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Tweak says, "Muffins are love."

Tear Grants (mysterymelody) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2013-09-18 18:35:00

Entry tags:

:mingle, annabelle, buffy summers, hei, hikaru hitachiin, kitty pryde (aoa), matt donovan, sougo okita, spencer reid, tear grants, toul, yuuki kuran

[Day 237] Fear of Abandonment Therapy mingle
[The call to those placed in abandonment therapy simply says to head to the Sector 5 prayer facility, and that's all-- not even that this has to do with those insecure feelings of yours. Posted arrows point the way down to the meditation room that has been filled up with several tables, two completely lined with coffees, teas, and bite sized refreshments ranging from cookies and pastries to sliced fruit and veggies. Plates and napkins are stacked up, and if you want a fork, they're there too.

The third table is larger and round, for that feeling of closeness, with chairs set up and for each seat a set of papers is waiting neatly on the table surface along with a pen. Topmost is a questionnaire with instructions to put detailed responses, be honest, and discuss with another attendee, with questions such as:

Do you get anxious if you cannot see or speak to someone close to you at any given moment?
Are you constantly haunted by the idea that someone may eventually leave you?
Do you put up with negative or even abusive behavior from someone just to keep from being alone?
Did someone important to you exit your life when you were young? How did you feel?
What exactly are you afraid of, beyond the indistinct label of "being abandoned"?

The second is a page with the heading "Make a list of all the people in your life, and determine how devastated you would be if those people left and why. Try to cut the unhealthy relationships, and distance a bit from even the good to build your independence!" and a few extra blank sheets of paper in case the one isn't enough.

Small cards are also scattered in the center of the table, printed with positive tips to help the process of healing.

"Often when people are abandoned (whether because someone leaves or even dies), they feel utterly hopeless and helpless. But you are never helpless.

Nothing lasts forever, so enjoy where you're at and whom you're with.

Abandonment issues aren't always easy to recognize, but can be worked through in a loving relationship.

Try to challenge yourself to be alone for extended periods of time without giving into the urge to reach out immediately and connect to someone."

[[ooc: mingle! you know how it goes by now, use these examples or come up with better ones if you want!]]

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trappedinresin
2013-09-18 06:10 pm UTC (link)

[Of all the classes she's been shuffled to today, it's this one that hits maybe a little too close to home. A little more personal than the others, even when she wants to deny it most.

Fingers trembling, she doesn't remember when her nails scrapped along the table's surface to leave deep, permanent marks.

These questions are stupid. So so stupid. Swallowing thickly fat, unshed tears cling to her lashes as she stares down at her questionnaire. Why does each question hurt so badly?]

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	bottomless_pit 2013-09-18 11:20 pm UTC (link)
	[ Don't ask why Hei is in this group considering the material would have him at the extreme opposite. Better to be alone then form those bonds he feared. ] Would you like a tissue, Miss Yuuki? [ he held out a white cloth, neatly folded into squares with an apologetic look. He knows it's difficult, but it does help (sometimes) to get it all out. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2013-09-18 11:34 pm UTC (link)
	[ It takes her a moment to swallow down the lump in her throat. Quietly she nods, and takes the preferred tissue.] Thanks... I don't know why I'm so emotional. [A pause... maybe a little more honest with her words than she'd normally prefer to be in a situation like this.] Or I do, but... this is a really troublesome class. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bottomless_pit 2013-09-18 11:49 pm UTC (link)
	[ he smiled wanly and nodded ] I know. They don't take it easy on us, do they? [ he could still feel the hollow where Saya used to be and the empty spot that Pai had once again briefly filled. His fears made real. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2013-09-19 12:00 am UTC (link)

It's not bad to not want to be alone. [But this class makes it feel like it is. Like it's unhealthy. That she's too attached to the concept.]

Being abandoned or left behind-- of course it's scary. Whoever wrote these must have an ideal life. Because if they knew what it felt like to lose everything more than once they wouldn't write such questions.

[Emotion, Emotion, Emotion]

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	bottomless_pit 2013-09-19 12:37 am UTC (link)
	[ he covered her shoulder with a hand, comforting. ] I don't believe the wardens thought in depth on the subject. They do what they think is right, not what is. [ if they actually did what was right, they wouldn't have taken friends and family and loved ones away only to return them for a day. He still felt that loss keenly. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2013-09-19 12:58 am UTC (link)
	[A comfort she takes. She can't help but to feel upset over everything. Although he's here, too. They have to share something in common Or did he just decide to visit this one for the sake of it?] What do you think? About the topic... and questions? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

bottomless_pit
2013-09-24 11:47 pm UTC (link)

[ he was silent for a long moment, digesting her question, digesting the people in this room and the topic at hand. He had difficulty forming the proper response and after some time, he did, at last, arrive at one. ]

It's... difficult to put in words. No one likes being alone, but when they're forced to be...

[ Hei shook his head ]

It's a difficult topic.

[ he may not be the prime example of a man afraid of being alone, but he still had fears. He'd rather be alone then risk losing anyone. He had gone too far in one direction, then the other.

And then Saya happened. ]

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	thisiscalm 2013-09-19 06:12 pm UTC (link)
	[ Noticing that — of course he does — and with their budding friendship he won't pass up on a soft: ] Yuuki..? Are you okay? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2013-09-19 10:18 pm UTC (link)

[Her hand lifts, and she hurriedly scrubs at the tears within her eyes.]

Hey-- yeah, I... there's just a lot on my mind. I was thinking maybe I'd been put into the wrong class, or something.

[No it's the perfect class for her. And despite her words, she's been scribbling what looks like an essay on paper, even if the page sports a couple tear drops. Lifting the tea beside her, she takes a sip as a distraction.]

Um, I... well, I don't really want to be here. What about you?

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thisiscalm
2013-09-20 05:04 pm UTC (link)

[ The Nile isn't just a river in Egypt and this is as good a time as any to press a little. Hey, he's got a BA in Psychology and plenty of experience with therapy. If it can shift the focus off himself, then why not? ]

I can think of better things to do... but we don't have much of a choice. Might as well make the most of it, right? Who knows, maybe it'll even make us feel better in the end.

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	trappedinresin 2013-09-20 07:27 pm UTC (link)
	I doubt it. [Staring blindly at her paper.] The only people who are here are individuals who already know what it feels like to have been abandoned. Talking about it wont make what happened better. [The pain wont disappear. It wont change the past.] And it's only natural to not want to experience that again. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thisiscalm
2013-09-23 11:34 am UTC (link)

I agree. [ But this is Honesty Hour and he's not done. It's difficult to not psychoanalyse yourself at least a little when you spend your days analyzing everything else. ]

But I have to admit... if I had continued the way I did back home when I arrived here, I would've missed out on so much. Maybe talking won't make what happened in the past any better, but it can bring the closure we need to take that risk again.

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trappedinresin
2013-09-23 02:15 pm UTC (link)

I don't know how I feel about it all.

[Genuine. Maybe some of it has been wrong, but in the end would she do anything differently if she could go back now? She's not so sure.]

I've lost all of my family. Big Brother is all that I have left. This form makes it sound like it's wrong to want to be together. By now many sad things have happened, but even still he's the only person who can live as long as I can.

[He promised her eternity right before he abandoned her.]

He kept me secret all that time. He said we'd always be together... I don't want everything to have been for nothing.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2013-09-24 02:18 pm UTC (link)
	Yuuki... [ What do you say to that? He can't even imagine what it's like, or maybe he can. Being abandoned can cripple you, but only if you... well. Follow the advice of this therapy session. ] I'm so sorry. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2013-09-24 07:32 pm UTC (link)

I just don't understand. . .

[Drawing her tea up, she takes a sip, holding it between her fingers. Her plate of snacks is empty by now. She toys with getting more-- something to give her an excuse to cut the conversation short.

In the end though, she surprises herself. It's so upsetting. All of it bottled up inside that it just continues to spill out.]

Why did he wake me up, if in the end he was just going to leave me? [Throat tight, she swallows thickly, heart heavy. Her bangs shield her eyes.]

I tried... I tried so hard to be the person he wanted me to be. To make him happy. [She kept her hair long. She wore the clothes he bought her, even took to wearing high heeled shoes because that is what he wanted her to do.

She scrubs a hand across her eyes.]

It always felt like he was so far away. His eyes were always so lonely. And I know I can be selfish. Even he agreed that I-- that I'm a terrible fiance.

[Her voice lowers to a whisper.]

But he promised me forever.

[When nights grew unbearable and it felt like sorrow would crush her entirely, she clung to the fact that they would always be together. He loved her, despite the fact that she was so imperfect.]

Even though I was so lonely, even though I wasn't allowed to call or even write to anyone. And all those days blurred together, locked away in the basement, it was that fact that got me through.

[She owed him her life and her all. But everything eventually burned to the ground.]

But in the end I messed up somewhere along the way. I wasn't enough to keep him happy and help him through his despair. He's given up, and can no longer even tolerate the existence of beings like us. And because of all that, innocent people have died. And continue to.

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thisiscalm
2013-09-25 04:36 pm UTC (link)

Yuuki...

[ This is so much of a text book example that it could lay grounds for... well, an entire text book. Stockholm syndrome, physical and emotional abuse, dominance with potential sociopathic undertones (he'd have to hear a lot more to make that call)... maybe Yuuki's bad grades had nothing to do with her and everything to do with the environment. Actually, hearing this... he's sure of it. ]

It wasn't your fault. It's not your responsibility to make someone else happy, especially not at the cost of your own happiness.

	kitty_has_claws 2013-09-23 12:14 am UTC (link)
	[Oh, no, not tears. Come on, can't she just attack some monsters? That sounds less intimidating.] Wasn't planning on giving them a list of table abusers. Sometimes tables have it coming. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2013-09-23 12:43 am UTC (link)
	Their morning announcements are like a warm hug. So...you're not enjoying this group, huh? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)