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OMFG! Anakin might do ~something~ *pearl clutch* (darkforcerising) wrote in makebelievelog,
@ 2013-08-11 21:48:00

Entry tags:

anakin skywalker, obi-wan kenobi

Who: Anakin Sr. and Obi-Wan
What: Discussing confusing things
When: Sunday afternoon
Where: The Workroom (the room Anakin uses for all his electronic projects)
Rating/Warnings: Probably low – they might argue, these two always have something to argue about
Status: In progress/Closed

“Slow the spin by ten seconds, Artoo,” Anakin commanded the droid at his side, he was borrowing the droid from Ani for the afternoon. A holoprojected schematic of a component to one of Anakin’s latest projects was suspended in the air in front of them. The cylindrical object spun on a tilted axis.

They were in The Workroom – the set of quarters on the fourth floor Anakin had been granted sole use of for all his electronic, mechanical tinkerings. Because Padmé forbid raw parts and pieces in her quarters. Something about not wanting to get a sharp wire end stuck in her bare feet. Anakin couldn’t argue with that.

The room was in its usual state of chaotic disarray. Or at least it appeared that way to someone not attuned to the Force. Almost every surface was covered with Anakin-crafted hunks of metal junk or actual working parts (it was hard to tell). And piles littered the floor. It was a sight reminiscent of his early childhood home.

But there was more to the room than this gathering of crude matter. In the Force the room felt positively peaceful. This, too, was Anakin created. A sensation not often connected with Anakin. And yet, as incongruous as that seemed, it couldn’t be denied.

“Another ten seconds,” he instructed the droid again, his head tipped to the side so he could study the image as it rotated.

Movement at the open door pulled his attention and he looked up. He’d felt Obi-Wan approaching the moment the man heading in the direction of this room.

“You can come in,” he said to his former Master. As if he would tell him to go away.

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master_kenobi
2013-08-11 09:08 am UTC (link)

He hadn't known about this room - he'd found Anakin in the Force - but he should have guessed. There were never any parts laying around when he visited the quarters Anakin shared with Padme. He wouldn't not have any. The younger Anakin had bits and pieces strewn all over their rooms.

He stepped inside at Anakin's invitation, glancing around.

"You're busy," he surmised, his eyes glossing over the schematic. "It's not important." He could talk to him another time.

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darkforcerising
2013-08-11 09:39 am UTC (link)

“No,” Anakin said, shaking his head. “This isn’t a bad time; I’m not that busy-”

The rest of his sentence was cut off by a string of harsh droid warbles, as if R2 was expression offense at being brushed aside for someone else. Anakin snapped his head to look at his blue and white metal companion. “I didn’t mean-”

But he didn’t get a chance to get to an apology. R2 cut the power to the holoimage, backed up on his rollers, swiveled around and rolled for the door. As he passed Obi-Wan he sent the older Jedi a very special twitter and disappeared down the hall.

Anakin was momentarily stunned.

“Nope, as it turns out, I’m not that busy at all.”

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	master_kenobi 2013-08-11 09:51 am UTC (link)
	Obi-Wan just watched the R2 unit go and shook his head. "Of course that bloody droid showed up here with you." He looked at Anakin. "How did you manage that, then?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

darkforcerising
2013-08-11 09:57 am UTC (link)

Anakin shook his head. “I didn’t manage anything.”

With the droid not there to assist him with this portion of his project he started putting it away – he did have an organization to this mess, after all. It was just not readily discernible if one didn’t know what to look for.

“He showed up one morning, months after I got here. But not for me, for Ani. I don’t know how it was decided, or why, or by who. But it seems Ani is his owner at this point.”

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	master_kenobi 2013-08-11 10:07 am UTC (link)
	"Ah. He didn't mention owning a droid." Obi-Wan picked up a couple of parts from a stool and handed them to Anakin to refile so he could sit. He knew Anakin too well to think there was no organizational system at play. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about him." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

darkforcerising
2013-08-11 10:14 am UTC (link)

“I doubt he thinks he owns Artoo. For him the droid is just there.” Before going to the Temple, Anakin literally did not own anything, even the clothes on his back – it all belonged to Watto. It had taken him a while to embrace personal ownership of even the necessities.

“Oh.” He set the parts he was working on aside and sat back down on his own stool. “Why?”

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master_kenobi
2013-08-11 10:44 am UTC (link)

"I'm not sure I explained what we talked about correctly. He's not taking the deal I offered him as the challenge I hoped. He's become very distant. He's doing his training, but... we're not connecting. I've tried... explaining it in different terms, but I'm not sure he believes I have his best interests at heart."

He looked at Anakin.

"I'm not sure how to broach the subject with him. He won't... He won't explain himself."

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	darkforcerising 2013-08-11 07:41 pm UTC (link)
	Anakin tried to make full sense of Obi-Wan’s concerns. “Is he still misbehaving? Did he chose to stop training?” (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	master_kenobi 2013-08-11 09:22 pm UTC (link)
	"No. He chose to continue training. But he's... I told you. He's distant. He won't open up to me. Not even when I specifically ask him things. He just... " He threw his hands up in frustration. "He doesn't think I care what happens to him. Even though I told him that I do." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

darkforcerising
2013-08-11 09:31 pm UTC (link)

Anakin could definitely feel how frustrated Obi-Wan was. “Okay…” Obi-Wan clearly wanted advice, but that required Anakin stepping into the mindset of his thirteen year old self. That was definitely an age he didn’t want to return to – nine, that was a good age, not thirteen. “What did he say when you explained that to him, that you care what happens to him?”

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master_kenobi
2013-08-11 09:46 pm UTC (link)

"At that point? He said 'yes, Master Kenobi'. That's mostly what he says now." He frowned. "Earlier in the conversation, I told him that whatever he chose, it wouldn't change my affection for him. His reply to that was 'what affection?'. It sort of went downhill from there."

He leaned his head back against the wall behind him.

"I've tried reaching out to him since, but he's only responded with achingly forced formality. Like he thinks I'm trying to trick him and nothing I say can convince him otherwise. Like the more I try to convince him it's not a trick, the more he thinks it is."

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darkforcerising
2013-08-11 10:08 pm UTC (link)

Anakin resisted the temptation to smile at Obi-Wan’s plight – he knew just how trying he could be. He had this effect on everyone.

“Was that the first time you told him what you felt for him? I mean, since being here?" Anakin, the elder, knew what Obi-Wan felt for him, but that was knowledge gained from years of experience with the man. Learning his tells, the words he used to express feelings he wasn't supposed to have. Those things hadn't come to Anakin over night, and some of them he'd had to pull like teeth from Obi-Wan.

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	master_kenobi 2013-08-11 10:30 pm UTC (link)
	"Anakin, have I ever said it in so many words? Just uttering the sentence was...was a sort of heresy. He knows enough to know that. I don't know what he thinks my angle was in risking myself in such a fashion, but he didn't believe me." He closed his eyes for a moment. "Tell me what to do." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

darkforcerising
2013-08-11 11:42 pm UTC (link)

“No, you never have,” Anakin shook his head. “And that’s the problem, isn’t it? Not you, I mean…”

Anakin sighed. There were a lot of issues to deconstruct here, not all of them centered on Jedi and their restrictive code. Some of it had to do with his younger self’s lingering adherence to a system, master-slave, that left him feeling like he had little power over his own life.

“You gave him an ultimatum – take training and being a Jedi seriously, or you won’t teach him. And he took you at your word. I can’t put this any other way – but slaves do that. Especially when what they need is at stake.” The implication being, Ani felt he needed Obi-Wan and was willing to do what he felt he had to to maintain access to that need. “And the Code, as he he’s been taught, doesn’t allow for exceptions regarding attachments. According to the Code he’s supposed to be detached and distant.”

Anakin couldn’t help the smile this time, it sprung from a deep affection for his former Master, and the befuddling mess he'd landed in. “You can’t spring your feelings on him while at the same time expecting him to take seriously an ideology that demands he not have those kinds of feelings. You changed the rules on him without explaining all the changes. He’s probably just as confused and frustrated as you are. Have you tried talking to him about attachments and your new opinions about them?”

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master_kenobi
2013-08-11 11:55 pm UTC (link)

"I don't have new opinions," Obi-Wan snapped. "I have old weaknesses that are running unchecked and a place that encourages them."

He fell silent.

"I'm sorry," he said immediately in a cowed, quiet voice. "I'm sorry, Anakin." He ran his hand through his hair. "You learned. It wasn't like this. I can't tell him that I'll train him no matter what because it would be a lie. How do we find the middle ground?"

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darkforcerising
2013-08-12 01:35 am UTC (link)

Anakin leveled a look at Obi-Wan – not for being snapped at, but because Obi-Wan referred to attachments as a weakness, and that Anakin found mildly offensive. Anakin also caught Obi-Wan meant more than his feelings for him. But if Obi-Wan wasn’t going to poke his feelings for Siri head on, Anakin wasn’t going to do it for him. Not right now, at least.

“There is no middle ground with the Code. Do or do not, Master. No, it wasn’t like this, it was worse. I learned to pretend I could keep that part of the Code. I learned to keep secrets from you and the rest of the Council. And you learned to pretend you didn’t know those secrets. You just said it was a failing on your part to have any kind of affection for him – how is he supposed to trust your feelings are true and acceptable, or that his feelings for you won’t rebound negatively for him, and prove to you he is serious about training for something that demands complete removal of all attachments? What do you want from him?”

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master_kenobi
2013-08-12 09:05 am UTC (link)

Anakin was right. That was exactly what the Council would tell him. The boy was behaving and doing his lessons; what Obi-Wan wanted from him in addition was superfluous and even dangerous. Sentimentality on his part.

"Good point."

Maybe that had been part of his mistake.

"So what you're saying is that I should be discouraging attachment anyway, that this is the direction I should be pulling, not fighting against it. This is a good thing, isn't it?"

It didn't feel good, but he'd been raised by the Temple and its rules. Attachment was a failing and he'd been reprimanded for it more than once. If the idea was planted in the younger Anakin that being a good Jedi meant not having them, it was seated far deeper in Obi-Wan. At his core. In his roots. Attachment: his great failing. And here he was in Anakin's workshop asking his former apprentice how to cultivate it in his new one. What was he doing?

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	darkforcerising 2013-08-12 09:18 am UTC (link)
	“No. I’m saying you’re confusing him. And I’m definitely not saying no attachments is a good thing.” Anakin sighed, this was going to be one of those discussions. “I’m a better person when I share a connection with those around me. You want him attached to you, I promise, it’s far better than the alternative.” (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	master_kenobi 2013-08-12 09:52 am UTC (link)
	"Which is what?" Obi-Wan asked, leaning forward slightly. "I only told him to take his lessons seriously, Anakin. I've never reprimanded him for his attachments. I even invited that Helena girl to study with him. Actions haven't spoken any louder than words; he's disregarding both." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

darkforcerising
2013-08-12 10:09 am UTC (link)

He had been referring to his Sith persona Vader, who wasn't attached to anyone and didn't care about anyone but himself.

“I guess I should say you want me, and him, caring about, and selflessly giving to those around us. And to do that we need to be able to love. It’s just who we are. What you’re really worried about is jealousy, selfishness, and obsession.”

Anakin snorted, “Master, what the Jedi would call an outpouring of emotions, a normal person would call the barest trickle. Affection is quite a bit more than just telling him once and not addressing it again.”

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	master_kenobi 2013-08-12 10:19 am UTC (link)
	Telling him once and having it thrown back in his face. "If I'm not capable of nourishing him, then perhaps you should be teaching him. I can't be you, Anakin. I'm doing my best." He leaned back again, looking away. "I feel like I'm not in control of myself." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	darkforcerising 2013-08-12 10:26 am UTC (link)
	“But your forgetting the part where you’re the one he cares about, and he only tolerates me. Have you just tried flat out telling him you want to discuss attachments with-” That wasn’t good. “What do you mean, not in control of yourself?” (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	master_kenobi 2013-08-12 10:33 am UTC (link)
	"I can't 'discuss attachments' with him. I don't even know how to feel about my own attachments." He chanced a look at Anakin. "Siri came to my room the other night. She's having nightmares. She won't talk to me about them. ...You know what they are, don't you?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

darkforcerising
2013-08-12 10:38 am UTC (link)

What attachments? Anakin kept the thought quiet and hidden in the Force though he really did want to blurt it out. He just wanted to hear Obi-Wan admit them succinctly, with no dissembling. But clearly the man was not ready for that bluntness yet.

Anakin hesitated before answering right away – especially after that first part – Siri in Obi-Wan’s rooms was far more benign that anyone could ever imagine. “I can guess what they are. They can only be about one thing.”

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	master_kenobi 2013-08-12 10:44 am UTC (link)
	He nodded. "I surmised as much. But she won't tell me." He ran a hand through his hair. "She told me when I was in Booker's body that she often couldn't sleep. She's been visiting a colleague named Wade. ...I told her that if she needed to talk, she was welcome to wake me. So she did. But she didn't want to talk about what was bothering her." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)