InsaneJournal

Day Twenty-Three
Who: Katara and Zuko
When: Day 23 ; Evening
What: Confrontations of a different nature
Where: Outside, somewhere between the lake and Residential Building A
Rating: PG - 13
Status: Complete

Katara had spent a good deal of last night feeling terrible. When Zuko’s fury had sent the small campfire into a huge blaze that licked the ceiling, she had jerked away from it, shielding her face. Her hair had been slightly singed, and her skin had felt hot for a moment, but she hadn’t suffered any damage that even needed healing. By the time she had looked up, Zuko was gone.

His departure had left her with a sense of loss, and a sense of his true power. Sure, when she became angry, ice cracked and Avatar’s appeared, but she’d never hurt anyone when she lost control of her abilities. Fire was a dangerous element. Jong Jong had been partially right when he had spoken of it to her, but there were two opposing pieces to every element. Fire could easily kill, but it also brought life. The same went for all the other three elements. Fire was simply the most unpredictable. Zuko was unpredictable, too.

Katara felt horrible. She had insulted him, and he hadn’t deserved it. She was just feeling hurt and upset, and she had taken it out on him. Way to go, Katara. The first time you feel something you’ve been craving for years, and you freak out and blow it. She thought bitterly.

She rekindled the fire so it was a healthy height, then she had undressed to go to sleep. Katara was tormented enough that it took a while for her to actually fall asleep. She dreamed, but when she awoke, she could not recall what visions had slid across the back of her eyelids during the night. She suspected they were unhappy, though.

Katara should apologize, but felt the clenching in her belly every time she thought of facing him again. For the first time in a long time, her courage was failing her.

She took her breakfast in her room, just in case Zuko had discovered the restaurant and café. She wasn’t ready to face him yet. Katara knew she couldn’t just sit in her room all day. Besides, it wasn’t like Zuko would be out and about in the snow. He was Fire Nation. Warm weather was practically a prerequisite to leaving one’s room.

The waterbender bathed, dried herself, and dressed for the weather. She needed to release some steam, some energy. She needed to prepare herself for apologizing to Zuko. She spent hours in the snow, bundled warmly against the cold. She practiced her snowbending and icebending. Sometimes she even melted the snow into liquid, or she created ice sculptures. She wasn’t nearly as good at sculpting with her element as Toph, though she wasn’t absolutely horrible. It was obvious she was no professional. She wasn’t one of the architecturally inclined of the waterbenders, but that was all right because she was a healer and a damned good fighter.

By lunch, she was finished practicing, and she’d worn down her energy considerably. That was helpful because it meant she would have less energy for anger in case her emotions got the best of her again. She would have less energy for hurtful words that she didn’t mean, too. After she ate her midday meal, she returned to her bedroom to read through a few scrolls before she decided to take a nice long soak in some hot water.

Allowing the heated water to envelop her body felt amazing, and it allowed her to relax, to unwind as she collected her thoughts- even if they weren’t happy.

Katara thought about Aang. What had been missing in their relationship? Maturity was lacking from them both sometimes. After all, the waterbender had never actually been forthright about her feelings because she was too afraid to hurt him. It ended up that he was hurting because she couldn’t hide the fact that she was unsatisfied with it all.

It didn’t help that everyone else around her seemed happy in their relationships: Sokka and Suki, Zuko and Mai. Then again, Zuko had declared that he wasn’t happy in his relationship with Mai, either. It made her wonder if she had looked happy with Aang despite it all. Perhaps not. Aang had gone to the Fire Lord for relationship advice, but he had ended up feeling worse than when he’d gone.

Katara had never gotten that feeling of buzzard wasps flying around her belly with Aang that she had gotten with Zuko. Even Jet had only been able to give her butterflies, and those butterflies were weaker with the Avatar. If she had ever kissed Jet, would she have felt the same way she had with Zuko, though? No, probably not. She couldn’t imagine a kiss from any other man feeling the way it had felt with the Fire Lord.

She sank further into the water so her lips were beneath it, though her nose remained above the surface. She felt heat pooling elsewhere, the same area she’d felt it when they had kissed. A deep blush tinted her cheeks at the thought, but she tried to force her mind away from it. She needed a clear head and a body that wouldn’t distract her while she tried to think about all of this.

Katara and Zuko had always had a tension between them, but she had realized it might be sexual tension. Sure, she thought he was gorgeous, and, despite the severity of his scar, it did add to his appeal in a sense. She hadn’t really permitted herself to think of him in any way other than an enemy, then later as a friend. She hadn’t lied when she had told him she forgave him after he helped her face her mother’s killer.

When she had thought he might die after he saved her from Azula’s lightning, Katara had been devastated. She knew she had to try to save him. She had developed better healing techniques, and she couldn’t give up the way she had with Jet. Azula had been terrifying, though, and the waterbender wasn’t ready for death. If she died, two people would die. If she lived, she could save Zuko. If Azula hadn’t lost her wits, Katara and Zuko very well may have perished that day. If she hadn’t thought fast, Zuko might have died that day. Thank the spirits there was a good water source right beneath her feet with a good, sturdy chain with which to bind Zuko’s younger sister.

With a sigh, she knew the outcome of her thoughts. She had deeper feelings than friendship for her scarred friend, and she had been afraid of those feelings, so she had lashed out against them. The cost was steep, and she wasn’t sure Zuko would ever accept her. She knew things between her and Aang had been bad, but she’d still stayed with the Avatar. The same reasoning could be applied to Zuko’s relationship with Mai. The sense of betrayal was there, but why fight something that made one so happy, something that gave her so much fulfillment- or at least a teaser to the fulfillment he could offer- that she had been lacking for so many years?

Zuko probably didn’t feel that way, though. He probably felt as if he was betraying everyone by having kissed Katara at all, and she felt that way a bit, too, but she wasn’t one to fight the way she felt. She wanted to be with the Fire Lord, though, despite her own peasantry compared to his royalty, despite the fact she had once felt such deep seeded hatred against him and against the Fire Nation. Her feelings were different now. How could he accept her after how badly she had misjudged him, after those horrible things she had said?

That’s it. She had to apologize now. She couldn’t wait. Too much time had already passed. The day was gone and it was evening. Katara removed herself from the comfort of the steamy water, quickly bending the water out of her hair and off the surface of her skin. She dressed and combed through her hair as quickly as possible, though she was sure to make sure she didn’t come close to looking like a slob.

With a deep, bracing breath, she left her room and ventured across the grounds toward Zuko’s room where she thought he would be. She didn’t need a golem’s help this time. She knew her friend, and she knew he wouldn’t be out and about playing in the snow, especially if he was still unhappy about her horrible reaction to him. She had to breathe again just before entering the building. His door was the first one.

She stood in front of it for a moment before rapping her fist against it. No one answered. She rapped thrice more, and still she was left without reply. She leaned against the wall to wait, sliding down after about ten minutes had passed. Did he really hate her so much now?

As she curled her knees up to her chest, her gaze fell on something. It looked like a crumpled piece of paper. Her eyes scanned the rest of the empty hallway before she lifted it and smoothed it out. It was an envelope with Zuko’s name on it, crumpled up with the sheet of paper that told him he would be participating in a group activity.

Ice skating? Zuko was ice skating? Her relief that he wasn’t just ignoring her allowed the small snicker to bubble in her throat. The thought of the Fire Lord skating around on ice was just too funny.

Her mirth was short lived, though. She still needed to find him. The group activity was scheduled in the afternoon, and it was evening. If it wasn’t already over, it would be soon. She stuffed the envelop into her parka pocket without thinking, and left residential building A.

As she closed the door behind her, a random thought occurred to her. She had been in the Fire Nation capitol when she had been stolen from her world to live upon this one. Aang and Zuko had both been there. What had happened with her friends and family after she disappeared? It was another thing she would have to mention along with the apology.

It didn’t take long for Katara to find Zuko. He looked as if he’d intelligently bundled at least a little against the cold of the day. The night was already much colder without the sun to keep the chill from the snow at least a little at bay. “Hi, Zuko.” She said as she caught up to him. He looked furious, and she knew she couldn’t blame him for his feeling that way.