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Tweak says, "Not hiiieeerrrrr!"

Scorpius Malfoy (hd_scorpius) wrote in hogwarts_dawn,
@ 2021-06-19 14:25:00

Entry tags:

character: draco malfoy, character: james s. potter, character: scorpius malfoy, character: theodore nott

RP: Making Decisions
Who: Scorpius, open to multiple tails
When: throughout the day, 19th June
Where: infirmary
What: Scorpius has been thinking about what Marlene had said

Marlene had given him a lot to think about. Until their discussion, he had assumed that he'd be covered in scars for the rest of his life. Sure, they could work to make them a little less obvious, but they couldn't cure them. What Marlene was suggesting meant recreating his entire body. Except that it wouldn't be exactly his body, because spells weren't that perfect and it was better to be something else that trying to get it exactly right and botching it.

He'd never heard of it before, but then he supposed that for a few burns, people wouldn't consider changing who they were. He couldn't imagine Charlie Weasley losing his scars, for example. Of course, they could try to get as close to his look as possible and keep their fingers crossed. It was a possibility, but he could also be someone else.

For years, he'd played at being a woman, with dresses and make up. It had made him famous. The boy who could look like a boy or a girl. He'd walked down the catwalks for both styles. If he did what he was thinking of doing, he'd be boringly female, but would he be happier? Would she be happier?

Scorpius knew that he had to talk about it. Normally he'd have talked about it with Albus, but he was petrified at the moment, instead, he brought it up with his visitors.

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Re: Draco/Scorpius

draco_draconis
2021-06-20 02:54 am UTC (link)

"Good for them," Draco said fondly. That was a big step for Harry. He just hoped that could continue moving forward.

"I hope she does," he said softly. Astoria had always been a good friend, even if they would never be more than that. He hoped, for Scorpius' sake, that she would come from a time when she knew him. He deserved to have his proper Mum back.

"What better time to stop giving a shit about what other people want?" He countered. "Besides, you couldn't dissapoint me. Not ever. So whatever you decide I'll support you." He wished he could hug Scorpius right now, but settled for rubbing little circles on a small, unbandaged place with the pad of his thumb. "It wouldn't be different if you were a mother. Not to me. I'll love your children whether you carry them or someone else does. I want that for you."

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Re: Draco/Scorpius

hd_scorpius
2021-06-20 03:26 am UTC (link)

"It's terrible that this is happening when Al is petrified, but- It's almost like Mr. Potter works best when there's a life and death situation, isn't it?" He just didn't know how one could live like that. "Although today I just said that I'm lucky because I'm not dying. Living like this really screws you up."

He didn't want to think about his mother too much. No sense in raising his hopes up, but he was happy that his dad agreed with him.

The answer made him laugh. "Well, there is that, but there is some difference. Like the last name. Not that I'm exactly running out to have children, but one day-" There was just so much to think about it. "Theo is the one that said I should be what I see in the mirror. Maybe that's the way to decide."

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Re: Draco/Scorpius

draco_draconis
2021-06-20 07:22 pm UTC (link)

"It's not almost like. It's definitely like." He looked down at his hands, smiling ruefully. "Harry's never known how to just be happy." He sighed, then shook his head because they weren't here to talk about Harry and everything they came with that.

He let everything Scorpius was saying sink in, because he didn't want to make any rushed decisions here. He could tell how important it was, even if he didn't fully understand it. He couldn't help but smile though when Theo was brought up. That did sound just like him. Oddly wise.

"Scorpius, don't let things like names matter. You can be a woman and a Malfoy at the same time. A lot of the old traditions are worth keeping, but some aren't, and you keeping your name, even if you get married, that's one of the ones we can let go. If you wanted. The important thing here is that you're sure. That you're sure. That this is what you want. And you don't have to decide today. You have time. But if nothing else were a factor, if you didn't think about me or your grandfather or society or any of that, if you just thought of what you really want, then do that. Whatever it is. I'll still be here, and Al will still be here," he didn't know for sure, obviously, but Albus Potter seemed like the accepting sort. "Everything else will work itself out."

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Re: Draco/Scorpius

hd_scorpius
2021-06-20 08:32 pm UTC (link)

Scorpius chuckled. "Good to know that I wasn't seeing things. But is it that he doesn't know how to be happy or that he doesn't know how to stop? It's almost like he's afraid of stillness. If he stops, something bad will happen."

He sighed. "I don't know if it's the name itself or if I was using the name to stop myself. I do see a woman, but also I see a man, and I'm not sure that it's what I want. What I really want is to be a : Metamorphmagus."

He looked at his father. "Is there any way that it can be achieved by learned magic? Or potions? Or anything? I like being a woman, but I like being a man too." He looked at Draco. "Why am I so weird?"

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Re: Draco/Scorpius

draco_draconis
2021-06-20 08:41 pm UTC (link)

"It's both, really. He doesn't know how to stop, but sometimes he's forced to. And when he's forced to stop he doesn't know how to be happy. He almost can't be happy, if he doesn't have something to struggle against. I think you're right though, that he's always just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's why he's so miserable when he's not busy."

Draco almost said something flippant, like how Scorpius wasn't weird and lots of people probably felt that way. But he honestly didn't know if that was true. Scorpius couldn't be the only person who felt best as a man and a woman, but Draco had certainly never met them. And it didn't seem like Scorpius had either, if his confusion now was any sign. So he didn't want to just shrug this off. It was clearly something Scorpius had been struggling with for a while.

"I don't think weird is the right word. That implies there's something wrong with what you're feeling. I don't think there is. I wish I could understand it more, but to be perfectly honest the idea of turning into a woman is my worst nightmare. Breasts?" He made an exaggerated face and shuddered. "But it's different for you. I can see that. And if you don't fully want to be a man or a woman I don't see why you should have to limit yourself to that. I don't know if you can learn Matemorph skills, but I can do some research. And if not, there's always potions. If they don't exist yet, well, between Professor Snape and Regulus you have some of the best potioneers in history. They could help me. We could figure something out. Whatever you need, okay?"

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Re: Draco/Scorpius

hd_scorpius
2021-06-21 03:34 am UTC (link)

"That's a really sad life, but at least he is doing better now, even if it's because there's a new goal. He's getting closer to his children and I see the way he smiles when he looks at you. Also, he's not drunk," he said in a whisper. "Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen him without him smelling of alcohol, at home I mean, but even at the start, he was drinking a lot more."

He smiled as brightly as he could. "You get it. Well not the part about breasts," he said, laughing. "I can see why you have no interest in that, but being both. I was just asking Jamie if there were any spells that could let me change like a metamorphmagus. I'm sure it's not the same, but- That would be so great, just be whatever I feel that day, and yes, I can see why a vagina would not be your thing, but I love wearing a bikini, even though I don't really need it. I just- I guess that's what I really want, to be both."

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Re: Draco/Scorpius

draco_draconis
2021-06-22 09:21 pm UTC (link)

"He drinks less when he has a distraction," Draco agreed. It was one of the many reasons he liked spending evenings and nights with Harry. He'd noticed pretty early on that he didn't get as drunk when Draco was there. "I think the key is finding ways for him to be busy and feel useful without the world ending every few months." And wouldn't that be all but impossible.

Scorpius' smile was golden, and Draco couldn't help but return Jr.

"If that's what you really want, then that's what you're going to get. Those sorts of spells have to exist. Or maybe potions. And if they don't then we'll create them. I'll help you. When everyone is cured, and we have some time. It'll be a transfiguration thing, and I'm sure we've got some people here who are good at that."

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Re: Draco/Scorpius

hd_scorpius
2021-06-22 10:27 pm UTC (link)

"Trust me, there was no distraction big enough to make him stop drinking when we were home. He's a lot better here, and I mean a lot, even before this crisis." He snorted. "I'm not sure that we'll have a problem with that, especially if random things keep arriving.

Scorpius couldn't love his dad any more than he did at this moment. He didn't know why he had thought that he'd say no to the gender change. Sure normal parents would have, but his dad had always supported him.

"Jamie and Theo might help look, so you should talk to them, but yes, I think it's got to be a transfiguration thing and I was pretty good at that, so maybe it's possible," he said with a grin.

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Re: Draco/Scorpius

draco_draconis
2021-06-23 12:47 am UTC (link)

"We really need to figure this castle out," Draco said darkly. This had been close. Too close. Draco wasn't losing his son, not for anything. And then there was father...

"We've got Dumbledore too, I bet bed help. J don't think you can get much better than Dumbledore for Transfiguration. Maybe McGonnagal... Anyway, when you're ready we'll get everything under way." He probably wouldn't ever fully understand what Scorpius was feeling, but that wouldn't change anything.

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Re: Draco/Scorpius

hd_scorpius
2021-06-23 03:37 am UTC (link)

"Are you trying to take all his fun away?" he joked, but he knew that it was the only way for them to be safe. Still, he wasn't sure that they would be finding a solution anytime soon.

"I guess that's true. It's hard for me to think of him when he's been dead for so long. He's just one of those people in a book, you know?" He should have probably thought of the man considering that he got an Order of Merlin for discovering something or other. He probably should have paid more attention in school. "I still have a few days to give Marlene an answer, time for you to come up with the rest of the potion I need, hopefully by then we'll have something."

He closed his eyes, battling both pain and sleep despite not doing anything, knowing that it was all the potions in his system. "If you don't mind, can we continue this later? I'm tired; I think I'll nap for a bit."

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