InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Do you have to let it linger?"

Helena Wells-Quinzel is H.G. Wells (indelibleink) wrote in makebelievelog,
@ 2012-10-29 00:28:00

Entry tags:

anakin skywalker, h.g. wells

Who: Anakin and Helena
What: Two souls prone to the Dark Side share their accounts of To Destroy A World: Notes and Sundry Observations while Helena plays in a chemistry lab. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?!
When: Monday evening sometime, after students and professors have left (slightly forward-dated because I got inspired)
Where: Chemistry lab at the university
Warnings: ~~WORLD ANNIHILATION!~~ Helena will have some bad luck as per the Halloween plot, complete with cursing, and considering these two might actually be bonding over unsavory topics like murder and so forth, possibly moderate to moderately high?

While the arrival of her younger self had thrown her off, Helena was still bound and determined to continue with her life as much as she could. Even having planted a tracker on her younger wasn't enough to erase worry from Helena's mind. So having made sure someone was watching the young girl while she was off at the university, Helena made her way there after ensuring she had the sample she'd taken from the shield James needed to be repaired. She was completely intent on completing this task, wanting to allow James to at least have that much of his father with him. Even though James was a teenager, Helena still felt an affinity towards him. She always had a way with younger people, and the fact he had kind words for her the first time they met only endeared her more to him. So she wanted to help him however she could.

On the way to the university, she'd crossed paths with a black cat. She didn't pay it much heed, mostly trying to ignore it given the fact she had her own cat at the castle, thanks to Claudia. She'd made it to the university during a slightly less rainy period than earlier in the day. However, that did not save her from the fact a car drove by, crashing through a rather large puddle that splashed her. Letting out a yelp of surprise, Helena looked down at herself.

"Bloody brilliant," she muttered and swiped at her clothes. At least she had a dark colored shirt on and dark denim jeans so the water and mud spatter didn't show up as much as it otherwise would. Sighing, she entered the appropriate building and went to meet Anakin. The instant she entered the building, she glanced around, wondering what it would be like to be a student. She had been considering looking into classes. She'd positively love taking the science courses, and it might be easier than her simply pouring over books on the subjects. After being momentarily distracted by some displays, she made her way towards the lab area. Spotting Anakin, she gave him a smile, brushing a hand through her hair as she approached him.

"Hello, Anakin," she greeted. She was more than excited to get into the lab. It had been far too long since she'd played in one. Yes she'd worked in one when she'd made the antidote that saved Claudia's life, but that was the last time she'd been in one. Thus it had been far too long since she'd been able to stretch her mind in such regards.

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indelibleink
2012-10-30 07:21 pm UTC (link)

It probably wasn't exactly the most opportune time to have this conversation, given Anakin seemed to be reading something, and Helena was playing with fire. Of course, she was merely melting down metal, she wasn't playing with dangerous chemicals, so she didn't need her completely and undivided attention focused on what she was doing. It also wasn't exactly the best subject to discuss, but it would come up sooner or later between them.

As Anakin decided how to answer, Helena remembered that she should probably do something about her hair. Taking a hair tie off of her wrist, she pulled her hair back into a haphazard bun, keeping it safely out of her face save for some of her shorter layers that framed her face. Brushing them behind her ears, she looked back at Anakin. She didn't take his statement as being arrogant. Helena had a lot of things to catch up on, including what depicted Anakin's life.

Upon hearing the answer, Helena nodded slightly, leaning against the table, letting her attention focus on Anakin. It would take some time before the heat of the flame began melting the metal. Helena had anticipated vibranium having a very high melting point from what James had told her, so for the moment it was playing the waiting game.

"For what it is worth, I would not be one who would be uneasy with things. Nor am I one to judge what another has done for to pass judgement upon another would mean I would have to pass judgement upon myself or stand a hypocrite." Obviously, Helena had no prior knowledge of the things Anakin had done or would do in his world, but Helena was not the type to be phased by any of it. After all, she'd murdered in cold blood, even tortured, and she had been one strike of the Trident away from taking the entire world down with her. Six billion lives that she almost put an end to, and it had all begun with one loss, one pain that went too deep for her to truly face and accept.

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darkforcerising
2012-10-31 07:32 am UTC (link)

Anakin could tell Helena’ sincerely meant what she said, though he did wonder how she could say that without knowing exactly what he’d done or would do. A bold thing to say when you didn’t know what you were agreeing to accept unconditionally.

And was that an invitation for him to share? Anakin could be complete dense when it came to social interactions. Quite possibly because his social training ended when he entered the Temple and the only people who would speak with him were his instructors, the other younglings and Padawans his ages had categorically cut him out of all their activities or interactions outside of classes. This only solidified within him a need establish a Master/subordinate dynamic in all his interactions. He simply did not know how to easily converse with others on a peer level.

He decided to test the waters. The worst she could do to him was walk away, and he was rather accustomed to that.

“My mother was kidnapped, tortured and then murdered by a tribe of people on the planet I was born. I didn’t leave a single member of that tribe alive.” He had told only three people what he’d done to that tribe of Tusken Raiders, one of them he should never have told. And there was one person he should have told but never did.

“Did you want to discuss it?” he asked. These were foreign words to say for someone taught all his formal training emotions were neither relevant nor worth any discussion more than to push them out of your mind. “What made you morally ambiguous.”

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indelibleink
2012-10-31 07:55 am UTC (link)

Perhaps it was a tad bold to make such a statement when the answer could be something along the lines of destroying a universe. But even then, Helena had no room for criticizing and judging others when she knew very well she would have done the same if she'd had the means to. As it stood, she'd been so very close to tearing the world apart, and that was more than enough for her to not cast judgements.

Listening to Anakin speak about what happened to his mother, she gave him an empathetic look. "I do not blame you for doing that. Those people deserved their fate for what they did to your mother." And she said that with a slightly fervent belief. She still had that fire of anger and hate that burned deep inside her, but it was something that she was at least trying to keep quelled. She knew that side of her frightened Myka, and there were times when it even frightened herself.

When he asked about her own bout with questionable morality, she drew in a breath. "My daughter was murdered, and I made it my prime goal to undo what had been done. Eventually I constructed a time machine and used it to travel back in time, but I was unable to alter the course of events. But I did get a look at each of the men who had broken in and murdered my daughter. I tracked them down, one by one, and what I did to them. Well, let's just say that's the most pain a person can go through." Her tone had a slight edge to it and even her face had taken on a harsh look. There was a coldness within her eyes, one that showed she was a cold-blodded murderer and that part of her still lurked within her. Though after a few moments she closed her eyes and drew in a breath, then looked back at Anakin, the harshness leaving her features. "That was only the first in a very long series of events. But that was the event that turned me morally ambiguous."

Helena fell silent for a few moments, glancing into the crucible to check its progress, then turned back to Anakin. "In that regard, we are not so different. I would always seek out vengeance upon those who would harm or kill the ones I love." Even now she would kill for the ones she loved if it meant keeping them alive and safe.

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darkforcerising
2012-10-31 09:41 am UTC (link)

Should Anakin explain there were children in that tribe he’d killed that night, too? That tribe had been terrorizing the farmers in the area for months, their attacks had increase and they were planning more, they had killed thirty farmers who had tried to get Shmi back. The night Anakin had found the tribe he’d also come across four slaughtered travelers, killed by the same tribe that had his mother. He knew every detail of what they’d done to his mother, the Force being the ever gracious power that it was, had granted him a front row seat to watch each lash fall across her back, every blow to her face, every time he slept. That tribe had done despicable things, but were those children so complicit in their parents’ sins?

He kept that detail to himself, given Helena’s confession revolved around killing the men who had killed her own daughter.

He nodded, “Those men deserved much more for what they did to your daughter.” He couldn’t say less than that, he too knew what it was to fight that inner dragon of hate and anger that fueled the drive for vengeance. And he knew what it was like to lose something dear to him. He could not deny someone what he had so freely indulged in.

But hindsight had granted him clarity to see what giving into the Dark Side that night had cost him. One step down that road justified by the necessity to protect innocent lives, and yes, by a need for revenge against those who had harmed his mother, had seemed excusable. Manageable. But it was one step he could not retreat, and there had been so many others he’d willingly, blindly, taken that had led him to Palpatine’s office chambers that night back on Coruscant. And those he could never take back either.

“Unfortunately for me the methods I used- giving into anger like that is corrupting. It’s… difficult to control the Force like that, and it’s compounding. The more you give in the more it traps you in a cycle of rage and hate, and it distorts everything you think and know. At first I thought I could control it, but… when I go back I won’t be able to stop it for a very long time and I will hurt many innocent people during that time. Including my wife, my closest friend, and even my own children.”

He had to pause and consider the rest of what Helena said.

“I’d never considered how it is for those who aren’t Force-sensitive. I always figured it was just easier for you to avoid being ruled by your emotions. I was wrong, it seems. I’m sorry, I know what it is like to lose yourself in something dark.”

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indelibleink
2012-11-02 06:52 am UTC (link)

The unspoken detail that Anakin killed the children as well was heard by Helena. She well knew what it was to not differentiate between the sins of those who actually committed the crimes and those associated with them. While Helena had managed to limit her killing Christina's murderers to only those responsible, but she had seen red. The lives she took after that, some of them were guilty, some were innocent of various crimes. And then there was a long list of people whose deaths she was responsible for but didn't actually kill. Everyone who had died because of the Joshua Trumpet, an artifact which had claimed two of her lovers. Then the two fellow Warehouse agents who had died because of her obsession with time travel artifacts. Sykes had been accurate when he'd said her body count was longer than his.

"Believe me, I did make them feel every bit of pain I felt before I killed them." And she had, oh she had. The one that had delivered the killing blow to her daughter had suffered the worst of it. Helena had let him linger longer, letting him feel what he had done to her heart and to her soul. Helena was definitely the type of person that when she was in pain to such a degree, she took it out on others, on the world.

As she listened to the explanation of how Anakin was corrupted, she though it sounded all too familiar. Emotions were powerful things, and Helena always felt hers strongly, sometimes too strongly. It was at this moment that she felt more like she had found a kindred soul in Anakin, someone who understood what it felt like to be ruled by anger and hate and to have to strive against it lest the emotions twist them.

"It is not an easy task to fight against such emotions when you feel them so strongly. Especially if they are sparked because of someone you love being ripped away from you." Looking at Anakin, she could see herself within him, knowing the struggle he was undoubtedly facing, and especially knowing he would do worse upon returning to his world. "I am sorry that there is more evil awaiting you when you return to your world. But I hope that sometime in the future, you are able to stop yourself, to turn yourself around. It is certainly not an easy task, but it is one more easily accomplished when there is someone there who believes in you and will do everything they can to stop you from falling further within your own darkness." Myka had done just that. When the fate of the entire planet had come down to Helena needing to strike the Trident only once more into the ground, Myka had found the way through to her.

"Some people are better at controlling their emotions. I, however, am not one of them. When I feel something strongly and deeply, it rather controls me. I was lost within my darkness for one hundred and twenty years. I nearly killed six billion people because of it. But I do hope that my darkness is behind me. I was trying to redeem myself when I ended up here." Helena paused a moment, her gaze growing distant for a few moments before she turned it back to Anakin. "I gave up my life to ensure the one I love lived."

She then turned back to the bunsen burner and checked on the state of the metal, which was finally beginning to melt down. Grabbing a glass rod, she poked at the melting vibranium, seeing how much of it had melted. Setting the glass rod aside, she went to adjust the position of the crucible, one finger finding its way between the open flame and the crucible. Crying out, she jerked her hand back.

"Oh bollocks!! Fucking bloody bollocks!!" Helena cursed sharply, quickly moving over to the nearest sink and ran the cold water, holding her burnt finger under the cold water. "Damn it all!!"

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