InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "You're weak"

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.... (flyonby) wrote in light_of_may,
@ 2015-02-19 23:34:00

Entry tags:

2009-10-15, micah, rebekah

Your eyes never close, your mind's not at rest
Who: Micah and Rebekah
Where: Their home
When: Morning

Sleep was never easy. It was never deep, it was never smooth, too many faces and too many sounds, too many dreams. Only they weren't dreams, they were nightmares. Relentless, day in and day out. At the very fringes of her consciousness, the first thing Rebekah realized was how deep and smooth her sleep had been - right before startling awake by the very notion of being awake.

I'm awake, she thought, eyes opening in a flash and moving from side to side as her heartbeat accelerated when she realized she wasn't in the grey, dark room Mason had put her in. The bed was large and soft, trickles of light shone through the blinds on the window painting everything a warm shade of purple. A happy shade of purple. It had been her favorite color, once. Plum, said the little voice in the back of her mind, the one that remembered good things. Now, the light hurt her eyes, forcing her to shade them from such warm brightness.

Sitting up, Rebekah pushed her knees against her chest, uncomfortable and startled all over again. This was backwards. There were very specific steps to what she had been told to do, and somehow it felt like Rebekah had skipped a number of them. All of them. She wasn't supposed to be here.

Slowly, swallowing hard, she moved her head to the floor where she knew something horrible would be, staining the carpet and everything else forever and ever no matter how hard you scrubbed. It wasn't there anymore but she saw it anyway. She saw it, the blood. She shut her eyes and remembered the screaming, the gurgling sound of a thirsty monster gorging on the life of a little angel, responsible for the loss of a bigger one, and then a littler one before that. She hadn't apologized, she had never begged for forgiveness and the reckoning was going to be terrible. There was no forgiveness to be had, so she was just an invader. A trespasser. A monster hiding under a bed. She wanted to leave but nothing was where it had been. Flashes of someone else being her was all she could recall and things were not where she had left them because she had never really gotten into this house. That had not been her. That had been an echo, a mirage, something lost and never able to come back. Someone had walked around with her body doing things she had not been told to do, had no business attempting. A sinner had walked around pretending to be an angel and poisoned everything again. And that sinner was her.

"Why am I here, why am I here, why am I here, why am I here - no. No, no, no, no." Throwing herself on the floor, covering the place where the big mess of her brother's blood had once stained the carpet, Rebekah screamed.

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thewhitewinged
2015-04-18 06:24 pm UTC (link)

His cellphone going off jerked Micah awake. His mind was heavy, like he'd just been drinking the night before. Or...at least what he thought might be the feeling. He'd never gotten drunk; he'd never had the chance to. Clutching the side of his head, he glanced at the alarm clock next to his bed. Early. Who could be calling at this hour? He finally located his phone in his backpack and checked the missed calls. Twenty-three just this morning from his mother. Micah imagined his heart would start hammering just about now, if he had a heartbeat. Things were still blurry, except that he remembered who he was and why he was here and all the things that had seemed unimportant a few days ago suddenly weighed heavy on him all over again. There was no real consciousness that anything had been taken away and given back, just a sort of cloudiness that was slowly going away. Like a velvet curtain had been drawn this whole time but was now being opened slowly by ancient mechanisms. The phone in his hand vibrated again.

"Mom, it's gotta be too early for you to be awake in California. What's wrong?" he asked, voice raspy from sleep. It took him a while to get through her panicked voice. "No, no...everything's fine. I was just sleeping; nothing's happened...what are you even talking about?" Veronique was asking about his memories; why he'd not called her the moment he remembered and how he could have let her leave him all alone in the ugly house. "My...what? Mom, you're being ridiculous. I'm here and I'm fine. Rebekah's...Rebekah," Micah felt a pounding in his head that had to be psychosomatic. His body didn't work like this anymore. "Mom, mom, MOM! Don't come; don't come. I swear I'm fine. I just...no, nothing about Rebekah...I just...you stay in California and don't come back."

Then Micah heard the screaming.

"I gotta go, Mom. I'll call you later I promise just don't do anything hasty like jump on a plane in the next hour," Micah didn't wait for a confirmation from his mother before hanging up. He sprang to his feet and had his hand on the door knob before he realized what he was doing. And what all this meant. Willing himself to turn the knob, Micah had to fight every instinct he had to run. She was his sister, for you-know-who's sake. They were blood bonded in more ways that one and she clearly needed help. Each step closer felt like its own individual struggle, and the short walk to his sister's bedroom felt like it took hours. Micah didn't know what waited for him on the other side of the door, what version of his sister he'd find. The only consolation was that she couldn't kill him again.

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flyonby
2015-04-18 10:47 pm UTC (link)

She watched the little angel she had almost made into a monster walk into the room just from shadows on the floor. Immediately Rebekah cowered into a corner, refusing to look at him. She had looked before, at his beautiful sweet face, a face she'd almost marred, almost killed. A billion apologies stumbled into each other in her brain and none came out, instead gibberish did. Loose words, damnation onto herself in every way she knew to wish it.

She looked around for an escape but that meant going through him, standing there between her and the way out. Rebekah wailed, clawing at her own face. "Not worthy not worthy not worthy things backwards, there has to be a process it's a process Rebekah, a process! Hope for nothing want for nothing believe in the mercy of the Lord..." Her voice died down as something else tugged at her mind upon the holy mention.

"There was a me in here that was not me and she gained passage and she spoke to you and she wasn't worthy and neither am I." Rebekah murmured, looking out into the nothing with wide eyes. "Cast me out, I am not supposed to be here."

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thewhitewinged
2015-04-20 12:57 am UTC (link)

Everything flashed bright for a second, like a scene out of a movie. Micah had to will himself to refocus on the things before him. His hand trembled as he held on to the doorknob for dear life, deforming it just a little bit with his strength. "Rebekah..." Micah started to say something and his voice caught as the memory of her return merged with the last time he had seen her. His free hand moved to his chest involuntarily, half-expecting to find...well, he didn't know. Blood, maybe? His sternum cracked open, perhaps? Or was that even a real memory? He couldn't know. It all felt like a dream. Even this moment was surreal.

"Sh, sh, sh," Micah moved his hands in front of him in what he hoped was a calming gesture. He didn't want to frighten her. He considered that the position of his hands in front of his chest and face were also a little defensive. His motivations were confusing to him at this point. "I'm not going to send you anywhere. You're safe here. Safe," he drew out the last word, enunciating carefully. He could remember her being like this, after the hunter had brought her home but before...Micah stopped and his face contorted into a look of horror. Before Naomi.

"I..." the word came out as a gasp. He turned his head to look away from his sister. He didn't want her to see the feelings. Sadness, desperation, maybe even hate. She didn't deserve it. She didn't know who she was. Micah forced himself to put it aside. For now. "Rebekah, how...how did you get home?" he asked, eyes still on the door.

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flyonby
2015-04-26 12:24 am UTC (link)

Her name on his lips made Rebekah's whole body jerk as if she had listened to a curse, the largest of curses even. Her face and eyes felt wet, vision blurring with specks of red and when Rebekah brought her hands up to her face they came out stained with blood. Every time, there was blood. It was all she produced.

Seeing the little angel's hands move in front of him, making sounds of calm, made Rebekah retreat further against the wall. What he said troubled her, however. Rebekah shook her head and kept shaking it. "No! Not deserving, haven't earned it, only hurt only pain. No right to be in here you must let me leave. No monsters in this house when I leave."

Micah's question drew her from her despair momentarily, and Rebekah furrowed her brow. "Apologizing is the first step. You are not all the wrong you did you can be more if you try. You can be family again if you trust the Lord." She said, twitching at the last word. "Trust our Lord, Rebekah. The Lord doesn't make mistakes."

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