InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "i want that lovey dovey..."

AAUAUOOUUGUUHHHH (painfeels) wrote in marinasylum,
@ 2012-05-08 14:34:00

Entry tags:

aerith gainsborough, allen walker, cain, howard link, jade curtiss, karkat vantas, kira yamato, legion, painwheel, prospitian monarch, puck, rose tyler, touma kamijou, tyki mikk, wayward vagabond, yomi isayama, yuri lowell

voice; [REVERSE INTRO!]
[upon her arrival, Painwheel definitely had a little bit of an episode. she tore up that welcome basket and flipped her every shit available to be up-ended, and finally inspected the network a little once she calmed down and all the fear and irrational anger subsided—once she realized she's actually in control and she doesn't have to be such a fucking spaz.

it occurs to her, however, that she hasn't properly socialized in a very long time. she's probably bad at carrying on conversation. she also doesn't want to talk about herself. she doesn't want people to see her face. but she wants to know about the other criminals here. she wants to know people like she used to know people. they can't all be bad, right? ...RIGHT??

and so, she's been inspired to make this post!]

...Hello— [her voice is deep and worn, gravelly in its quality, like her vocal chords have been blown out a little.] My...name is Painwheel.

[she takes an unsteady breath in, and manages to push herself forward, a little.]

There's a lot of people here—people who've committed crimes... So I guess that's our common ground, as people... But that can't be it, right?

So...what do all of you enjoy? Who are you? I'd... like to know, I think.

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	video; toomanyzippers 2012-05-09 04:44 pm UTC (link)
	Maybe I am a masochist. I enjoy engaging others in conversations, even though they usually act like they hate it. What do you know about physical pain? [He lays his head on his arms, his arms on his knees] I heard the doctors remark that the pain is unbelievable and unmeasurable. I am not sure we could compare this kind of thing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

look who's figured out the private feature! [PRIVATE] voice;

painfeels
2012-05-09 04:48 pm UTC (link)

... I can't do it since I've arrived here, but they put a parasite in me that was a network of needles called Gae Bolga. With it, I could make large spikes break through my skin, especially if I broke my bones.

Even walking with the Gae Bolga was agonizing, and then I always had horrible head-aches from the mind-control. I got used to it, though.

The people who did this to me were doctors, but they didn't really share a lot about what it did to me. They didn't care.

So I don't know if I can compare it. I hate them.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

[PRIVATE]

toomanyzippers
2012-05-09 04:54 pm UTC (link)

My brother hated the doctors very much. And the medicine, but I did not mind it. I wonder if there would be any purpose in hating the doctors.

[seems surprised to hear about the spikes]

Even if my bones were broken, or if I was torn apart I would not be able to recover.

But... Doctors...

It is like hating the rain. It came every day, and made everything unpleasant, but there was nothing to do about any of it. We could kill the doctors, but Mother always found more. They had no choice in the matter.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

[PRIVATE] voice;

painfeels
2012-05-10 05:23 am UTC (link)

I guess it's similar for me, except they changed me... They haven't been a part of my life forever; they forced themselves into it.

My bones would mend themselves because of the parasites in the disgusting blood they put inside me. It was always really painful, but I always healed.

For you... I guess hating the doctors wouldn't make as much sense, because you needed their medicine, right?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

[PRIVATE] video;

toomanyzippers
2012-05-10 05:36 am UTC (link)

I can see how the distinction makes a difference. That is more like what the original Rion endured. He was given the drugs and subsequently died. They cloned him to create me.

I can pity the original Rion for that.

I need their medicine, but I... I suppose I resent needing it. Withdrawal is the most painful part of it all. I know I will feel the onset of it soon.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[PRIVATE] voice; painfeels 2012-05-10 05:37 am UTC (link)
	...Is it their fault you need it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[PRIVATE] video; toomanyzippers 2012-05-10 05:40 am UTC (link)
	More accurately, it is Mother's doing. But Mother knows best. So, I cannot be resentful or angry. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[PRIVATE] voice; painfeels 2012-05-10 05:44 am UTC (link)
	...Honestly, and I'm not just saying this to antagonize you, but I wonder if she does, if you're so miserable... I don't think you deserve that, even if I don't like you very much. It's all too sad. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[PRIVATE] video; toomanyzippers 2012-05-10 05:59 am UTC (link)
	But... Mother is infallible. How could she not... know best. I am not miserable. I would be ungrateful if I were. I was sad for a time, but that does not matter. Why are you bothering with any of this if you don't like me? It does not make sense. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[PRIVATE] voice; painfeels 2012-05-10 06:02 am UTC (link)
	[NOOO CAIN NO THIS IS MAKING HER SO SAD] ...We're a little alike. And I don't think you're a bad person. Or, not completely. I guess I can't completely describe why. Maybe I just want someone who understands me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[PRIVATE] video toomanyzippers 2012-05-10 06:07 am UTC (link)
	I... I am not a bad person. I try to be a good boy, as Mother asks me. [He curls up on himself] No one has ever asked me things like this. No one has ever tried to understand me. I do not even know if I understand you! I mean, maybe a little, but does it count? Why are you doing this? Why are you making me think these painful things? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

[PRIVATE] voice;

painfeels
2012-05-10 06:12 am UTC (link)

I didn't mean to.

[she thinks that Cain's been terribly mislead, and that his mother doesn't love him—but she doesn't want to push things like that on his state. and it's so weird, too, because he's a total jerk—but because he was misguided, she can't truly hate him, and at this point, hurting him out of vindication doesn't feel good.

it feels really awful, actually.]

...I'm sorry. It hurts me too, because you make me think of my own mother.

[her mother who truly loved her. something that Cain probably doesn't know like she knows, and that makes her sad.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[PRIVATE] video; toomanyzippers 2012-05-10 06:32 am UTC (link)
	Did you have a normal, loving mother? I know Rion's mother coddled him. She would buy him things he wanted, and made sure he had enough to eat. She tried to protect him whenever she could, but. That did not last. But I understand a mother like Rion's is supposedly normal for human children. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[PRIVATE] video; painfeels 2012-05-10 06:37 am UTC (link)
	...I do have a mother like that, but I haven't seen her since I was taken. I...I miss her a lot. A lot of human children have terrible mothers, too. I'm lucky. I think I took her care for granted, looking back on it now... Rion—? was also lucky. Is that your brother? You have different mothers? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[PRIVATE] video; toomanyzippers 2012-05-10 06:57 am UTC (link)
	The Original Rion, I mean. There is Original Rion and Galerian Rion. Galerian Rion and I are both clones of the Original. He got to have the name because he was manufactured to pretend to be him. I have not met many mothers, but I miss my own, too. I am sorry you were taken from her. Her absence in my life is taking such a toll, and it has not been even one day. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

[PRIVATE] voice; OOPS I MEANT VOICE UP THERE

painfeels
2012-05-10 07:04 am UTC (link)

Oh... I see. So the one you hated has the same mother as you.

[YOUR FUCKING FAMILY, U DUMB BOY]

...I can understand why. I know the feeling. It's hard.

[even though Painwheel feels like it's...for the better...that he's without her direct influence atm BUT HEY he's opening up to her somehow so she's just. gonna not.]

I think you can grow on your own, though. I think you probably have more of a mind than you're giving yourself credit for.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[PRIVATE] video; toomanyzippers 2012-05-10 03:11 pm UTC (link)
	Yes, that is the one. [He sighs, frustrated] Maybe. [He's much too uncomfortable with that fact. He was ok being autonomous without the concept that he was. But this is too much! How is he supposed to live without any sort of guidance from mother?] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[PRIVATE] voice; painfeels 2012-05-10 03:21 pm UTC (link)
	[she feels obligated to change the subject.] So you don't have any hobbies? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[PRIVATE] voice; toomanyzippers 2012-05-10 03:28 pm UTC (link)
	Not really, no. I have read a lot, but it isn't for fun. And the other things I do... They are not hobbies. [He is somewhat glad she changed the subject. This one is at least less sore. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[/unprivate :B] voice; painfeels 2012-05-10 03:32 pm UTC (link)
	[...she has a little bit of an idea to what he may be referring to and immediately gets REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. STEER AWAY, STEER AWAY.] Maybe you should try reading for fun. Or baking. A lot of people here play video games, too. I think it might be good for you to have an outlet, especially if you're depressed. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	video; toomanyzippers 2012-05-10 03:35 pm UTC (link)
	I-I am not depressed! [He looks down, coming off very nervous.] I do not want to be a disappointment with those kinds of feelings. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice; painfeels 2012-05-10 03:39 pm UTC (link)
	Your mother isn't around to disappoint. [BE A BAD BOY. GET A HOBBY] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	video; toomanyzippers 2012-05-10 03:41 pm UTC (link)
	That does not matter!! Do not say things like that! What if I get in trouble? [He's visibly panicked about that whole idea[ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice; painfeels 2012-05-10 03:47 pm UTC (link)
	Are you afraid of her? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	video; toomanyzippers 2012-05-10 03:49 pm UTC (link)
	O-of course! She is to be feared, as a God in Her own right. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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painfeels, 2012-05-10 03:50 pm UTC

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toomanyzippers, 2012-05-10 03:54 pm UTC

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painfeels, 2012-05-10 03:56 pm UTC

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toomanyzippers, 2012-05-10 03:57 pm UTC

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painfeels, 2012-05-10 03:59 pm UTC

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