InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "You know nothing, Jon Snow."

Lydia Martin personifies (eunoia) wrote in paradisolog,
@ 2016-04-09 21:50:00

Entry tags:

~bo dennis (thelifeichoose), ~lydia martin (eunoia)

WHO: Lydia Martin & Bo Dennis
WHERE: Behind the waterfall
WHEN: Backdated to Friday night, after this.
WHAT: Finally breaking down
WARNINGS: Feels
STATUS: Complete

ouch, i have lost myself again. lost myself and i am nowhere to be found. yeah, i think that i might break. lost myself again and i feel unsafe.

When Finnick left her in the main camp, Lydia started back toward her shelter, even though she had no intention of actually going to it. Her natural inclination was to move in that direction, but she knew Stiles would probably be in there and all Lydia wanted to do was be alone right then. So, she started to change course. Lydia stayed within the confines of the camp rather than venturing into the jungle alone at night, even though every last shred of her wanted to do just that, because then she knew no one would stumble across her. Eventually, she wandered toward and then up the path to the waterfall.

Standing behind it, shielded from the camp's view and well out of the earshot of the humans, Lydia lowered herself shakily onto the ground, leaning up against one of the large boulders. The roar of the waterfall would drown out the sound, she was confident.

If the hormones weren't enough to throw her for a loop, the gut feeling that one of the few people in the camp that she enjoyed spending time with had just told her without telling her that they were not at all on the same page and she was only about to make an even bigger mess of things for herself than she already had with the people from home certainly had. Every day that passed made Lydia wonder why she'd thought running away from Beacon Hills would be a good idea. Every day, Lydia thought that she was being punished for daring to believe that she could find something better, even for a little while. Every day, Lydia increasingly wished she'd never agreed to the project. And every day, Lydia wished that Allison was still alive, because she knew that Allison would know exactly what to say.

That thought finally triggered her tears and once they started, she couldn't stop them. Hidden behind the waterfall and knowing that her sobs would be lost in the roar of it, Lydia cried. She cried so hard she thought she was going to be sick; so hard that her face hurt and she couldn't breathe. How could she have been so stupid? This place wasn't paradise; there was no such thing. This was just a prettier piece of her perpetual nightmare of a life, from which Lydia was never, ever going to wake up.

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	thelifeichoose 2016-04-12 08:18 pm UTC (link)
	Bo patted the other girl's shoulder again. "If you want to talk, I'm willing to listen. And that goes for now or later, okay?" Everyone here seemed to have some kind of past that they were escaping and that meant they all probably had some painful experiences they would rather not discuss but probably should. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

eunoia
2016-04-12 08:26 pm UTC (link)

There was a hint of suspicion in Lydia's eyes, something that had become almost a second nature now when people showed what could be perceived as an actual interest in what she was thinking or feeling at any given time. But she nodded all the same because if she didn't, she had a feeling Bo wasn't going to go anywhere and now Lydia would have to find some other place to seek out a private way to avoid Stiles for now.

She pushed herself to her feet and wiped her face again, holding her head high as if to masquerade the fact that she'd been feeling anything at all in spite of the fact that it was still written all over the tear tracks on her face. "Thanks," she said and while it didn't really sound like it, she'd meant it. With that, Lydia took her leave.

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