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Tweak says, "I'd rather have you."

Lydia Martin personifies (eunoia) wrote in paradisolog,
@ 2016-04-09 21:50:00

Entry tags:

~bo dennis (thelifeichoose), ~lydia martin (eunoia)

WHO: Lydia Martin & Bo Dennis
WHERE: Behind the waterfall
WHEN: Backdated to Friday night, after this.
WHAT: Finally breaking down
WARNINGS: Feels
STATUS: Complete

ouch, i have lost myself again. lost myself and i am nowhere to be found. yeah, i think that i might break. lost myself again and i feel unsafe.

When Finnick left her in the main camp, Lydia started back toward her shelter, even though she had no intention of actually going to it. Her natural inclination was to move in that direction, but she knew Stiles would probably be in there and all Lydia wanted to do was be alone right then. So, she started to change course. Lydia stayed within the confines of the camp rather than venturing into the jungle alone at night, even though every last shred of her wanted to do just that, because then she knew no one would stumble across her. Eventually, she wandered toward and then up the path to the waterfall.

Standing behind it, shielded from the camp's view and well out of the earshot of the humans, Lydia lowered herself shakily onto the ground, leaning up against one of the large boulders. The roar of the waterfall would drown out the sound, she was confident.

If the hormones weren't enough to throw her for a loop, the gut feeling that one of the few people in the camp that she enjoyed spending time with had just told her without telling her that they were not at all on the same page and she was only about to make an even bigger mess of things for herself than she already had with the people from home certainly had. Every day that passed made Lydia wonder why she'd thought running away from Beacon Hills would be a good idea. Every day, Lydia thought that she was being punished for daring to believe that she could find something better, even for a little while. Every day, Lydia increasingly wished she'd never agreed to the project. And every day, Lydia wished that Allison was still alive, because she knew that Allison would know exactly what to say.

That thought finally triggered her tears and once they started, she couldn't stop them. Hidden behind the waterfall and knowing that her sobs would be lost in the roar of it, Lydia cried. She cried so hard she thought she was going to be sick; so hard that her face hurt and she couldn't breathe. How could she have been so stupid? This place wasn't paradise; there was no such thing. This was just a prettier piece of her perpetual nightmare of a life, from which Lydia was never, ever going to wake up.

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eunoia
2016-04-10 02:47 am UTC (link)

Huffing indignantly, Lydia turned her back on the woman. There was literally nowhere to go on this stupid fucking island to get a moment of peace. Finnick wanted more from her, whether he was willing to admit it to her or not, than she was willing or able to give to anyone; Stiles was back in her shelter because she'd asked him to stay until the baby was born — stupid. Stupid idea — and the jungle wasn't safe. Comin here gave her an even more obnoxious audience: a total stranger. She felt backed into a corner.

Lydia's chest ached as she sucked in heaving breaths. Oh my God, is this what Isaac felt like in the freezer? she thought wildly, disconnected and admittedly awful. This wasn't that. This was a panic attack. Lydia felt boxed in and trapped and she was having a panic attack. This was fine. Lydia could fix this, she told herself, and she took in a deep breath, holding it.

She held it until she couldn't anymore and then gasped for air, clutching at the boulder because it was there to grab, and her shoulders started to wrack with brand new sobs as she broke down again. Fine, if this lady got her rocks off watching a mental breakdown, let her watch, then. Stupid, nosy bitch.

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thelifeichoose
2016-04-10 02:54 am UTC (link)

Bo let the girl cry for a few minutes before finally moving over next to her and quietly putting a hand on her shoulder in a gesture of comfort. She knew there was a fifty/fifty chance that she'd get punched in the face, but she also knew that there was an equal chance the girl would end up accepting a hug and letting Bo help her through whatever had her this upset.

Either way, she could handle whatever happened. There was a part of her that felt like breaking down too, that still felt overwhelmed by the loss of Kenzi, by her time with Rainer, by everything that had happened since discovering she was Fae.

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eunoia
2016-04-10 02:45 pm UTC (link)

Feeling the woman's touch, Lydia jerked away, looking back up at her with an expression caught somewhere between confusion and exasperation. Who was she?

"What do you want?" Lydia sobbed. "Why won't you just go away?!" Was it so much for Lydia to ask? Apparently so, she thought and she wasn't sure whether she was angry, resigned, or relieved by that. Probably all of the above.

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	thelifeichoose 2016-04-10 08:47 pm UTC (link)
	"Because you need someone, whether you realize that yet or not," Bo said. "And what kind of person would I be if I left you alone in this state?" She wasn't entirely sure why she was being so stubborn about this, but she was committed now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	eunoia 2016-04-11 04:48 am UTC (link)
	"A considerate one?" Lydia snapped back. "Look, I don't want to talk to some random stranger about my first world problems, okay? I don't know what you think I'll get out of it, but I came out here to be by myself and clear my head." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thelifeichoose
2016-04-11 04:18 pm UTC (link)

Bo wasn't the type to share her problems with anyone, so she couldn't even argue about the girl not wanting to talk. She decided a different approach was obviously in order.

"I'm Bo," she said. "I just got here the other day. From Canada. I decided to accept the invitation to come here because, well, because I wanted to run away from my problems. My best friend sacrificed herself to save my life and the world. Which sounds like an exaggeration, but it's true."

She had already been open about being a succubus, though she didn't expect Lydia to remember that. "I'm Fae. A succubus, to be exact. And because I refuse to let an ancient race of supernatural beings dictate my life, I'm kind of a magnet for trouble. Part of me feels like I'm betraying Kenzi by running away and coming here. Like I should have stayed and fought. But I'm just so tired of fighting."

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eunoia
2016-04-11 05:49 pm UTC (link)

Lydia hiccuped against another sob when the woman started to tell her story, the parallel with Allison stabbing into her as she stared back at the woman and wiped at her face with her palms again, this time not bothering to hide it, even as more tears started to fall.

"It doesn't sound like an exaggeration," she said in a quiet, dull voice. "It sounds like Allison." And it did, as far as Lydia was concerned.

She remembered the woman having fessed up to that, because she remembered wondering, at the time, what exactly that was going to mean for the rest of them, when she fed. She hadn't read too far into it because she wasn't really all that interested in experimenting with women, but she remembered the spike of curiosity at the familiar term succubus she recalled from more than a few books on mythology. But Lydia didn't acknowledge it; she was quiet as she took shuddering breaths to try to calm herself down.

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	thelifeichoose 2016-04-12 03:02 am UTC (link)
	"Who's Allison?" Bo asked, wondering if she was the reason for the girl's breakdown or if it was one of many factors. Either way, she felt terrible that anyone could relate to the aching loss of Kenzi and was more than willing to listen to her talk about her best friend. Hell, if anyone wanted to listen, Bo would tell stories about Kenzi for hours. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

eunoia
2016-04-12 04:00 am UTC (link)

Lydia shook her head a little and shrugged, eyes downcast. "She was my best friend. She died fighting to save my life and protect our town." She sniffed and cleared her throat. The only way that Allison really tied into anything was the void that Lydia felt without her there to talk to. Allison always knew how to make Lydia feel better; she'd just always known the exact right thing to say. Lydia missed that terribly, especially now.

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	thelifeichoose 2016-04-12 07:31 pm UTC (link)
	"Sounds like Kenzi," Bo said. "And part of me is angry with her for doing it and leaving me behind. How am I supposed to keep going without her?" She had a feeling that this girl was probably feeling similar about her own friend. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

eunoia
2016-04-12 07:55 pm UTC (link)

Part of Lydia was angry all right, but not really at Allison. She was angry with herself for not being more clear, for not being able to take care of herself; for not having the same sort of fight that Allison had always had so that maybe Allison would've had more faith that Lydia hadn't needed saving. Maybe Allison would still be alive, in that case.

Sniffing, Lydia cleared her throat. This wasn't about Allison and she didn't want to talk about it. "I should go back."

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	thelifeichoose 2016-04-12 08:18 pm UTC (link)
	Bo patted the other girl's shoulder again. "If you want to talk, I'm willing to listen. And that goes for now or later, okay?" Everyone here seemed to have some kind of past that they were escaping and that meant they all probably had some painful experiences they would rather not discuss but probably should. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

eunoia
2016-04-12 08:26 pm UTC (link)

There was a hint of suspicion in Lydia's eyes, something that had become almost a second nature now when people showed what could be perceived as an actual interest in what she was thinking or feeling at any given time. But she nodded all the same because if she didn't, she had a feeling Bo wasn't going to go anywhere and now Lydia would have to find some other place to seek out a private way to avoid Stiles for now.

She pushed herself to her feet and wiped her face again, holding her head high as if to masquerade the fact that she'd been feeling anything at all in spite of the fact that it was still written all over the tear tracks on her face. "Thanks," she said and while it didn't really sound like it, she'd meant it. With that, Lydia took her leave.

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