do you want some coffee?"

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[info]nomoreclothes
2016-05-15 07:35 pm UTC (link)
She almost sounded disappointed, but Axel tried not to let it get to him. After all, he was Axel King--he didn't care what anyone thought of him or if someone didn't want him there. He did what he wanted. And what he wanted was to help out his friend. And maybe show off a little in front of the girl, but that was beside the point. The point was helping a friend. Because that was the kind and thoughtful thing to do, even when said friend was very stubborn and insisted on doing everything herself. Clearly Ashleigh just needed to learn how to accept help, and that's what Axel was there to do.

"Sure, I could drink coffee." At the very least, coffee could be their temporary distraction, because was it just him or was there something...palpable in the air? It could very well have had something to do with what she was wearing, but also definitely wasn't that because Axel had far more control over himself than to lose his mind over a (shapely) woman in leggings.

"Wow, you really got started already, didn't you?" he said when he saw the rest of the flat. It really didn't look like she needed any help, making him wonder if she was really going to let him do anything at all, and that was disappointing. Even if he didn't actually have anything to show off, he still would have liked to do something more than watch her wave her wand around.

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[info]demipointe
2016-05-15 08:18 pm UTC (link)
What Axel took to be disappointment was probably nerves, because this was the first time she'd seen Axel in person since her conversation with Aisling. A conversation that had clarified and crystallised a lot of things Ashleigh had been avoiding admitting to herself. She still didn't know what to do about any of her realisations. Ashleigh had advised her to talk to Axel, which Ashleigh admitted was the logical course of action - but it was also one of the scarier options. Ashleigh had very little practice of being vulnerable with anyone. Asher and Aisling were just about the only exceptions. Her recent attempts to be vulnerable with Axel hadn't exactly made her think it was likely to go well. Everytime she'd tried, he'd hurt her. Or, rather, the one time she was obsessing over, and she knew she'd hurt him first, telling him he wasn't worth her time.

She lead him into the (new) kitchen and filled the cup of the thermos with coffee before offering it to him. "It's black," she said, which really didn't need to be said, because he could see that it was black. "I've got sugar, if you want it, but no milk." Because the milk needed to be kept cool, and moving a cooling charm all over her flat while she worked had seemed a waste of precious time. She glanced at Axel. She'd known him for seventeen years, and she didn't know how he took his coffee. The hows and whys of her... curiosity about what it would be like to be with him crowded into her mind all over again. It didn't make sense. They had nothing in common. What would they do? What would they talk about? She was making assumptions again. She was supposed to stop that, supposed to get Axel's actual opinions so she could stop inventing them in her own mind. But she couldn't just bring the conversation up out of nowhere.

Looking around the room, she realised she'd never really had anyone in here while she'd been working. It did look fairly extensive. "I've had a lot of practice." Would that surprise him? Ashleigh redecorated and reorganised her flat more often than was really reasonable, if you didn't know about her buried ambition to do it for a living. As part of her attempt not to patronise or underestimate him - even though he'd said he liked it - she actually was going to let him do something. "I've indicated where the tiles are going," she said, gesturing first to a magical outline on the wall and floor where she wanted the tiles to go, and then to the tiles themselves, piled neatly on the floor. "A semi-permanent sticking charm should do it."

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[info]nomoreclothes
2016-05-16 11:47 am UTC (link)
Axel understood vulnerability. Every song he wrote, every poem he penned, all of it had some level of vulnerability in it. Some more so than others. The song he wrote after their...he hesitated to call it a fight, but it was certainly a disagreement at best, that was probably the most vulnerable he'd ever allowed himself to feel, but he hadn't shown anyone. He didn't think he was going to either, even Ashleigh. After everything with his family, he knew how hard it could be to be truly vulnerable. He frequently was a little bit, and had been more with her than anyone in a long time. But it was sometimes hard to continue to be, when it seemed to get thrown back in his face.

He definitely didn't think it was intentional; Ashleigh wasn't a malicious person, she just...didn't understand, and he couldn't explain it. Because she wouldn't understand. And he'd get hurt, and this thing they had would be irreparably damaged, and so would he. For a while, anyway. He didn't have any illusions that Ashleigh was The One, or that she had the ability to break him for good, because she probably wasn't and while she probably could, but she wouldn't.

Which left him trying to figure out how to navigate their current relationship without being willing to give her all the information she wasn't ready for. It left things quite a bit uncomfortable. Especially considering her attire, which he was definitely not going to be looking at anymore. It was hot, but that wasn't helpful.

"Black is fine," he said, taking the cup and taking a drink; it was a little bitter, the way black coffee was, but not horrible. It wasn't how he preferred, but it was still drinkable, especially given the circumstances.

"You want me to do the tiling in your new kitchen?" Axel asked, a little surprised. Now, he wouldn't go so far as to say Ashleigh was a control freak--to her face--but he hadn't actually expected her to actually let him help.

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[info]demipointe
2016-05-16 12:44 pm UTC (link)
At his surprise, Ashleigh had to purse her lips to resist the temptation to ask if he thought he could do it. He wasn't incompetent. If he got stuck, she'd be right there. And if, worst came to worst, he got it all wrong somehow, Ashleigh could always redo it later. It wouldn't even mess up her schedule, because she'd expected to have to do it all herself anyway. "You don't have to." She didn't like the way he'd phrased it, that she wanted him to do this. Ashleigh rarely made demands or had expectations of anyone, and she certainly hadn't sought out Axel's help. If anything, she was very much letting him do the tiling. "You said you were helping, this is how you can help." Even though she'd never thought he'd actually show up, she'd had to prepare something for him to do in case he did, and this wasn't too complicated to explain.

She let him finish his coffee while she showed him the spell, then left him more or less to his own devices while she returned to the other side of the room to work on the kitchen units. They worked in silence, which felt frankly unnatural when it came to Axel. Ashleigh wished she'd put some music on, but for all she knew Axel found the silence preferable to opera. Half a dozen times she paused in what she was doing to rack her brain for some neutral topic they could talk about, but her mind returned over and over again to her conversation with Aisling or, equally unhelpfully, her various misunderstandings with Axel over recent months.

'We should talk' might have been the simplest way to start, but it didn't immediately accomplish anything and Axel had a habit of snatching a conversation and running with it before Ashleigh could say what she really wanted to. A week ago, before her dinner with Aisling, she might have asked if he thought them having sex would fix things. Now, she was burdened with the unfortunate information that she didn't want that, though she still thought he might. She could hear the sound of tiles-on-tiles as she thought, but refused to glance over to make sure he wasn't messing it up. She didn't expect him to finish. He'd be bored soon, would make some excuse and leave. It was that thought that spurred her to say something, before she lost another chance. She still didn't look at him. It was easier not to. "You asked if I'd have sex with you if it wouldn't change anything," she reminded him. "But you never asked about what I'd do if it would change things." She could feel her pulse jumping in her throat, and the actual question she'd been planning to follow with got stuck in her throat.

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[info]nomoreclothes
2016-05-17 08:27 pm UTC (link)
Simple sticking charms and magic weren't quite conducive to really showing off anything but, well, magic, but Axel managed to come up with an excuse for why he removed his shirt after putting up only two tiles (it was hot and his sleeves were getting in his way, obviously). Unlike Ashleigh, he did glance back at her as they worked in the silence, every so often, just to look at her. She seemed to be concentrating very hard. Either that, or she was doing her best to ignore him, because he was very sure that, had she seen him, she'd have made a comment about his state of undress.

Regardless of which one it was (or if it was something completely different), he didn't want to disturb her. And besides, he really wanted to get this right, to show her he could, so he, too, needed to concentrate and go perhaps much slower than he might have gone otherwise, but that was only to double check himself as he went along to made sure it looked like she wanted it to. It had taken him a minute to understand what she had going on with the plans, but he was fairly certain he got it right.

As he had no idea what had been going on in her head, or that she and Aisling had talked about him, so he was entirely unprepared for what she said when she finally spoke. His brows furrowed and he turned around to face her, abandoning the project on the wall; Axel was torn between reminding her that the question had been a joke, and wanting very badly to know her answer. He thought he knew what she was going to say, but it still would have been nice to hear aloud, for finality or something.

"It was a joke, Ashleigh," he finally settled on, as it was the safe response, "and we both know what the answer would've been." No, obviously. Not that Axel wanted to simply have sex with her, not anymore. What he wanted was something he was never going to get from her, either because she wasn't interested or because she wasn't interest in him.

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[info]demipointe
2016-05-17 10:28 pm UTC (link)
Perhaps it wasn't the worst thing he could have said, but it was miles away from being helpful. That this was all just a joke to him was a fear Ashleigh hadn't even realised she had. It was such a part of how they acted - he joked, she took it too seriously and somehow both of them found some amusement or value in that. Except Ashleigh needed him not to be joking about this, about whatever it was between them, because if she made herself vulnerable and he laughed at her for it she might not be able to forgive him. "It didn't feel like a joke," she said, still without turning around. Perhaps he really had meant it as one. Perhaps when he'd said it was stupid and he regretted asking it and told her she should have ignored it, he'd meant because it didn't matter to him, but that wasn't how it had felt to Ashleigh. Not when it happened, and not any time since. "I've been thinking about it a lot."

He was right, of course. They both knew what her answer would have been. Now, her answer was different, and that terrified her because she still didn't know what she was hoping to achieve by taking the risk. What would a relationship even look like for someone like her? She didn't know, but there was really only one way to find out. For that, she needed him to take her as seriously as she always took everything, even if it was just for five minutes, just long enough to tell her that he'd always been joking, that he had no interest in her. Getting Axel to be serious wasn't something Ashleigh really knew how to do. She'd managed it once, by having a panic attack, but she wasn't so unhealthy that she would force that.

It took a moment before it came to her, but when it did it was blindingly obvious. "Axel." She said it as she turned, her next sentence all planned out in her head. Her next sentence never happened because Axel, as always, couldn't be predicted. "Where -" She didn't need to finish the question, because she could see his shirt on the floor, some distance from the tiling area. "Why?" It wasn't as if it was the first time she'd seen him shirtless - shared shared a common room with him for seven years and she was in and out of Panquake house almost as if she lived there herself. It was a little different now, but mostly it was inconvenient because she was still trying to have a serious conversation!

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[info]nomoreclothes
2016-05-18 08:11 pm UTC (link)
It hadn't felt like a joke because it hadn't been, not at its core. Sure, it was said in a joking manner, because those were the types of questions expected of someone like him, but he'd been genuinely interested in the answer. Axel only pretended it was all a big joke because it was easier to protect himself that way. If everything was a joke, then nothing could hurt him. He would never admit to that bit of psychology, but it was still the truth nonetheless.

But he was also curious as to why she was fixating on it. It didn't make much sense. Ashleigh had made it very clear how she felt about any sort of change to their current relationship, and he didn't want to push her too much, not about something serious. Things that didn't matter, sure, no big deal. But this? This was important. He knew that, he just...well, he wouldn't be Axel if he wasn't always trying to take the pressure out of an important moment.

"Why not?" he asked in return, a grin now on his face. Random nudity was his favorite kind of nudity, after all. "Everyone needs a little random nudity in their lives."

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[info]demipointe
2016-05-18 11:19 pm UTC (link)
Ashleigh could have disagreed about her need for random nudity, or she could have insisted he put his shirt back on. She did neither. Instead, she frowned at him in silence for an uncomfortably long moment. Was this part of the joke, an attempt to irritate her into an amusing reaction? Or had Axel envisioned this playing out like a romance novel where she would be overcome with desire at the sight of him? (If so, he had tragically miscast his leading lady.) Or, worse, was he tempting her to show a little vulnerability in order to laugh at her for ever thinking it could be reciprocated? Ashleigh didn't really believe that, but the thought coiled uneasily in her stomach all the same. For years she'd thought she understood this back-and-forth between them, but questioning her own feelings and motivation left her equally uncertain of his.

"What do I have to do to get you to be serious for one minute?" She asked. If this were a romance novel she suspected she would stride across the room and kiss him - a thought she entertained for barely a second. It wouldn't accomplish anything. She had always been confident that Axel's physical compliments were genuine. What she wanted to know was whether that was all there was, and whether he reciprocated a kiss or not wasn't going to tell her that. The only thing that was going to help was actually talking. And even that was useless if she couldn't get him to listen.

She rested the pads of two fingers on the hollow of her throat, feeling the steady heartbeat that reminded her the rapid fluttering vibration in her chest was just imagination. If she was going to get him to pay attention, she had to say something he couldn't misinterpret, put her cards on the table in exactly the way she most wanted to avoid. She shied away from words like 'girlfriend' or 'relationship' because they were completely outside her area of expertise. "I just want to know -" What if Axel knew what she was trying to say, and this was his attempt to divert the conversation before she could say something irrevocable? But, she reassured herself, there was no way he could know. She barely knew herself and she'd been living with the thoughts for weeks.

"Do you actually want something more than sex?" She took a small step towards him. "Because I do. And if you don't, I've made a mistake bringing it up and we should just - pretend it didn't happen." Like they always did, when things got too fraught.

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[info]nomoreclothes
2016-05-19 09:12 pm UTC (link)
The grin started to fade the longer she stared at him, but he also didn't know how to get back to her question. She could rest assured that he wasn't taking this as a joke anymore, not since she'd brought it back up and was clearly not joking about it either. Axel used jokes as a defense mechanism, but if she wasn't joking, but he was hoping that since she'd fixated, he wouldn't need any. (And he would never laugh at hers or anyone else's feelings like that, he wasn't completely terrible.)

A funny little quip was on the tip of his tongue when she continued and got right to the point, effectively silencing him. No, he didn't have any idea what she was going to say, not in a hundred years would he have guessed that, not from Ashleigh. He probably looked confused, because that was what he felt. He didn't dare let himself feel happy or excited yet, it was far too early in what was probably going to be a very enlightening conversation, to say the least.

"You do?" It seemed very out of the blue, but maybe all of his comments, and the semi-serious conversations finally made her actually consider it. Which he couldn't even be upset about, no matter how emotional and awkward those conversations had been, or how vulnerable it had made him feel. Not if it was actually making her talk about whether or not they were actually going to do this.

But first he needed to say something, didn't he.

"I--yeah, I do, actually." She wanted serious, so serious was what she got. Axel could have made a big romantic gesture (or even a small) one, and he wanted so badly to kiss her--if she wanted more than sex from him, then she would probably be receptive to it, at least--but he didn't. Part of him was still scared. Ashleigh was a force to be reckoned with, and he loved her. He was afraid because she could ruin him if he wasn't careful, and he wanted to make sure she knew exactly what she was saying, what she wanted, before he made any romantic gestures.

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[info]demipointe
2016-05-19 10:45 pm UTC (link)
The confusion was to be expected, and Ashleigh couldn't possibly blame him for that. She'd been confused herself, still was, and Axel hadn't even had the benefit of a conversation with Aisling to prepare him for this (or so Ashleigh assumed, anyway). At his question, she nodded, but couldn't find her voice to elaborate. Once Ashleigh had made a decision, she very rarely went back on it, and so as much as the too-rapid pounding of her heart and the bitter tang of adrenaline were telling her to run, she wouldn't take it back. It was too late anyway. She'd said it, and he'd heard it and no matter what happened now they would both know. (Unless, the thought flashed into her mind, she obliviated him.)

She didn't need to run, because after what felt like a lifetime of waiting, he actually answered the question. The relief of finally knowing, of not having humiliated herself or misunderstood, was disappointingly brief. They both wanted something, 'more', but what that was was undefined, and Ashleigh was helpless to define it. If she'd been given quill and ink and told to make a list of things she wanted from Axel, or things she wanted to change, she honestly wouldn't have been able to come up with anything (a nightmare scenario). She assumed sex would be a part of it, but that wasn't her motivation.

She was still frowning at him when she admitted, "I don't know what we do now. I didn't plan this far." Actually, she'd imagined and planned for several scenarios where he told her she'd got it wrong, or that he was only interested physically, she just hadn't allowed herself to think what would happen if they both actually agreed. She glanced, briefly, around the kitchen. "I think the renovation can probably wait." From anyone else, it would have been teasing but Ashleigh stated it as an honest observation. As much as she wanted her kitchen finished, she could actually prioritise this conversation. Now if only she knew what to say. When her gaze returned to Axel she almost smiled. "Even if I had, I would have planned for you to be dressed." It was almost funny.

Deciding it was a little ridiculous to try to have this conversation - of all conversations - with half a kitchen between them, Ashleigh closed the distance. "Obviously, we should talk about this." That much, at least, was clear. "We can't just go to bed and hope everything else works." Actually, Axel probably didn't see anything wrong with that as a plan. "I don't know if everything else will work." She was aware that she was being negative, but Aisling had urged her not to pretend she wasn't a worrier. "I think it can for me. I'm scared it won't for you."

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[info]nomoreclothes
2016-05-20 01:04 am UTC (link)
Well. Axel hoped that sex would be part of whatever they were going to do about their feelings, because he couldn't imagine having anything 'more' with her and not want her, but he didn't want to assume anything. Ashleigh didn't...from what he'd seen and heard from her, he got the impression that she didn't quite have the same needs for he did. Maybe he was wrong and she'd be all over him, especially since apparently it was an option, even if it wasn't the best one. Or productive.

Where she almost smiled, Axel actually did. Because of course she'd come into this conversation with some sort of plan, even if she hadn't finished it. He didn't really know why she hadn't been able to plan this far, but he also chose not to think about it; it was probably very easy for her to assume that he'd think this all a big joke on her. He'd worked hard to cultivate that identity of someone who never took anything seriously.

Even still, he didn't really know why she thought a relationship with him would work out for her, but not him. He reached out and took her hand now that she was close enough, partly because he was an affectionate person, and partly for the romantic gesture of it all; it seemed fitting, either way.

"First," he began, because she liked lists, "everyone plans on me being dressed at all times except me. Second, not everything needs a plan, or to 'work out'." Whatever that meant. He should probably ask her what she considered 'working out' in terms of a relationship, but in a minute. "And third, why would you think it wouldn't work out for me? Are you already planning on breaking up with me?"

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[info]demipointe
2016-05-20 01:44 pm UTC (link)
Her hesitation when he took her hand wasn't quite a flinch, but it was still there if you were looking for it. It wasn't as if he'd never touched her before, but she hadn't known whether to expect it to feel different now that they'd admitted they both wanted... something. Her knowledge and expectations of romance were from plays and opera and ballet - where every touch was significant. The reality was that it felt like it had always felt. Pleasant enough, she'd always thought Axel had nice hands, but hardly life-changing. No sudden butterflies or fireworks or swell of emotional music. She let the point of contact be a reason to move closer, the fingertips of her free hand just barely resting on his forearm.

"Not at all times," she objected, glancing down at where her finger was tracing a line of ink across his skin. It would be overgenerous to say she was planning on getting Axel naked, but it was a thought she'd had and one she suspected she would have again. She didn't openly disagree that not everything needed a plan, or to work out, but he should know her well enough to know that wasn't how she operated. Maybe she would have to learn, if she was going to be with Axel. It was one of the things that made her worry, because she didn't know if she could learn, or if she'd ever be happy with not planning.

When he asked if she was planning on breaking up with him, she glanced back to his face, the implication making her breath stop for a moment. His word choice really drove it home that he was at least open to a relationship - something that came with terms like 'break up' and 'girlfriend'. It was frightening, but it was also what she thought she wanted. "No," she answered, after a small pause. It would be an enormous waste of time and effort to force their feelings into the open if she was planning on breaking up with him before they'd even started.

As for why she thought it might not work, she could have answered that at some length. She had a list. He probably didn't want that much detail. People rarely did want as much information as Ashleigh could provide so she had learned to edit, except with her closest friends when they specifically asked (and even then, she knew, they asked because it was funny and not because they really wanted a list of 6 ways what they were doing could backfire). "I've never done this before," she said, stating something she knew Axel was already aware of. That was the easy part, the next sentences were harder, but she said them, quietly. "I don't know if I'll be very good at being a girlfriend." Not being good at things wasn't a situation Ashleigh was comfortable with. "And I'm even less sure I'll be good at being the kind of girlfriend you would want." There were men - simpler, more predictable men than Axel - Ashleigh felt she could probably satisfy in terms of what they expected from a girlfriend. Fortunately for Axel, perhaps, she'd never had any desire to try. She did feel she was throwing herself in at the deep end, but she couldn't exactly go off and be someone else's girlfriend for a few months just so she could get better at it. Axel would have to take her as she was, or not at all.

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[info]nomoreclothes
2016-05-21 05:57 pm UTC (link)
His gaze dropped with hers, to where she was touching him. It would be a lie to say that it didn't have an effect on him, because everything seemed to have an effect on him, especially now that it was probably okay for him to react to her, but he didn't say anything; he didn't want to scare her off by mentioning it. Because it always seemed to be the oddest things that frightened Ashleigh the most, things that it would never occur to Axel to be afraid of. He didn't know if telling her what she did to him was appropriate yet.

A grin stayed on his face, partly because he imagined she did already have a List of pros and cons, and partly because it was really hard to stop smiling when it looked like he was actually going to get the girl he loved. Not that he was going to be using the L word around her any time soon. Some girls liked romantic gestures and hearing that someone was in love with them, but Ashleigh was probably not one of them. She would probably find it stressful for him to have more feelings for her than she did him, even if he didn't mind for now.

It was odd to see her so unsure of herself. Ashleigh was so often assertive and matter-of-fact, that seeing her vulnerable, insecure was something very new to him. It made him want to pull her close and wrap his arms around her until all the doubts went away. Now, he liked to think he knew her well enough to know that wouldn't really work with her, so instead, he let go of her hand to raise both of his to her face, and gently pushed her hair back behind her ears, before resting on her face.

"If I wanted a certain kind of girlfriend, I'd just go get one. I want you, Ashleigh, just the way you are. I won't lie and promise that it'll be perfect, or that you'll never get frustrated with me, but I can promise that if you give me boundaries, or tell me when you're uncomfortable, and I'll do my best to respect that."

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[info]demipointe
2016-05-21 08:26 pm UTC (link)
Axel taking her hand had felt familiar - it was, after all, something he did every time they danced. Axel carefully brushing her hair back from her face was something else entirely. Ashleigh wasn't at all surprised that Axel's hands were capable of being gentle. What caught her off guard was how much she liked it. With her hands left unoccupied, she raised them to settle just as gently on his sides, the pressure so light it must seem almost as though she were afraid to touch him. She wasn't. She didn't doubt that if she'd wanted to wrap her arms around him or pull him against her he would let her, but it didn't feel right. They were doing something different here, something Ashleigh had no previous experience of. She didn't have a name for it, but if she had she'd have finally had something to put on her list of things she wanted this relationship to include.

The logical part of her brain said there was absolutely no reason for her pulse to falter when he said he wanted her, specifically, just as she was. He'd already confirmed that he wanted her, and the fact that his words now were rather more poetic than 'yeah, I do, actually' shouldn't make a difference. His meaning was the same, and yet it was only this time that Ashleigh really felt it. Her lips parted slightly, but she had nothing to say in response. When he'd said before that he liked her just as she was, she'd wanted to correct him. She still believed that the way she was would cause problems - though, perhaps, not insurmountable ones. Fortunately, he continued before her lack of response could be noticeable. Still looking up at him, she gave a small smile at the things he wouldn't promise her. "I expect to be frustrated with you at least once a fortnight," she said. He wouldn't be Axel if he didn't frustrate her. "Probably more if this means we spend more time together." Would it? She didn't know what he'd expect. "I trust you to respect me," she assured him. She sort of always had, which was probably why she'd let him get away with pushing her boundaries when she'd have cut anyone else off if they even tried.

"I'm sure I won't be perfect either." It was scary to admit, perfectionist as she was, but she was certain there would be times he wished she were more spontaneous, more affectionate, more demonstrative. Still, that she had managed to take the risk of telling him what she wanted showed she was capable of change. She would just have to hope it would be enough. "I've never intentionally hurt you, and I don't mean to start now. I'd like to learn not to do it accidentally." That was what she considered her top priority. The rest would come, though possibly more gradually.

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[info]nomoreclothes
2016-05-23 06:34 pm UTC (link)
Look at them, communicating and being clear and nothing being confusing. Axel was very proud of the both of them. All it took was a little leap from one and they were both able to be open and honest. It felt great to be able to talk to her, really talk to her, and hearing that she was, at the very least, open to giving him a real shot with her. It helped, he thought, that they were also both aware of the problems that could arise, and that neither of them expected things to just be magically fixed and that they'd never argue or get frustrated.

And it was nice to know for sure that whenever he'd been hurt, it hadn't been on purpose. Of course, he hadn't actually thought hurting him was her goal, as Ashleigh wasn't a malicious person, but it was still nice to hear with some finality. He'd never intentionally hurt her, either.

"I think some of that might be fixed now," he said softly, running his thumb over her cheek. They were standing very close, and Axel knew what he wanted to do, now that they'd talked, but he didn't know for sure what she wanted. So he was just going to ask her. Except no. He wasn't going to ask.

"I'm going to kiss you now." But since he told her, he waited a long moment to give her a chance to tell him no, and when she didn't, he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

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[info]demipointe
2016-05-23 09:54 pm UTC (link)
Ashleigh really wanted to know why Axel thought it would be fixed, because she couldn't see the link. The feelings she now acknowledged having for him didn't give her any insight into why she'd hurt him, or how to stop. This was one of things she had meant when she said she worried about being a good girlfriend. She didn't have the gift of a high emotional intelligence. She managed, much better when she wasn't personally involved, but 'managing' wasn't enough, not for Ashleigh's high standards. She would have asked for clarification, was actually about to do so when Axel's thumb brushed over her cheek. It seemed the logical part of her brain was losing a war on multiple fronts, because right now she'd rather he do that again than answer questions. She could, she reasoned, always ask later.

Logical or not (and it seemed 'not' was winning out right now, while her fingers etched small semicircles against his skin), she did raise an eyebrow when he announced he was going to kiss her. Half a dozen obvious retorts sprung immediately to mind, but all that would do would delay the inevitable moment of him kissing her - and Ashleigh did think it was inevitable now. If she'd been the kind of person who didn't want physical affection at all ever, she wouldn't have even raised her feelings for him. That incompatibility would be too fundamental and she didn't think he'd have agreed to it in any case. So, unable to think of any response less prosaic than 'okay', she simply let him take the lead.

Ashleigh would have sworn she'd kissed enough people in her life not to feel nervous about it, but the butterflies that hadn't manifested when Axel took her hand swept through her now as she tilted her cheek against his hand to align their mouths. She closed her eyes against the fluttery excited feeling as she kissed him back, parting her lips against his. She grazed her tongue against his lower lip just once before she pulled back, enough that she could look up at him without having to break contact between them. "I suppose I'm going to have to call you Axel now," she said, doing her best to suppress a smile.

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[info]nomoreclothes
2016-05-24 05:13 pm UTC (link)
Axel had definitely kissed enough women in his life to not feel nervous about it, but, as it turned out, he, too, was. It mattered now, after all. Not to say that no one else he'd dated had mattered, but it had never really mattered so much that a kiss was good. And he really did feel like this needed to be. He didn't think Ashleigh was so shallow as to need a good kiss from him, but he'd be lying if he didn't even admit to himself that part of him was afraid of what would happen if she wasn't impressed with him. She might have expected fireworks from him--what would he do if she was disappointed?

He certainly wasn't disappointed, but she also didn't need fireworks; the fact that he was even standing in her kitchen, kissing her, in the first place, was enough. When she pulled back and spoke, he tried to assume she said that because of the kiss. Maybe it was about dating him. Or all of it. Or maybe he was overthinking it. Yeah, definitely overthinking it.

"You don't have to," he reminded her, for the most part not actually caring what she called him. Axel was very familiar with the practice of calling a loved one by a pet name even--and especially--when it appeared to be out of frustration or irritation. Ashleigh had never, to his knowledge, done with anyone else what she did with his name, so he didn't mind it. And no one else in his life did it to him either, so he kind of liked and appreciated that it was 'their thing.'

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[info]demipointe
2016-05-24 06:54 pm UTC (link)
She did, finally, smile when he said she didn't have to call him Axel. Obviously, she knew that she didn't have to do anything - but things had changed, and her choice of name for him had always varied depending on how she felt. "In certain circumstances, then," she amended. Circumstances that included kissing, and Axel being half dressed. It would seem weird to call him a random name she'd chosen then, or any of the names she used when she was irritated with him over something.

It was slightly surreal, standing in her unfinished brewing area having just kissed Axel. More than slightly. Ashleigh wasn't used to changes in her life happening so quickly. This morning she'd been thinking about saying something to Axel but not actually planning a definite time, place or strategy and now - now, supposedly, the stressful part was behind her and they just had to figure out how to make this work. She could think of half a dozen things they needed to discuss, questions she shouldn't assume she knew the answers to.

Instead, she shied gently away from the hand still resting on her cheek, straightening so she could meet his eyes. "I'm not going to announce every time I'm going to kiss you," she told him. True to her word, she gave him just enough warning before she went up on her toes to kiss him again.

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[info]nomoreclothes
2016-05-25 11:22 pm UTC (link)
Where Ashleigh needed to talk everything out, Axel was a little more idealistic. Sure, they had things to work out, but they both appeared to be just as worried that they would be the one to ruin things, and that told him that this could actually work. Maybe it wouldn't end in marriage and a family (assuming Ashleigh eventually wanted those things), but that wasn't how he defined a successful relationship anyway. And he really did truly believe that things would work out if they wanted it to. It seemed like they both did--he knew he did--so he didn't really worry about it so much. But then, Axel always had been much better at going with the flow and letting things happen.

He was also spontaneous and liked surprises, so warning him that she wouldn't always tell him beforehand that she was going to kiss him made him grin widely. It was amusing, and he didn't want her to announce her intentions beforehand every time; he'd probably be okay if she never announced her physical intentions beforehand. And, he couldn't lie, it was kind of hot. Now that he was allowed to think so.

With this kiss, Axel felt quite a bit more confident and comfortable, and wasn't nearly as worried about fireworks or impressing her...or behaving himself. His hands had been resting on her cheeks for quite a while it seemed, and when she went in for the kiss, he slid one back into her hair and moved the other to her lower back so he could pull her closer. You know, now that he was allowed to be attracted to her.

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[info]demipointe
2016-05-26 12:46 am UTC (link)
It seemed like a very long time ago that Ashleigh had worried Axel would lose interest in her the moment she stopped being the girl he couldn't have. That anxiety had been overtaken lately by more relevant fears - that she'd only imagined he had any interest in her at all, that taking a risk with him would leave her hurt - but it had never really been faced or dealt with. It would hang around in the back of Ashleigh's mind somewhere until Axel at least left this flat and faced the new women he couldn't have and still chose her. Still, the way he pulled her closer - even though she was the furthest thing from unobtainable now - definitely helped. There hadn't been much space between them to begin with, so the half step Ashleigh took to show willing when he pulled really pressed her body against his.

This was much more the kind of kiss Ashleigh was used to. Apart from in school, when she hadn't understood the point of kissing, she'd never kissed unless it was part of the journey towards sex. Axel's first gentle touches had felt nothing like that, and her reaction had surprised her, but now she should be back on familiar territory. Except, even though she took the initiative to deepen the kiss, to finally fit her palms against his waist, there was still a fluttering in her stomach that had never been there with the other men she'd kissed.

She didn't pull away this time. She focused on kissing him, slowly, part of her waiting to see if the feeling would vanish. It didn't, but Ashleigh somehow didn't mind. It wasn't a bad feeling - just a new one, and it wasn't hard at all to imagine why there might be new feelings to accompany this situation. When she couldn't stay on her toes any longer, Ashleigh slowly dropped back down, still awfully close. She could feel Axel's hand on her back, even through her t-shirt. "You're still not getting away with this when we're meant to be dancing," she told him, "but I suppose it's fairly appropriate for this."

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[info]nomoreclothes
2016-05-26 05:43 pm UTC (link)
He should have guessed that she would be the type to interrupt some great snogging with random commentary, and honestly, he couldn't even be upset about it. For one, it was actually happening in the first place, when he never really thought it would. He'd been hoping for a few weeks, more so than ever in the past, when it had been a fleeting feeling, but he hadn't actually dared hope she would get out of her own way, or that she'd feel the same. Or similar, since she probably didn't feel quite the same.

Second, this couldn't go any further than it already had. There was little harm in kissing her, but the last thing Axel wanted was for this relationship to immediately become about sex, and he didn't want Ashleigh to think it had or would become about that either. He was in this for as long as they had feelings for each other--and ideally, that would be months or years, depending on what she was looking for in it--and he was willing to hold off on the more physical aspects until she was ready to trust him. At the same time, he couldn't deny that the whole situation was working for him. He couldn't deny that what he really wanted to do right now was take her clothes off and show her exactly how much he cared about her. But he couldn't. Even if she allowed him, he didn't want to allow himself, and if she was willing, the temptation to make a poorly timed decision might be too much.

So really, he should be thanking her. That was partly why he laughed at her statement, but not why he moved his hand against her lower back; that was all because of what she said.

"What, you've finally agreed to give me a shot and now you're saying I can't even get a little handsy while we're dancing? I'm sorry, but that's a deal-breaker for me. I'm only in this so you'll let me touch your ass." In the interest of minimizing confusion, however, he didn't really bother trying to be serious. And he hadn't tried even once to touch it, so clearly he was joking.

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[info]demipointe
2016-05-26 07:33 pm UTC (link)
Ashleigh honestly didn't know why she'd felt the need to undermine the kiss with her comment. She didn't object to Axel's hand on her, and in truth wouldn't have minded even if they had been dancing and in public. It wasn't as if they were competition-standard or what he was doing was truly inappropriate. She was aware, too, that Axel had been far more forthcoming about his feelings than she had. She'd taken the initial risk, and that probably counted for something, but all she'd actually said was that she wanted more than sex - nothing about how she liked him, or why. If called on, she didn't know what she would have said. Words were hard, and kissing him was much easier.

Serious or not, an hour ago she would have assumed there was a grain of truth in his words. Now, she knew he was in this for something else - for her, feelings and hand-holding and all, as Aisling had once theorised. "There's a time and a place," she said, doing her best to look stern. As far as Ashleigh was concerned, that place was a bedroom with a warded door. Axel, she was fairly certain, had very different ideas. She frowned slightly, still very aware of the way her hands spanned his sides. There hadn't been a moment since she first touched his arm that she hadn't been aware of his skin under her fingertips. So perhaps she could bend her strict bedroom-only policy at least this far. As if testing the theory she slid one hand around to his back, settling comparatively higher than where he was touching her.

She did still believe that they shouldn't just jump into bed. There were things she still wanted to spell out quite clearly before they did that. Perhaps the most important of which was, "So no more Amber?" She'd remembered the girl's real name, which just proved that she really did pay entirely too much attention to Axel's journals. Of course, what she really meant was not Amber specifically but other women in general.

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[info]nomoreclothes
2016-05-30 07:05 am UTC (link)
Axel didn't really need to hear the words, because he could tell that she cared about him, in more than just a friendly fashion, just from her actions and behavior. She'd said many times that she didn't like change, and she'd told him specifically that she didn't want to change the nature of their relationship. Obviously something had changed in order for her to suddenly decide to initiate the change between them, but that told him that it must have been something huge. Her feelings for him had to have been strong enough to make her think that the change would be worth it.

And if that meant she was asking him about other women, then he had nothing to be concerned about yet. Axel almost made a joke about going steady, but for once, he chose not to. Ashleigh deserved a more serious, definitive response, and he was going to give her that, just so there would be no confusion. It was an easy consideration, too; if it meant he got to date and kiss the girl he really wanted, he didn't need anyone else.

"No more Amber. Or Steph, or Chloe, or anyone. I assume you're also going to break up with all your other boyfriends too?" Alright, so maybe one joke.

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[info]demipointe
2016-05-30 10:40 am UTC (link)
Ashleigh, on the other hand, did need to have it spelled out explicitly. Just because she had a certain idea of what a relationship should be didn't mean everyone else agreed with her, and 'more than sex' was vague enough that it could have left the door open for Axel to date, or sleep with, other people. She breathed easier when he confirmed that there wouldn't be anyone else. Perhaps, anxious as she was about the potential mismatch in their needs for sex, she should have been willing to overlook it, but she wasn't. If she wanted Axel, she wanted him exclusively.

"I have to break up with Terrence?" she asked. Though she didn't show it with a lot of people, Ashleigh was capable of joking. Asher saw it in her continued pretence not to know which quidditch team he played for, and Axel had definitely seen it before (albeit, not lately, not with how strained things had been between them). "Hmm. This changes things." She splayed her fingers against Axel's spine, subconsciously offering physical contradiction to her words. "If I go out with you, will the gossip pages still list me as The Other Spinnet Sister, or do you think they might learn my actual name? You are more famous."

Her other hand was still on his side, until she trailed it slowly up his body, as if giving the matter a great deal of thought. Finally, she curved her fingers around the back of his neck and drew him down so she could kiss him again without having to reach up. "No one else," she promised him quietly.

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