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CHAMBERS, samara b. ([info]tracelines) wrote in [info]pandorarpg,
@ 2011-12-26 13:44:00

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Entry tags:!status: complete, ^date: november 09 2003, character: elijah chambers, character: samara capper

Characters: Elijah Chambers & Samara Chambers
Setting: Chambers home, 9 November 2003, 10:21am
Rating: General Public
Summary: Discussing how to deal with the nightmare-memories and revealing long-kept secrets.

Regardless of how frightened she may have been the day before when she had the run-in with Zarkin Frood, the fact remained that he had given her valuable information about these 'nightmares' that she could use to get her and her family somewhere further along in solving the entire mystery. She and Eli might not be on the best terms at the moment, but that didn't rightly matter because he would put it aside if it meant working on something intellectual—she knew him well enough for that. And maybe none of that really mattered anymore because right now this was what was most important: compiling what they already knew and finding out what else they needed to figure out to solve this matter once and for all.

Eli's part was essential though, because of his access at the Ministry, so she would need his help. She needed to find out what he had already researched on this matter anyhow and amass it with her own knowledge so that they could converge on the same road and stop with all this 'need to know' shite because she had a family to protect and she didn't have time to wait around on her husband and his ideals of when he thought he was ready to let her in on his secrets. This was one that she wasn't going to wait on, whether he was okay with it or not, he would just have to deal with that.

Samara walked into his study, where he always was, with Argus close at hand, and dropped the few books and newspapers she had pulled onto the other end of his desk by the open seat. "Pandora Zurlo," she said simply as she sat herself down in the seat and greeted the golden retriever who walked over to her as she had entered the room.


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[info]skittish
2012-01-03 05:28 am UTC (link)
It would be a lie to say that he wasn't disappointed. Killing someone would give him the memories he needed to play around with and he could even indulge the curiosity of exactly what human flesh tasted like. And what if they were to kill someone with the nightmare-memory, what would happen then? Now, that would be something he would like to see. It could certainly give him a better situation of what was happening.

And he would figure this out and then find appropriate applications to his own work.

Except there it was. Samara was meeting his bait with her own, only he wasn't going to exchange anymore. No, he was going to carefully step down this path and make sure it led to where he wanted it to go. He wasn't ready for his true ending, so he might even take her lie. Eli just wanted her to know that he knew. "And who might have given you their memories?" The most likely people would be family and they had both lost parents - two fathers and a mother between them. Although given that their fathers were Unspeakables, it had to be one of them if not both. "Benjamin? Elijah?"

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[info]tracelines
2012-01-03 05:58 am UTC (link)
She had the chance to lie, but she hadn't been close to her father, so why would she even have her father's memories to begin with? Sure she could make something up about Benjamin Senior giving them to Benji and her having the access to them in the vault but that they were not actually hers to take. Truly it could be a believable lie, but she was at a tipping point now where she had already revealed part of her lie and didn't really want to go back now.

That didn't necessarily mean she was going all in either though. "I never said that they were given to me." It was the truth; she hadn't said that, but they were given to her. "They belonged to my father-in-law, who was for all intents and purposes my father." She had become close to Eli's parents, particularly his mother, though her bond with Eli's father wasn't exactly that strong until he made his offer to take Eli's place. "I loved him very much." Her father never would have done anything like that for his children or even his wife. This was, in more ways than one, a revelation for Eli. It was up to him where he wanted to take it next.

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[info]skittish
2012-01-03 06:55 am UTC (link)
Eli didn't like to think about his father. It easier to not contemplate the life of a man who went to prison for his work, who ultimately lost his mind, and died a fragment of his former self. The more superficial part of his mind told him he didn't like to think of his father because it bothered him - that fear of losing his mind. It was his most valuable possession and yet that deeper part of him, the one that took things apart to see how they worked knew that aversion was far more significant than that.

"So what? Are you saying that you took my father's memories?" No, that didn't seem right. While she might have done anything for the family, Eli knew that Samara had a close relationship with both of his parents. The problem was that was the safer conclusion to go to because the other one opened up far too many questions, but he said it anyway. "Or rather my father gave you his memories, which probably indicates that I'm not meant to know about them unless it's unavoidable."

To some extent, it had always been her choice, but he was still giving her the opportunity to change her mind. To not take them down this path because deep down he trusted his father and his wife to do the right thing. "So, have we really reached that point? Are you sure this is the time?"

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[info]tracelines
2012-01-03 07:24 am UTC (link)
Samara did not answer his first questions. There wasn't a need to - he knew the real answer already. It was the last that made all the difference. The fact that he asked her if she was ready, regardless of the fact that he would want to know, was touching to her in so many ways he probably would never understand. Regardless of the fact that he would probably not like all the answers, he had asked her of her comfort first, which was a blessing, but it also made her see that it was time for her to stop keeping it from him. It had been five years and he did have the right to know. All of the fallout would be personal to herself alone and she would deal with it accordingly. It was time.

"Are you certain that we can gamble with waiting? If there's any chance that it will save your life, Elijah, then it is time. Our son cannot grow up without a mother and a father. He almost lost you once, I won't let that happen a second time, not after all we've done to ensure otherwise." Samara paused for a moment, not sure if she should continue. She wasn't at all certain if this was something she should tell him or just let him look at for himself. It's not as if he could not watch it all anyhow. But that was not for her to decide. She owed him that much. "I can tell you myself or you can see for yourself. It is your decision."

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[info]skittish
2012-01-03 05:28 pm UTC (link)
He almost lost you once. She almost lost him once too that meant. So, he reached over to take her hands in his, letting her know that he was right here. That for all their trespasses, they worked together and that wasn't something he would blindly abandon. And he needed to hear it from her, as if that would somehow make it more bearable.

"What did I do?" While the other concern was what did she do, he still trusted her to have made what she thought was the right decision at the time. And really what she did was less important compared to what it was that she made disappear - what did she take away from him? "What did I do that would have taken me away?"

For as crazy as he might seem, he actually knew that some of things that he did or thought about weren't considered appropriate or even acceptable. Although he understood that as part of a limited world view that most people had, but he still knew that it was important to not share everything he did. He walked a fine line.

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[info]tracelines
2012-01-03 06:54 pm UTC (link)
Samara sucked in a long breath.  She had gone over this speech a thousand times, but that didn't matter - she couldn't remember any of it when he took her hands in his.  He might be supportive now, but that didn't mean he would be later.  He hadn't wanted it back then, why would he be okay with it after he knew the truth?  But that did not mean she would not tell him.  She had gone this far and there was no turning back now.  She didn't want to hold onto this secret anymore.  She had considered long ago taking the memory of performing the charm on Eli from her mind altogether, but she just couldn't allow herself to live guilt-free of this, especially not when she knew Eli would figure it out eventually and need these answers.  It might have been a bit masochistic of her to torture herself in that way, but she felt like it was a beacon that showed just how far she was willing to go for this family they had created so many years ago when they'd first met in the halls of Hogwarts and never left one another's side.

"You were working on a research project in the Department with Benjamin during the war.  It was focused on Muggleborns and officially was meant to get them help quickly for treating magical illnesses but you were basically creating a tracking device for all them.  The two of you were still working on it when the Ministry fell under Death Eater control, which you remember.  You worked on two deceased Muggleborns and two living Muggles during the project, which is what bothered the magical community the most I believe."

She looked down at her hands for a moment.  "I knew about your research then.  I supported you - I always will.  But we got pregnant in January and by May there was the Battle of Hogwarts and Harry Potter defeated the Dark Lord and Benjamin was killed during that battle.  They were persecuting everyone involved with the Death Eaters, which was going to include you and only you because Benjamin was already dead.  Jason was going to lose his father to Azkaban before he was even born to meet him."  Her eyes turned a bit glassy at the statement.  She hated even the mere thought and she could still remember her despair even now.  "I was going to have to raise him on my own and I was never going to see you again." She squeezed his hands.

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[info]tracelines
2012-01-03 06:54 pm UTC (link)
"Elijah Senior came to us and said that he would take your place in Azkaban. His life was near over but you had yet to live and with a child on the way and-and me, he wanted to see you live out your potential. He would claim himself to be the head researcher on your project and they would convict him instead of you. Your father was a wonderful man." She paused there and sighed, because this was the part he was going to hate her for, the part that might possibly ruin the very marriage she'd been trying to save. But she'd done it for Jason and she had to think about him before herself. "You wouldn't agree to it. You didn't want your father to have the credit for your work. We both understood your misgivings, you did deserve merit for your own work, but in the end it didn't matter because the findings weren't going to be useable by you or the Ministry; they weren't going to touch them because of the nature with which they were handled."

Samara's voice became shaky as she continued and her hands mirrored the movement, but she plowed on. "So we met together in secret and began working on what best to do. We thought up a few possibilities, but in the end the only feasible thing was to modify yours and Elijah's memories with one another's current projects so that when he was convicted they would have the memory of yours and Benjamin's project to pull from him and think nothing more of it. There would be no reason to. I used your and Elijah's original research project memories for study, as you had removed yours when they first began convicting people as a fail safe and I stole them from your study. Once Elijah's memory was set, all that was left was to modify your memory." She couldn't look at him when she spoke, even though she knew he deserved it. It was too difficult. "It was almost too easy to do, even though it was the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life. If it had been only for myself I would not have done it, but I couldn't let Jason grow up not knowing the amazing man his father was, not when there was a way that he could be saved. He needed you and he still does and if it means that I lose you, I am willing to pay the price - I always was." She closed her eyes and a few tears fell onto his hands that covered her own. "I'm truly sorry."

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[info]skittish
2012-01-04 01:54 am UTC (link)
As he listened to her speak of his project, a rather fascinating one at that, because that was what this was all about, wasn't it? The why magic existed, did a pureblood have the potential to be powerful than a muggleborn because of all that history or did it boggle a person down? At it's root is a a research project that dig into their reason for being and had dozens of applications that people could slant to be 'good' or 'evil,' which where perfectly inappropriate and limited views to assign knowledge.

"Does that mean you also have my original memories of my research?" It probably wasn't the immediate response she would have expected, but it was the first thing he vocalized. There was so much he could do. If he had what he did during the war, and perhaps even access to a squib that he could dissect some. He had to have been close if he was moving beyond theoretical and bringing test subjects into his research.

"I mean the nature of that work, the implications..." He stood up from his chair, needing to move. Eli had been expecting it to be so much worse and okay, it was worse because his father had taken the fall for what he did. "Although really do you think I would have allowed them to send me to Azkaban? That I didn't have my own fail safes in place? Do you honestly think I would be that reckless, Samara?"

"And more importantly, it's been five years, nearly half of which my father has been dead." Although crazy long before then. Eli paused then. "My father went mad because of me, well, it we're going to be technical about it, because of you. What were you thinking? Did you imagine you were protecting me from something? From myself?"

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[info]tracelines
2012-01-04 04:38 am UTC (link)
When he first mentioned the research, Samara wondered if he was not going to get angry at all. If he was only going to focus on this research maybe he wasn't even going to worry about the rest of it. If only it could be that simple. "Yes, you took out all of the memories of your project. I have them all."

But there was a swift change in him and he began to move and she saw the waves begin to break. It was coming - she was losing him. She could not lie and say that his words did not sting quite a lot and his blaming her for his father's insanity was rather harsh. She had never blamed herself for that and she would not start now. Elijah Senior had told her not to ever blame herself and she believed in him.

She let him finish berating her with questions before she even tried to address any of them. They seemed to be flying at her like slaps in the face, not that Eli had ever hit her before, but the force with which they hit still felt just as damaging. She took a deep breath and tried to steady herself so that she could actually give answers to him. "If you had any plans in place you did not mention them to us when your father suggested his idea. If we were at all certain that you could have kept yourself from Azkaban we wouldn't have done it, Eli." She didn't look at him when she continued, "The climate was difficult, Eli. We were all scared, we had a short amount of time to plan and take action and considering your flat out refusal to his proposition on the basis of accreditation alone - yes, I honestly did think you were being rather reckless at the time. It's much easier for you to look back now and see that decisions were made hastily, but the situation then was rather dire."

"No, Eli, I will not let you disfigure this into something disgusting. Your father was a noble man, he did this willingly out of his love for his family and his son and I was and still am immensely proud of that man for every day that he spent in Azkaban, even if his mind deteriorated because of it. You might not agree with how we planned it, but it was our decision, it was the best decision and we carried it out for that very reason."

She considered his last questions. There were times in which Elijah Senior and she had discussed that Eli's refusal to allow him to take credit for his research was a step toward that line between genius and madness that he had never truly crossed yet and it had the both of them a little worried. "In the beginning, when we first decided to do it, yes. It was a conscious decision that there might be a possibility that you were beginning to step toward the line you'd crossed before. I suppose if you had given us any indication that you had plans of your own we would not have thought this but you shared it with either of us. In the last five years, I didn't tell you because - well in the beginning it was too difficult and I was trying to focus on Jason rather than the war. After a year or so it just became natural to keep the secret and knowing that you would discover the imbalance eventually, I thought it better that you figure that part out on your own first before I came to you with the whole story."

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[info]skittish
2012-01-04 05:21 am UTC (link)
It was a fine line he walked. It had become an even finer line when he realized that pieces of him were not just missing, but wrong. Eli wondered if she knew, knew how it had become worse in the years since, putting more holes in between what might be considered sanity. Or maybe sanity was really just another way of saying a socially accepted conscience. It had unnerved him, and of course she had to have noticed. He might have been a genius, but he was certainly married to someone who could keep up with him. Someone who he had loved since he was sixteen.

Yes, he was upset with her, upset over this situation on many different levels, but that didn't really help them any. So, he took a moment to pause, his gaze drifting down to his hands. Rather than just using them as a neutral point of focus, he found himself look at his tattoo. He had made a promise. He took a vow. Those were not things he took lightly.

After a moment he turned to her. Eli crossed the room and knelt down in front of her. He took each of her hands in his own, his fingers running over her wedding band that matched the pattern on his own skin. Very deliberately, he looked up at her. "You say you would do anything for me, for our family," his voice was calm, knowing that what came next was a loaded question. "But do you trust me? Absolutely and without reservation?"

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[info]tracelines
2012-01-04 06:14 am UTC (link)
The waves kept breaking in new ways. She didn't know how to react. He was firing questions at her one moment and then kneeling in front of her the next. She just didn't understand what he was thinking. And she didn't know why he was asking her these new questions either.

Samara gazed down at his face, blinking a few times, trying to pull the confusion from her mind. It wasn't that she didn't know the answer, because she did, it was just that she didn't understand why he was no longer asking the other questions. The fog cleared enough and she leaned forward and placed her forehead against his so that all she could see was into his eyes. She had always loved looking into his beautiful blue eyes ever since she'd met him in their sixth year. It honestly hadn't taken much for her to realise that he was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. "Elijah Chambers, I have trusted you since I was sixteen years old and barely knew who you were. Now that I do know you more completely, I trust you more than I trust myself most times. Do not ever think that I disbelieve that you know what you are doing in anything."

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[info]skittish
2012-01-06 04:37 am UTC (link)
That was the funny thing about trust, you didn't always get to know why. Eli had things he kept, things he could always keep, but if they were going to do this, even just a fraction of the possibilities running through his head, he would need to know that she trusted him no matter what.

"Then I need you retrieve those memories, mine and my father's." He wanted his memories back, or at least wanted the option to have them back. The situation wasn't idea, but at the moment it could be an advantage. It would be interesting to see how his own memories might integrate or not integrate into everything else already in his head. It could even be useful, unless it only made him madder. "And we are going to see what sort of things you can do with a dead man's memory to try to figure this out.

"In the meanwhile, we are going to recreate as perfect a version of this nightmare-memory and find a volunteer to insert it into." Volunteer was a pretty generous term, but they were already wading into murky waters on this one. And this time there was no father to take the fall (and the credit) if things went too deep. But if they could pull this off together, if they could figure it out, and if he could figure out how this Pandora did what she did - then that would be something else.

"I also think you should consider going back to work," he added almost as an after thought. "Or at least finding a way to continue your training." At the moment they had a good amount of skill between them, but they could be better and he wasn't just going to let that possibility go unspoken. Especially if they were or could be a truly a great wizard and witch pair like their son had mentioned earlier.

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[info]tracelines
2012-01-06 05:35 am UTC (link)
Samara was not at all surprised by his first request. She was going to give them to him anyhow, so she did not have any problem agreeing to this. "You will have them tomorrow, Eli." She didn't know if Elijah's Senior's memories would help them in anyway, but if they would she was glad to have them.

The next was a plan they considered earlier and she already supported it. Who could the volunteer though? Who did they have enough access to that they could monitor closely? They had family friends, but who were they willing to administer to their little test and when? "We could always use my birthday as cover, if we can get it ready in time. Invite people over for dinner and it will be easy enough to insert the memory without suspicion as to why we asked them over." She really had no trouble offering up her birthday as a cover for their scheming - it was the type of thing she was willing to do, after all.

It was the last thing that he said that took her by complete surprise. It was not that she never planned on continuing her training, because she always had intended on such, but only when she knew that Jason was well taken care of at Hogwarts for most of the year and she would not have to worry about him. That would be another six years. But she didn't necessarily have six more years to live, did she? "But Jase - who would look after him?" she asked, her voice very small. She had not been away from him since he was born and the thought of leaving him now was more difficult than she could imagine.

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[info]skittish
2012-01-06 06:24 am UTC (link)
Eli smiled at her when she mentioned using her birthday as a cover. It didn't give them much time, only four days. "I could probably get you something by Tuesday, and it would be good, but we could also hold off to invite people over for dinner on Friday?" It did seem like the best option. Yes, it would mean 'volunteering' friends or family, but those were also going to be the best people to monitor. He would have to draw up a list of likely candidates and make sure that they were not already suffering from the nightmares. There were suddenly a lot of other pieces in play, but not something the pair of them couldn't handle.

Except that wasn't really the big thing between him. It was his seemingly 'throw away' comment. Not that it surprised him that she would be hesitant about that idea. She didn't need to be working and pulling a salary, being a mother was her job in that time and she had done fine job of it. "He's old enough for some sort of day care. He might even like it - having a chance to start learning and interacting with other adults and children."

And if that wouldn't work, technically Eli did have some flexibility in the hours he worked. "You don't have to decide now, but I want you to seriously consider it. You are a great mum, but you are so much more than than. You said it yourself, you were on your way to being one of the best obliviators for the Ministry and that's something."

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[info]tracelines
2012-01-08 11:37 pm UTC (link)
"I'll send out invitations for Friday then," she agreed, already making a mental guest list of who to owl about the dinner. She was debating whether or not to invite her mother.

Samara sighed and leaned back in the chair, feeling the anxiety wash over her just thinking about the idea of someone else taking care of her child. It was true that he probably needed to interact with other children fairly soon and possibly other adults besides family and the few friends that came round the house, but every single day and when it wasn't even needed?

"I always planned to go back, Eli, when Jase was eleven and was ready to go to Hogwarts. I loved my work, but I love being a mother and I just don't-" she looked at him pointedly as if she were just now seeing him and her eyebrows went up a bit. "Why do you want me to start again now?"

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[info]skittish
2012-01-12 05:14 pm UTC (link)
Eli looked at her for a moment, weighing his response. He had asked her if she trusted him, but he knew that wasn't a fully two way street. Not yet at least. Still, he couldn't deny that they would be better, stronger even, if they were working together. Majority of people might not have understood why the Chambers family worked, but he did.

"Things are happening, Samara, and we need to be ready to take advantage of whatever opportunity that presents itself." He meant that he needed her to be the best or at least most skilled version of herself possible. It was true that he was breaking a lot of ground in his research, but with her on his side and figuring out exactly what they were dealing with...they could be unlimited.

"I don't want Jase to lose either of his parents, and I don't want to lose you," he said echoing her earlier sentiments. Except there was more, because it could never be that simple. "Beyond that you have to know that we could be Great and I want that for us."

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[info]tracelines
2012-01-13 02:05 am UTC (link)
Samara nodded slowly at first, taking in the words he spoke. It was difficult to think that she might be leaving her son but she knew that it would be good for the entire family if she did this now, not to mention it might help save their lives. Finally she nodded more firmly and touched the side of his face.

"Okay. Okay Eli, I'll go back. We'll figure this out and we'll take care of it. I'm not going to lose you," she said and leaned forward to hug him. She wasn't entirely sure of that quite yet, but she tried to sound as sure as she possibly could. He might be busy with the memories now but that didn't mean he couldn't get angry about things later and she couldn't fault him that. He still deserved the chance to be.

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