InsaneJournal

OMFG! Anakin might do ~something~ *pearl clutch* (darkforcerising) wrote in makebelievelog,
@ 2013-08-11 21:48:00

Entry tags:

anakin skywalker, obi-wan kenobi

Who: Anakin Sr. and Obi-Wan
What: Discussing confusing things
When: Sunday afternoon
Where: The Workroom (the room Anakin uses for all his electronic projects)
Rating/Warnings: Probably low – they might argue, these two always have something to argue about
Status: In progress/Closed

“Slow the spin by ten seconds, Artoo,” Anakin commanded the droid at his side, he was borrowing the droid from Ani for the afternoon. A holoprojected schematic of a component to one of Anakin’s latest projects was suspended in the air in front of them. The cylindrical object spun on a tilted axis.

They were in The Workroom – the set of quarters on the fourth floor Anakin had been granted sole use of for all his electronic, mechanical tinkerings. Because Padmé forbid raw parts and pieces in her quarters. Something about not wanting to get a sharp wire end stuck in her bare feet. Anakin couldn’t argue with that.

The room was in its usual state of chaotic disarray. Or at least it appeared that way to someone not attuned to the Force. Almost every surface was covered with Anakin-crafted hunks of metal junk or actual working parts (it was hard to tell). And piles littered the floor. It was a sight reminiscent of his early childhood home.

But there was more to the room than this gathering of crude matter. In the Force the room felt positively peaceful. This, too, was Anakin created. A sensation not often connected with Anakin. And yet, as incongruous as that seemed, it couldn’t be denied.

“Another ten seconds,” he instructed the droid again, his head tipped to the side so he could study the image as it rotated.

Movement at the open door pulled his attention and he looked up. He’d felt Obi-Wan approaching the moment the man heading in the direction of this room.

“You can come in,” he said to his former Master. As if he would tell him to go away.

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master_kenobi
2013-08-11 11:55 pm UTC (link)

"I don't have new opinions," Obi-Wan snapped. "I have old weaknesses that are running unchecked and a place that encourages them."

He fell silent.

"I'm sorry," he said immediately in a cowed, quiet voice. "I'm sorry, Anakin." He ran his hand through his hair. "You learned. It wasn't like this. I can't tell him that I'll train him no matter what because it would be a lie. How do we find the middle ground?"

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darkforcerising
2013-08-12 01:35 am UTC (link)

Anakin leveled a look at Obi-Wan – not for being snapped at, but because Obi-Wan referred to attachments as a weakness, and that Anakin found mildly offensive. Anakin also caught Obi-Wan meant more than his feelings for him. But if Obi-Wan wasn’t going to poke his feelings for Siri head on, Anakin wasn’t going to do it for him. Not right now, at least.

“There is no middle ground with the Code. Do or do not, Master. No, it wasn’t like this, it was worse. I learned to pretend I could keep that part of the Code. I learned to keep secrets from you and the rest of the Council. And you learned to pretend you didn’t know those secrets. You just said it was a failing on your part to have any kind of affection for him – how is he supposed to trust your feelings are true and acceptable, or that his feelings for you won’t rebound negatively for him, and prove to you he is serious about training for something that demands complete removal of all attachments? What do you want from him?”

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master_kenobi
2013-08-12 09:05 am UTC (link)

Anakin was right. That was exactly what the Council would tell him. The boy was behaving and doing his lessons; what Obi-Wan wanted from him in addition was superfluous and even dangerous. Sentimentality on his part.

"Good point."

Maybe that had been part of his mistake.

"So what you're saying is that I should be discouraging attachment anyway, that this is the direction I should be pulling, not fighting against it. This is a good thing, isn't it?"

It didn't feel good, but he'd been raised by the Temple and its rules. Attachment was a failing and he'd been reprimanded for it more than once. If the idea was planted in the younger Anakin that being a good Jedi meant not having them, it was seated far deeper in Obi-Wan. At his core. In his roots. Attachment: his great failing. And here he was in Anakin's workshop asking his former apprentice how to cultivate it in his new one. What was he doing?

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	darkforcerising 2013-08-12 09:18 am UTC (link)
	“No. I’m saying you’re confusing him. And I’m definitely not saying no attachments is a good thing.” Anakin sighed, this was going to be one of those discussions. “I’m a better person when I share a connection with those around me. You want him attached to you, I promise, it’s far better than the alternative.” (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	master_kenobi 2013-08-12 09:52 am UTC (link)
	"Which is what?" Obi-Wan asked, leaning forward slightly. "I only told him to take his lessons seriously, Anakin. I've never reprimanded him for his attachments. I even invited that Helena girl to study with him. Actions haven't spoken any louder than words; he's disregarding both." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

darkforcerising
2013-08-12 10:09 am UTC (link)

He had been referring to his Sith persona Vader, who wasn't attached to anyone and didn't care about anyone but himself.

“I guess I should say you want me, and him, caring about, and selflessly giving to those around us. And to do that we need to be able to love. It’s just who we are. What you’re really worried about is jealousy, selfishness, and obsession.”

Anakin snorted, “Master, what the Jedi would call an outpouring of emotions, a normal person would call the barest trickle. Affection is quite a bit more than just telling him once and not addressing it again.”

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	master_kenobi 2013-08-12 10:19 am UTC (link)
	Telling him once and having it thrown back in his face. "If I'm not capable of nourishing him, then perhaps you should be teaching him. I can't be you, Anakin. I'm doing my best." He leaned back again, looking away. "I feel like I'm not in control of myself." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	darkforcerising 2013-08-12 10:26 am UTC (link)
	“But your forgetting the part where you’re the one he cares about, and he only tolerates me. Have you just tried flat out telling him you want to discuss attachments with-” That wasn’t good. “What do you mean, not in control of yourself?” (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	master_kenobi 2013-08-12 10:33 am UTC (link)
	"I can't 'discuss attachments' with him. I don't even know how to feel about my own attachments." He chanced a look at Anakin. "Siri came to my room the other night. She's having nightmares. She won't talk to me about them. ...You know what they are, don't you?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

darkforcerising
2013-08-12 10:38 am UTC (link)

What attachments? Anakin kept the thought quiet and hidden in the Force though he really did want to blurt it out. He just wanted to hear Obi-Wan admit them succinctly, with no dissembling. But clearly the man was not ready for that bluntness yet.

Anakin hesitated before answering right away – especially after that first part – Siri in Obi-Wan’s rooms was far more benign that anyone could ever imagine. “I can guess what they are. They can only be about one thing.”

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	master_kenobi 2013-08-12 10:44 am UTC (link)
	He nodded. "I surmised as much. But she won't tell me." He ran a hand through his hair. "She told me when I was in Booker's body that she often couldn't sleep. She's been visiting a colleague named Wade. ...I told her that if she needed to talk, she was welcome to wake me. So she did. But she didn't want to talk about what was bothering her." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	darkforcerising 2013-08-12 10:47 am UTC (link)
	“Did she tell you why she didn’t want to talk about that specifically with you?” (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

master_kenobi
2013-08-12 11:10 am UTC (link)

"She won't even tell me that it's that she doesn't want to talk to me about. When I asked her to tell me what was troubling her, she said she shouldn't have come and got up to leave."

He wondered if she told Wade what she dreamed about.

"I asked her not to go, but I let the subject drop." He looked at Anakin uncertainly. "Has she talked to you about it?" Anakin was from afterwards. Maybe she was, at least, talking to someone he trusted.

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darkforcerising
2013-08-12 11:54 am UTC (link)

Jedi and their non-feeling feelings. And there were a lot of mixed feelings Anakin was sensing from Obi-Wan.

“She doesn’t talk to me about those things.” I don’t think I’m her favorite person.

“So she came over because she couldn’t sleep- because of nightmares. But she didn’t want to talk about those nightmares… she just wanted your company?”

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	master_kenobi 2013-08-12 12:15 pm UTC (link)
	"Well. I think she wanted company. Not specifically mine; I just... I'd offered." She hadn't sought him out in her sleeplessness before then. "She seemed shaken by the dream." He glanced down. "And don't think that; she's always been fond of you." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

darkforcerising
2013-08-12 12:33 pm UTC (link)

Anakin gave Obi-Wan a flat stare while he tried to discern if his form Master was being willful in his ignorance about Siri's reason for seeking him out the other night. Or was he really that blind to feelings. "You're trying to change the subject. It doesn't matter if she's fond of me or not." Which he didn't buy of course. Siri seemed quite unforgiving about the role he would play in destroying their galaxy.

"She came to you for company. Speaking from experience sometimes it's beneficial, after something like a nightmare, to simply be around someone you care about and you know cares about you in return."

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master_kenobi
2013-08-12 01:45 pm UTC (link)

"Mm. Well. After she almost walked out, I thought she might not do it again. I don't know how to just... be, I suppose. It's probably the same issue that's seeing me fail with Ani."

He fell silent for a moment.

"I'm not really suited to this place, am I? I seem to be failing at a lot of things and in spectacular fashion. The Temple certainly didn't prepare us to live with normal people."

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darkforcerising
2013-08-12 02:08 pm UTC (link)

"Obi-Wan, you are not failing." Anakin knew what it was to fail with regards to his emotions. He'd lost control after his mother died. That was failing. Still, he did have sympathy for his friend. "Normal people call this trial and error. Outside the Temple people get to try things without being scolded for not succeeding the first time. You've misjudged a few things, that's entirely forgivable."

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	master_kenobi 2013-08-12 02:25 pm UTC (link)
	Maybe for most people, but the Temple's upbringing was all he knew and it was still the filter he saw the universe through. It was ingrained. "It's not exactly my first try at training Anakin Skywalker. Why don't I know how to at least do that?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

darkforcerising
2013-08-12 07:56 pm UTC (link)

“Different setting,” Anakin brushed off Obi-Wan’s low self-assessment. “He’s been here almost a year without you. He doesn’t have group lessons you can shove him into for remedial instruction. You know he needs something different from a Temple education because something didn’t work so well last time, but sadly there are no heretical Jedi around to give you guidance on that. Also... outside the Temple, people not only do not get scolded for not succeeding the first time, they even get acknowledgment for just trying in the first place.”

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	master_kenobi 2013-08-12 08:13 pm UTC (link)
	"And what sort of a result does that produce?" Letting people off with a pat on the back for failing didn't seem like it would offer much more than mediocrity as a result. What was the incentive to do better? To push harder? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	darkforcerising 2013-08-12 08:54 pm UTC (link)
	Anakin shrugged. “The school of thought is that positive reinforcement produces better results than negative reinforcement.” He could personally attest to the face he much preferred Padmé’s smile to her scowl and he did work hard to see the former as opposed to the latter. Anakin looked at Obi-Wan. “You’re drifting off topic again.” (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	master_kenobi 2013-08-12 10:10 pm UTC (link)
	"Different schools of educational thought are completely relevant to Ani's training," Obi-Wan countered. "And I'm already operating outside of the accepted practice by letting him attend a normal school." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	darkforcerising 2013-08-13 10:17 am UTC (link)
	Anakin shook his head slightly and let it sit. Fine, they could continue on with this rather than address Obi-Wan’s rather glaring attachment issue. Anakin was sure they would come back around to it anyways. “It will work on Ani. It’s how Palpatine got me to trust his so much. And you know how much I fought against the Council.” (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	master_kenobi 2013-08-13 11:42 pm UTC (link)
	"Yes. I know." He fell silent again, glancing around at the droids as he considered Anakin's words. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)