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River Song. Melody Pond. Our Lady of Spoilers (hidethedamage) wrote in portland_net,
@ 2014-06-03 21:46:00

Entry tags:

river song, the doctor

private to The Doctor
Could we, perhaps, one of these days, sit down and talk? I know it's exceptionally awkward having me around, but I would like to actually converse with you at some point. If you're willing.

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	doctorjohnsmith 2014-06-04 03:18 am UTC (link)
	Yes, of course we could. I know this can't be any easier for you than it is for me; harder, probably. Talking, I can do, I'm exceptionally good at it, I'm told. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	hidethedamage 2014-06-04 03:22 am UTC (link)
	It's... fine, Sweetie. I mean, it's not, but it is, you know? I'm finding distractions. It helps. Jack has kept me entertained. And yes, I've always found future you to be quite good at talking. I'm less good at it, but I still think we should probably try. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	doctorjohnsmith 2014-06-04 03:36 am UTC (link)
	I understand - at least, I'm trying to. Jack's a surprisingly good distraction, isn't he? I'm glad you're making friends, River, and I know Amy is so happy to have you here! Talking it is, then. Where would you like to meet up? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

hidethedamage
2014-06-04 03:45 am UTC (link)

I know. I'm sorry it's more difficult than you might wish. Jack is... surprisingly entertaining. Or maybe not so surprisingly. His reputation is rather well known, after all. I shouldn't be at all surprised that his friendship keeps me ~~satiated~~amused. I'm glad to be here with my Mother, as well. I was fairly certain I wasn't going to be seeing her again for a while before I came here.

It's just me at my house, if we want someplace quiet to talk. Or a coffee shop? I mean, wherever. You know the town better than I do, surely.

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doctorjohnsmith
2014-06-04 04:05 am UTC (link)

I know it's not your fault, River, but it's not mine either. We are who we are, when we are, but we'll get through this. One way or another.

Oh, Jack's reputation is...legendary. ~~Not sure I needed to know that, though~~ I'm glad you're finding distractions, whatever shape they come in. All we can do here is find whatever we can that makes us happy and go with it until we get home.

I'll come to your place, it'll be easier than being in some grotty coffee shop. Did I mention I hate Starbucks? There's whole planets littered with those tacky cardboard cups and they're not nearly as biodegradable as they claim to be! That might have gone a little off topic. So, your place, then?

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hidethedamage
2014-06-04 04:25 am UTC (link)

I'm aware it's not your fault, Sweetie. It's no one's fault, actually. Just the pull of the wormhole and a trick of fate, I suppose.

It is, yes. I often wondered why I'd never met him, but now I kind of imagine that's by design of your next you. I'm very much trying to find things to keep me happy. I just hope going home is something that happens eventually. Much as I enjoy things here, I miss... well, I'm sure you know. I'm sure there's many things you miss as well. Listing them just makes me sad.

I... also hate Starbucks. Burnt coffee and piss-poor tea for five times the amount it should be, and people lap it up like it's the best thing that's ever been created. They have no idea what good coffee is, apparently. No, feel free to go off-topic. It's... surprisingly good to hear. But yes, my place. That's fine. Do you want tea? Real coffee? Anything? I'll run out and get it if I don't have it.

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doctorjohnsmith
2014-06-04 04:56 am UTC (link)

Oi, don't go blaming me for not introducing you to a famous lothario! He's a good bloke, is Jack. I'd say there isn't anyone I'd rather have my back, but I'm almost entirely certain it would be misinterpreted and used against me in the future!

You miss my other face, I know. Did he ever tell you, about Jenny? I know he forgot an awful lot, it seems. She arrived her a day or so ago. Jenny's my daughter. Of all the things out there that make me sad, there are more things here that make me happy. Spending time with her, included. I didn't really get a chance to know her. I think that's what makes all this so hard for me, River. Not knowing what I've told you - or wondering if you know things about I'd rather people not know.

Well, that shows remarkably good taste, if I may say, and I couldn't agree more! Ask them for a cup of coffee and they look at you as though you're mad...okay, maybe I'm a little bit mad already...beside the point, that. Unless you ask them for a skinny tumbler of flavoured muck, you're getting nothing!

Real coffee would be lovely, by the way. Biscuits too? Do you want me to bring anything with me?

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hidethedamage
2014-06-04 05:33 am UTC (link)

I'm not sure I'd go so far as to call him a lothario, darling. I've not found him to be selfish in the slightest. And he is, indeed, a very good bloke. You can absolutely say that, and I won't even fantasize about what it could mean, I promise. Maybe.

I do. He and I have had a lot of times, both good and bad, and I miss him every single day. You're very... young. That's not to say that I dislike you, mind, but it's strange for me. And yes, he mentioned her. I hardly dared to think it might be her, considering, but it's good to know that she's here. I imagine that will also make life more interesting, and probably more complicated. I probably do know things you'd rather people not know, Doctor, but I'm very good at keeping my mouth closed when it comes to them. I've had a lot of practice over a lot of years to do so.

I'm sorry I make your life hard. If I could be sent back now to spare you some of that, I'd happily go. Honestly, no matter what else is happening, to make you happier, I'd leave in a second.

I assure you that we're all mad. Especially you and me. But we all have our reasons to be. Coffee. I have biscuits. Chocolate chip kind that I made myself, and also store bought ginger snaps. You don't need to bring anything, unless you have some interesting favorite thing from here I may not have heard of yet. I'm always up for new things.

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doctorjohnsmith
2014-06-05 12:58 am UTC (link)

Yeah, alright, too much information for these young ears!

I'm glad he remembered her, and warned you that she was around ~~unlike my native children~~. Jenny's going to need a lot of help adjusting here because if you think I'm young, she's little more than a foetus. Less than five-months old, to be precise. Try not to lead her too far astray, please?

River, life is hard. All of it. You don't make it so, any more than any other friend I've met and though our relationship is confusing I wouldn't wish you away, even if I had that power. So, how about we stop worrying about who's making who more uncomfortable and get on with living a bit, eh?

When you put it like that, it doesn't sound quite so bad. I don't honestly think I've met anyone sane, ever. Or maybe that's just my influence. Ooh, choc-chip, eh? Lovely! I'm not sure Earth, in this or any other form, has anything that interesting, but I'll see what I can pick up on the way.

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hidethedamage
2014-06-05 01:21 am UTC (link)

Would you rather I were alone, Sweetie? I could try, but I tend to be quite a lot less fun to be around when I'm lonely. And since I highly doubt you're ever going to be up to the task of keeping me entertained...

I'm glad he did too. It makes life easier for everyone, I think, that I knew about her. It wasn't a surprise, at least. And yes, dear, I know she's young. I'm not going to lead her astray, but I'm also not going to lie to her.

Well, I'm glad you're not wishing me away, at least. It does feel quite a lot better than being completely rejected. Living I can do.

Sanity is such a strange thing. It means different things to each person you ask. I'll pull out the biscuits, then. You can eat as many as you want, since I don't need to be eating all of them myself. I'll weigh as much as... well, you've not met him yet, nevermind. Thank you, darling. I look forward to seeing you face-to-face.

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doctorjohnsmith
2014-06-05 02:00 am UTC (link)

You know the answer to that, River. I can't see me ever wanting you to be lonely; I'm not that cruel. ~~And I know loneliness far better than most beings ever could.~~

I wouldn't ask that you be anything other than yourself, though she's already asked if it makes you her step-mother. She needs a mother more than a friend, right now, anyway, though that is something only the two of you can decide between yourselves.

You haven't been rejected. Nor do I think you will be, when I become him. In my timeline... well, a lot has happened and people who get too close to me get hurt. Badly. That has an effect on ones psyche, as I'm sure one of your many doctorates will tell you.

I'm on my way. It'll be good to see you again ~~alive~~. Never could turn down a good biscuit!

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hidethedamage
2014-06-05 02:23 am UTC (link)

I don't know. You're different this young. You could have felt differently, thus the offer. I do prefer NOT to be alone, considering, but I'd do so if you really wished it. Even though I'm not your wife yet, I am eventually.

I think the two of us will come to an odd sort of agreement, Jenny and I, one way or another. I'm not really the motherly type, but I can see myself being something nearer that than her friend, if the world turns on it's axis the way it should.

Oh? It feels like it sometimes. And it will in your future as well. He crushed me sometimes, but that's not the point. And yes, I know, people get hurt around both of us, get lost because of us, and it hurts so desperately. I often feel like I'm failing everyone. That I've failed so many people. But we keep going on, don't we? Somehow, we keep moving forward, or back, as the case may be.

Good. I'll be here, with bells on, as they say.

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