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Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat) (kitty_has_claws) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2015-08-18 19:01:00

Entry tags:

ianto jones, james howlett/logan, kitty pryde (aoa), nathan harris, pavel chekov (au)

Day 337 [Action/Open][Privates]
[Action \ Open]
[Where in the world is Kitty Pryde? She could be perched on a rooftop looking thoughtful. She could be at the Defense Force headquarters looking over notes. She could be at the educational center experimenting with a tangle of wires and circuits. She could be in her apartment, flipping through the movie selection. If you're one to be in her apartment that is. In fact, she is in all these places and more since you have to go in between to get here and there. She may look a little distant at first, but she'd rather have the company than not.]

[Action \ Closed to Logan]
[Kitty reaches for a towel and her cigarettes. She's still a little out of breath from the match. Brawl might be a better term for it. She's going to be sore tomorrow.] Think we lost track of time.

[Video \ Closed to Pavel]
Can I come over to play?

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	readystopwatch 2015-08-20 12:41 am UTC (link)
	I'll see what I can do. What about things on a friendship level? Anything I can do there? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-08-20 01:23 am UTC (link)
	[Remember when she wasn't going to keep taking about it? Yeah, she's pretty bad at that when she needs to talk it through. No amount of standing on roofs works it apart like just talking does.] ...Did I do it all wrong or was this always going to happen? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readystopwatch 2015-08-20 02:14 pm UTC (link)
	The problem with relationships is you can't ever answer questions like that. [He's an expert on relationship regrets and what-ifs.] You never get to know if there was something you could have done differently. Sorry, I imagine that's not what you need to hear. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2015-08-20 02:24 pm UTC (link)

I don't know what I need to hear. If I did I'd write someone a script. I just want to stop feeling this. [She bows her head.]

[Softer.] It's not all him. It's a lot him, but... [Trailing off for a moment, gathering her thoughts and talking herself in and out of continuing.]

There was never really time to think at home, you know? Never time to feel the losses. That could get you or more of the people you cared about dead. Just move crisis to crisis and keep yourself hard. I didn't even cry when my students died. Couldn't. Then I was here and I found out Piotr killed me and tried to just channel it all into anger.

I never cried for anything or mourned anything and now I can and I do and I feel all of it and it feels like I'm never going to stop feeling it.

And... And none of this is your problem.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

readystopwatch
2015-08-20 03:19 pm UTC (link)

I can understand that. Keeping busy means you don't have to deal with things that hurt. It lets you ignore them or say you can't stop to think about them now because you can't afford to. This place is hard to adjust to after that. It gives you time to hurt.

And I don't mind hearing about problems, even if they aren't mine. [His hand finds her's and gives it a light squeeze.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-08-20 03:23 pm UTC (link)
	[Her eyes moved to their joined hands and after a moment she squeezes back.] I've been thinking about going into sector 6 and finding another pearl. Like the one I had. [The one that made her happy when she had no right to be.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readystopwatch 2015-08-21 12:22 am UTC (link)
	Do you really think that's the best idea? You'll know it's not real. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-08-21 02:24 am UTC (link)
	I think it's a terrible idea. [But not as bad as thinking about asking the wardens to turn off some of her memories. That one she doesn't even want to admit to.] I just want to stop thinking about it and feeling it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readystopwatch 2015-08-21 11:55 am UTC (link)
	In my experience that doesn't ever really happen. You just get used to living with it one way or another. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2015-08-22 03:09 am UTC (link)

[She nods slowly. Not the most hopeful thing she's heard, but she needs something more real right now anyway. Something she can believe in and the only things that have always been there for her have been pain and loss.] My birthday is in a few days. Day 340. Reid was the one who calculated out when it would fall. [Now he won't even be there for it. Probably won't even acknowledge it because he "can't."]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readystopwatch 2015-08-23 11:06 am UTC (link)
	[He makes a quick mental note of that but says nothing even as his brain begins planning.] When it rains it pours, isn't that the phrase? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-08-24 02:32 am UTC (link)
	That's the one. I'm not going to get a pearl or anything. You don't have to worry. I've been through worse. [It's just that none of her old coping skills work well here. Maybe they never did. Never were healthy, but they kept her going.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readystopwatch 2015-08-24 07:20 pm UTC (link)
	I hope not. If I've learned one thing from Torchwood it's that these things always have a way of backfiring. Sometimes things just hurt and it's hard to fix them but it's worth it to do it the right way. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-09-01 02:50 am UTC (link)
	Yeah. Too bad I never figured out the right way. [Tyki was how she got over—more or less—what happened with Piotr.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readystopwatch 2015-09-01 11:43 am UTC (link)
	For the record I don't think anyone has. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-09-06 12:47 am UTC (link)
	Then you're all welcome that I haven't ruined the curve. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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