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Tweak says, "The dude abides."

Lydia Martin personifies (

eunoia) wrote in

paradisolog,
@ 2016-04-09 21:50:00

WHO: Lydia Martin & Bo Dennis
WHERE: Behind the waterfall
WHEN: Backdated to Friday night, after this.
WHAT: Finally breaking down
WARNINGS: Feels
STATUS: Complete

ouch, i have lost myself again. lost myself and i am nowhere to be found. yeah, i think that i might break. lost myself again and i feel unsafe.

When Finnick left her in the main camp, Lydia started back toward her shelter, even though she had no intention of actually going to it. Her natural inclination was to move in that direction, but she knew Stiles would probably be in there and all Lydia wanted to do was be alone right then. So, she started to change course. Lydia stayed within the confines of the camp rather than venturing into the jungle alone at night, even though every last shred of her wanted to do just that, because then she knew no one would stumble across her. Eventually, she wandered toward and then up the path to the waterfall.

Standing behind it, shielded from the camp's view and well out of the earshot of the humans, Lydia lowered herself shakily onto the ground, leaning up against one of the large boulders. The roar of the waterfall would drown out the sound, she was confident.

If the hormones weren't enough to throw her for a loop, the gut feeling that one of the few people in the camp that she enjoyed spending time with had just told her without telling her that they were not at all on the same page and she was only about to make an even bigger mess of things for herself than she already had with the people from home certainly had. Every day that passed made Lydia wonder why she'd thought running away from Beacon Hills would be a good idea. Every day, Lydia thought that she was being punished for daring to believe that she could find something better, even for a little while. Every day, Lydia increasingly wished she'd never agreed to the project. And every day, Lydia wished that Allison was still alive, because she knew that Allison would know exactly what to say.

That thought finally triggered her tears and once they started, she couldn't stop them. Hidden behind the waterfall and knowing that her sobs would be lost in the roar of it, Lydia cried. She cried so hard she thought she was going to be sick; so hard that her face hurt and she couldn't breathe. How could she have been so stupid? This place wasn't paradise; there was no such thing. This was just a prettier piece of her perpetual nightmare of a life, from which Lydia was never, ever going to wake up.

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