InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "LEO GOT AN OSCAR!"

Jameson William Kemp (flare_star) wrote in nevermore_logs,
@ 2013-10-14 05:03:00

Entry tags:

jameson kemp, lena rainmayr, thomas kemp

Who: Jamie, Thomas, Lena, maybe Serenity
What: Visiting Thomas in the hospital
When: Sunday afternoon
Where: Hospital
Warnings: Likely talk of depression and suicidal thoughts

Jamie knew that his father had checked himself into the hospital voluntarily, but he still got a heavy feeling in his gut as he and Lena went to visit him. He'd visited too many people he cared about in hospitals, and he'd rather hoped to avoid doing it again for a long time. But he really did want to see his father and see how he was, so he was going to suck it up and go.

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asterismos
2013-10-14 06:17 am UTC (link)

Thomas was housed in the psychiatric ward, though he wasn't on lockdown. He had a private room and he was wearing hospital issued pants, but his own t-shirt. He was cosied up on his bed with his iPod, listening to music while he read a book.

When he heard people approach his room he looked up and the moment he spotted Jamie, he tossed the book aside. "Jamie!" he said happily, and he slid quickly off of the bed to go hug his son tightly.

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	flare_star 2013-10-14 06:25 am UTC (link)
	Jamie hugged him back just as tightly, relieved to see that he looked pretty much the same as he had the last time he'd seen him. "Hey, Dad," he said, smiling a little as he stepped back. "How're you feeling?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	asterismos 2013-10-14 06:28 am UTC (link)
	"Better today," Thomas said honestly. "They gave me a few pills and they really chilled me out." Lena poked her head in the room and smiled, amused. "Sounds like it. I'll give you two a few minutes, but I'm right out here." Thomas grinned at her and then turned back to his son. "I'm sorry about all this." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	flare_star 2013-10-14 06:39 am UTC (link)
	"I'm glad they're helping," Jamie told him. "And you don't have to be sorry, OK? I'm just glad you're getting the help you need." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	asterismos 2013-10-14 06:43 am UTC (link)
	"I am too," Thomas admitted with a nod. He moved to sit back on his bed, leaving Jamie to choose a spot on the bed or the chair. "Did Serenity tell you everything that happened yesterday?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	flare_star 2013-10-14 06:48 am UTC (link)
	Jamie sat next to him on the bed, one leg curled under him. "Yeah, she did," he answered. "She said you were either looking for help, or to OD. Can I just say, I am really, really glad you went and found her instead of the drugs." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	asterismos 2013-10-14 06:56 am UTC (link)
	Thomas chewed on his lip for a moment and he finally admitted, "I wasn't yesterday. It was a struggle to keep myself there, but I managed it. I'm glad today though. You were the reason I sought out help, Jameson. I had started to believe it would be better for you if I died now. But even with that, I didn't want to leave you." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	flare_star 2013-10-14 07:04 am UTC (link)
	"There is no 'better for me' if you leave this world one second before you're supposed to," Jamie said hotly. "And I really am glad you sought help, Dad, I really am. But I was talking to Serenity, and we were both saying that you can't...you can't keep this stuff to yourself anymore, OK? Talk to us, we want to help you, even if it's just by listening." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

asterismos
2013-10-14 01:54 pm UTC (link)

"That's one of the first things we talked about in my therapy session this morning," he admitted. "The doctor told me to write everything down in letters to you two, but I think I can handle saying it out loud now. I told myself I was just being selfish until yesterday when I couldn't take it any more. Now I know it's just...brain chemistry," he sighed.

"I have just hated so much feeling like a burden these past few months. And the knowledge that I'll be a burden again and it won't get better, but worse- That's not been easy to handle."

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	flare_star 2013-10-14 05:28 pm UTC (link)
	"Brain chemistry or not, it's never selfish to tell us how you're feeling, Dad," Jamie told him. "I know I've said it before, Dad, but you're never a burden, OK?" Jamie said. "And we're going to be here to help take care of you, you're pretty much never going to get rid of us." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

asterismos
2013-10-14 05:35 pm UTC (link)

"I know that logically. I've just been having trouble knowing it psychologically."

Thomas reached an arm out so wrap around his son's shoulders. "And in an effort to try this...talking thing-" He sighed heavily before finally saying, "I'm scared too. I don't- I don't want to die that way. And it's selfish, but I sort of thought dying now would save me a lot of pain. But it's not fair to cause all of you pain just to save me some."

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flare_star
2013-10-14 06:01 pm UTC (link)

Jamie rested his head on his dad's shoulder, feeling a little tension leak out of him. It wasn't what he really wanted to hear, but at least they were talking about it, instead of his dad holding it all in. "And I don't want you to die that way either," he replied. "If I could fix everything for you, I would. Nothing about this situation is fair, and dying won't fix anything for anyone. And maybe this makes me sound selfish, but I'm not ready for you to not be here anymore."

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asterismos
2013-10-14 06:17 pm UTC (link)

"No, Jamie," Thomas said softly. "You're allowed to want your parents around. That's not selfish." He kissed Jamie's hair and rubbed his arm.

"I don't get a choice in what's going to happen to me. And I'll deal with it. I'm just terrified. I'm- I'm pissed off too. But I'm not leaving you yet. Yeah? You okay? Have you eaten? Did you sleep?" Switching to dad mode was just normal for him.

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flare_star
2013-10-14 06:36 pm UTC (link)

Jamie squeezed him in return. "It's just...for the longest time, there was no 'parents', it was just you, and the idea of not having you around is just completely foreign to me."

"Yes to all of the above," Jamie said. "Lena cooked last night, and I just went to bed early because my brain was going on five different trains of thought at once. And you know I'll help you deal with it however I can, in whatever limited capacity I can do."

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asterismos
2013-10-14 06:46 pm UTC (link)

"That's why I have to get better now. Because it's my responsibility to take care of you, even now."

He smiled as Jamie explained Lena cooked for him. "That Lena's a good one." He had a feeling she stayed over with Jamie as well. "And I don't think your capacity is limited at all."

Lena poked her head in then and smiled widely at both of them. "Hey my boys. I got coffee from the cafe!"

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	flare_star 2013-10-14 07:17 pm UTC (link)
	"Focus on getting better first," Jamie told him. "I'll be OK until that point, I promise." "She really is," he agreed. "It's really great, having her around. And I just meant, I'm not really sure what I could do, but I'll do what I can." Jamie looked up at her and smiled. "Om nom nom, coffee." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

asterismos
2013-10-14 07:28 pm UTC (link)

"Having her around is...perfect," Thomas said softly, and when she entered the room following that, he lit up like a Christmas tree.

Lena handed one of the cups to Jamie and then put down the other two so she could hug Thomas. "You and I can talk later, but I completely understand how this feels, baby. And it's going to be okay."

Thomas stood to embrace her and then, despite Jamie sitting right there, he kissed her deeply. She finally pulled away and chuckled a little. "Down boy."

"I'm just happy to see you," Thomas said, his voice a little lower than it had been a few seconds ago.

Lena just snickered and pushed him back onto the bed where she promptly sat in his lap. "Sorry for the PDA, Jamie."

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	flare_star 2013-10-14 07:55 pm UTC (link)
	Jamie just rolled his eyes, jokingly shielding his eyes and smiling into his coffee. "I can go wait out in the hall, if you want," he laughed. "Text Theseus something like, 'Oh no, my dad is an actual person, whatever will I do?'." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

asterismos
2013-10-14 08:05 pm UTC (link)

"You don't have to go anywhere, I am not giving him a quickie in this hospital room!"

Thomas pretended to whimper, but he looked quite content to lean his head on Lena's shoulder. "Thank you guys for coming. I'm glad I'm here, but I was getting a little lonely."

"Sometimes I wonder what you would do if you were left to your own devices for a week," Lena joked. "We'd come home and you'd be writing knock knock jokes on the walls."

"It'd be something like that," Thomas admitted. He had no idea how to be on his own. "Or I'd make a new friend and bring them home and try to convince them to stay. I just love my family. I don't like being without you."

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flare_star
2013-10-14 08:31 pm UTC (link)

"Just making sure." Jamie's voice held a note of barely suppressed laughter.

"Yeah, Dad, of course we'd come," he said. "You don't have to be here by yourself all the time."

He chuckled. "And all the lights would be off, he'd be sitting in the dark."

"We don't like being without you, either," Jamie told him. "It's weird, waking up and making coffee, and you don't come stumbling in half-asleep."

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asterismos
2013-10-14 08:41 pm UTC (link)

"At least I've gotten a little better at remembering to turn the lights on from time to time," Thomas said, kind of lamely.

"Sure you have, Scarhead," Lena kissed his cheek. "But like Jamie says, it's weird without you at home. I'll stay with him as long as you're in here, but don't rush it okay?"

"I don't think they'll let me leave if there's a chance something bad could happen," Thomas said gently because he didn't want that to sound scary to Jamie. "So I won't rush. Just keep in touch."

"Always," Lena promised. "So Serenity really came through yesterday."

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	flare_star 2013-10-14 09:00 pm UTC (link)
	"And we are very glad for that," Jamie told him. "Like you could keep us away," Jamie replied. "We'll be here and get to know the nurses by name. They'll get so sick of seeing our faces. But like she said, stay as long as you need to." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

asterismos
2013-10-14 09:11 pm UTC (link)

"Well, hopefully I won't be here long enough for you to learn their names, but we'll see. And yes, Serenity was wonderful. She knew about the heroin too, without me having to say. She remembered the body language."

"I hope being here also means whomever it was who dosed you loses interest in doing it again," Lena said worriedly. "If it wasn't random, I mean." She moved then, from Thomas' lap to a chair. Thomas let out a little whine and then he grabbed a pillow to replace Lena in his lap while his cheeks turned red.

"Did you seriously just get an awkward boner while I was talking about people attacking you?" Lena asked, her eyebrows raised.

"You are very attractive! It has nothing to do with the subject matter!" he hissed back.

"Wow, our family banter isn't like other peoples," Lena said to Jamie.

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	flare_star 2013-10-14 09:32 pm UTC (link)
	"Fingers crossed that's the case, but you know what I mean," Jamie said. "And yeah, she was pretty great. Really comforting. Also, yes, you and me both," he said to Lena. Jamie really couldn't do anything but giggle helplessly. "No, no, it's really not," he gasped. "Still wouldn't trade it for anything." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

asterismos
2013-10-14 09:40 pm UTC (link)

Lena burst into giggles as well, and Thomas thinned his lips at both of them. "I am so glad you are both enjoying this," he finally chuckled. "There's nowhere to escape here."

"For a little shufty?" Lena asked, looking innocent.

"That is so not what I meant! You are a terrible influence," he informed Lena.

"I am, but it's true. So get better and I'll shufty you myself. Not that that's uncommon."

"She's using sex as encouragement. This is going to set a dangerous precedent," he whispered to Jamie.

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	flare_star 2013-10-15 05:24 pm UTC (link)
	Jamie had finally managed to get his laughter under control, drawing in big lungfuls of air. "You say terrible, I say hilarious," he told his dad. "You can't say she isn't funny as hell, though." "Aaaand we're firmly back into 'I don't need to know' territory," Jamie laughed. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

asterismos
2013-10-15 10:57 pm UTC (link)

"Oh she's definitely funny," Thomas grinned at her.

"He's worried I'll start using sex as a weapon. As if women don't do that secretly all the time. Be glad you don't have to deal with us, Jamie," Lena winked. "Anyway, Bonerboy, drink your coffee." She finally handed him his coffee and Thomas just shook his head and took it.

"Suddenly missing being called Captain Giraffe something wicked," he murmured into the coffee lid and Lena cackled impishly.

Lena moved over to the bed, sort of without warning, and she wrapped her arms around Jamie. She pulled him in for a sideways hug and planted a kiss on his head. "See, Kiddo, everything's going to be just fine."

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	flare_star 2013-10-16 01:34 am UTC (link)
	"I'm pretty sure both genders do that," Jamie replied. "As far as weapons go, it's pretty effective." "Brb, telling Kat about 'Bonerboy'," Jamie cackled, pulling out his phone and pretending to text. "I'm just kidding, by the way. I'm pretty sure you'll always be 'Captain Giraffe' to her, regardless." "I live in hope," Jamie said to her, hugging her back. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

asterismos
2013-10-16 01:48 am UTC (link)

Lena grinned and ruffled his hair before reaching out to pull Thomas into the hug.

Thomas embraced the both of them before hitting Lena gently with the pillow. "That's for Bonerboy."

She giggled and ruffled his hair too. "I love you idiots. You're my favourite."

Thomas felt absolutely content with them there. That was why he couldn't leave. He had such wonderful people around him and they could still make him smile, even with everything he faced.

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