InsaneJournal

Juniper held her head high at the onslaught of information, breathing in purposefully through her nose, not letting herself get pulled under by everything that he was throwing at her. It was horrible, of course, but still, those few moments of relief mixed in with all that pain was enough to keep her from sinking below the surface. It was a lot to take, most assuredly, and her mind revolted at the effort, but even more than before Juniper refused to let him break her.

When she spoke, her voice was quiet, a stark contrast to all the screaming she'd done at him. "I don't care," she said resolutely, shaking her head. "I want you, Edward. And if I can't have that, then you're right. Death is the better option. I've had everything I know taken away from me. My home, my friends, my mother...Even the thing I was the most sure of in my life, Jareth took that away from me and I almost died because of it. Everything about this place scares me to death. I'm terrified, constantly. Of Armand, of what I don't know, of what could be waiting for me around the next corner."

"But then I met you, and you loved me. Not knowing what's going to happen, not even knowing who I am anymore...I could suffer that, and willingly, with you. And now you hate me." She sighed. "I can live with a lot of things, Edward, but that? No. I'm done fighting, Edward. I've been doing it for so long...I just can't anymore. Not when the one thing that made it worth it is gone."

"I'm sorry. I know it hurts you, and I wish I could spare you that. But me being in your life apparently hurts you so much worse, it's better this way. Don't save me anymore. I'm the monster. I just hope that some day you can forgive me."

Then she smiled at him softly and walked away. As far as Juniper was concerned, she was already dead.

Juniper shifted out of his touch as if he had burned her, and looked up at Edward with tear-filled eyes. "This isn't about you," she promised. "I don't want you with me just because you don't want me to die. It doesn't work that way. A huge part of the reason that I always want more, that I always push, is that I'm petrified, Edward. Every second, it's there, even if you can't get at it. I'm sorry if I'm too much for you to handle, and I'm trying to rid you of that."

"I'm trying to protect you, the same way you want to protect me. But I'm doing it out of love, not guilt. And there's no but in that. I don't want or need your pity presence, Edward. You gave me hope, hope unlike anything I've felt in years. It's not about being like you. It's about you. About not wanting to lose you. And I have."

"I love you and I don't want to cause you any more pain. You might have been lying before, you might not have. But on some level, you believe that what you said was true. You don't need me like I need you."

"No..." Juniper begged, her tears spilling over as he pulled her into his arms. She could stay sure when she was free of his clutches, but pressed against his chest, feeling his breath against her skin, she couldn't hang on to her resolve.

She managed to pull away enough to look at him, and her face spoke of nothing but agony. "So you want to postpone breaking up then..." she mused aloud, shaking her head a bit. Because still, she was sure that was what was going to happen. Then she sighed and shrugged one shoulder helplessly. "Alright."

Slipping free of his arms, Juniper linked her fingers with Edward's and started the walk through the rain back to her room. "You're going to have to break in," she said quietly. "I left my key on the desk."

"Okay," she whispered, and there was a hint of a smile on her lips, but by and large, she was still pouting. She wanted to believe him though, so that was something.

Taking the key, Juniper stuck it in the front pocket of her pants and then snuggled under Edward's arm as he pulled her against his side. "I'm sorry about the Armand thing. It really was just an errant thought. I wouldn't trust him with a dog I liked, and I wouldn't want to be like him anyway." She paused then and pressed her cheek against his chest as they walked. "And the fire thing...that was slightly melodramatic," she admitted.

"I thought about it, but it's not nearly as nice gobbing something at someone that can't be hurt by it," she joked lamely. "I'm sorry. I wouldn't go to him. Ever," she promised, looking up at Edward resolutely.

Juniper shrugged. "I'm alright. I haven't looked yet," she said, tugging on the sleeve of her sweater. "But I've got full range of motion and all of that. Please don't call your father, Edward," she begged. "I can't face him like this." And really, she didn't want Edward to have to admit what had happened to a man that clearly thought the world of him. He didn't need any more guilt on his shoulders.

They got to the dorms and Juniper pushed through the door, setting her key down before going to perch on the end of the bed. "So we're really alright?" she asked, looking at him hopefully.

Juniper smiled and squeezed his hand. "I've had worse." She didn't know if it would make him feel better or worse to see, she just didn't want Carlisle seeing. "You kept me safe," she reminded him, giving him a little smile. "If I would have known how angry you were, I wouldn't have gotten in your face like that. You just...shut down. It was terrifying," she admitted. "I thought that I'd broken you or something. I was just trying to wake you up."

"Oh, I'm livid," she assured him with mock seriousness, smiling a little.

Then she picked at her nails. "Can I kiss you?" she asked quietly, not looking at him, and hating the feeling that she did need to ask. "Nothing over the top just..." she laughed a little, weakly. "I feel like we should kiss and make up or something."