Helium Raven (severity_softly) wrote in pervy_werewolf, @ 2008-05-06 22:31:00 |
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Entry tags: | #lmom 2008, author: severity_softly, kink: kissing, kink: wanking (solo or mutual), remus/peter pettigrew |
LMOM: An Intimate Alliance of Contradictions, part 6/31 (Remus/Peter, Remus/Severus)
Title: An Intimate Alliance of Contradictions, part 6/31 (I hope)
Rating: R
Characters/Pairing (this part): Remus/Peter
Characters/Pairing (overall fic): Remus/Peter, Remus/Severus
Summary: "It would take too long to explain the intimate alliance of contradictions in human nature which makes love itself wear at times the desperate shape of betrayal. And perhaps there is no possible explanation." ~ Joseph Conrad
Kinks/Warnings: Kissing, wanking (sort of), outdoor sex (well, outdoor wanking, anyway), angst
Overall warnings: Angst
Challenge: LMOM '08, day six
Word Count: 2500-ish
Notes: Peter is weird. The end. *G* Also, as usual, this part is set in 7th year. I plan to span 7th year to POA, and keep this canon compliant. Thanks so so much to innerslytherin for inspiring the Remus/Peter love, and for the speed beta-reading. :)
Part 1 l Part 2 l Part 3 l Part 4 l Part 5 l Part 6
Severus hadn't spoken when he left the shack. In fact, a week and a half had passed without a summons. Remus wasn't sure if he was imagining it or not, but he was fairly certain that Severus was even going out of his way to avoid him and the other Marauders, by the way James and Sirius weren't nursing any injuries this week.
"Oi. Oi, Prongs. Look at Snivelly."
Then again, maybe not.
Remus glanced up from his book to see Sirius eying Severus across the grounds. He wondered if maybe he should leave now or wait to see what happened, but James only glanced at Severus and shook then his head at his friend. Sirius scowled and James pulled on a tight smile that wasn't directed at Sirius, and when Remus followed his gaze he could see Lily smiling back at him from a group of girls a way off.
Sirius stuck two fingers up at her when James looked away, and her smile faded and she returned an even ruder gesture that made Remus blush. Merlin, Sirius and Lily fought over James' attentions as if Sirius were a jilted ex, sometimes. Remus hid behind his book, then tried not to dart furtive glances at Severus when the others weren't looking.
"Just because you're fucking her, doesn't mean you have to grow ovaries of your own," Sirius grumbled.
James scowled and kicked him. "Oi, don't talk about it like that!"
"Well, you are!" Sirius retorted.
That almost started a scuffle, but just then Peter ambled up to them and settled too far away for Remus' liking. Peter used to sit to close to Sirius, and then James, and more recently Peter had been sitting close enough to Remus that their shoulders might brush on occasion. Peter was sort of sitting with them without them now, and Remus sighed.
"At least Wormy's not suddenly too good to hex Snivellus," Sirius continued, and now Remus was really tempted to kick him, too.
"Huh?" Peter looked momentarily confused, but then he followed Sirius' gaze and picked up where he was going. "What's 'e doing?"
"Breathing."
Peter grinned a bit. "Good enough. Yeah, maybe later. I just ate," he said, but he kept darting glances at Severus as if Severus might attack them.
Remus glanced over his book again to give him a look, and Peter flushed and dropped his eyes to his hands, then started chewing his nails. Remus' anger over what Sirius had done to Severus that one dreadful night had nearly left Sirius and Remus' relationship in shambles (and had, oddly enough, provided the catalyst for Remus winding up with Severus' cock crammed down his throat the first time), but now that it was "old news" and Sirius knew he was back in Remus' good graces for good, Peter seemed to be the only one still truly ever bothered by Remus' baleful looks anymore. It was as if James and Sirius had simply forgotten how his temper could be if he was ever truly angry, and thankfully, Remus hadn't needed to remind them.
"Well, you lot are boring today," Sirius announced after a silence.
"Some of us have to get jobs after school and worry about our N.E.W.T.s," Remus said, flipping a page in his text.
"Merlin, Moony, don't you ever stop studying those stupid runes? Extra study sessions, and you're still sitting out here on a beautiful day with your nose in a runes book?" James asked.
Remus hoped he wasn't flushed, and shrugged, not answering because he was already lying about his "extra study," so he wasn't going to make it worse.
"What can you do with that shite, anyway?" Peter asked, and Remus noted his looked genuinely curious. "Can you be like a Rune-ologist, or something?"
"Who cares?" Sirius moaned. "Look if we're not going to hex Sniv and my favourite shag piece is stuck in class, let's at least sneak down to the kitchens and get the elves to fry us up something monstrous."
Remus chuckled, because really, Sirius was almost amusing when he was feeling restless, even if it was only in the sort of way a friend could love. James sighed, but started to sling his bag over his shoulder. Peter fidgeted for a minute, then said, "I just ate," and darted a glance at Remus.
Remus didn't know if that was meant to keep him here, or if it was a hopeful look for Remus to stand with them. Either way, when James and Sirius walked off, Remus stayed and closed his book. "Truthfully, I'm not sure what you can do with runes, but I enjoy them," he said.
"I think I need an exorcism," Peter blurted.
Remus' eyes snapped up to Peter's in a split second, and Peter's face had gone so red it was blotchy. "An... what?!"
"You're the only one I can say this to, Moony. I know it's--" Peter made a face and changed tack "I know that I'm not clever like you, or handsome like Sirius, and I'm okay with that. But I can't stop it. I tried to stop it. There's something wicked inside me," Peter said, and he was talking so quickly now that Remus thought he was probably forcing himself to say this before he chickened out. "I could be okay with everything, everything, everything but... I can't stop it."
"Peter..."
"You're a poof, aren't you?" Peter asked bluntly, and he looked up and met Remus' eyes even though he was still blushing.
Remus just stared at Peter, and then nodded. "I guess so. I like blokes."
Peter frowned. "You like me?"
Remus felt a little breathless, like the oxygen had been sucked out of the air, but he nodded again.
Peter's frown deepened. "You don't think that's wicked? You don't feel like there's something inside you that doesn't belong there, something that's going to ruin you?"
Remus was still just staring. This was not what he was expecting, but he shook his head this time, which only made Peter huff a breath. "Pete," Remus said, then wondered just what the hell he was supposed to say to this. His mind quickly went through all the ways he could possibly dismiss the notion that Peter had some sort of horrible demon inside him without making Peter feel foolish, and maybe also get Peter to accept himself. "Maybe it's just a fascination," he said after a moment, even though he'd known Peter was gay for ages. "Maybe if you did it once, you could see it wasn't what you wanted and you could stop thinking about it."
Peter looked up at Remus, his expression dubious, and then after a moment he looked away again. He chewed the inside of his lip for a minute, and then shifted. "With you?" he asked after a long silence.
"If you want," Remus said gently, and then a jolt of nervousness went through him when he realised Peter was considering it.
"D'you think I'll go to hell for it?" Peter asked. "I don't want to burn forever. I don't even like how warm it gets in the summer."
Remus blinked at Peter for a moment, and then suddenly a smile bloomed on his face, because Peter was really adorable in a weird sort of way. "I don't think so. I hope I won't go to hell... and besides, if you're only doing it to stop it..."
Peter looked as though he wasn't sure if he should return the smile or not, and he kept shifting where he sat, like his body was so full of nervous energy that he couldn't contain it. "Wh-where should we go?"
Remus had been here with Severus before, but he tried not to think about that when he tugged Peter into the small wooded clearing near the edge of the lake. Peter still looked nervous, but oddly expectant, and Remus thought maybe he really did believe doing things with Remus once would make him not want to do things with boys anymore.
"Behind a bush?" Peter asked, frowning a bit. "What if someone sees?"
"You said you didn't want to go back to the dormitory, even with the curtains pulled and silencing charm. And you said no to the prefect's bathroom, and everyone goes behind the greenhouses," Remus replied, watching Peter shift on his feet and eye the mossy ground. "Besides, most people don't come this far out, anyway."
"How'd you know it was here?" Peter was looking at him again.
Remus shrugged, but he felt a weird sort of jolt run through him. "Someone took me here once," he muttered.
"Who?" Peter demanded.
"It doesn't matter," Remus said. Peter was still sort of standing near the edge of the covering, and Remus watched him for a moment. It mattered to Peter who Remus had been here with before, Remus could tell, and after a moment, Remus sighed and said, "No one as important as you." It was the truth. Peter was his friend and had been for years, and Severus only fucked him and called him names and didn't talk to him, regardless of the irrational like he had for Severus.
That seemed to relax Peter a little. His shoulders dropped from where they'd tensed, and Remus stepped over and tugged him gently all the way into the clearing. Remus was nervous, but not as much as he thought he should be, considering he was about to kiss Peter. Maybe do more. Then again, he had felt like he'd been shagging Peter already before Peter stopped wanking and saying his name at night, so maybe that was part of it.
"Sit?" he suggested, and Peter obeyed, looking oddly blank and Remus knelt beside him, facing him, and lifted a hand to Peter's cheek.
"This is just to make it stop," Peter breathed.
Remus nodded.
"I've never done this. I mean I've done it, but it didn't... I..."
"Shhh," Remus whispered, pushing the memory of Peter and Bertha out of his head. "I'm going to kiss you." Peter had been staring off as he talked, not looking at Remus, but his gaze snapped to Remus' at that. Remus could see the panic in his eyes, but Peter didn't move away from him. He just stared at Remus, and then nodded, the movement jerky and strange.
Remus smiled gently and leaned forward to kiss Peter's lips. It was chaste, and Peter was breathing hard through his nose. Remus pulled back just a little, a few centimeters in from Peter's lips. "We're still friends after this. It doesn't change you, and it doesn't change me," he assured Peter, though he knew their relationship had been changing rapidly, and this would certainly change it more.
"It's supposed to change me," Peter said, his tone hushed because they were close.
Remus kissed him again, and again, and again, each time it was just a gentle, closed-mouthed kiss. He kept kissing Peter like this until Peter's breathing evened out, and then he drew his tongue along Peter's lower lip and Peter gasped fast, and his breathing went wild again. Remus slid his hand from Peter's face to his shoulder to steady him, and started trailing little opened mouthed kisses over Peter's jaw.
God, he was already hard, and when Peter made a whiney noise a moment later, Remus realised Peter was hard too. It wasn't difficult to tell through either of their trousers, and Remus wanted to run his hands over Peter's cock through the fabric but he was still trying not to startle Peter. He nuzzled Peter's nose with his own, then kissed it.
"Don't have to kiss my nose," Peter said, but he sounded a little like he was being choked, and Remus looked down to see Peter's hands grasping the twigs and leaves on the clearing floor with white knuckles.
"All right?" Remus asked. He couldn't help but feel a little disappointed at how this seemed nearly painful for Peter.
"I don't think it's working," Peter managed.
"Can I touch you?" Peter turned to stare at Remus again, and then shook his head. Remus had to try really hard not to frown. "Should we stop?"
Peter shook his head again, more quickly this time and then blushed. "Can I... touch... myself... while you ki-- keep doing that?" Peter stammered.
Remus was dubious about continuing, but nodded after a moment anyway, since Peter had agreed and was suggesting they continue. He leaned in and kissed Peter again, and out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Peter shift and press his hand to the front of his trousers. Remus coaxed Peter's mouth open with his tongue, and Peter squeaked a moan when Remus' tongue brushed over his the first time and his hips jerked against his hand. Remus had to ball the hand that wasn't on Peter's face into a fist against his thigh, because that reaction rushed through him like a shock, but he was worried about what Peter might do if he touched himself too. His cock strained against his pants for touch.
Remus deepened the kiss, and Peter had no rhythm to the way he responded, but he seemed to like it, in spite of himself. At least he was finally responding, and his hand was rubbing his erection through his pants faster now. Eventually, after Remus kept his kisses regular enough, Peter matched the pace of Remus' tongue and lips, and Remus could feel the huff of Peter's heavy breathing against his skin. He finally pressed his hand against himself, because he was aching with need, but he just pressed and didn't stroke.
When he trailed his kisses over Peter's throat, Peter tipped his head back, letting it hang behind him, and Remus licked his Adam's apple. Peter moaned a little and Remus scraped his teeth over the skin, which prompted a gasp, and then Peter shuddered.
"Nnnnffffnnngg!" Peter's entire body spasmed as he came in his pants, and then he sort of froze, panting hard. Remus pulled away and watched him, shifting awkwardly to adjust himself, liking the satisfied sag of Peter's body.
Eventually Peter straighted from where he'd sort of sprawled out a bit, and his expression changed. He looked as worried as he had earlier, and Remus' heart gave a horrible tug. "Any better?" he whispered.
Peter stared at him, his expression going confused at the question, then he glanced at Remus' lap and his lips parted softly. Remus had no idea what that meant, but Peter tore his gaze away after a moment. "Th-thanks, Moony. For um..." Peter shrugged. "Helping me."
"There's nothing wrong with you, Peter," Remus whispered, desperately wanting Peter to believe him.
Peter frowned, and then got to his feet awkwardly. "Thanks, Moony," he said again.
He scurried out of the clearing, and Remus felt all the air leave his lungs, suddenly wondering if he would regret this later. He hadn't thought Peter would just leave like that. He'd half imagined, even, that Peter might realise that it really was all okay. Remus was still hard, but he didn't feel like wanking anymore just now, so he just pressed himself up against the nearest tree to wait until his body was calm enough to leave.
Part 7