InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Who'd be a teenage Mum?"

jemma simmons is just a scientist. (miracleworker) wrote in jurassiccitynet,
@ 2016-06-26 16:55:00

Entry tags:

bobbi morse / mockingbird, cisco ramon / vibe, gabriel gray / sylar, jemma simmons

Does anyone know who I should speak to about getting some time in one of the labs at the University? ~~I need something to do when I can't sleep.~~

And I know they said it's not safe to go beyond the barrier but I'd love to get out there and collect some samples myself. There must be a way to do that.

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	miracleworker 2016-06-26 02:34 pm UTC (link)
	I'm human but I'm by no means fragile. I wouldn't consider going beyond the border without informing anyone, that's just common sense given our situation. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	abravenewworld 2016-06-26 04:11 pm UTC (link)
	Well, I meant, compared to the destructive capability of a dinosaur. There's some of us here that could withstand the beating. Others, not so much. You'd be surprised. But this place is full of excessively independent types. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	miracleworker 2016-06-26 04:13 pm UTC (link)
	Oh well in that respect I suppose you could call me fragile. I'm independent but not stupid otherwise I'd have just gone out there already without asking if it was possible. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	abravenewworld 2016-06-26 04:20 pm UTC (link)
	I wouldn't dream of saying it out loud. But it's good to be aware of. Always best to cover your bases. Not that I can say I was ever smart enough to tell the patrol the last few times I went out. But if you're basically indestructible, it's really just more rude than idiotic. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	miracleworker 2016-06-26 04:25 pm UTC (link)
	I know I wouldn't be able to withstand an attack by any of the dinosaurs. You're indestructible? What makes you indestructible? From what you said a moment a go I assume you don't class yourself as human. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	abravenewworld 2016-06-26 04:32 pm UTC (link)
	Not anymore. Not since they started drawing lines. I used to class myself that way. But once the rest of humanity found out, they decided anyone who were able to do anything outside the bounds of normal needed to die. It makes thinking of yourself as one of them a bit difficult. It's a rather long story, but to cut it short, I can't die. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	miracleworker 2016-06-26 04:52 pm UTC (link)
	People are scared of what they don't understand. I'm fairly certain things would unfortunately be the same where I'm from. But I'm sorry you had to deal with that sort of attitude. How would you class yourself? I'm going to assume this has been tested in some way. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

abravenewworld
2016-06-26 05:13 pm UTC (link)

I don't mind it so much for myself. I'm grown. I can handle the loathing. I'm used to it. It's the young that are suffering the most, those that barely have time to figure out who they are before people are demanding to know what they are.

We call ourselves Evos. Sad to think that started out as agency slang but has evolved into both a slur and an identity marker.

Oh, several. I made a rather nasty habit of people trying to kill me for a few years there.

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	miracleworker 2016-06-26 05:22 pm UTC (link)
	No one should have to deal with loathing because of what they are. Is this a natural evolution where you're from? Or was it triggered by something? How awful. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

abravenewworld
2016-06-26 05:34 pm UTC (link)

Natural, generally. There are a few who were induced via a formula but that was... it's a long story.

For most, it's 'triggered' by puberty. Unless you're several generations in. Or you have a subtle ability that you don't notice until it's already been active for over a decade.

I know a six year old who's basically had his ability since birth. Third generation, at least. But he also has a shit father and a selfish cow of a mother. And I know what that can do to a kid so I've had to resist the urge to kidnap him a few times over the years.

Eh. It's not like it was undeseved.

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miracleworker
2016-06-26 06:25 pm UTC (link)

That's all really interesting. Very different from what I've seen before.

I'd be interested to do some research and see if your DNA varies from that of someone like myself who has no abilities to speak of. But only if you're comfortable with me taking a couple of samples for testing. Nothing invasive at all.

I'm glad you resisted the urge to kidnap the child. Taking a child from their parents never works out well for any of the parties involved.

That doesn't make it any less awful.

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	abravenewworld 2016-06-26 06:32 pm UTC (link)
	I wouldn't mind providing a sample. It's nothing I haven't done before, both willingly and un. I've worked with a geneticist before. A couple, actually. Oh, I'm well aware. Not that I imagine he'll turn out well if he stays. But it's a different kind of trauma. You're sweet. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	miracleworker 2016-06-26 06:40 pm UTC (link)
	I would never dream of taking samples from someone who was unwilling. I'm a biochemist mainly. All you can do is try and be a supportive presence for him if that's possible. Thank you, I think. Unless you mean it as an insult which some people do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	abravenewworld 2016-06-26 07:23 pm UTC (link)
	I'll tell you what. When we meet up, I can be the first sample you collect. Eh. Not really possible. His father loathes me. And he's a bit of a manipulative psychopath. Hardly. Most people go immediately to what did you do when I say it's well deserved. It's nice that you're more concerned with the outcome than the reason. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

miracleworker
2016-06-26 07:48 pm UTC (link)

If we're going beyond the border it would probably be better to wait until we return to take samples from you.

Oh dear. That isn't good. Kidnap is still not the answer but there might be something else you can do to help. I'm just not sure what that might be.

Well then my thank you stands. Honestly I hadn't even thought about asking why you felt it was deserved. Perhaps you can tell me when we head out, it'll give us something to talk about while I collect samples.

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	abravenewworld 2016-06-26 07:52 pm UTC (link)
	Ah. True. I always forget how fragile those blood vials can be. I've had some ideas. But they're equally as questionable as kidnapping. Ah. Yes. Well. If I tell you.while we're out, that may not be fair. Most people don't react well. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	miracleworker 2016-06-26 07:58 pm UTC (link)
	I would worry about the heat even with a cool bag. Maybe you just need to think a bit more outside the box. Oh. What would you suggest then? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jemma \| Gabriel. abravenewworld 2016-06-26 08:06 pm UTC (link)
	I think perhaps I should explain my ability in more detail especially the downside of it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jemma \| Gabriel. miracleworker 2016-06-26 08:09 pm UTC (link)
	This all ties into you being indestructible? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jemma \| Gabriel. abravenewworld 2016-06-26 08:13 pm UTC (link)
	The indestructible thing isn't actually mine. It's something that I took from someone else. My ability is... Well, the Company classified it as Intuitive Aptitude. Meaning that I have the ability to instinctively and without any training understand the inner workings of... anything. Including the abilities presented by others. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jemma \| Gabriel. miracleworker 2016-06-26 08:21 pm UTC (link)
	You took someone else's ability? I'm familiar with the term but it's not something that we've ever thought about as an ability really, rather just something some people seem to have but not to the degree that your ability goes to. Is that how you managed to take someone's ability? Because you understood how it worked? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Jemma | Gabriel.

abravenewworld
2016-06-26 08:30 pm UTC (link)

Several, actually. She was just the first one who... didn't die.

That's the downside. Or at least... it's complicated since my ability doesn't actually work the way I thought it did at first. But I'm still saddled with the consequences.

I killed the first time thinking I could help him. He didn't want his ability. He asked me if I could take it away. My brain... my ability told me I could. Unfortunately, my ability doesn't understand that you need to be very specific and cautious when you poke around inside people's brains.

After the first one... well, it's a long story, but my ability also makes me...want to know everything. There's an... urge that pushes me to find out things. No matter what the results of doing that are. And I couldn't stop. At first, I didn't want to. It's easier to rationalize destructive behavior than face up to it when you don't know how to not do what you're pushed to do.

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Jemma | Gabriel.

miracleworker
2016-06-26 08:47 pm UTC (link)

The first one was an accident? I mean you didn't mean to kill him, you were just trying to help him?

It sounds to me like your ability is like an addiction almost. That drive to find things out regardless of the consequences of doing so. It is similar to how some people are with addiction, they don't consider what the results of their actions might be as long as they get what they are after. I understand the drive to want to know things, I'm naturally curious about things and sometimes don't know when to stop.

Can you resist it now? That urge to find out things? It sounds like you do from what you're saying.

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Jemma | Gabriel.

abravenewworld
2016-06-26 09:02 pm UTC (link)

I thought I was. There was a selfish element to it as well. The geneticist I was working with at the time. He wasn't particularly clued in to subtle abilities. He had just decided that I was a waste of time. Nothing special were the exact words he used. And I did think... if he didn't want his ability, I could remove it. Take it for myself. Unfortunately, in the heat of the moment, I didn't think about how putting a person back together isn't as simple as doing it on a machine.

It is. An addiction. It doesn't matter how kind hearted or thoughtful you are, how much willpower you have... once you have it, the urge pushes you past the line.

It tapered off. And after I learnt I didn't have to kill... that my ability was never supposed to work that way... it got harder to justify in my mind. And eventually... well, circumstances push you down a certain road sometimes. And I could have gone down a worse one than the one I ended up on.

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Jemma | Gabriel.

miracleworker
2016-06-27 08:40 am UTC (link)

That's a bit rude of him to assume you were a waste of time because your ability was more subtle than others he might have been studying. Putting people back together is definitely not a simple task, especially if you're not familiar with the workings of the human body. I don't know if your ability would allow you to know that or not.

Addiction is a disease and not one that is easy to treat. Even if you are aware you suffer from it and want to try and get help it is a long battle. So few people realise that an addiction is something you have to battle for the rest of your life.

So you thought your ability was supposed to work one way but it was actually different from how you thought. It sounds to me like you know what you did in the past was wrong and that you no longer do those things. Someone close to me always said people deserved second chances and it sounds as if you got yours, not everyone does.

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Jemma | Gabriel.

abravenewworld
2016-06-27 01:43 pm UTC (link)

I can be delicate when I need to be. And with Brian's telekinesis -- that was his name, the first guy I killed -- I can do just as much to help as I can to harm when I'm inclined. Like removing an inoperable blood clot in someone's brain without causing an aneurysm while not even having to open up their skull.

Which, again, sounds kind but I was doing it for blatantly selfish reasons then. Still... She was only 25, and she was rather sweet. It's better that she got to live more than another year, at most.

An extremely long one... with more than a few relapses. I think I tried to stop... five times before it actually took. Though, the first relapse was... Let's just say, the covert organization that was monitoring the population of individuals with abilities before the rest of the world found out wasn't as bothered by the murder aspect of my ability as I was at first.

Granted, they were also the ones that set it up for me to realize that wasn't how my ability worked. But that's what happens when you have compartmentalization and not everyone is in on everything. The person who knows what needs to be done doesn't get involved until it's too late.

And I did. It was a hard road. And honestly this is more like my... sixth or seventh second chance. But this time it stuck. I was lucky. Very lucky.

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Jemma | Gabriel.

miracleworker
2016-06-27 08:42 pm UTC (link)

Did she survive? The young woman with the blood clot?

Relapses are to be expected when the addiction is as strong as yours sounds. Are you saying this organisation encouraged your murderous tendencies?

How exactly did they make it possible for you to realise that wasn't how your ability worked? In my experience compartmentalisation is never a good thing, when too many secrets are kept from too many people things can slip through the cracks and untold damage can be done.

You didn't give up trying though, even after relapsing so many times. That's half the battle, not giving up when things get difficult.

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Jemma | Gabriel.

abravenewworld
2016-06-27 08:54 pm UTC (link)

She did. I'm not sure what happened to her afterward. I wasn't particularly concerned with the well being of others when I did it. But she was in perfect health when I left her.

They orchestrated my second murder. I attempted to kill myself after what happened with Brian. Once the euphoria had passed, and I realized what I had done. They sent someone in to stop me, to talk me into trusting them, and then put temptation right in front of me to see what would happen.

They gave me someone to kill whose abilitywould assist and compliment the actual function of my ability. The plan was for me to come at it naturally from there. But things intervened. I would have been better off if they hadn't even if I got to it faster with the intervention. The let down was harder because of it. Pushed me back over the edge.

But I did give up. Multiple times. As many times as I relapsed. There was always a moment where I had trouble seeing what the point of still trying was.

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Jemma | Gabriel.

miracleworker
2016-06-28 05:42 pm UTC (link)

She survived and that's the thing to take away from that. The fact that you weren't concerned with her wellbeing isn't ideal but she survived because of you.

They what? They sacrificed someone to see what you'd do. That's just awful. For you and the person they sacrificed.

What was the ability of the person they gave you? And how did it assist and compliment your natural ability? So their plans were derailed and things ended up worse for you because of it. That doesn't surprise me, when people try and control the lives of others it never does end well.

But you eventually overcame it, you succeeded despite how difficult it must have been. It might have taken you a long time to get where you are but you should focus on the fact you got there not on how long it might have taken.

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Jemma | Gabriel.

abravenewworld
2016-06-29 05:49 am UTC (link)

It doesn't really balance out the body count. But it's something, I guess.

The Company wasn't particularly moral with how they ran their operations. It was more of a means to an end set-up. If they thought playing dirty was how they needed to get what they wanted, they wouldn't hesitate. And people able to copy the abilities of others are... rare. And useful. No matter how they manage to do it.

Clairsentience. Basically, she was able to glean information and memories through touch. Either on objects or on individuals. In actuality my ability is supposed to work... similar to an empathetic connection. If I understand the person, I can acquire their ability. I don't understand it with the finite and initiate completeness that I do if I rip it out of their head by force, but they're still alive. And trial and error isn't that difficult with most abilities. Some are even passive and don't really have to be thought about too hard.

Especially when they lie to someone whose reaction to being lied to is psychopathic rage and killing sprees. Though, technically, I think in the fallout I only killed... two people? Maybe three? I'll be honest, I was aiming for more, but getting a piece of glass jammed into your skull kinda puts a sudden and violent stop to things.

I do think about that most of the time. That and that I never would have been able to maintain it without help. It's odd... but every time I actually got close to improving, it was because I had someone else backing me up. And every time I got worse, it was because I was alone.

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Jemma | Gabriel.

miracleworker
2016-06-29 06:11 pm UTC (link)

It doesn't but it's something to build on.

I've run into organisations like them before, they are always bad news and only ever care about their own plans. They don't care who they hurt in the process as long as their plans come to fruition. Especially if what they were after was a rare resource, not that I'm calling people resources but the point still stands.

Let me see if I understand this correctly. With her ability you only need to touch someone or something and you get information and memories associated with them/it. And with your own innate ability and hers that means you can acquire someone's ability without doing them any harm at all. But that way you have to learn how to use it through trial and error rather than knowing it completely right from the start.

I don't think anyone particularly likes being lied to. I can't say I'd ever react that badly but I did threaten to kill someone who had lied to me and my team for the better part of a year. And getting a shard of glass in your skull would kill most people but then as we've already established you are not most people.

Your support system was what made it stick. You had people helping and it was because of them that you finally managed to change your life for the better.

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Jemma | Gabriel.

abravenewworld
2016-06-29 07:07 pm UTC (link)

The worst thing is that a number of them meant well. Or at least, they did when they started out. But forty years can muddle the end goal especially when the world seems to just be getting worse instead of better. They weren't bad people. A lot of them just made bad choices.

Effectively. There's limits. And I usually don't take too much anymore without asking. You can absorb an entire person's life without much difficulty, but it puts a confusion in your mind because the memories you absorb basically get integrated into your own. I have... There was a time when the Company made me into someone else. I was an entirely different person for months because they hollowed out my mind and used that ability to put him memories into mine. There's still a lot of times where I stumble upon a memory that I'm not sure whether is his or mine.

And as far as getting someone else's ability, it's usually better to try and get to know the person naturally as well. That's how I got the first ability. Because I already knew her. Or, I had. She'd been the agent they'd sent to manipulate me into killing a second time. And I'd fallen for her while she had. It's... a long story from there, but it was hashing out our issues that we ended up connecting the way we needed to. I let her hurt me for killing her father. As we screamed for awhile about what she'd done to me... And once we'd resolved it, got on the same page, well... It was surprising the first time, shock and relief. And guilt, realizing that it had all been for nothing.

But it's what set me on the direction I had to take to end up here.

Threats are expected. Even attempts, really. I had plenty of people trying to murder me for quite awhile. Basically because I deserved it. And it was really only fixed because they left me to burn. Fire melts glass, with glass gone, I regenerate, walk out of the place intact.

More than. Especially since most of them never should have forgiven me in the first place. Those that are closest to me... I think there's only one that wasn't effected in some way by my actions. Most of them... they lost at least one relative. Molly, I killed both her parents, then tried to come after her, and her surrogate father, and she... She trusts me in a way no one who were ever hurt by someone that badly should trust them.

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Jemma | Gabriel.

miracleworker
2016-06-30 09:22 pm UTC (link)

That's how it always starts, with a few people meaning well and then it ends up getting twisted or changed by people who think their ideas are better or more efficient and before anyone knows it the original goal is forgotten.

I imagine trying to absorb an entire person's life would be very confusing. Actually I can't imagine what that's like. Why did the Company make you into someone else? What were they trying to achieve there?

Does it make it easier if you get to know the person naturally as well? I'm sorry, I mean if any of this is maybe too personal for you to talk about it I mean. You said she manipulated you but you fell for her. I've seen what that can be like for a person and the fallout is never good.

Threats are one thing, actually going through with it... well I did that too but it didn't work. I mean it did, someone died but they weren't a good person either. Not that it excuses what I did. Leaving someone to burn though, that's just... well it's really awful. Even if you regenerated and walked away.

Those are some very forgiving people. I don't know if I could ever forgive someone if I lost a relative because of something they did.

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