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Lennox Campbell is a man of the people ([info]colludium) wrote in [info]neeps,
@ 2018-01-22 13:39:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:! journal, lennox campbell

(ooc: posted before the match)

Tornadoes are coming up, and hopefully it'll be a good one to blow off the cobwebs that come from not playing since before Christmas.

Merc, Florrie, Shona, Angus, Jason, Lex, Micah

Merc knows this already, but here goes.

I went to see a private healer this morning. There's been a lot going on in my head of late and I needed to process it with people I'm not emotionally invested in in any way.

To cut a long story short, pending further meetings, she is looking into a formal diagnosis of anxiety and panic disorder. Which, given that I do this for a living, is... unusual. But she said that throwing yourself into what we do can be almost therapeutic in itself.

On a related note, I'll be going to regular meetings with her, more often in times of need. This isn't something easy but I think I'm finally coming to terms with some stuff that's been going on for far too long.

I don't want to be fixed, I just want to be better. There's a reason I've been keeping this ward small, so... yeah. I think that's everything. I hope it shows tgat I'm being proactive in making changes that I need to, here.



(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

Re: Same Ward
[info]colludium
2018-01-23 08:31 pm UTC (link)
It's not so much being comfortable as... not saying was more uncomfortable. And there's nothing to be proud of, really... I just couldn't keep it in after talking to her this morning.

That... that actually sounds pretty good, actually.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Lennox / Jason
[info]feelingyou
2018-01-24 12:50 am UTC (link)
You might not feel it now and it is going to be very difficult to hear for a while, but it is something to be proud of.

Take it from someone who has been there and has been equally freaked out by other people making similar comments. Still, I am honored that you felt like you can share this with me.

You tell me how long you want to fly for and I'm sure we can make that happen. After all, I am training for what is probably going to be a 12 hour race.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Lennox / Jason
[info]colludium
2018-01-24 06:10 pm UTC (link)
Thank you, Jase. Really. It's just... I didn't want to be unhappy anymore. Not now.

Well, endurance sounds like a good plan to me. A few hours might be good... let's talk after training?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Lennox / Jason
[info]feelingyou
2018-01-24 10:53 pm UTC (link)
Like I said big first step.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Lennox / Jason
[info]colludium
2018-01-25 07:33 pm UTC (link)
I have reasons to make it now. It's anything but easy and I feel like I'm forcing myself, but yeah.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Lennox / Jason
[info]feelingyou
2018-01-25 07:43 pm UTC (link)
Now, I don't suspect it is, nor will it ever be easy. It should, however, get easier.

Of course, I saw this from my own experience and bias.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Lennox / Jason
[info]colludium
2018-01-25 07:55 pm UTC (link)
Yeah... well, you know what I mean. I just don't want anyone else I care about to suffer because of me.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Lennox / Jason
[info]feelingyou
2018-01-25 08:05 pm UTC (link)
I do. Or at least I can make logical assumptions and extrapolate based on similar experiences.

I can also do this and might even over this other game changing opinion that the people you care about don't want you to suffer either. And to even offer that at times it is okay to be selfish, especially in the pursuit of getting better.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Lennox / Jason
[info]colludium
2018-01-26 08:57 pm UTC (link)
I guess the whole accepting it's OK to be occasionally selfish...that's something else I need to work on.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Lennox / Jason
[info]feelingyou
2018-01-26 10:59 pm UTC (link)
And then in a very cheeky manner I say welcome to therapy.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Lennox / Jason
[info]colludium
2018-01-28 07:57 pm UTC (link)
Sounds like it'll be a blast...

(Reply to this) (Parent)


(Read comments) -


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