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Tweak says, "Web of your own machinations."

Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat) (kitty_has_claws) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2017-01-23 17:54:00

Entry tags:

ianto jones, jack harkness, kitty pryde (aoa), pavel chekov (au), peter parker (stnas)

Day 412 The rewind
[Video/Action | OPEN]
So that...happened.

I've been here for awhile and for those of you who are on the newer side of things, I wish I had some keen insight for you, but that's just one of the games they play. It was kind of a remix of some of their old ones. [She's seen people remember more future before and seen people think they were connected to others in new ways. She had a husband for a day once before.] I think it's just important to remember who you are without their toying and lean on people when you need to. We're in this together.

I don't think what we saw was a real future even if parts of it seemed like they were. There were some conflicting outlooks. Of course, that hasn't stopped me from trying to remember exactly how we overthrew them in mine. [It hasn't stopped her from thinking about a lot of things it brought up.]

Anyway... [She hopes you're all okay. She would have been better at saying that yesterday when it was still twenty years from now. So, she just ends the feed there and you might find her out and about looking particularly thoughtful. Maybe absently walking through solid objects including you! As one does.]

[Action | Closed to Chekov]
[Before her broadcast or any other calls there is just a girl waking up next to a boy. Everything feels right at first. She snuggles closer and the details don't feel important. Are they still in the future? Was yesterday a dream or an experiment? It doesn't matter yet. She's only half awake and warm and comfortable.]

[Video | Closed to Jack]
Hey, so, how are things? [Concerned but also unsure how to ask if yesterday ruined his relationships for real.]

[Video | Closed to Ianto]
Need a coffee? [Code for "let's talk."]

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kitty_has_claws
2017-01-27 11:12 pm UTC (link)

[She never meant for things to be so messy. She fell in love with Piotr at first sight and had every intention to spend the rest of her life with him. And in one version of her story she did, but only in the most tragic way possible.

Fighting a deadly rebellion as outcasts wasn't as neat or orderly as Star Fleet either. Everything was fast and hard and life or death. It wasn't just both ends of a candle burning it was every point in between. Getting breakfast could be an intense situation. Reid criticized her once for everything being so dramatic with her and he wasn't wrong. It was the very fabric of the world she was from and she's changed and calmed so much, but that passion and intensity is still very much a part of her. She fights and loves and mourns powerfully.

In twenty years some of those rougher edges may smooth over like they did in that glimpse. She may burn more steadily. It gets a little better every day but it's no easy road.

She clings to him, content to let this hug last a good, long time. So much of her wants to tell him he already does, but it implies too much. They've been over that. It would make it mean less if she said it now. She can't do that to him either.]

Are you sure? I wouldn't blame you if you wanted out. [It hurts to even ask or suggest. She doesn't want him to be out. But she doesn't want to be the one who gives him his first messy heartbreak someday. That wasn't in the vision, but it could be in the cards.]

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candothat
2017-01-27 11:47 pm UTC (link)

[Oddly enough, Starfleet hasn't been nearly as orderly as the first seventeen years of Chekov's life (or, for that matter, as orderly as Chekov has kept his life since through sheer force of will--he keeps the chaos isolated to work hours, thank you). There's relationship drama on the Enterprise, subterfuge in the Fleet's upper echelons, and daily surprises that range from relatively harmless brushes with alternate universes to vicious attacks from unknown lifeforms. He has lost count of the times he only stayed alive though dumb luck.

It's not at all the same as Kitty's world since the dangers aren't a fundamental part of existence in his universe. Chekov always has the option to leave. He doesn't, but there's a massive difference between being a career danger-seeker and being born into a world where danger is unavoidable and everyone has to fight to stay alive.

Maybe he can be good for Kitty. Chekov's steadiness has benefited his crew and his sanity; maybe it can be helpful to her, too.

He smiles at the idea that he would want to run as he traces circles on her back.]

I am. How could I want out now? [Especially now. Kitty threw her secrets at his feet. He can't betray that trust by leaving just because some of those secrets are uncomfortable and he underestimated the depth of this pool that he's wading into.] I should offer you the same chance to get out.

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	kitty_has_claws 2017-01-28 12:14 am UTC (link)
	Maybe because you were paying attention? [She strokes his hair affectionately as she remains securely in his arms.] Pavel, I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want out either so I'm going to have to work on being a good girlfriend. But... I am keeping Jack and Reid, if he'll have me, in my life. Not like yesterday. But I can't cut either of them out. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

candothat
2017-01-28 12:41 am UTC (link)

You're being one now. You're telling me the truth. [More truth than he wants to hear all at once, even!

The but makes him tense and prepare for something bad. When something bad doesn't come, he waits for her to continue for a moment before concluding that that's it, that was the bad thing.]

Kitty, Jack is your friend and Reid is... [uh?] Reid. Yes, keep them, of course. [A little insecurity does creep into his voice in spite of the lack of badness. She's extremely attracted to Jack, some part of her is still in love with Reid, and she has known both of them longer than she's known him.] But try to always come back to me.

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kitty_has_claws
2017-01-28 10:56 am UTC (link)

[The badness is in the places where it can cause jealousy and insecurity. It's going to be in knowing they're working together or hanging out or seeing them dance. It's a lot too, but it's a very small world inside this dome and there are fewer and fewer people here. She knows. She once had a team for every sector and now that's been collapsing in on itself because they can't sustain it. She can't promise to stay away from anyone and it's not like Tyki where she should have tried harder. She just hopes telling him up front helps in some way. He responds so easily and she knows it won't always be easy, but she'll take it gratefully for now.]

I'm your boomerang. [Hugging him tighter and then after a moment...] That was kind of a ridiculous line, wasn't it?

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candothat
2017-02-05 02:01 am UTC (link)

[It doesn't sound that bad to Chekov, but he is considerably more naive than he imagines about some things. The insecurity seems like something that he'll be able to overcome, and since when is he ever jealous? It would be irrational for him to be upset about Kitty spending time with Reid and Jack and anyone else. Relationships can be so simple if you just approach them rationally!]

No. ...Yes, a little, but the thought behind it was good.

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	kitty_has_claws 2017-02-05 02:09 am UTC (link)
	I try for at least that. [She leans her head against his.] Let's just be honest with each other and tell each other what we need and find ways to work it out if something isn't working itself out? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2017-02-05 02:23 am UTC (link)
	Okay. I can do that. I-- [An uncertain pause.] Ah... maybe this doesn't matter, but you should know that I have never been with anyone for very long. Never longer than a year, and never with the thought that anything would last. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2017-02-05 02:31 am UTC (link)

Feels strange to hear you say that when part of me still feels like we were together for twenty years or at least a long time. [Nothing is as sharp and clear and secure as it felt yesterday. Memories are still there but when she tries to think back about people she didn't talk to or about she doesn't remember anything. But that day it seemed like her mind filled in any pieces whenever she needed it and those pieces are still there but ONLY those pieces. It doesn't really feel like twenty years no so much as something long and significant.]

Did you want anything to last before?

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candothat
2017-02-05 02:54 am UTC (link)

It's strange to say when I have seen myself with you twenty years from now. [And he feels like it's still real and obtainable and something that he could want. Surely those feelings aren't just the residue of yesterday.]

Lasting wasn't an option, not if I wanted to continue with Starfleet. Everything has been second to that, always. [He pauses the sort of pause that implies that he still has things to say, he just hasn't figured out how to say them.] I want this to last, Kitty, I know that, but I worry that I won't be good at it because I have never done it. Does that make sense?

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kitty_has_claws
2017-02-05 02:58 am UTC (link)

[Some parts feel so strong today that she's sure they touched on something real with her. Others less so. She just wants more time to see how it all fades or shakes out.]

I was with Piotr for years, but I wouldn't be with you now if any of mine had lasted either. And they were all pretty spectacularly heartbreaking by the end, so I'm probably going to have some issues from all of that.

For what it's worth, I think you'd be a really great long-term boyfriend.

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	candothat 2017-02-05 03:13 am UTC (link)
	[He hugs her tightly because that was extremely insensitive of him, bringing up lasting relationships when obviously hers didn't last.] I'm not afraid of your issues. I'm afraid of disappointing you. But thank you. I want to try. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2017-02-05 03:23 am UTC (link)

[She hugs back and didn't see it as insensitive at all. Maybe she shouldn't have brought hers up while they were talking about his anxieties! She just wanted him to know he wasn't really alone. And to be honest about what he might be facing. She knows those relationships left scars...maybe open wounds. What he says makes her smile and she almost says the words, but she holds them back again.]

You've never disappointed me.

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candothat
2017-02-05 03:51 am UTC (link)

[He really isn't afraid of those scars and wounds. Maybe he should be, and maybe he'll regret not being more cautious, but his heart has already decided that it loves all of her, including that ugly past and the damage it left behind. He wants to be good for her. He doesn't want to add to that string of relationship disasters.]

I'll do everything that I can to keep that true. [He lets go of her and kisses her forehead.] Look, both of us have been honest and neither of us is running away.

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	kitty_has_claws 2017-02-05 03:56 am UTC (link)
	That's a pretty great start. [Looking at him so fondly.] Or continuation. [It's not like they just started today although it feels like it almost as much as it feels like they are an old married couple.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2017-02-05 04:04 am UTC (link)
	Whatever it is, it is great. [He feels like he's loved her forever. Time needs to stop going all nonlinear on them.] Although not perfect. There are some things that we did for the first time yesterday without appreciating that it was the first time. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-02-05 04:15 am UTC (link)
	That is very, very true. [Draping her arms over his shoulders.] How could we know? You don't usually expect first times to be that good. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2017-02-08 04:17 am UTC (link)
	The first is never as good as the two thousand eight hundred eighty-eighth, I imagine. I hope that no unrealistic expectations have been set. [It still bothers him a little, but not as much as that other thing that happened for the first time yesterday.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-02-08 02:31 pm UTC (link)
	Hey, don't worry about that. [Leaning in to kiss his cheek.] It's just us, you know? No one's keeping score. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2017-02-09 04:05 am UTC (link)
	I am, but I promise that I'm scoring me and not you. Your score is perfect already. [He puts his arms around her and rests his head against hers.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-02-09 04:16 am UTC (link)
	We get scored as a team, sir. Team perfect. Really, don't worry about it. I'm not. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2017-02-09 05:18 am UTC (link)
	You're making it very difficult to worry. [Seriously, he has a lot that he suspects he needs to worry about but she keeps talking him down.] ...Also, I think you agreed with me that you're perfect. Thank you for accepting my assessment. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2017-02-09 05:22 am UTC (link)

Never disagree with a man calling you perfect. [She doesn't see herself that way and thinking he really might would scare her more than thrill her. She doesn't want to fall of any more pedestals. She wants to be see and loved for who she is so that she doesn't give her heart to someone who will want to hand it back. But she doesn't think of it as anything literal, so it's okay.]

And making you not worry is my evil plan. I see it's working.

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	candothat 2017-02-09 05:50 am UTC (link)
	['Perfect' is only a literal concept in mathematics. Kitty isn't math, so she's safe.] If that's your evil plan, what are your good plans like? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-02-09 05:53 am UTC (link)
	[She's never been more happy to not be math.] Cuddling with you? That counts as a plan, right? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)