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Scorpius Malfoy ([info]hd_scorpius) wrote in [info]hogwarts_dawn,
@ 2021-06-19 14:25:00

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Entry tags:character: draco malfoy, character: james s. potter, character: scorpius malfoy, character: theodore nott

RP: Making Decisions
Who: Scorpius, open to multiple tails
When: throughout the day, 19th June
Where: infirmary
What: Scorpius has been thinking about what Marlene had said

Marlene had given him a lot to think about. Until their discussion, he had assumed that he'd be covered in scars for the rest of his life. Sure, they could work to make them a little less obvious, but they couldn't cure them. What Marlene was suggesting meant recreating his entire body. Except that it wouldn't be exactly his body, because spells weren't that perfect and it was better to be something else that trying to get it exactly right and botching it.

He'd never heard of it before, but then he supposed that for a few burns, people wouldn't consider changing who they were. He couldn't imagine Charlie Weasley losing his scars, for example. Of course, they could try to get as close to his look as possible and keep their fingers crossed. It was a possibility, but he could also be someone else.

For years, he'd played at being a woman, with dresses and make up. It had made him famous. The boy who could look like a boy or a girl. He'd walked down the catwalks for both styles. If he did what he was thinking of doing, he'd be boringly female, but would he be happier? Would she be happier?

Scorpius knew that he had to talk about it. Normally he'd have talked about it with Albus, but he was petrified at the moment, instead, he brought it up with his visitors.



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Draco/Scorpius
[info]draco_draconis
2021-06-20 12:39 am UTC (link)
Draco knew Scorpius had a lot on his mind lately. The scars, the potential reconstruction, the potential for things to go wrong. He figured his son would need a distraction, so he arrived at the infirmary armed with nail polish, some comics that may or may not be entertaining, and chocolate. The potions he'd been working on were in a simmering state, and wouldn't need his attention for at least the next hour.

He knocked lightly on the door, then came and sat beside Scorpius' bed.

"Hey. How are you feeling?"

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]hd_scorpius
2021-06-20 01:07 am UTC (link)
Scorpius had just woken up from another nape when he saw his Dad sitting next to him. "Hey yourself. I'm good... okay, I'm not in excruciating pain, which is a step forward. That flesh growing potion sucks. I told Marlene that as soon as this crisis is over, you lot need to work on potions that taste good and don't make you feel pain," he joked, knowing that they would never happen.

"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be napping? You're working too hard." He knew that his father was keeping busy, because making potions for him was better than sitting around, waiting to see if Lucius would die. "I really want to thank you for all the work you're doing. I didn't even think that I'd come out of this with no scars, but whatever you and Marlene found is more than I could have expected." He didn't even know exactly what potions or spells were involved, but only that the two were needed.

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]draco_draconis
2021-06-20 01:13 am UTC (link)
"I'll get right on that," Draco said with a chuckle. He might, actually, once the crisis was over. He'd always liked experimenting with potions. Not that he'd have a ton of time. But if Scorpius never had to drink a disgusting potion again it would be worth it.

Draco shrugged self-consciously. Downtime hadn't exactly been on his radar lately. Not after father had... Nope. Draco wasn't delving into that cesspool of guilt and confusing feelings. Not right now.

"Marlene is a gifted Healer," he said instead. And it was true. "I'm glad it's working. But as for why I'm here, well, mostly I wanted to see you, but I figured you could also use a distraction." He held up the little bag of nail polish. "If you want."

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]hd_scorpius
2021-06-20 01:41 am UTC (link)
"Good, do that. I'm sure you can get an Order of Merlin for that one." Not that he thought it was possible. Potions always had weird ingredients, and none of them tasted any good. "Of course you'll have to get Mr. Potter to give you the time. He must be lost without me making his schedule now that everything has changed."

He chuckled. "I'd love to, but Marlene said doesn't want me taking the bandages off until we make sure that your potion has healed enough flesh."

He looked at his father, deciding if he should say anything. It was one thing to talk to Theo and Jamie and another one to deal with his father. "There was something I wanted to bring up with you. Marlene raised the possibility that I can pick what I want to be since she can't guarantee that I'll look exactly like I did before and she mentioned how once a woman turned into a man. It's not something that's really done, not when you can just change your body with potions, but- I thought what you'd think of the idea."

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]draco_draconis
2021-06-20 01:50 am UTC (link)
Draco felt a twinge of guilt, he hadn't seen much of Harry since the attack. He'd been so busy with the potions, and Scorpius, and his father. Dinners had become rushed things, and he hadn't checked up on him the way he should. He made a note to fix that, when he could. He'd need to go right back to the potions after this, but maybe later tonight.

"I could do your bandages," he said, though he felt a little ridiculous. Of course Scorpius couldn't paint his nails. Draco was intimately familiar with every bit of his sons burned skin, why hadn't he thought of that? He hadn't been thinking, clearly.

Draco could tell the moment Scorpius for serious, and put the bag of polish down. He seemed nervous, and when he finished talking Draco could see why. Did Scorpius want to be a woman? Permanently? Was that what he was saying? He forced himself to squash his initial reaction, just because being a woman sounded like a fare worse than Death to Draco didn't mean it did to Scorpius. He already lived in between, was it so strange to want to change completely?

"I think..." He considered his words carefully. "I think that if you wanted that, if it would help you be more yourself then it's a good idea. And I think I'd love my daughter as much as I love my son."

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]hd_scorpius
2021-06-20 02:04 am UTC (link)
"You have that look, Dad. It's fine, you know? He's an adult and he's been doing okay. He even had dinner with Jamie yesterday for his birthday. Jamie just told me." Scorpius was rather proud of that one, even if his only contribution had been to tell Mr Potter originally about the party. "I'm sure he understands why you aren't around."

Scorpius chuckled. "You are being ridiculous and I love you for it." He watched his Dad think about it and the answer was... more than he had expected. "I just- I'm not sure. Part of me has always felt like a woman. I used to love walking around in Mother's clothes, but also I was special at work, because I could pull both looks off. If I become a woman, I won't have that."

Then there was the real problem. "And Grandfather might not be as understanding, especially when there are no more Malfoy heirs. Our name would die out."

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]draco_draconis
2021-06-20 02:11 am UTC (link)
"Did he?" Draco asked, pleased and impressed. He knew Harry and Jamie hadn't always seen eye to eye. This was a good sign! Still, he'd make a point of actually talking to Harry tonight, even if just for a few minutes before he crashed.

Draco hated how hesitant Scorpius looked when be mentioned his grandfather. Things had been , if not good, then at least okay between them. Now... Well, now Lucius might not even survive, and Scorpius was afraid to be his true self in fear of disapointing him.

"Don't let him make this decision for you. He probably won't understand, but that is okay. He doesn't get to dictate your life. If the Malfoy name dies it dies. I never expected to be a father anyway, and you're more than enough for me." He touched an unbandaged part of Scorpius gently. "If you want this, then you should do it. If you don't, then that's okay too. The only thing that matters is that you're happy, and that you live the life you most want. Whatever that looks like."

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]hd_scorpius
2021-06-20 02:45 am UTC (link)
"I know! Jamie sounded really happy about it. I think that's a first since I've known them. Maybe there's something good about all of this. Maybe... maybe one day Mum will show up." He kept hoping for that even if he knew that his parents wouldn't be what they once were.

"Is it? This is literally the end of the world. Okay, maybe a little beginning, but it's just us. There's no fashion industry, no society. We make the entire society and I don't want to disappoint either one of you." He sighed. "I really don't know. In a way, it would have been easier if you said no. Then I wouldn't have to think about it. I... would it be different if one day I'd be a mother instead of a father? Because I want that. Our family was the best part of my life, but being a woman comes with a lot of drawbacks-" And yet when he looked in the mirror, he liked to picture a woman.

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]draco_draconis
2021-06-20 02:54 am UTC (link)
"Good for them," Draco said fondly. That was a big step for Harry. He just hoped that could continue moving forward.

"I hope she does," he said softly. Astoria had always been a good friend, even if they would never be more than that. He hoped, for Scorpius' sake, that she would come from a time when she knew him. He deserved to have his proper Mum back.

"What better time to stop giving a shit about what other people want?" He countered. "Besides, you couldn't dissapoint me. Not ever. So whatever you decide I'll support you." He wished he could hug Scorpius right now, but settled for rubbing little circles on a small, unbandaged place with the pad of his thumb. "It wouldn't be different if you were a mother. Not to me. I'll love your children whether you carry them or someone else does. I want that for you."

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]hd_scorpius
2021-06-20 03:26 am UTC (link)
"It's terrible that this is happening when Al is petrified, but- It's almost like Mr. Potter works best when there's a life and death situation, isn't it?" He just didn't know how one could live like that. "Although today I just said that I'm lucky because I'm not dying. Living like this really screws you up."

He didn't want to think about his mother too much. No sense in raising his hopes up, but he was happy that his dad agreed with him.

The answer made him laugh. "Well, there is that, but there is some difference. Like the last name. Not that I'm exactly running out to have children, but one day-" There was just so much to think about it. "Theo is the one that said I should be what I see in the mirror. Maybe that's the way to decide."

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]draco_draconis
2021-06-20 07:22 pm UTC (link)
"It's not almost like. It's definitely like." He looked down at his hands, smiling ruefully. "Harry's never known how to just be happy." He sighed, then shook his head because they weren't here to talk about Harry and everything they came with that.

He let everything Scorpius was saying sink in, because he didn't want to make any rushed decisions here. He could tell how important it was, even if he didn't fully understand it. He couldn't help but smile though when Theo was brought up. That did sound just like him. Oddly wise.

"Scorpius, don't let things like names matter. You can be a woman and a Malfoy at the same time. A lot of the old traditions are worth keeping, but some aren't, and you keeping your name, even if you get married, that's one of the ones we can let go. If you wanted. The important thing here is that you're sure. That you're sure. That this is what you want. And you don't have to decide today. You have time. But if nothing else were a factor, if you didn't think about me or your grandfather or society or any of that, if you just thought of what you really want, then do that. Whatever it is. I'll still be here, and Al will still be here," he didn't know for sure, obviously, but Albus Potter seemed like the accepting sort. "Everything else will work itself out."

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]hd_scorpius
2021-06-20 08:32 pm UTC (link)
Scorpius chuckled. "Good to know that I wasn't seeing things. But is it that he doesn't know how to be happy or that he doesn't know how to stop? It's almost like he's afraid of stillness. If he stops, something bad will happen."

He sighed. "I don't know if it's the name itself or if I was using the name to stop myself. I do see a woman, but also I see a man, and I'm not sure that it's what I want. What I really want is to be a : Metamorphmagus."

He looked at his father. "Is there any way that it can be achieved by learned magic? Or potions? Or anything? I like being a woman, but I like being a man too." He looked at Draco. "Why am I so weird?"

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]draco_draconis
2021-06-20 08:41 pm UTC (link)
"It's both, really. He doesn't know how to stop, but sometimes he's forced to. And when he's forced to stop he doesn't know how to be happy. He almost can't be happy, if he doesn't have something to struggle against. I think you're right though, that he's always just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's why he's so miserable when he's not busy."

Draco almost said something flippant, like how Scorpius wasn't weird and lots of people probably felt that way. But he honestly didn't know if that was true. Scorpius couldn't be the only person who felt best as a man and a woman, but Draco had certainly never met them. And it didn't seem like Scorpius had either, if his confusion now was any sign. So he didn't want to just shrug this off. It was clearly something Scorpius had been struggling with for a while.

"I don't think weird is the right word. That implies there's something wrong with what you're feeling. I don't think there is. I wish I could understand it more, but to be perfectly honest the idea of turning into a woman is my worst nightmare. Breasts?" He made an exaggerated face and shuddered. "But it's different for you. I can see that. And if you don't fully want to be a man or a woman I don't see why you should have to limit yourself to that. I don't know if you can learn Matemorph skills, but I can do some research. And if not, there's always potions. If they don't exist yet, well, between Professor Snape and Regulus you have some of the best potioneers in history. They could help me. We could figure something out. Whatever you need, okay?"

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]hd_scorpius
2021-06-21 03:34 am UTC (link)
"That's a really sad life, but at least he is doing better now, even if it's because there's a new goal. He's getting closer to his children and I see the way he smiles when he looks at you. Also, he's not drunk," he said in a whisper. "Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen him without him smelling of alcohol, at home I mean, but even at the start, he was drinking a lot more."

He smiled as brightly as he could. "You get it. Well not the part about breasts," he said, laughing. "I can see why you have no interest in that, but being both. I was just asking Jamie if there were any spells that could let me change like a metamorphmagus. I'm sure it's not the same, but- That would be so great, just be whatever I feel that day, and yes, I can see why a vagina would not be your thing, but I love wearing a bikini, even though I don't really need it. I just- I guess that's what I really want, to be both."

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]draco_draconis
2021-06-22 09:21 pm UTC (link)
"He drinks less when he has a distraction," Draco agreed. It was one of the many reasons he liked spending evenings and nights with Harry. He'd noticed pretty early on that he didn't get as drunk when Draco was there. "I think the key is finding ways for him to be busy and feel useful without the world ending every few months." And wouldn't that be all but impossible.

Scorpius' smile was golden, and Draco couldn't help but return Jr.

"If that's what you really want, then that's what you're going to get. Those sorts of spells have to exist. Or maybe potions. And if they don't then we'll create them. I'll help you. When everyone is cured, and we have some time. It'll be a transfiguration thing, and I'm sure we've got some people here who are good at that."

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]hd_scorpius
2021-06-22 10:27 pm UTC (link)
"Trust me, there was no distraction big enough to make him stop drinking when we were home. He's a lot better here, and I mean a lot, even before this crisis." He snorted. "I'm not sure that we'll have a problem with that, especially if random things keep arriving.

Scorpius couldn't love his dad any more than he did at this moment. He didn't know why he had thought that he'd say no to the gender change. Sure normal parents would have, but his dad had always supported him.

"Jamie and Theo might help look, so you should talk to them, but yes, I think it's got to be a transfiguration thing and I was pretty good at that, so maybe it's possible," he said with a grin.

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]draco_draconis
2021-06-23 12:47 am UTC (link)
"We really need to figure this castle out," Draco said darkly. This had been close. Too close. Draco wasn't losing his son, not for anything. And then there was father...

"We've got Dumbledore too, I bet bed help. J don't think you can get much better than Dumbledore for Transfiguration. Maybe McGonnagal... Anyway, when you're ready we'll get everything under way." He probably wouldn't ever fully understand what Scorpius was feeling, but that wouldn't change anything.

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Re: Draco/Scorpius
[info]hd_scorpius
2021-06-23 03:37 am UTC (link)
"Are you trying to take all his fun away?" he joked, but he knew that it was the only way for them to be safe. Still, he wasn't sure that they would be finding a solution anytime soon.

"I guess that's true. It's hard for me to think of him when he's been dead for so long. He's just one of those people in a book, you know?" He should have probably thought of the man considering that he got an Order of Merlin for discovering something or other. He probably should have paid more attention in school. "I still have a few days to give Marlene an answer, time for you to come up with the rest of the potion I need, hopefully by then we'll have something."

He closed his eyes, battling both pain and sleep despite not doing anything, knowing that it was all the potions in his system. "If you don't mind, can we continue this later? I'm tired; I think I'll nap for a bit."

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