Tweak

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Tweak says, "I know what the plan is! You'r"

Euphemia li Britannia (friendly_fire) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2016-05-23 11:29:00

Entry tags:

aidan reilly, euphemia li britannia, lelouch vi britannia, suzaku kururugi

Day 377 Closed Roommate Mingle
[This three-bedroom apartment in Sector 4 has passed through many hands already and it might be getting more crowded now. Too crowded?]

(OOC: Open to Euphemia, Lelouch, Suzaku, Aidan, and anyone they invite over.)

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whiteknightmare
2016-06-05 02:15 pm UTC (link)

[ Suzaku considers, his train of thought ricocheting against Lelouch's question and moving in the new direction. After a moment. ]

She would have made sure that somebody else would have had it, later. It would probably not have been nearly as bad. Not by the numbers.

[ Maybe Anya would have gotten it. Either way, the use would have been strategic, thought out. Purposeful. Still horrible, but not... not that. Not that. ]

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imperious
2016-06-06 12:02 am UTC (link)

[ A small, frustrated noise, but he's ready for this response, too. ]

All right. Let's say that's exactly what happens.

[ He turns back, and reaches for Suzaku's hand, to start disinfecting the first of the cuts. ]

What next, do you suppose?

[ Apart from, And then I would have died, because Lelouch is all too aware of that, and he will -- he doesn't know. Strike you, maybe. ]

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whiteknightmare
2016-06-06 06:53 pm UTC (link)

[ To Suzaku's credit, he doesn't actually think about saying that at all. In his mind, there is no doubt that if the FLEIJA hadn't been at hand, he'd have found another way to obey the geass.

No... Suzaku actually hasn't thought that far. His mind bumps into that, and he finally, finally focuses on Lelouch again, frowning just a little. He holds up his hand without hesitation, however. ]

What is the use of what-ifs? I shot the missile, Lelouch. There is no way for me to undo that, no matter the wishful thinking, is there?

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	imperious 2016-06-06 07:42 pm UTC (link)
	This isn't about wishful thinking. [ His eyes flit up to Suzaku's face and he scowls at him. ] I'm not talking about undoing anything. [ And then his gaze drops back down again, to the cuts. More disinfectant. ] ...I'm just saying. What you did had many consequences. Some of them... important. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	whiteknightmare 2016-06-07 05:53 am UTC (link)
	[ Lelouch! He didn't plan on focus, let alone steel in his eyes, ever again, and yet here we are. ] You said that you coming from later on was unimportant. [ Look, Suzaku isn't even mad or betrayed about it. Lelouch lying to him is par for the course, at this point, and he's done his share of the same, after all. But he is exasperated. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

imperious
2016-06-07 10:14 pm UTC (link)

[ It's so, so hard not to snap back. He bites his tongue, hard, for a long moment, focusing on the cuts instead of saying a damned thing. But finally, keeping his eyes lowered of course, Lelouch mutters, ]

My being from a few months in your future isn't significant. [ Willing his voice to stay steady. He still believes this. ] That doesn't mean nothing you did mattered.

--The scope of the destruction, to a civilian population, was very eye-opening for some important people. [ Privately, he counts you among them. ] If you hadn't pushed that button...

[ A small, tight shrug. If Nina hadn't defected, if Suzaku hadn't been on Kamine Island to witness all that he had... hell, if Lelouch himself hadn't thought he'd had nothing left to lose... Quietly: ]

I realize you have no reason to believe me, but our world would not be changed for the better.

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whiteknightmare
2016-06-14 06:39 am UTC (link)

The things that you have seen and done and know in those months seem to be significant.

[ He's. Focused, at least, even if the hardness has mellowed again. He lowers his eyes, watching the cuts on his hand. Thinking. He doesn't have the strategic mind that Lelouch does, but he can draw some conclusions, from what he's known about Lelouch and the situation in the Empire.

He's not denying the words outright, but he's also... ]

Ten million people died. You cannot tell me there could not have been another way.

[ He feels like he might be sick. ]

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	imperious 2016-06-14 01:20 pm UTC (link)
	[ The final death toll was thirty-five million. But Lelouch's answer is unhesitating: ] I can. [ Just. Ignoring the rest of that. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

whiteknightmare
2016-06-14 01:34 pm UTC (link)

[ Suzaku's eyes narrow mutinously, and then drop as he hunches in tighter on himself. You would have thought of something else. True, but irrelevant, wasn't he talking how what-ifs weren't helping, just now? You used me. Also true, but net exactly unexpected, or undeserved. ]

I... need to think about this.

[ He's not getting up to leave, at least, which. If Lelouch thinks he should know something else... ]

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	imperious 2016-06-14 01:58 pm UTC (link)
	[ ~~Oh you should definitely tell him you think this means he used you, that won't make him curl up in a fetal position!~~ The tone is a slight surprise even if the words aren't. Lelouch frowns; he isn't done bandaging Suzaku's hands yet. ] ...Think about what? [ Immediately he regrets asking, and his gaze flits away. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

whiteknightmare
2016-06-14 02:27 pm UTC (link)

[ Look, you know that when Suzaku Kururugi commits to something, he commits absolutely. And he committed to making sure his pride stops blinding him. Hence, no, he's not going to say that, even if he means that less in a hateful way and more in quiet-but-respectful-horror kind of way. Even this inconceivable thing I committed, you found the way to use.

Which. Suzaku has put together enough of Lelouch's initial reactions to suspect that the better world he is talking about is something that Lelouch made happen.

The question, though. It makes him stare up with a trace of incredulity. ]

You come and tell me that one of the few people in my life who have l-- who have been so important in my life - that I didn't kill her. Tell me that I committed mass murder and it resulted in the world getting better.

And then-- [ He swallows. ] Think about those things, as a start.

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	imperious 2016-06-14 09:26 pm UTC (link)
	[ Well. Lelouch keeps his eyes averted while he works on the injuries, for a long moment. Then, quietly: ] It's good news, isn't it? [ As if this should be the only factor???? Why can't you just -- follow the logic of it past your trauma, Suzaku. ] [ Why can't human beings be that... simple. ] ...I'm sorry I couldn't -- tell you sooner. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

whiteknightmare
2016-06-14 09:46 pm UTC (link)

[ Suzaku's half-gasp sounds almost like a whispered sob, though his eyes are dry.

After a moment, he raises his other hand and squeezes, briefly, the back of Lelouch's wrist. It wouldn't have made a difference, these two days. It would still have hit him like a freight train. ]

Good, yes. [ At least the part about Nunnally; he's still on the fence about the other thing. Things. ] But very, very big.

[ It's suffocating him - not Lelouch, in particular, just... the fact of being alive at all.

Or maybe it's just the heat. ]

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	imperious 2016-06-14 10:02 pm UTC (link)
	[ Not two days ago. He's... sorry he wasn't here earlier. ] [ But that touch stills Lelouch, and -- makes him feel the tiniest bit flustered. Suzaku. M, musters a smile. ] If it's too big, let's break it down into smaller parts. Nunnally is alive. [ Small hesitation, then: ] Rivalz and Milly, too. ...Focus on that, for a little while. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

whiteknightmare
2016-06-15 05:37 am UTC (link)

[ Lelouch. Not even Suzaku can think of ways to blame what the Wardens did or didn't do on Lelouch. He's spent enough time around Euphie here to be aware of how things are, and aren't, in the Dome.

He makes a small noise, though, squeezing his eyes shut. ]

I'm so glad that she is. All of them, the Academy, but especially her. Even if I know that she will never ever be able to trust me again, even if I know I don't deserve her attention now... all of that is less important than the fact that she's alive.

[ Despite my failure - failure - failure - failure!!! The word echoes inside Suzaku's mind sickeningly, twining in sound with murderer - murderer - murderer, one that he has lived with for just about half of his life.

Yeah, still too big. But he is honestly glad. Because he can be glad about things and people who are outside of his life ~~now~~, who he is not worthy of. ]

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imperious
2016-06-15 02:05 pm UTC (link)

[ ...He's so very out of his depth, here. Softly, ] We've both done our share of things to earn her mistrust. But...

[ Falters. Some other version of him, some other version of you, lived with her here. Her and a second Nunnally and Euphie... It sounds strange, impossible. But also -- idyllic. He can't imagine they weren't -- happy. ]

--She adored you. I'm sure... that hadn't changed.

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whiteknightmare
2016-06-19 01:02 pm UTC (link)

[ Suzaku's mouth goes absolutely dry. I'm sure, Lelouch says. Which means he doesn't know. Which means... ]

I see.

[ He takes a deep, hard breath, before his eyes slowly rise again. ]

I know I just said that it is too much, but at the same time, it is very - scattered, it is difficult to piece together. Not right this moment, but will you tell me what does happen during those few months?

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	imperious 2016-06-19 02:58 pm UTC (link)
	[ Can't -- quite -- stop himself from stiffening. Lelouch shuts his eyes for a heartbeat; gathers his thoughts for a heartbeat. ] It's. A very long story. [ You won't believe him. But he... can't admit that's his reason for staying silent, it's... entirely too vulnerable. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

whiteknightmare
2016-06-19 03:10 pm UTC (link)

[ Suzaku's voice is almost soft, because of a thin, frail, wary thread of amusement running through it. ]

I may not be as good at seeing things in perspective as you are, but I could guess that much.

Take your time to find the words, if you wish. But it seems that you and I will be speaking in different languages until you tell me.

[ Which. An hour ago even, Suzaku might not have been that averse to. But now - well, he did ask already. He knows he doesn't need to reiterate. ]

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imperious
2016-06-19 04:09 pm UTC (link)

[ It hurts. The offer, the implicit trust. But he can't, he can't, he can't. They barely got through it the first time, and that was when neither of them had anything left to lose; when they were united by what the World of C had shown them.

How is he supposed to recreate that all by himself, with naught but words. ]

...I know. [ Soft, and. The only thing he can really say. ]

[ Let's just... focus on finishing up with your hands. In a moment, the bandaging will be done, and then you can... take them back. And he can retreat. ]

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whiteknightmare
2016-06-19 04:24 pm UTC (link)

[ See, Suzaku still doesn't think he has anything to lose.

But he is paying attention, now, and he can see that it is difficult. So he's not going to insist again. He doesn't have the right to force that information, and, more, he knows Lelouch enough by now to know that if he tries, Lelouch will tell him a story... and it won't have much to do with the truth.

So he just nods, looking down at where Lelouch's fingers dance over his skin. Stumble, more like it, but close enough.

He'll stay in the bathroom and shower, after. Very cold, very long shower. And if he cries a little, nobody will know. ]

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	why do you break my heart imperious 2016-06-19 05:03 pm UTC (link)
	[ When he's finished, Lelouch... lets his hands fall to his side. Sm, smiles up at, after an awkward beat. ] All patched up. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	If not me, who? whiteknightmare 2016-06-19 05:13 pm UTC (link)
	[ Quietly, without quite looking up at him. His hands fold neatly in his lap, he's learned to keep up appearances far too well for far too long. ] Thank you, Lelouch. For all of it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	:( :( imperious 2016-06-19 07:38 pm UTC (link)
	[ And now -- thanking him. Lelouch resists the impulse to ball his hands into fists. ] --Don't be ridiculous. [ Soft, before his eyes avert. ] Honestly. [ You're welcome. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Um. >.>

whiteknightmare
2016-06-19 07:53 pm UTC (link)

[ Oh.

Suzaku is very unused to emotions that he doesn't understand, at least at some level. Feelings that he cannot reason. Which is why he's taken completely by surprise at the way his mind or heart or something seems to have found a small, tiny smile to tug at the corner of his mouth at that. Perhaps because he understood what Lelouch meant to say? He has no idea, but it's far more soothing than the bandages on his hand.

He runs his other hand up through his hair, the motion almost shy, and the next words just slip out of him, a habit deeper than the last year or so could reach. ]

Don't forget to drink a lot of water. It's very hot outside.

[ He always knows how to take care of oneself physically, after all. ]

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<3 -

imperious, 2016-06-19 08:14 pm UTC

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