Marathon of Pain: 220
First, I'd like to thank everyone for joining me on this marathon of pain, covering episodes 216, 217, 218, 219, and now 220, the season finale. I'm glad I succumbed to badbadpixie's entreaties and watched these episodes in depth, without my hands splayed over my eyes and my finger on the fast forward button. Or, as I now think of it, "Late Season Two, the only time anyone ever fast forwards THROUGH the Brian/Justin parts." But I can't lie, I'm very glad to be done.
Okay, enough stalling: Episode 220. It took me over three hours to write this up, by the way. The longest one yet.
After the bitter and brutal agony of the closing scene of 219, we open with a happy Michael and Justin unpacking the first shipment of Rage, volume one, issue one, at Red Cape. They're both glowing and laughing and joking. There's no indication how much time has passed from the previous episode, which I find a little unsettling. I'd like to know how long that painful stalemate went on between Brian and Justin.
Brian walks in, greets Michael and Justin. He and Justin seem awkward with each other, and when Brian speaks, his voice has the slightest undertone of whiney housewifeyness in it. He sounds nervous.
"So, are you ready to sell your baby on the open market?"
"I hope people like it," MIchael says.
Justin's head flies up. "Why wouldn't they?" Oh, my darling boy.
"You have no idea how vicious queers can be, especially when it comes to someone else's success," responds Brian, who then pulls out his surprise: He's hosting a release party and organizing a massive PR campaign for the comic, all so the gay community will feel included and part of things.
Michael says, "Holy shit."
Justin flushes and glows, and gives Brian his first real look, and says, sounding very pleased, "Brian..."
Brian goes on with his plans for their success, and says that maybe one day they can all retire to Palm Springs and wear muumuus and sip mimosas.
Justin says, "In the meantime, I'd better get to class," and starts to leave.
"See you tonight?" nervous housewife trying to act like James Dean Brian says as Justin opens the door.
Justin ducks his head, but sounds offhand when he says, "Sure."
Justin steps out the door, and only then, but before it closes behind him, Brian puts down the comic book he's pretending to look at, and gazes after Justin, absolute raw vulnerability all over his face (although it's important to note, Justin has no way of seeing this; Brian didn't turn around until he was gone).
Michael makes eye contact with Brian, who just shakes his head, smiles (and I dread the cheap romance novel adverb but can think of no other) ruefully, and shakes his head. Michael seems really concerned, and kisses Brian on the mouth, then hugs him and says, "I love you."
Brian lets him hug him but it's very squirmy, like a little kid being hugged by his grandmother, and says, "Me too. Always have, always will." And then he laughs and sort of tickles Michael, and the moment passes.
Then we're at Debbie's, and she and Vic are looking at the comic while Michael and Ben eat dinner. Debbie wonders why she's not in the comic book, and tries to get Ben to carbo-load on some rigatoni. Obviously she's totally over any reservations she has about his place in Michael's life, since forcefeeding is and always will be how Debbie shows her love.
They start discussing a family vacation, and it turns out that Ben wants to go to Tibet and meditate instead. For six months.
Silence in the room.
Cut to the gym. Michael is telling Emmett, Ted, and Brian that Ben wants to go to Tibet for six months.
"That's a long time to be celibate," Emmett says.
"Well, you live with monks, you have to be celibate," says Michael.
Brian, who if you'll permit me a moment of shallowness, looks fucking hot in his sweat-soaked sleeveless tank, gives Michael a disgusted look. "Not him. You."
Emmett is truly starting to weird out over Ted's fawning appreciation of every word that falls from his mouth. They're being extremely amusing, but my general level of stress and anxiety is too high to fully get into the spirit. But this is one of those classic "da boys" scenes that I normally adore.
Ted reassures Michael that Ben probably won't really go... "There's no way he's really going to leave his honey."
Emmett sinks onto the front of the stairmaster, and gasps that he wants to hit the shower. Ted goes with him.
"Pussies!" Brian sneers. "You've been working out for exactly ten minutes."
"Which is the same as a two hour workout for you, minus the time you spend cruising all the guys in this place," snarks Ted. Yeah, Ted, Brian looks like that from cruising guys at the gym. Right.
Ted and Emmett flounce off, and we cut to the dilapidated garrett of art, where Justin and Ethan are entwined in Ethan's platform bed, and Ethan tries to convince Justin to go away with him Friday night to the country, "instead of going club-hopping with your boyfriend."
"I can't," Justin says. "He's giving me a party."
Ethan asks if he's suddenly reconsidered his "no birthday parties" policy, and Justin says no, it's for Rage.
Ethan sits up on his elbow and looks down at Justin, seeming genuinely surprised. "He must love you a lot." Wow, Ethan. What a totally inappropriate thing to say, whether it was true or not. Just... wow.
"In his way," Justin says softly, stroking Ethan's hair back from his face. OH JUSTIN. Christ.
Ethan pats Justin's cheek. "But not in yours." He kisses Justin twice, although Justin is just lying there and doesn't kiss him back.
Then Ethan lies down next to him and sort of snuggles up to him, and Justin pulls his arm away and says, his voice deeper than it usually is, "I have to go."
Oh dear, I'm going to have another shallow moment -- I apologize sincerely. But motherfucking hell Justin has a great ass.
Sadly, Ethan doesn't, but we get to see it anyway.
Sensing he may have messed up (and just a note, Ethan, whether or not, or in what way, someone's lover loves them is not the best post-coital chit-chat subject), Ethan goes to his desk and gets his new CD, which he shows to Justin. Not only has he used Justin's drawing as the cover, but on the back is a dedication to him.
Justin is profoundly moved by this and kisses Ethan passionately.
Meanwhile, at the gym, Ted is helping Emmett dry off in the locker room, and Em is definitely sensing something really weird is going on. Not that he wasn't already, but it's getting painfully obvious Teddy is in the grip of a massive infatuation with his best friend.
Oh christ. The next scene makes every part of me ache. My head, my heart, I'm fairly sure my teeth and my toes and all the parts between them hurt. I don't want to watch this. I don't want to recap it. I don't want to discuss it. I want it not to have happened.
Having honed his skills at cliff-pushing at Michael's 30th birthday party, Brian apparently felt that he'd stick with a winning strategy. At least this time he used a guilty party as his unwitting accomplice, instead of an innocent bystander like poor Tracy.
Ethan is playing the violin outside the Liberty Diner. Brian drops a hundred dollar bill in his violin case, and strides past, looking elegant and rich and sexy in his expensive coat.
Ethan chases Brian down the street. "Excuse me, sir! You dropped a hundred dollars in my case!"
Brian has his hands deep in his pockets, and gestures back at Ethan's case with his chin. "The sign says you're starving."
Ethan laughs. "More like a little hungry."
"You are a student?"
Ethan tilts his head to the side a little flirtatiously, and says, "You want to see my ID?" He's smiling.
"You're good," Brian says.
"I know," replies Ethan.
"Then why are you wasting your time standing on the street playing for nickels and dimes?"
"Do I look like N*Sync? I'm not exactly going to be selling out Mellon Arena."
Brian shrugs. "There are other ways to make money. Couple thousand, at least."
Ethan draws back in horror and says, "Get thee behind me, Satan!"
Oh wait, no, he doesn't. He grabs his violin case and money and scurries after Brian into the diner as fast as his little feet can carry him.
Okay, I made that up too, even though I am totally sure that's what happens because how else did Ethan end up in the diner talking to Brian, who had simply said he was freezing and going to get a cup of coffee after Ethan asked how he could make those couple of thousand dollars. But first, Ben and Michael are talking about Rage while Ben walks to his classroom, and he's expressing his pride in Michael and his accomplishment, and tells Michael he won't go to Tibet if Michael doesn't give him his blessing. Ben has a damn good body, but the pale blue gray sweater he's wearing isn't his best look.
At Torso, Emmett has finally had it with Ted's weird behavior, and falls on Melanie and Lindsay when they come in to see the new "Disco Baby" collection Torso is carrying, because of all the gay parents these days. He drags the girls to the other side of the store and tells them to get Ted the hell out of the store.
Mel and Lindz figure things out instantly, and drag Teddy off and tease him about his obvious crush on Emmett, and then encourage him to go for it. Ted says that one minute he was looking at Emmett and he was just the same old Emmett he'd always been, and the next thing he was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.
Back to the diner, where Satan Brian is telling mini-Satan Ethan about a television commercial he'd be perfect for... as the strolling violinist in a beer commercial.
Fuck me, this is hard.
He says he'd be the strolling violinist, playing something... I cannot say it. I can't and you can't make me... playing something "ridiculously romantic."
Anyone still want to tell me this arc isn't about the bashing?
I'm crying now, by the way. In case you wondered.
Brian names Paganini's Cantabile in D Major, Opus 17, and Ethan is all OMG that's on my CD!
"No shit," says Brian. "One of my favorites."
Justin -- who let us not forget works there, and most likely both Brian and Ethan knew he'd be coming in at that time -- comes in the door. Brian, who is facing the door totally by accident, sees him, and says to Ethan, whose back is to the door, "I should give you my card. My name is Brian. Brian Kinney. You are?"
Ethan seems freaked out, I guess because he recognizes Brian's name, although I don't remember Justin ever telling Ethan what it was. I could be wrong. He sounds nervous when he says his name is Ethan Gold.
Justin walks up to the table, and greets Brian, sounding happy to see him. "Brian! I thought you had to be at work?"
Satan Brian acts totally nonchalant. And he does it well, too. Fucker. Justin sees Ethan and just freezes in the middle of pulling off his jacket. "Justin, this is Ethan. Ethan, Justin." Satan Brian never takes his eyes off Justin, though. He's not even pretending anymore. And Justin stares down at Brian, blushing and seriously looking like he's going to break down crying, clutching his jacket against him.
Mini-Satan Ethan looks from Justin to Brian and of course, looks like he's going to freak out. Brian has a strange smile on his face, but also looks like he's about to cry. Ethan croaks out that he has to get to class, and gets up to go. Justin looks at him meaningfully, although honestly, I'm not sure what he means by his meaningful look.
"By the way, if you're interested, the job's yours," Brian says silkily.
Ethan just shakes his head uncomprehendingly, apparently never having imagined that anyone like Brian existed, and leaves. Justin glares down at Brian accusingly, and Brian turns his face away.
Ted and Emmett are at dinner, and Ted takes Melanie and Lindsay's advice and tells Emmett he has fallen in love.
"So that's why you've been all starry-eyed and discontented!" cries Emmett, who despite the fact that he seemed to have figured things out before, now falls like a starving man on a crust of bread on the idea that he was wrong.
When Ted tells him it's him, Emmett knocks back a huge glass of water and doesn't say anything. I'm kind of aching and numb from that last scene, which seriously has to be one of the ugliest in all five years of QAF, and feeling sick to my stomach with apprehension about the next one, so really can't do this scene justice. I apologize.
Loft. I have no idea how Justin got through his shift, but apparently he did. Brian is sitting at his computer, and we're shown the screen... some kind of pie chart, so we know he's working. Justin takes off his jacket and walks up and stands right in front of him. "Brian."
Satan Brian holds up one finger, and Justin obediently waits. Finally Brian looks at him.
"I'm sorry." Justin sounds ten, but a strong ten.
"For what?"
"You know what for. " That's right, Justin, don't let Brian play games. "I didn't mean for it to happen."
"I know," says Brian, "you were the poor hapless victim of a love bashing."
Remind me again how this isn't about the prom and the bashing? And why Justin doesn't just pick up the computer monitor and break it on Brian's head?
Justin doesn't react. I've never quite understood why not. The first time I saw Brian say this I gasped, and I've never gotten over it, but Justin barely blinks. "I should have told you about it."
"What, and taken all the fun out of it?"
Justin just stares at him.
"So, how big's his dick?" Brian seems disinterested.
Justin walks towards the kitchen. "That has nothing to do with it."
"Since when?" Brian gets up and goes after him. "You love cock." He kisses him, and Justin looks at him reproachfully. "You love it down your throat. You love it up your ass." Brian slips his hand down inside Justin's jeans. "You love riding it, and after you come, you love to fall asleep with it still inside of you." This whole time, his voice has gotten softer, he's been playing with Justin's cock, he has one hand wrapped around the back of Justin's neck, and he's pressing their faces together. He bends his knees so they're eye to eye when he says that last line, and his voice drops away to almost nothing.
Justin looks him right in the eye, and says, "Cut it out." Brian doesn't, and Justin yanks his hand out of his pants and repeats, "Cut it out."
Brian pulls his hand away. "You're hard."
"So?"
Brian presses against him again. "Don't tell me it doesn't matter." Don't tell me what we have doesn't mean anything to you.
Justin shoves him away, and Brian walks to the refrigerator. Justin tries again. "There are other things." Don't tell me sex is all I am to you.
"Flowers?" asks Brian, walking backwards. Flowers Justin knows nothing about, by the way. "Picnics?" He opens the refrigerator, then looks over his shoulder at Justin. "Violin music?"
"He loves me."
Brian closes the refrigerator door. "Your dreamy-eyed schoolboy?"
"In ways that you can't." Justin's voice is shaking with emotion.
Brian almost sneers. "In ways that I won't." Yeah, Brian, that's how it works.
Justin takes a deep breath. "He told me that I'm all he wants."
"There still using that one?"
"It's more than you've ever said." Justin looks defiant and like he's going to cry at the same time.
Brian walks slowly over to him, takes a deep breath, wraps his hands around the back of Justin's neck, pulls their faces close and then puts his face to the side so they're pressed together but Justin can't see him, and says, "And it's more than I ever will, so, ummm... what the fuck are you still doing here?"
Okay, I'm angry at Brian, there's no point in denying it. Of course Justin should have told him what was doing on, but this method of bringing it out into the open is just childish and cruel and petty. So I'm going to do my best to be fair and say that Brian's face is absolutely full of anguish here, and it's clear as day he's saying he loves Justin and wants him to stay.
To us. Because one, we can see his face, and two, we already knew that. Justin doesn't know it, can't hear it, can't see him.
So Justin simply asks him. One direct question, his voice breaking hard: "Would you care if I wasn't?"
Okay, Kinney. Answer him. Try saying, "I want you to stay, but it's up to you to decide where you want to be. Don't do it based on what I want." Wouldn't that be more consistent with your uncompromising code of fucking morality than withholding information from Justin that might help him make a decision about his life that directly and explicitly involves you? To just answer a question he had every right to ask? I think it would be, Brian.
Brian had other ideas. "It's your call where you want to be. You decide."
And he touches Justin's face and walks away. And Justin's face crumbles in misery and pain.
Remind me why I'm fucking watching this fucking episode?
Debbie is at Woody's handing out cards for the Rage party at Babylon. Michael is there sulking because Ben is doing to Tibet. Debbie says, "He can't go!"
"Why not?" asks Vic.
"Well, for one thing, nobody knows where the fuck Tibet is!" She also asks, what if he gets sick?
Vic reminds her of how he went to Capri with Debbie when he thought he was dying, and Michael objects, "But Ben's not dying!"
No, Vic agrees, but when you deal with HIV, one thing you learn is that there isn't an infinite number of tomorrows. OH VIC. I sob.
Now we're at the dilapidated garrett of art and Ethan is informing Justin that his boyfriend is an asshole.
Justin defends Brian and says at least he's honest, and that if anyone is an asshole it's him for lying.
"How did he find out?"
"I don't know."
"You didn't ask him?"
Justin laughs, bitterly. "He'd never tell me." Open communication is the hallmark of a good relationship.
Ethan tells Justin he can tell Brian he doesn't want his little donation to the arts, and shoves the hundred dollars into Justin's hand. Justin, somewhat incomprehensibly to me, tells Ethan to keep it because Brian can afford it and he can't.
Ethan takes it. Of course he does. But first he goes to the other side of the room and shoves the knife between Justin's ribs. Several times. And twists it. "At least now I know why you're with him." Justin looks startled and very, very young. Ethan goes on: "God.... he's beautiful." He draws the word out, and says it like it's an obscenity. Yeah, Ethan, that's why Justin's with Brian. God, I hate you. He stares challengingly at Justin. "He must be great in bed."
Justin looks at him like he can't believe he heard him right, then snaps out of it. "Yeah, he is." Ethan chooses that moment to snatch the hundred dollars from Justin's hand. "It's when we're not in bed that's a problem."
Ethan picks up his violin and says, "Well, guess what? I'm not the answer. I have myself to think about. The Heifetz competition is coming up, $25,000 first prize, touring dates, possible recording contract. I can't be wasting my time thinking about you. (Note: And there are those who say what happens in Season Three came out of nowhere?) Wishing that you were here. Hoping that tonight is the night that you finally stay."
"I want to stay."
"Well, you can't .You can't. So just go back to your boyfriend and I'll go back to my violin." And Ethan picks up the violin and starts sawing angrily at the strings. He keeps his back to Justin, who says Ethan's name loudly, three times, before finally giving up. He runs down the stairs, completely bereft.
We go to Michael and Emmett's, where Emmett is eating a sandwich and chips, while telling Michael about Ted falling in love with him. Something Michael should know about since in S1 Ted was in love with him, but no one brings that up. Michael asks if Emmett has those kind of feelings for Ted, and he says he doesn't, so Michael says he needs to bite the bullet and tell him.
Ben walks in, and says that he found someone to sublet his apartment while he's in Tibet. Ben goes into the kitchen, and Emmett leans forward and says, "Honey? If you don't want Ben to go, you're just going to have to bite the bullet, and tell him."
Loft. Brian is lying in bed, his eyes open.
Justin comes in. It's dark. He walks hesitantly to the bed. Brian looks at him. Justin takes off his clothes and his shoes and socks, and stands there, the light crossing his face and body through the slats of the blinds, looking at Brian.
Brian throws back the duvet, but doesn't say anything. Justin crawls up across the foot of the bed, and lies down, his back to Brian. Brian covers him with the cover, and wraps his arm around Justin, and then pushes the cover down a little so he's touching his skin. He lies there, his eyes open, for a long time, then his eyes finally drift closed.
Justin blinks once, and you think maybe his did too, but he opens them again and stares into the darkness, grief on his face.
Don't ask me what I think, I can barely even tell you what I saw.
Then we're in a very different bed: Ben and Michael, talking... TALKING!... about their relationship, about the trip to Tibet, about their fears and desires and love for each other. What a fucking agony to see Mikey, the eternal child, more adult and capable of communication and love than oh-so-sophisticated Brian and "twelve years his emotional senior" Justin.
Ben and Michael are kissing, and Michael says, "Ben."
"What is it, baby?"
Michael asks about the availability of medical care in Tibet, and Ben assures him it's very modernized. And that he can't live his life in fear.
Six months is a long time, Michael points out.
"So you're telling me you don't want me to go?"
"I know how important this trip is to you..."
Ben cuts him off and says no, he said he wouldn't go without Michael's blessing, and he meant that.
Michael says, "No. This is not about what I want. It's about what you need. So go. With my blessing and approval. Then they kiss.
Sometimes Michael actually deserves Ben.
Next morning at Ted's. He's playing Bellini's "A Te, O Cara," and misting his orchids. A te, o cara, amore talora Mi guidò furtivo e in pianto; Or mi guida a te d’accanto fra la gioia e l’esultar. Al brillar di sì bell’ora, Se rammento il mio tormento Si raddoppia il mio contento, M’è più caro il palpitar.
My Italian is sucky, but the gist of that has a lot to do with all the lover relationships in this episode, so I'll take a crack at it:
Sometimes love leads me to you furtively and in tears, or guides me to your side in joy and exultation. At the brilliant, beautiful hour, if I remember my suffering, It doubles my happiness, and fills my heart with love.
Sorry. I just... ack. I hurt bad. And it gets worse.
Justin comes into the comic book store, where he and Michael are going to be interviewed about Rage for Pittsburgh Out. Michael snarks at how Justin is dressed, and Justin snipes back that he's an artist, not a business man. Michael says, this is for Brian.
Justin, who is putting sugar in his coffee, snaps. "It's not for us, it's for him. Brian calls all the shots. Brian controls the show. Including us."
"If you ask me he's been pretty good to you. I mean, he saved your life. He took you in. He's putting you through school. He protects you, looks after you. Whether you believe it or not, he loves you. More than he's ever loved anyone."
"He doesn't love me. He fucks me." Has Justin ever looked more cynical then when he says those words?
"Then why don't you find somebody else? Maybe you already have."
Justin looks up from his coffee, shocked. He's gone back to sounding young and naive. "He told you?"
"He never said a word." Michael squares his shoulders. "I told him."
"How did you know?" Justin's angry.
"I saw the two of you kissing on the street!" So is Michael.
"You asshole."
"Don't call me an asshole, you ungrateful little prick!"
"Why didn't you just mind your own business?"
"Brian is my business. He's my best friend!"
"Fuck you, Michael! Fuck you. Fuck you." Justin is incoherent with, ummm... Rage. It just struck me, I guess he wasn't actually ready to leave Brian, was he? OH MY POOR FUCKED UP BOYS.
The guys from the magazine come in, but Justin storms out.
Ben is at the diner, and Debbie is being all mommish and sweet, and they joke around, and finally Ben heads out to go to the passport office. Debbie follows him into the street, ostensibly to give him lemon bars and really to give him some tough love.
"Six months is a long time," Debbie says, echoing Michael.
Ben says that it might be better for Michael.
"How do you figure that?"
"You know, not having me around to worry about."
"Ah-ha. So you're doing him a favor? What the fuck is that? Some kind of noble self-sacrifice?"
"Look, Debbie, you know better than anyone he'd have an easier ride..."
"Who says love's an easy ride, General Motors? Michael's used to bumps. He grew up with me. So if you think you're doing him a favor by leaving, there's no need. My son's strong. He's strong enough to see anything through. The question is, are you?"
Ben kisses and embraces her, takes the lemon bars, and walks down the street.
From opera to Babylon. Oh how I love thee, Queer as Folk music. We enter Babylon, which has been transformed for the Rage party. Everyone walks in between the legs of a giant image of Rage, and everyone is wearing a Rage mask and waving comic books. The music is Kim English singing "Everyday":
I got my health I got my strength I'm in my right mind I still have breath so I got hope And love is on my side And where I go I know I need not look behind me He keeps me safe And this is something he does everyday
The song reminds me of the days of Brian trying to help Justin get himself back together after he was bashed. And so my heart, or what's left of it, breaks. Again.
Everyone is there... Jennifer, Vic, Daphne, Ted, Emmett, Debbie, Justin. Jennifer says she's not surprised, because when Justin wants something, he won't give up until he gets it. She mentions the same story she told the doctor when Justin was in rehab after being bashed, about learning to ride his two-wheeler.
A siren goes off, the dance music fades out, and a spotlight hits a guy on the stage. He says they're going to meet Rage, who "can bend anyone's will to his, rout the forces of intolerance and injustice, and still have the strength to fuck a hundred guys."
Brian comes up behind Justin and Michael, and puts his arms around them. He's wearing a Rage mask. "I wrote that copy."
"No shit," says Michael dryly, who also has a mask on.
Then... Justin and Brian stand next to each other and watch a re-enactment of the bashing, and Rage and JT sharing a passionate kiss after Rage saves him.
"And justice prevails in Gayopolis. Everybody party!" Yeah, it's just that easy.
"Don't everybody thank me all at once," says Brian to a sullen and non-responsive Justin and Michael (although we did see Justin applauding the Rage/JT kiss a few seconds before).
Michael takes off his mask and says he's going to get a drink.
Brian looks at Justin. "What's his problem?"
"We're not speaking."
"Creative differences."
"Actually, we're in total agreement. He thinks I'm an asshole, and I think he's one."
"Well, I just spent a fucking fortune on this, so work it out."
"After what he told you?"
"He was just looking after me... like Zephyr looks after Rage."
Justin laughs bitterly.
"You know, if you want your comic book to be a success, you should put your personal feelings aside, and don't piss on your achievement." He walks away, leaving a thoughtful-looking Justin behind.
He had his mask on the whole time.
Dance dance dance, then Emmett tracks Teddy down at the bar and tells him to stop running away from him just because he's embarrassed. "Don't tell me you're not. We can read each other's minds, remember?"
He tells him that speaking what's in your heart takes more courage than saving the world from arch-villains.
Should I repeat that? Or just send it to Brian in an email?
And while the two of them are talking, Emmett suddenly starts to see Ted in a new light... and they kiss. And Ted looks pretty good here, it's the first time I ever noticed how much he looks like George Clooney's geeky brother.
Justin is cutting through the crowd with Daphne, and he runs into Melanie and Lindsay, who are wasted and having a great time. They tell him Brian is looking for him, because he wants to be with Justin on his big night. I've never quite decided whether Brian really said that, or he just at some point earlier said, "Has anyone seen Justin?" and the girls made a bigger deal of that than it was... I just honestly don't know. I don't think Brian set that up, it's too vague and while Brian can be an opportunist, when he sets something up, he doesn't leave so many things to chance; he orchestrates them far more completely than this. Plus I think he'd already done his big "gotcha" at the diner. I think Mel and Lindsay were just trying to make Justin happy by putting more emphasis on something Brian said to them than was really there.
Whatever the situation, Justin seems really happy and goes off looking for Brian.
Ben and Michael are talking, and Michael says he promises not to come to Babylon while Ben is gone, and that phone sex to Tibet will be expensive. But Ben tells Michael he won't be going...
"But it's all you've thought about, all you've talked about..."
"And you were willing to let me go."
"You said it was what you needed."
Ben moves closer to him. "I already have what I need, baby. I don't have to go to Tibet to find it." And they kiss and their joy radiates out from them and makes all the glitter at Babylon sparkle.
Justin is looking for Brian... and he finally goes to where he should have started out: the backroom.
It's a scene that reminds me of Brian looking for Justin in the King of Babylon episode. The light is blue, and Brian's fucking some guy, and Justin's looking at it through a net just like Brian watched him through the open stairway. But it's not the King of Babylon fucking the lion's prey... it's Brian fucking Rage. With his mask on.
The mask makes it hard to be sure, but I believe he sees Justin watching him, and stares at him while he fucks the guy. And Justin looks crushed, and his eyes drop, and he turns and walks away. And Brian stares after him.
Justin walks out of the backroom, and there's Ethan, looking for him. I'll set aside the monumental inappropriateness of Ethan coming there, of all places, to recapture his lost youth, but he does. And Justin sees someone who wants him, and came looking for him, and says he was wrong to tell him to get out.
And Brian comes out just a moment later... and sees them together, and then kissing... and pulls off his mask. And his face looks.... raw with pain.
And Justin looks at him, and leaves with Ethan.
And Brian puts his mask back on and grabs some guy.