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Daryl Dixon ([info]littledixon) wrote in [info]makebelievelog,
@ 2013-05-28 06:11:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:!complete, carol peletier, daryl dixon

Who: Daryl and Carol
What: After this less than stellar exchange, Daryl has some making up to do.
When: Tuesday, May 28. Evening.
Where: Daryl & Carol's quarters, the gardens, and who knows where else!
Rating/Warnings: Daryl makes everything R with that mouth of his.
Status: COMPLETE/Closed.

Daryl knew that he should have spent his evening working. Anakin or Tifa could have easily used his help despite neither of them actually keeping him on any sort of schedule or payroll. He could have just found one of the menial jobs that he had picked up around this fucked up place and dived into it headfirst, giving him no time to think about all of the shit going on. He'd passed the information onto Rick. He knew what he had to do. Now, Daryl had nothing else left to focus on. He could just go back to the same isolated existence he had come to know. It was the perfect chance to fade back to what he had grown comfortable with over the years, a habit he had started to break out of as he had become close with each of the group as they shared their space, sorrows, and laughter.

But Daryl wasn't the same man that had moved his camp away from the group as far as possible as he tried to find a means of escape from the fucked up farm. He wasn't the same man that was two seconds from putting an arrow through T-Dog's skull for dropping the key to his brother's handcuffs. He was someone else entirely now, a better man most would say, and this new identity made it impossible for him not to find this isolation to be as suffocating as any jail cell.

In his effort to bring the group closer together, he'd managed to tear them further apart. Great fucking job, Dixon.

Usually, he’d not make an effort. He’d stomp up into whatever damn corner he could find and wait it out, wait for all of the shit to blow over, and then he’d finally reenter the little circle when it looked like everybody was less likely to go on an emotional tirade with him arrive. He’d used this tactic on Lori more than once over the winter, and though he did feel an ache of regret for how little they got along during all of that time now that everything was said and done, the tactic had worked well enough then. It was highly tempting to just follow through with it now. But the world wasn’t ending here, and he’d already realized that without walkers around every damn second to take your mind off of all the shit around you, all you really had left to do was dwell.

Back home, he’d had at least have a hunt to follow through with, a run to go on, a few walkers to kill to ignore the tension between him and Glenn, and him and Carol. Here, all he had was time. Time and his thoughts, and it was slowly starting to chip away at his sanity. If Carol kept ignoring him and only barely acknowledging his presence like she was, he wasn’t sure what he’d do. Glenn – there wasn’t a whole lot he could do about him. He deserved all of the backlash that he got from that situation. His brother, his family, his sins. That was how he’d been raised, and it was how every damn person in his county had treated him. But with Carol—

He’d really fucked it up.

Daryl didn’t know what he was going to do, but he just knew that he had to do something. He marched through the hallways of the castle, having just come in from the outdoors, and headed straight to his new set of quarters that he shared with Carol. That had only been making things worse, making it harder for him to ignore her presence. Sure, Carol was the type of person that understood him to the core. She knew that he wouldn’t always be able to provide her with lengthy conversations about all of the things that must have been in her far more educated mind, but she had never seemed to expect that from him. That had always left their silences to be comfortable and warm; he never tense around her, like he was expected to say something to fill in the gaps of quiet. The silence between them spoke volumes.

And now it was speaking about nothing but pain, hurt, anger, and the unsettled awkwardness. It was louder than any words, and Daryl couldn’t take it anymore.

He threw open the door to their quarters and froze in the doorway when he saw Carol and Lil’ D seated at the sofa. His younger self looked up curiously and just barely contained an eye roll when he saw who it was. Daryl tried to push aside his own annoyance, though that didn’t stop his words from coming out clipped. “Get. Go to Rick’s. I need to borrow Carol.”

“He ain’t there,” Lil’ D pointed out.

“You gotta key, now get,” Daryl snapped.

Lil’ D looked like he wanted to argue, but something about the look on his face made him keep his mouth shut. He shoved the homework he had out (and was mostly ignoring) into his bag before moving to storm out of the quarters, not even looking to Carol to see if she agreed. Daryl watched him go, watching as he stormed off down the hall to Rick’s room.

“And ya better stay there!” he added.

“You’re a dick,” Lil’ D snapped as he got the room open and headed in.

Daryl just rolled his eyes as he looked back into the room where Carol was waiting. He shifted his weight uncertainly from one foot to the other, his hand on the doorknob as he kept the door open, and his back against the doorframe. He cleared his throat gruffly. “So, ya comin’ or what?”



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[info]notmylittlegirl
2013-05-29 12:56 am UTC (link)
Working again felt good. Carol hadn't worked since the beginning of her marriage with Ed, and he hadn't approved of her attempt to work. It was nice to be independent. It was nice to be working alongside other people and to be making friends. It was fun to interact with the kids that she was working with too. Most days it was pretty easy because none of the kids she was around were Sophia's age. Other days it was a little harder with all of the reminders about her baby girl. She had been able to handle it so far, though. It wasn't as hard to be around children as some might have thought it would be for her. She thought that she was doing pretty well, actually. She liked what she was doing, either way.

Just like she liked helping and interacting with Lil'D. She didn't have anything against the kid. Daryl seemed to look down on him. She knew that was because he knew exactly what the child had been through. He knew everything that was fresh in Lil'D's mind that he had probably tried to forget up to this point. Daryl didn't like his past, but his past was a living, breathing, feeling child at the moment. It wasn't fair to the child in question, which was one of the reasons that Carol was irked with him.

Daryl's treatment of the younger version of himself had gotten old, to an extent. Though, that wasn't the big reason that she had been ignoring him. And when she wasn't ignoring him for the passed few days she had been short with him. Daryl had acted like there was something that Lil'D didn't need to know when it came to the two of them. That had gotten to Carol a bit, for some reason. She and Daryl didn't have any private business that the child couldn't be told about. And, of course, because of the way that she had read the text Carol had been unable to help but worry about what Daryl did mean about their business. Had he meant that he didn't want anyone to know about the two of them in any way? Was he ashamed of her?

And even though some of the thoughts were stupid, Carol had gotten a bit sensitive. She had gotten upset. She didn't think that Daryl was ashamed of her. She was, however, sure that there was nothing going on between the two of them other than friendship, so there was no reason not to answer anything that the little boy had wrong or wanted to know. And ultimately that was a part of the problem too. There was nothing between them, at least not mutually. Carol knew how she felt about Daryl. And she was unsure about how he felt about her, truthfully. There were moments when she was sure that he cared about her just as much. When he did things like what he had done on Mother's Day, she felt special.

When he acted the way he had via text messages she doubted that. She knew that she had a friend no matter what. And Carol could be satisfied with that. It didn't stop her from wondering and thinking about it, though. And because of how she felt, she knew that she would forgive him soon. She just needed a little more time.

Carol had been working with Lil'D when Daryl barged in. He had interrupted their attempt to work on the kid's homework, actually. Carol had been trying to help him grasp what he had to do for school. She was hoping it would eventually make a difference for him, actually. So, the interruption was not appreciated. "Daryl!" She couldn't help but say his name that way, startled, and wondering what the hell he was doing. Carol was a little shell-shocked, and she sat there on the sofa as her friend ordered his younger self to Rick's place. He was obviously determined to get the kid out, but she didn't know why. So, once Lil'D was gone and Daryl stood in the doorway to the threshold of their place, Carol couldn't help but stare at him.

"What the hell is going on?" She asked him, getting up from her spot on the couch and approaching him. "Borrow me for what, where are we going?" Carol crossed her arms, but despite that body posture she trusted him and was ready to follow him. "You know you interrupted working on homework."

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[info]littledixon
2013-05-29 03:24 am UTC (link)
Daryl kept his position by the doorway as he watched Carol out of his peripheral vision. He wasn't really looking at her, not ready to face her expression head-on and see all of the things that he feared might be there. Instead, his gaze was more focused toward the floor with his head bowed as he adopted a bit more of a submissive stance compared to the alpha dog one he'd had in Lil' D's presence. He could tell that she was annoyed, though. The snappish undertone in her voice as she had said his name, the somewhat rare curse in her speech... it was all there. He knew that he had ticked her off once again, and he could really hit himself right about now. But he couldn't give up on fixing things, not when he'd already made the first few strides toward it, no matter how big of missteps those had been.

"Just c'mon," he said, slightly pleading with her not to ignore him or say no out of spite. "Carol, please." He finally raised his blue eyes to look at her as he managed to get that single word out, a word that he'd not bother to use with just about everyone else except her. Only her. Because she deserved his respect even if she deserved so much more on top of that, too.

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[info]notmylittlegirl
2013-05-29 04:54 am UTC (link)
It was strange to see the big change that happened from him talking to his younger self to talking to her. He was looking down. Carol hadn't even really thought about telling him no out of spite. Despite being upset with him, and even more irked now that he had interrupted that....she still really cared about the younger Dixon brother.

And the fact that he tacked a please onto the request, even if it wasn't an average person's version of a request. It was definitely Daryl's version of a request. He didn't say please lightly. Carol's eyes met Daryl's for a moment and she gave him the lightest of nods. "Okay, I'll go." She told him, but she did have to stop next to the door to slip her shoes on, that had been where she'd kicked them off once she'd gotten home. Now that they weren't running for their lives so often, Carol was enjoying simple pleasures, like walking around barefoot once again.

The last thing she did before going was grab her purse, throwing it over her shoulder before she joined him at the door, ushering him out and closing the door behind her. "All right, which way?"

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[info]littledixon
2013-05-29 09:58 am UTC (link)
Daryl waited patiently for her to get her shit together as he glanced around the room, trying to seem like he was getting impatient with her for taking her sweet time. He really wasn’t; he just didn’t want to lose her attention. He didn’t want her to have enough time to change her mind and leave him high and dry. Not that it sounded like something Carol would do, but she had enough good reasons locked away during their short but very intense history to do so, and he sure as hell wouldn’t blame her if she ever did decide to wipe her hands clean of him. Here, she had plenty of opportunity to move beyond his sorry ass and experience what the bastard Ed had never let her do. Here, she was far better than he would ever be.

He stepped to the side as she finally moved to exit the room, and he gave a jerk of a nod down the hallway before he moved to lead her out of the castle. A red washrag hang from his back pocket, a pointless redneck habit that came with being a damn grunt, always cleaning shit up or getting your hands dirty. But he was cleaner than he’d ever been back home, and he’d finally gotten a clean shave that managed to shape his facial hair to a degree that wasn’t totally disgusting. But all of that had been done by his own hands. He wasn’t looking to go to a barber shop, so his hair was starting to tickle along the back of his neck at an annoying length, but it was the last thing on his mind at the moment as he led the way to the castle gardens.

The grounds were once again overcast by the damn clouds. It rained way too damn much here, and he was just lucky the damn sky wasn’t pouring on their heads now. He didn’t say a word as he trekked across the lawn to the gardens and entered the flowery archway into the mazelike structure. He head ducked a bit further, almost embarrassed by the flowery location he’d taken her, but his destination was just ahead. “Here.” He put his hand gently on her elbow as he led her the rest of the way in front of a Cherokee rose bush, the little white and yellow flowers shining up at them, beautifully bloomed in the springtime air. These flowers, at least, loved the rain.

He let go of her arm as he used his other hand to gesture at the bush vaguely. “I didn’t mean it,” he said, his voice low and gruff beneath the wind tossing the bushes around. “What I said. It wasn’t right. Ya can say whatever the hell you want. You definitely know better than me.”

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[info]notmylittlegirl
2013-05-29 12:08 pm UTC (link)
Carol hadn't had a clue about where they were going. She wasn't sure where his mind was, or what was going on with him at the moment. She knew that she didn't like being at odds with him, but she was never quite sure if that feeling was mutual. She liked to think that Daryl much preferred it when they were getting along, but that was only a guess. For Carol it was much better when the entire group was getting along, which wasn't always something that happened, unfortunately.

Now that they weren't all the other had, though, Carol still wanted to keep close to Glen, Rick, and especially Daryl. She couldn't imagine not being around the three of them, Daryl especially. Lord knew that he didn't really need any of them for anything before, it had always been the other way around, they had needed him. She still felt like she needed him around. Even if she didn't always act like it.

Carol followed the slightly rough man down the hallway and out of the castle. She had no idea what was going on, buts he shouldn't have been surprised that it was outside. That was where Daryl thrived. He was one of the only people that she knew who was capable of catching, skinning, and cooking things like squirrels or rabbits. He was most at home out in nature, and generally away from people, though he had gotten better.

Carol's eyes took in everything in the castle gardens as they passed by it. She hadn't quite made her way out there yet, but it was pretty. She'd have to get back out there some time when it wasn't overcast, if it ever were, that is. Carol followed Daryl, though, in silence, and it was a mostly comfortable silence. She didn't feel the need to fill it in, and he wasn't the sort to need idle chatter. Carol followed him into the flowery archway into the mazelike structure, and she only offered him a small, thankful smile as he put his hand on her elbow, leading her. What he lead her to was a surprise.

Carol stared at the little bush, somewhat awestruck. It was the flower. It seemed to be a common theme with the two of them. She could remember the very first one he'd given her in the beer bottle, and the one he'd put outside her door on mother's day. Carol's eyes lingered on the bush as he spoke, but she managed to tear her eyes away from it to look at the normally gruff man, finding him pretty sweet in this particular moment. And even though he didn't come out and say the actual words, she knew that this was Daryl Dixon's version of an apology. And he didn't just go handing them around to anyone. She gave him a true, full-fledged, and genuine smile. She would have forgiven him even without this, but with the apology, she couldn't help but soften.

"I know you didn't mean it." She reassured him with a nod, her eyes moving back to the beautiful flower bush that he had found. "Thank you, Daryl." She turned back to him, figuring that she owed him an apology too. "I'm sorry too. I got a little over emotional." And she had. She definitely had.

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[info]littledixon
2013-05-29 02:15 pm UTC (link)
He stared at the Cherokee Roses that smiled up at them from their spot between all of the green leaflets. He wanted to say the word, specifically spell out how the Sophia comment had been the worst thing that he could have typed out in that moment, but he just couldn’t seem to find the way to say it. This was him, always struggling with the damn English language. Maybe it was because he’d never really known very many people that actually wanted to hear what he had to say. He’d found that keeping his mouth shut was the better way to go about things. At least that way he didn’t follow his damn brother to prison because of some bar fight or another.

“Nah, you were right,” Daryl muttered. He turned away from the rose bush to find a stone bench nearby to sink onto. His elbows found his knees as he watched her, squinting slightly against the setting sun that was at just the right angle to glare into his eyes. “He just… It pisses me off.” He ran his tongue along the back of his teeth as he tried to make sure that none of that anger was coming through his words right now. He wasn’t angry at Carol, never was, never had been before; she was always just the person right in his line of sight, taking the brunt of his words for no other reason than she could. “Reminds me of shit I don’t wanna be reminded of… I dunno what the hell to do ‘bout it.”

“He was a mean sonuvabitch,” he added quietly. But this time, he was not talking about his younger self.

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[info]notmylittlegirl
2013-05-30 10:55 am UTC (link)
Carol hadn't really thought about where Daryl had found the flower that he had left for her, when it boiled down to it. She had never thought that he would have found a bush so close to where they were staying, though. It made the woman smile. Despite having destroyed some of these very flowers in her grief, Carol had come to associate these flowers with more than just the spirit of her daughter. They had sort of become something that she associated with Daryl himself. They weren't the most radiant of flowers. They weren't the most colorfully vibrant flowers. They were on the simpler side of things. That was part of their charm, though. And that was part of the sort of charm (in Carol's opinion, maybe not anyone else's) that Daryl had. They reminded her of Daryl.

The story that he had told her about the Cherokee Rose made her think of Daryl. Something good and something nice coming from something so horrible. The story focused on mothers, but Carol really thought that they reminded her more of Daryl, maybe because he had introduced her to the little flower. There were probably people that thought the flower was nothing special, and she knew that the same people might think the same about Daryl, but Carol....she saw something special in both the flower and Daryl Dixon.

People might not get him, or the flower, but Carol was pretty sure that she did to an extent, at least. This, him showing her the bush, was his way of apologizing. This was his way of making amends. And it was sweet. Carol could see herself coming here to think about Sophia, and maybe to contemplate other things too. It was a nice and peaceful spot. She was glad that she had come here with him.

Carol wasn't surprised to hear that she was right. She was pretty sure that anyone from their group could have told him what she had. It was just that, in some ways, Carol and Rick were the closest to Daryl. Carol knew that the both of them tried with him more often than some of the others. As Daryl sat, Carol turned to watch him, still standing, giving him a soft, warm smile. "Maybe stop taking your anger out on him, and yourself?" Carol suggested, looking at him openly. "If you don't want to remember things, just think about how much fresher it is for him. He hasn't had the chance to grow like you did." She couldn't help but point that out.

She knew that he wasn't talking about the smaller version of himself. Carol stepped in closer and sat next to him, quietly. This was probably the first time that Daryl had talked about his father, that was who she was pretty sure that he was talking about, anyway. She didn't want to scare him off of the subject, but most of her didn't know what to say. She knew exactly how he felt, in many ways. She knew and could relate.

"I understand, you remember Ed. He was a..." Carol paused before the same phrase came tumbling out of her mouth, " A mean son of a bitch too." It wasn't really usual for Carol to talk like that, but it was the truth.

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[info]littledixon
2013-05-30 08:06 pm UTC (link)
“He doesn’t have thirty years to grow out of it, Carol,” Daryl pointed out, his head tilted slightly as he continued to stare up at her through squinted eyes. There was a sunset happening right behind her, but his entire attention was on her face. “He’s here, now, dealin’ with this shit… Stubborn as a fuckin’ mule, I know, I been there. But there are people everywhere watchin’ him, judgin’ him… He’s gotta get his shit together now, and I dunno how ‘cause I sure as hell didn’t.” He finally turned his gaze away from her, dropping his head as he let the weight guide his chin to his chest. He rubbed the back of his neck tiredly, trying to calm his shit before he ended up getting her pissed at him all over again.

“I know it ain’t his fault,” he finally continued, quietly. “Or mine.” He added that more for her benefit than his own. He couldn’t say that he truly believed it even as he said it, but he knew it was what Carol wanted to hear. Or so he guessed. Hell if he ever knew what this woman ever wanted. He just tried his best. She made him want to try his best. Only her. “I’m tryin’… I really am.”

Daryl gave a sharp nod as she brought up Ed. Of course he remembered the prick. More than once, Ed had tried to get rough with Carol in places that he thought was secluded from the camp, but he always seemed to forget that Merle and Daryl had chosen the outskirts of the area to call “home.” He could remember more than once Merle and Ed glaring at each other in a battle of wills before Ed would go stomping off. Daryl had always wanted to go bust his fucking face in, but Merle would just mutter that it was none of his damn business and leave it be. That never stopped Daryl from hating the man from afar.

But the curse that slipped past her lips had him looking back up at her again, a smile playing his lips despite the dark subject matter. “Yeah, I remember,” he muttered, so that she knew exactly who he was talking about.

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[info]notmylittlegirl
2013-05-31 08:44 am UTC (link)
Carol didn't think that the kid needed thirty years. Nah, it hadn't taken Daryl that long. It had taken him time with Glen and their group, which definitely hadn't been thirty years, though some days it sure felt like it had. "Daryl, kids grow and they change pretty fast. I don't think he needs to do it over night, and nobody is watching and judging him. He'll get there, just have to give him a little bit of time." She was being logical, calm, and soft the way that she said it. She knew, as a mom, that what she was saying was right. Lil'D just needed some time. He had better influences around him now. He was being exposed to better things and that went a long way with kids. "He's got good people on his side now with Rick and everything too." Carol pointed out, knowing that Rick was a really good man. He was patient, kind, and he dealt with Lil'D really well. She tried to too and the both of them, she hoped, would make a difference.

Carol wished that Daryl believed what he said, but she knew that he probably didn't. He could say it because he knew how she felt. He knew what she would say, she was sure. He'd get there, though, eventually. He had people that cared about him too and that had been slowly helping him already. Carol moved to sit next to Daryl on the bench, not touching him, though. "I know you're trying. I can see."

Ed had been mean. He hadn't gotten to the point that he had been able to hurt Sophia, thank god. She had taken his abuse for years, actually. So, Carol knew exactly what Daryl had faced in some ways. Sure, the relationships were different, but she knew what it was like to live with someone mean, someone who hurt you, and someone who made you into someone that you weren't. Carol hadn't always been mousy, and she was getting away from that a little now, and in the show, with Ed being gone. That had taken time for her to find again, though. It had been strange to re-learn the way to behave. It had taken time for her to get over the fear that she carried, but she had done it for the most part. And Daryl he was the same a little bit. Not exactly, but it was somewhat similar.

She was glad to see the smile on Daryl's face, and she returned it, but after a moment she continued. "You remember how I was back then? Quiet, afraid all the time, and I put up with him." She knew that he had to remember, it hadn't been that long ago that she had started to break that mold. "Took time and trying for me to stop being that way too. To see that I didn't have to be like that anymore. Took some trying." She was trying to make a point. She hadn't been like Lil'D or Daryl with the racism or anything, but it was comparable. "Even though people back home, before everything happened had given up on me. I never did report him, always defended him, was too scared to do any of that. They thought I'd never stand up and be strong again." Carol gave Daryl a smile, trying to be encouraging. "I'm still working on it, but I think I've made some progress. Just takes time, for anyone to change."

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[info]littledixon
2013-05-31 10:17 am UTC (link)
Daryl couldn’t exactly say that he agreed with her words. In fact, a part of him thought they were a load of shit, and his side glance toward her gave that away. He let out a small breath as he shook his head. “He ain’t gonna have nobody if he keeps bein’ an ass to them all,” he pointed out. “He doesn’t… He don’t get that he can’t do this shit alone anymore…” He ran his fingers through his hair, making the overly long strands run up his head before falling back into his face again, hiding his eyes behind a curtain of fringe.

When she started to speak again, he watched her through that curtain, curious to where the hell she was heading toward this. They didn’t really talk about Ed or his father. That was sort of an off limit topic for the two of them, a topic that hit way too close to home. They didn’t mention the scars, physical and emotional, that were always so apparent when they were with each other. They didn’t dare cross that line of what was okay and wasn’t; they just knew where to start. But he’d opened the floodgates here by mentioning that bastard of a man, and he couldn’t say that Carol’s insights were exactly unwanted.

Because she did understand better than he wished she did.

“I’d never give up on you,” Daryl whispered, a lot more intensely than he intended. “And those people are goddamn fools. You are a different person, a stronger person. Stronger than they’ll ever be. Stronger than I’ll ever be.”

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[info]notmylittlegirl
2013-05-31 01:24 pm UTC (link)
Carol wasn't sure why she didn't censor herself a little more, but she didn't get the chance to filter what came out of her mouth before she spoke. "You still have people and you started out as a little bit of an ass." And by little bit that was Carol's way of making it sound a little bit nicer, but there was a certain fondness in the way that she called him an ass. Daryl had been pretty bad in the beginning. He and Merle had stayed off to themselves. The both of them had made themselves outsiders in many ways. And Daryl wasn't good with people at first, it had been something that had taken time for him. "He will, though. You got there. He hasn't built up as many walls as you had, and he is getting there. I swear." Carol tried to reassure Daryl even though she knew that he didn't quite agree. He didn't see some of the progress that she was seeing with Lil'D. She was pretty sure that if they kept things up he'd work through things that he needed to. The kid just needed time and love. "You trust me, don't you?" And she knew that he did. The two of them were fairly close.

Carol wasn't angry at Daryl anymore. She knew that she couldn't expect the man to magically change who he was. She couldn't expect him to read her mind and to give her what she wanted. She couldn't expect him, if he weren't there, to magically grow feelings for her. And she knew that getting upset at him wouldn't change anything either. So, she was moving passed that. It was for the best for everyone, really.

Carol was actually surprising herself this evening too, in a number of ways. She hadn't woken up that morning thinking that she would talk about Ed or how people used to think about her. That just so happened to be the way that the evening was going, though. She was trying to make a point to the man that she cared so much about. He had to see that change took time. It took time for her. It took time for him. It'd take time for his younger self too. It felt good to talk about Ed the way she had. And it felt good to mention the ways that people used to think about her inability to stand up to the man that had been hurting her.

She knew that Daryl wouldn't follow in her footsteps, but she also knew that she had definitely made the point that she had wanted to too. He understood, or at least she hoped that he did. His words were a little bit of a shock to Carol's system. They were so sweet, so intense, and she could tell that he meant them too. Daryl Dixon didn't say things like that, though, or at least not often. Carol couldn't help herself, either. She reached over, gingerly, and patted his leg. "Thank you, Daryl, and I'm not giving up on you either, y'know. The little one or you." She bumped his shoulder lightly with affection before pulling her hand back to herself.

She didn't know about fools, though. Carol stood, wandering nearer to the flower bush. She didn't know if she would have been able to get away if it hadn't been for Ed dying. If he hadn't gotten bit....she probably wouldn't be where she was now, progress wise. Or maybe she would have been, she hadn't had go go through that in order to find out. Carol leaned down, gently running her fingers over the petals of one of the little flowers. "I don't know that I'd go that far, though. And I still got a little ways to go yet." She knew that she wasn't all the way to strong, or confident, but she was working on it. And she knew that Daryl really didn't give himself near enough credit. Carol smiled, though, as she picked the little flower that she'd been eyeing and brought it up to her nose to sniff before she moved to hand it offer it to Daryl. "You're stronger than you give yourself credit for, you know."

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[info]littledixon
2013-05-31 02:47 pm UTC (link)
A small snort, a simple sharp exhale of air through the nose, escaped Daryl’s throat as a small smile touched his lips. He had been an ass. There was no denying that. In the first 24 hours after meeting Rick, the man had put a gun to his head twice. That alone said a lot. He continued to watch the woman beside him as she tried to convince him that his younger self wasn’t a lost cause. In the back of his head, he knew that she was right, but he also knew that horror that his younger self had face. He had a pretty good idea of how he looked at the adults in his life, how he thought that all of them were just waiting for the chance to fuck him over, because that’s what adults had done to him his entire life, right?

That was just a Dixon’s life.

But he didn’t say any of this. He just let out a long breath and resisted the urge to reach for a cigarette. “Maybe you’re right,” he muttered, turning his gaze forward to stare at the rose bush in front of them instead. He wanted her to be right.

Daryl watched her hand as it came to rest on his knee, and he let out a small breath as she bumped shoulders with him. Anybody else would have gotten a knee-jerk reaction from him, but not Carol. She had become so ingrained in his life and gotten so far past his walls that he wasn’t even sure where he was supposed to be afraid anymore. He forgot that fear and instead relished in these small touches. He wondered if she knew how much they meant to him, and he failed once again to say it out loud. All he could do was lean back into her, letting their shoulders stay connected even as she righted herself.

“Then I won’t give up,” he said softly. “Long as don’t.”

He hesitated a long moment before he took the flower from her. He stared down into the yellow center and gently ran his thumbs over the petals before he let out a long, slightly shaky sigh. “If I am, it’s ‘cause of you. Y’know that, right?” He may never be able to fully express everything that he wanted to say, but he hoped that sometimes these little moments were enough.

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[info]notmylittlegirl
2013-05-31 05:46 pm UTC (link)
Things were different now that the smaller version of Daryl had different adults caring for him. Carol knew that it would make a difference, even if Daryl didn't have the same faith. It made a difference for her not having Ed's shadow to cower in. She had definitely grown since her husband had been taken out of the picture. Him being bit and put down had probably been the best thing that could have happened for both Carol and Sophia at the time that it had happened. He had been pushing he boundaries further and further. And Carol had worried that one day she wouldn't have been able to keep him from hurting Sophia too. He never got the chance to, thank god. Lil'D would grow too, just like she had, and just like Daryl had.

"Maybe?" Carol asked with a bit of a teasing grin. "I think I am right, it's okay to admit it." She was trying to lighten things up. She wanted him to know that she wasn't upset with him anymore. She preferred it when the two of them were getting along, anyway. Carol was the closest to Daryl. Out of everyone else in the group she knew that the only person who Daryl was particularly close with was Rick. And their relationship was definitely different than the one that she and Daryl had. Unlike Carol, Rick probably couldn't get away with touching Daryl as often as Carol did. She was pretty sure of that fact.

And maybe it was her imagination, but it seemed like some of the times she pushed the boundaries of what she could get away with...he seemed to like it. It was those moments, like just then when he managed to let his guard down to let their shoulders touch....that Carol felt like she was special. She knew that nobody else could get the same reaction from him. And that special feeling gave her hope sometimes. She had to be special to him if he let her get so close. And if he brought her places like this, where the flower that was so special to the both of them grew.

"Well, I haven't yet." And she didn't plan on giving up on him. He needed someone on his side. He needed someone to care. Sure, Rick cared, but Daryl needed more than just Rick. He needed friendship and a lot of love to make up for the years of abuse that he had suffered and for the time that he'd felt like he was such a pariah. Carol just hoped that she sort of provided that for him and that she helped in that way. "It'd take too much for you to get me to give up."

Carol watched as Daryl gave the flower she'd handed to him attention. He had some moments where he seemed so innocent. It was an endearing quality. And as he spoke, Carol's heart practically melted. "If I didn't know any better I'd think you were trying to butter me up, Dixon?" She teased, though it was only lightly. She followed it up with a light bump to his shoulder. "I could say the same about you, though." And she really meant that. Daryl had looked for Sophia until they had found out she had turned. Daryl had found her here at the castle. Daryl had found her in the television show. Daryl was important to Carol. "You're always there when I need you somehow. Just hope that I'm the same for you." Carol really did, and she figured that he probably wouldn't ever admit to needing her, but she hoped if he ever did she was right there.

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[info]littledixon
2013-06-01 12:06 am UTC (link)
“Damn, woman, I already said you were right once. How many more time ya need me to say it?” The smile on his face betrayed his attempt to sound annoyed, even as she teased him. He knew it was teasing, Carol’s own special brandof teasing that she reserved just for him. Sometimes, when he let his walls drop, he’d pretend that it was almost flirting from her, that she was almost genuinely showing an interest in his sorry ass. But then reality would set in, and he’d realize how damn stupid he was to even let himself to think that, even if it had been nice for just those few moments.

Now, was one of those moments. He caught her eyes as she made that statement, that promise, and he took her at her word. He swallowed thickly as he stared into her face, taking in all of the contours and curvatures that made up that easy expression. It was one of her newer expressions, the ones that he had never seen grace her features in all of their time in Atlanta or on the farm. He’d only seen a hint of it at the CDC when they had all been loosened up by the alcohol, and even then, she’d saved those smiles for Sophia only. And now, he was on the receiving end of them.

His heart quickened a step.

And then she was joking, and the damn spell was broke just like that. He turned away from her, his cheeks just a tad darker than they were a moment before as he ducked his head in slight embarrassment. He let out a dismissive snort. “Shuddup,” he muttered. Daryl’s fingers nervously tugged at the flower, and he frowned lightly when he felt the petal start to tear under his rough hold. He gently run his finger over it, as if hoping that alone would heal it back together again. “If you weren’t, I wouldn’ta said it.”

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[info]notmylittlegirl
2013-06-01 11:35 am UTC (link)
"Need?" Carol pretended to think for a moment before she shook her head a bit. "Don't need you to say that, though I could think of some other things I wouldn't mind hearing." Okay, yeah, maybe she was flirting with him a little bit. It was her special brand of flirting and teasing that she only really could do to Daryl. She didn't want to with anyone else. Even though he was generally the sort to brush off some of the things that she said. She still had to say them every so often. She just couldn't help herself. She knew that he never took any of those comments serious, though. Most of her just figured that he was amused, which he generally did seem when she flirted, and that he didn't return it because he didn't know how...or maybe flirting wasn't his thing. Either way, he was the only one that got to see that particular bold side of her.

It was easy to make promises to Daryl, though. And they weren't empty ones. It was easy to keep a promise to Daryl Dixon. Or at least it was for Carol to, anyway. She knew it was because he had wormed his way into her heart and because she cared about him, but it was also because she knew that he believed her when she told him things. And she believed him when he told her things too. Their word had been all they had had back home, and even with things having changed it still felt important to Carol. It still felt as if they were both placing trust in the other to keep up their ends of anything that they said they would do.

Daryl was probably one of the most important people to Carol now. She didn't have her daughter anymore, and he was the person that understood her the most. They were close in many ways. Not that she wasn't close with the others, but he had managed to take an important spot in Carol's life and heart. And that made her cherish moments like this. Him showing her the beautiful flower bush and them talking more openly. There were others, but this was a pretty good one, he'd even apologized, which wasn't easy for him.

And even though the moment was sweet and there was an undertone of emotion to it the playful flirting and teasing wasn't unwelcome at all. Carol was comfortable with Daryl. She trusted him. And it was definitely a nice feeling. She felt safe with him, even if they didn't get along all the time. Carol leaned a bit into Daryl's side, their shoulders touching again, " Same here." And for a moment she just sat there in quiet, not needing to fill it in with anything.

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[info]littledixon
2013-06-01 03:26 pm UTC (link)
Daryl knew he was entering extremely dangerous territory as she said those words. He didn’t need to hear what she meant exactly by those words to know that it was something that he might not be fully ready for. That did not stop his stomach from clenching in his gut or his heart from stalling in its fucking beating for half a second. His throat grew inexplicably dry suddenly, and he used the weight from Carol’s shoulder next to his to keep him upright as he tried not to read too much into what she had said, but he was. There was no doubt about that. She was asking for something that he wasn’t sure that he’d ever be able to give her.

His eyebrows knitted along his slightly creased forehead with a touch of worry, and he pursed his lips together tightly for a moment before he let out a breath. It was now or never. “Like what?” he whispered. It was like he was a goddamned masochist. He couldn’t wait until he knew why he was a failure once again in this life, too. How he’d failed her all over again or would fail her. He wasn’t looking at her, his gaze focused more toward the stone walkway than her, but his ears were all hers as he waited for that answer. In their closeness, their hands were practically on top of one another, but he stalled just shy of grabbing hers in his own.

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[info]notmylittlegirl
2013-06-02 02:01 am UTC (link)
Carol hadn't thought through what else it is that she'd like him to say, truthfully. Not in exact terms, anyway. She had never thought that he would say most of the things that she wanted to hear. Most of her thought that he would blush, maybe tell her to shut up again, and move on to the next subject of conversation. She had plenty of things that she'd like to hear from Daryl, though. She'd like to hear some of the things that Ed never really said to her. And even though Daryl wasn't Ed, he wasn't some flowery poet who was going to do that. And that wasn't exactly what she wanted. There were still some things that he could say, but she didn't know that he ever would, though.

Carol wasn't sure that she should say some of the things that she'd like to hear. She didn't want to ruin anything between them. She didn't want to make things awkward. Ultimately....Carol didn't want to lose Daryl and there was the slight fear that if she went too far that she would. And Carol really didn't want to lose any more people. He was too important to her. And she didn't really need a lot of words.

He hadn't pulled away, though. And that was an important fact. Carol was debating on how she should answer. Should she be truthful or should she tease him? He seemed pretty serious at the moment, though. She didn't want to make it awkward for him. So, she went with a happy medium. "Like you could ask me if I wanted to fool around for a change." She grinned a bit as she said it, but followed it up with a different truth. She lifted her hand to take his chin gently so that he wasn't looking down. She didn't like that he did that so often. She liked it when she could see his eyes, even if it was under his messy head of hair. "Or you could tell me that you care." Carol let go of his chin, realizing that she hadn't let go. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable, but it didn't feel wrong to hold his chin like that.

"I'm open to hearing a lot of things, whatever you're comfortable telling me, actually. In however many or few words you have." Carol looked down, not sure if she had been too forward, or maybe if she'd said too much. "Can't think of too much you'd say that I didn't want to hear, especially when you're being sweet like you are now." She knew that she might have put her foot in her mouth, but maybe she was just....emboldened by where he had taken her. Everything around them was beautiful, her heart was light, and she was content. She was content with where she was at. Content with spending time with him. And if they never moved forward she could be content, even if that wasn't exactly what she wanted. She'd like to move forward, but she wasn't going to make him uncomfortable. And if he showed any sign of it now she'd back off and make it into a joke, but for a moment it was easy to pretend.

It was nice to pretend that there was something brewing here and like something could happen from this. It was nice to pretend that they could sit close like this again without him getting edgy or uncomfortable. She didn't know that that was going to be the case, though. But it was better to at least toe the line than to keep it bottled in and have a ton of regrets later.

Carol wasn't looking at Daryl now, though. Maybe it was nerves, maybe she was preparing for a negative response. She didn't know which way this would go, though. Her eyes had settled back on the flower bush, unsure of where else to land. She just hoped that she hadn't made a mistake or upset him. She'd somehow play it off if she had, though...because Daryl was important to her and she'd take whatever she could get from him.

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[info]littledixon
2013-06-02 02:26 am UTC (link)
Another dismissive snort escaped his nose in a sharp exhale of air, a small smile on his lips. That smile stalled as he was forced to look at her, and he took in her expression, every serious inch of it. She was speaking from the heart, and Daryl could see that. His fingers curled into a fist, and his entire arm was tense and solid with slight fear at her words. He did not turn away, though. He did not even attempt to pull his chin from her grasp, and his eyes even darted down to her hand - almost trying to stop her from moving away with his thoughts alone - before looking back up at her face.

Daryl could think of plenty of shit that he had said wrong in the past. One night in particular rang out in his head louder than anything else, and he could still his own words loudly in his ears: "Sophia wasn't mine!" He had been such a bastard that night. But the worst part had been Carol's cold and steady acceptance to his tirade, the way she hadn't even flinched as he hurled the insults at her, trying with all of his might to hurt her. Why? Because he was a prick. Someone that didn't deserve a woman as calm and understanding as the one next to him, and why she put up with him to this day, he still didn't understand. He didn't think he ever would.

He copied her motion as he finally moved his gaze to stare down at his lap. She had been so forward. He should have been thrilled. How many damn times had he asked her what the hell she wanted from him? But now he knew, but he didn't know what to do with this. He knew what he wanted to do, but he didn't know how, wasn't sure if he could --

Thunder crackled over their heads, and just like that, the floodgates were opened.

"Sonuvabitch," Daryl muttered as the rain started to fall, a random spring shower. He stood and grabbed Carol's hand without much forethought. "C'mon." He led the way back out of the garden, pulling her alone, and didn't let go even as he pulled her back into the castle. A few corridors and another staircase later, and they were finally standing outside their quarters. He wasn't exactly drenched, just lightly dampened, and it took him a few moments to realize that he was still holding her hand. He pulled his back quickly, his cheeks burning, as he tightened his jaw to try to keep his composure.

"We good?" he asked. It was such a lame question after everything else they had talked about, but he just wanted to make sure. He just had to make sure.

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[info]notmylittlegirl
2013-06-02 02:50 am UTC (link)
Most silences between Carol and Daryl were comfortable. She knew that he wasn't a man of many words and she was comfortable with that. She knew that the silences they lapsed into in general were good ones. They weren't strange. This one was heavier than usual, though. And Carol knew it was because of what she had said too. It was definitely more than she had ever said before. They had had serious talks before, plenty of times, but never quite at this level. She had never said these things to her before.

Despite everything, though, they always managed to move forward. The two of them had been through a lot. He had grown and she had grown too. They were different people than the mourning mother and the angry man who hadn't been able to find her daughter. She didn't hold hard moments from the past against him. They were both better people than they had been once upon a time. They were both better now.

Carol was startled by the crack of thunder, not having expected it, and she had been nowhere near ready for it either. The rain was startling too. She had thought that she would deal with Daryl's response no matter what it was, but thoughts of that flew out of her mind as he grabbed her hand and started tugging her a long toward the castle. She could feel her clothes, slightly cold and damp against her. But at least she wasn't soaked. Carol thought nothing of his hand being in her's until they reached their shared apartment. And then she was a little bit sad to lose his hand in her's.

Even so, she pasted a smile on her face. She was safe from being turned down for the moment...because of the rain. Though, she didn't know if she had really wanted that save. "Yeah, Daryl, we're definitely good." She told him with a smile. "I should go check in on Little Daryl. Get back to homework." She told him. And before she could talk herself out of it or second guess it, she leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. His cheek was slightly scruffy, rough, and that was a part of his appeal. She hadn't expected it to be soft. She only allowed herself a moment to linger before she pulled back and moved toward Rick's room, cheeks slightly pink at what she had just done.

It was in record time that she lifted her knuckles to the door of Rick's room. "It's Carol!" And she walked in the second that the smaller version of Daryl had opened the door.

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