A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.... (flyonby) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2015-02-19 23:34:00 |
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Entry tags: | 2009-10-15, micah, rebekah |
Your eyes never close, your mind's not at rest
Who: Micah and Rebekah
Where: Their home
When: Morning
Sleep was never easy. It was never deep, it was never smooth, too many faces and too many sounds, too many dreams. Only they weren't dreams, they were nightmares. Relentless, day in and day out. At the very fringes of her consciousness, the first thing Rebekah realized was how deep and smooth her sleep had been - right before startling awake by the very notion of being awake.
I'm awake, she thought, eyes opening in a flash and moving from side to side as her heartbeat accelerated when she realized she wasn't in the grey, dark room Mason had put her in. The bed was large and soft, trickles of light shone through the blinds on the window painting everything a warm shade of purple. A happy shade of purple. It had been her favorite color, once. Plum, said the little voice in the back of her mind, the one that remembered good things. Now, the light hurt her eyes, forcing her to shade them from such warm brightness.
Sitting up, Rebekah pushed her knees against her chest, uncomfortable and startled all over again. This was backwards. There were very specific steps to what she had been told to do, and somehow it felt like Rebekah had skipped a number of them. All of them. She wasn't supposed to be here.
Slowly, swallowing hard, she moved her head to the floor where she knew something horrible would be, staining the carpet and everything else forever and ever no matter how hard you scrubbed. It wasn't there anymore but she saw it anyway. She saw it, the blood. She shut her eyes and remembered the screaming, the gurgling sound of a thirsty monster gorging on the life of a little angel, responsible for the loss of a bigger one, and then a littler one before that. She hadn't apologized, she had never begged for forgiveness and the reckoning was going to be terrible. There was no forgiveness to be had, so she was just an invader. A trespasser. A monster hiding under a bed. She wanted to leave but nothing was where it had been. Flashes of someone else being her was all she could recall and things were not where she had left them because she had never really gotten into this house. That had not been her. That had been an echo, a mirage, something lost and never able to come back. Someone had walked around with her body doing things she had not been told to do, had no business attempting. A sinner had walked around pretending to be an angel and poisoned everything again. And that sinner was her.
"Why am I here, why am I here, why am I here, why am I here - no. No, no, no, no." Throwing herself on the floor, covering the place where the big mess of her brother's blood had once stained the carpet, Rebekah screamed.