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deanna troi ([info]counselled) wrote in [info]marinanova,
@ 2014-01-13 08:47:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:data, deanna troi, jack harkness, james watson, jean-luc picard, kitty pryde (aoa), korra, number one, spencer reid, will riker, yuuki kuran

day 254 | action;
A long time had passed since Deanna had felt the distinct lack of her empathic powers. She had only felt this sort of emptiness once in her life before today and it was no better now than it had been then. Last time, she had thought she would forever be without them and felt as though she had lost a limb, but she was hopeful that this time she could figure out what had caused her to lose them in an effort to get them back. At least she had experience in dealing with this feeling. Not that this would help her much, but it was a start. It was better than nothing.

Unsure where she was or how she had gotten here, and feeling as lost and alone as she had ever felt in her life, Deanna wandered around the area. She passed what looked like a park of some sort, a library, and something that looked like a residential building. That seemed a little more permanent than she had been hoping for. She'd listened to the welcome message, but it definitely hadn't seemed like something the Federation would condone, which meant that she had been kidnapped somehow. That wasn't a good thing for many reasons and she didn't like to think of what Captain Picard might do when he found out, let alone Will Riker. It was inevitable that one of them would and she doubted either would take it well.

Still, being here was an opportunity to learn about a new location and Deanna intended to do as much information-gathering as she could despite the situation she had recently been exposed to and the one she was in now. What she really needed was a way to contact Starfleet, if not Captain Picard himself. She had found something that seemed like a communicator, but without having someone she trusted verify it, she was hesitant to use it. Whatever the case, she much preferred to make contact on her own terms and that included being in possession of her empathic abilities. So for now she kept searching the area. It wouldn't do her any good to stay in one place.




[ ooc: deanna can be found anywhere in the dome today, but she starts out in sector 2. ]



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[info]1stofficer
2014-01-13 04:28 pm UTC (link)
The universe, it seemed, was determined to keep himself and Troi from getting to the Beta Veldonna system, and the Titan. He wondered where she was as he explored, hoping very much that the entities that had captured him had let her be. As tragic as he found his separation from her, as difficult as it would be to be stranded here - ostensibly for the rest of his natural life - he wished her freedom from it more passionately still. He would find his way back to her, out of here; it would drive him.

But before he found his way out, he had to map his surroundings, get a feel for the other prisoners here. He explored. This place...if it was a holosuite, then it was an impressive program. If it was an invention, a polished and personalised prison, like the Royale, then it was bigger and more intricate than he could have imagined. The dome was a nice touch. Like the dangerous cave system on the holoship, it suggested that there was nothing beyond but the crushing ocean, and dissuaded attempts to escape that way point blank.

It was as he was passing the warm, earthy smells of what was in all appearances an Earth steak-house - his growling stomach reminding him that he hadn't eaten in what felt like days - he spotted a familiar head of brown hair. Hardly daring to believe it, he laid his thoughts on his sleeve, only to get no reply. Imzadi. Deanna. Is that you?

It made his approach all the more wary, and he called out softly; out loud. "Deanna?"

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[info]counselled
2014-01-13 05:20 pm UTC (link)
Unfortunately for Will, Deanna was indeed here with him, but she couldn't currently use any sort of non-verbal communication. It was as if the very location sucked the ability right out of her and a part of her was subconsciously searching for a reason that might be similar to the last one. She wasn't having much luck, but--

His voice caught her attention first and she swung around. Her body language was tight, extremely tight, and she might have been more than a little jumpy due to the fact that she couldn't sense anyone, not even someone she knew intimately, around her. Despite that and her fear that she was here without him -- for while she knew she was capable of managing, especially now that she'd run into Captain Picard, she didn't particularly want to waste or use up more of their time together than they already had -- a look of pure relief crossed her face and she hurried over to him with the intention of throwing her arms around him.

"Will!"

If he couldn't figure out how happy she was to see him, the constant in her life, then he really didn't know her at all.

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[info]1stofficer
2014-01-13 09:02 pm UTC (link)
Caution went (mostly) to the wind as she turned toward him. He felt her relief almost as though he were an empath himself--mostly because it was his own relief too.

"Deanna." Comfort, relief, but she couldn't feel any of it, could she? He pulled her firmly to his chest, face pressed into her hair, though he kept his eyes on their surroundings for a moment, suspicious of anything that might be close to being considered their being watched. He kept his vigil only for a suspicious moment before turning his full attention down to her, waiting for her to look up at him. He was confident it was her--but he'd been fooled before.

"It's alright. I'm here. It's good to see you safe."

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[info]counselled
2014-01-13 09:51 pm UTC (link)
No, she couldn't feel it, not like she normally would have. She could tell he was relieved simply because she knew him very well, but she couldn't feel it and that was what has her off balance. As he pulled her to him, she wrapped her arms around him, her brow furrowing as she tried to hold back the flood of emotion.

It was all becoming just a little too much for her to handle. Shinzon, nearly losing the Enterprise-E (or at least it had felt that way as she had crashed the two ships together on her captain's order), actually losing Data, losing the abilities that were an intrinsic part of who she was... not to mention what Shinzon had done to her before all of that. She'd thought leaving the Enterprise for her husband's new appointment would be the hardest part before that mission.

She'd been wrong, so wrong.

For a few moments that seemed to stretch forever, she stood there with him, holding him close to her, head pressed firmly against his chest and arms tightly wrapped around him. If she had to be here at all, at least Will was here with her. After a while, she pulled back enough to look up at him, wiping her eyes with one hand.

"Will... my empathic abilities are gone." Her voice was no more than a whisper, meant only for him, but it was packed with emotion, fear and worry the most prevalent.

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[info]1stofficer
2014-01-13 10:24 pm UTC (link)
For just a few moments, just holding her tightly was more than enough. Comfort was necessary. Comfort was crucial. They'd been through too much, gone from a moment of great joy to the greatest of pains, and nothing could have prepared them for this, but at least they were still together. His hands moved from around her to her shoulders, and he held her firmly even as they pulled apart to speak. At her words he held her close again, his chin against her hair, inhaling hard. She needed him. Losing her ability was like losing a limb, and he needed to offer her the reassurance that she'd lost.

"I didn't want to believe it."

Even in terms of pragmatism, her losing her ability was a blow. The first question that had come into his mind when he'd seen her was whether or not she could feel anything from their captors. Well, after 'Are you okay?' The answer to that one, though, had been obvious.

"Other than that? They didn't hurt you?"

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[info]counselled
2014-01-14 02:57 am UTC (link)
It was more than just losing a sense or a limb. To Deanna, it was about equal to losing herself. The first time it had happened, she hadn't had any way to cope with it. At least now she knew what to expect and having Will, her husband, here to help her through it was a giant blessing. Deanna leaned into his hug, breathing deeply and letting his presence, his strength calm her as it always had. Maybe she would get lucky and it would all come back to her soon.

She shook her head at his question, which ended up just moving her head against his chest, as she didn't quite want to move away from him. "No." They took her uniform and dressed her in this other outfit, which was almost as bad because she couldn't remember what had happened, but at least she didn't know or feel like anything was different. "I feel fine. What about you? Are you hurt?"

Had they done something to her that he wasn't telling her about in lieu of worrying about how she was taking her sudden disability?

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[info]1stofficer
2014-01-14 03:31 am UTC (link)
He kept his hand, his chin in her hair. There was probably some rule against this - probably - but if they came at him he'd recite his wedding vows to them. He remembered them by rote. Until death do us part. Death and only death--and even then he wasn't sure.

"I'm just fine. They didn't do anything to me except dredge up some unpleasant memories." He goes back to watching their surroundings warily, until it occurs to him that he should probably ask her another question. One that should have occurred to him already; would have, if he wasn't already so distracted by her distress.

"Have you seen anyone else? The Captain?"

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[info]counselled
2014-01-14 03:59 am UTC (link)
There probably was some rule against it, but they'd known what they were getting into when he asked her to marry him and she agreed. Whoever had a problem with it in Starfleet would have to deal with her husband and she doubted anyone really would complain, especially not after they saw how she and Will worked together. He had never coddled her, never played favorites, not even when she was taking the Bridge Officer's Test. She didn't think he would endanger his ship for her, even now.

My first duty is to the ship. Words that would stay with her for a long time.

"Captain Picard is here," she confirms, taking strength in discussing their captain and focusing on their duties. "I met someone who knows him. She also said that... Data is here." But she hasn't run into him yet. "I don't know how it's possible, but if we're here..." Maybe there's a temporal anomaly in place. At this point, not much would surprise her.

"I asked a few questions, but the answers aren't as simple as any of us would like."

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[info]1stofficer
2014-01-14 04:19 am UTC (link)
Data? Data was...he was gone. The answer pulled him up short. A temporal anomaly would explain it, but...but how could it be? How could it be Data? Was it another trick? Picard would have more answers. Of course it was quite possible that Riker would have to seek him out himself to get them. Their Captain was good at keeping his secrets too, it was important never to forget that.

Because he couldn't come up with a better explanation, or a word for how he was feeling about the situation, he moved straight to her comment about answers. Witty, defusing banter that she would see right through to the concern underneath, but anything less wouldn't be true to form.

"When have they ever been? That would take away from the challenge."

As much as he does like straight answers, the two of them wouldn't have such challenging jobs if they were easy. This was just another incident in a long line of them. There was always a solution and always a way out. There were always answers--they just needed prizing out from the rough.

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[info]counselled
2014-01-14 04:56 am UTC (link)
Data was gone. They both knew it. Deanna had as good as seen it happen and she had clung to her husband for comfort afterwards. She couldn't imagine there was any possible way for Data to have survived. Not even Captain Picard had seemed to think he could have lived and that was what had hurt the most.

She knew she didn't have her telepathic ability -- if she didn't have her empathic abilities, there was no way she had telepathy, either -- but she still wanted to try. A part of her wanted to reach out to him even more than she already was. Imzadi. It wasn't working and instead of making her feel better, she felt even more isolated.

His attempt to lighten the mood helped, even if she knew what it really meant, what he wasn't saying. But it helped. "I hope tomorrow I'll be able to find better answers." Aka that she'll have her empathy back and be more than just the doorstop she feels like today.

Eventually, she pulled back so she could see him again, feeling much better than she had when she'd first seen him. It never ceased to amaze her how he could help calm her when she needed it, how just his presence could make her feel better. "What do you think we should do now?" He would have a better idea than she, both as her husband and her commanding officer.

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[info]1stofficer
2014-01-14 03:56 pm UTC (link)
If he'd known she was reaching out to him, he might have tightened his grip on her a little more, their closeness more physical in return for the mental loss. His idea of how difficult it was from her came from brief incidents and her own explanations, but he could only guess at how it made her feel, truly. He had nothing to compare it to. But he missed her, even while they were as close as this.

Rising to the necessities of command would help them both. He let her ease away from him, and moved to link his arm through hers, indicating toward a nearby bench. The clouds seemed to be restraining some weight of rain--how odd to see whether systems under the ocean.

"We should try to find out as much as we can about our surroundings, and I should present myself to the Captain--assuming I can find him. That said; Deanna, we have to be careful how much we allow ourselves to believe. There's a danger that none of this - not even the Captain - is real. There may be some greater subterfuge at work here."

He was unsettled, still glancing around warily, though he was trying to be more subtle about it now. She knew what he'd been through; he knew she understood his discomfort.

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[info]counselled
2014-01-14 10:41 pm UTC (link)
Deanna was hoping this was only a temporary loss, but at this point it was hard to tell. She'd thought the last time would be permanent and it had only turned out temporary and entirely a product of the situation the Enterprise had been forced into. Now she was thinking it might be temporary like last time and it would be the luck they'd had recently for it to turn out the opposite this time.

As they slowly broke apart, Deanna wrapped an arm around his, holding on as closely as she could, even after they reached the bench and sat down. What he was saying made sense. It wasn't something she had experience with, but she knew he did and he would know. He'd experienced the whole prison "counseling" thing once before. To her understanding, they had changed his perception of reality to get answers from him. She couldn't see that happening here, but she would be stupid to assume it wouldn't.

"I know." She gave his arm a slight squeeze of reassurance. "Perhaps in a few days I'll be able to figure out why my empathic abilities aren't working and how to get them back. Then I might be able to help us both decide what is real and what isn't."

At this point, it was all she could offer. She knew it wasn't much and it might not help him settle in and deal with what was happening and the memories it most likely brought back, but it was all she had. Well, it was the most she had. She placed her other hand on his arm and gazed up into his eyes. For what it was worth, the situation felt real to her. She was real and she hoped he could sense that, take comfort in her presence as she had with his.

"Does this feel any different than the last time?"

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[info]1stofficer
2014-01-15 12:03 am UTC (link)
"It feels different, because you're here."

He believed in her immensely, and not once - in any of the attempts to trap him - had Deanna felt to him the way she did now, as real, as crucial. She wasn't pushing him unnaturally or using her closeness to manipulate him--he'd change his mind if it seemed like her attitude had tranformed entirely, but for now he believed in her with all of his heart.

He had to. If he didn't have her as his anchor, he'd have to doubt everything.

"It feels more like what happened on Alpha Onias III. Everything there was perfect, like a holodeck simulation. Last time...last time everything felt real until it wasn't. Both and neither, until I didn't know who to trust, or what was true any more. If there's more to this then we'll know soon enough."

That, at least, he honestly believed.

The thought of waiting to see if her abilities returned was frustrating. Part of him wanted to avoid letting her out of his sight while they couldn't communicate, and the rest - the Starfleet side of him - knew that he had to take that plunge. Wait--

"They gave us communicators. Have you tested yours?"

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[info]counselled
2014-01-15 05:47 am UTC (link)
Deanna understood what he meant about Alpha Onias III. While she hadn't been there with him during that time and didn't know exactly what he had been through, she could understand what he was referencing. That time he had been trapped in a perfect world, a simulation as he said. And then there was the time he'd been captured. Even through all of their efforts to get him back, through all of the determination to get him back, Deanna had experienced a moment of fear that they might not succeed. She'd been afraid that something would happen to her and she wouldn't be able to reach him. If that ever happened, she didn't know what she would do, especially now, as his wife and not just his counselor.

But they were here together, their memories intact, and that was what Deanna was using to gather strength for them both. Even without her empathic powers, she could still be of use, to him and Captain Picard, and that was what she intended to do. She squeezed Will's arm gently, reassuringly, and gave him a smile. It was small but no less gentle and warm than she usually gave him.

"If I can sense anything--" Meaning, if she gets her empathy back. "--I'll let you know." Assuming they would at least end up in the same area to rest, she had a feeling he would figure it out as soon as she knew, whether or not she said anything about it.

His question gets a slight shake of her head. "No. I wanted to see what I could find first, without turning to a device I wasn't familiar with." No Geordi or Data to run it by first and without knowing anyone here, she hadn't seen any reason to try yet. Now with Will here, she has a feeling they'll be testing these out together. "Would you like to try them now? We might be able to use them to contact each other should we get separated."

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[info]1stofficer
2014-01-15 06:05 pm UTC (link)
Will was struck by the desire to be the first thing she heard, when she said that. He reached out to her again - Imzadi - and reminded himself to keep doing it, over the next few hours, days--he'd do whatever he could do. It reassured him too. If she did recover her empathy, he'd know she was real. It wasn't that he was holding out until then - he pushed himself to believe it - but it was a flaw in their reality that he couldn't ignore, no matter how well meaning. She probably felt the same way: how could this be reality if she couldn't hear him? And as her husband, there was a rush of protectiveness that the realisation earned him. He had to set his own doubts aside for her, on the off chance that this was real. He couldn't let her down. And his actions so far had been doing just that.

It was decided, then.

"The least we can do is listen to what's out there, make contact if the locals are friendly."

He turned away from the thought for a moment, turning on the bench to look at her, his hand moving to her hip, the other settling against her cheek. "We're still together, Deanna. As long as we have each other, everything will be alright. We'll find a way out of here."

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[info]counselled
2014-01-15 11:29 pm UTC (link)
Somewhere in the back of her mind, Deanna hoped he would be the first person she heard or sensed, assuming she would ever get her abilities back. Even if they were to split up for a short time to cover more ground, she had a feeling they would still be spending a lot of time together, time they could spend working on those powers of hers. And if he were there to help her, she knew she could manage. He knew what she'd been through recently and how she had reacted to it; she knew how all of that had affected him as well. Will was right. They could do this together. They had to.

If this was reality -- and she would agree if she knew what he was thinking -- they had to work together in whatever way possible.

Deanna nodded in response. "I don't think we're the first group of new prisoners. If that's true, we may be able to find others in a similar situation and they might be agreeable and willing to help." Like Kitty.

No matter how hopeless the situation seemed, she wasn't willing to give up. Not yet. For a moment, she closed her eyes at the touch to her cheek, leaning into it as she lifted her other hand to tap at a nerve cluster behind her carotid artery, using a Betazoid technique called plexing. The result helped her calm down even more. Once she felt less stressed and more able to deal with the situation, Deanna finally opened her eyes again and placed her hand over his on her cheek, smiling fondly. Her other hand migrated to his side so she could feel him where she couldn't sense him. He was her rock, her support and comfort. What would she ever do without him? Hopefully, she would never have to find out.

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[info]1stofficer
2014-01-17 11:01 pm UTC (link)
That was the point, wasn't it, of marriage? To know everything about each other, face every challenge together--

He stayed put, content to watch; he noticed her finding her center, moment to moment, and when she opened her eyes at last and smiled--well, the sun may as well have peeked in through the clouds above them. She could still smile despite everything. That was his girl.

"You're right. We can't be the only ones who want to get out of here."

He'd look at the communicator, introduce himself to people, poke around, but if it came down to it being himself and Deanna against this place, then that was what he was going to do. For the time being, he leaned in, and brushed the lightest peck of a kiss against his wife's mouth, retreating to look her in the eyes once more.

"We were ready for our next big adventure together. We've just gone a little off piste. If the crew of the Voyager could get home, then so can we, and the Titan will be waiting for us."

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[info]counselled
2014-01-18 03:36 am UTC (link)
Marriage was an important part of a person's life, an important step in their lives, one they'd finally chosen to take. It had taken a long time, years and years of friendship after a very start-and-stop relationship, and on some level, Deanna was convinced the metaphasic radiation from the Ba'ku planet in the Briar Patch had played a part in getting them back together, but she wasn't going to complain about it. She had loved him for a long time and somewhere over the last few years, the two of them had finally agreed to put their personal relationship over their careers, or at least to string them along side-by-side rather than sacrificing each other for a career and certain positions. Coming to that conclusion had taken them a long time and part of Deanna though it had been too long, but what could be done about it now but to enjoy the time they had left?

Deanna tilted her head up to accept the kiss, happy for even that much affection at this point. Every little thing he was doing went a long way towards convincing her that they were both real and that this situation wasn't a simulation. She nodded in response, her thumb brushing against the back of his hand. They would have more farewells to say and people to mourn, but the Titan would be the next chapter in their lives, a chapter they were long overdue to begin.

"We might be able to think of this as an intermediate adventure," she suggested gently. "It isn't what we were expecting any more than the Enterprise's last mission, but... maybe this will turn out better. It could be a learning experience."

She might not be feeling like her normal self, might not be able to feel as optimistic as usual, but she was going to try. She would put on that front for everyone else, at least until she and her husband were somewhere more enclosed, a private apartment or room where she could further mourn the losses they'd suffered recently.

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[info]1stofficer
2014-01-18 03:43 pm UTC (link)
In some ways, perhaps that was what had been tying him to the Enterprise for so long. He hadn't been able to leave; his reasons had become ever more complex over time, starting with his father and becoming things more difficult to define in those terms such as loyalty, but the truth was that he hadn't been able to accept a command until he had been accepting it with her at his side, both of them in agreement, both of the moving on together. Both of them happy.

And they may not have been as young as they were, but they still had the rest of their lives laid out before them. Perhaps it wasn't too late to have children? But bringing it up--that was a challenge they had yet to face. After everything she'd been through with Ian, she might not want to, and Will would be ready if that was the case.

But for now, their future was something to be set aside, their more immediate future to be faced immediately.

Later--later he'd worry about accommodation. He'd have to ask about that.

Pragmatism. Orders. "We'll take half the dome each, heading in opposite directions along the barrier. I'll cover the ground you've already been over, so that we're both familiar with it, and we'll meet back here."

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[info]counselled
2014-01-18 06:18 pm UTC (link)
It would make sense that they'd both had so much tying them to the Enterprise and thus to each other. Deanna had felt that tug when Thomas had left for another posting, yet another version of the man she loved who had placed a career over her. And yet, hadn't she more or less done the same in that instance? It was hard to sort out while it was happening and now so many years had gone by that Deanna wasn't sure how to begin to sort it all out. Maybe she didn't need to anymore. She and Will were happy and that was all that mattered.

If she knew what he was thinking, she would be quick to reassure him. Having children was something she very much wanted, even with the uncertainty of their new posting on the Titan. Ian Andrew Troi II had been as much her child as any biological one and even though the circumstances of his birth had been unknown at first, she had felt a maternal pull towards him. His life, his death, had been so quick and sudden that she'd barely had time to properly register what was happening, let alone how to handle it. And while enough time had passed that she didn't look back on it with sorrow, she thought she might be able to manage being a proper mother someday.

Someday, but not here, not in a prison.

Besides that, she knew her mother would never let her live it down if she didn't have at least one other child. Lwaxana was always going on about grandchildren. The faster they had at least one, the happier she would be and the quicker she would get off Deanna's back about it. But that could be dealt with later. Right now, she focused on what her husband was saying. It made sense and maybe if they both had something to do and focus on, they could manage better.

So she nodded firmly in response. "All right. If one of us isn't back by the end of the day, we'll use this--" She tapped her headset communicator. "--to try to contact each other." Hopefully it wouldn't come to that, but at this point it would be worth mentioning every contingency plan.

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