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Tweak says, "A Gazillion!"

Scorpius Malfoy (hd_scorpius) wrote in hogwarts_dawn,
@ 2021-05-07 14:06:00

Entry tags:

character: james s. potter, character: scorpius malfoy

RP: Jamie/Scorpius
Who: Jamie/Scorpius
When: mid morning, 7 May
Where: Hallway
What: Scorpius finds Jamie

Scorpius didn't like what was happening. He could admit that not much had changed for him in terms of work. He'd done whatever schedules he could (which was limited, considering the problems going on) and then had spent time with Parvati, looking at magazines and making sketches of what clothes they'd like to do.

Personally, it was a shit show. He could practically feel the glee emanating from his grandfather, even if he wasn't saying anything. His father was absolutely miserable and had missed lunch two days in a row, and he had a feeling that day three might follow. He hadn't spoken to Al, but apparently he'd lost his bloody mind the day before. The last time things had felt so tense, one person died, one left and two were sent back which was as good as being dead. Even Savannah seemed worried about the situation and she was never worried. He didn't like it for a moment.

He decided to go see if he could find his Dad or Al and left the seventh floor. He probably could have sent a message or used the house elves to find them, but he didn't think that anyone wanted to be found at the moment, so walking around until he found them seemed to be the way to go. However, instead of finding them, he saw Jamie coming out of a room that had to be the Room of Requirement, since the door disappeared the moment it closed. "You all right?" he asked, gently as he walked closer. "You don't look so good."

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curseseeker
2021-05-07 06:49 pm UTC (link)

Jamie startled, having not expected anyone to be in this part of the castle when he emerged. Another failure on his part. Should have been better aware of his surroundings. "I'm F.I.N.E.," he replied, capitalization clear in his tone of voice. He couldn't even remember who had introduced them to the acronym and it was usually Lilu who used it. But, it was a fair representation of how he felt in the moment. So, he rolled with it, surprising himself with his own honesty. "Having a minor mental breakdown. Nothing to worry about."

Huffing softly, he glanced down at the clothes he'd put on Wednesday morning and then spent all of Thursday sifting through ash and a bit of junk that he honestly couldn't tell if it was all that was left of whatever burned through to make so much ash, or had been thrown into the room after and just picked up the ash. The Room had to have provided that space for a reason, right? It gave you what you needed. So, something about it was related to his need to fix things.

And, he hadn't been able to ignore the thought there might have been a clue hidden there as well. Might even have been what could fix things, doing something right for a change.

"I probably should change. The Room provided a lot of dirt." Looking back up at Scorpius, he frowned a little. "Are you okay? Not a lot in this part of the castle unless you're looking for something."

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hd_scorpius
2021-05-07 07:01 pm UTC (link)

"Seems to be going around in your family," Scorpius muttered. There wasn't a single one who wasn't going batty at this point. Or maybe they'd always been batty and it was a lot more obvious when there were so few of them. "Both being fine and having a minor mental breakdown."

He shook his head. "Nuh uh, you are not doing that with me. I'm not your brother, and you don't have to take care of me," he said. "I'm... not as bad as you and your family. In fact I was looking for my Dad or Al and trying to fix whoever I found." Jamie happened to be the lucky winner in this imaginary lottery.

"Come on, I'll walk with you to your room. You need a shower as much as clean clothes." He spun around and put an arm around Jamie's waist. "Your dad broke up with my dad and Dad is now a mess, Al apparently wants to be minister, and you-. Seriously Jamie, what's going on? Do you want to talk about it? If not, I can keep rambling for a bit." Jamie shouldn't be alone. That must was clear in Scorpius' mind.

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curseseeker
2021-05-07 07:43 pm UTC (link)

"Surprised it took us this long," Jamie replied with a snort. "We're definitely all fine, though. Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. Lilu called that one."

He didn't argue about Scorpius' arm around his waist, or worry about letting his drape over Scorpius' shoulders. Scorpius might not be his brother, but he'd been around enough as Al's best friend that Jamie felt comfortable with him. It was probably a good thing, since Jamie also knew he wasn't quite thinking straight. He wasn't as emotionally hamstrung as when he'd gone into the Room. But, well, any time his father was involved, Jamie wasn't going to think straight. It was time he come to terms with that and figure out how to work around that little flaw. "I'm not trying to take care of you, but I can ask and be concerned, can't I? As a friend?"

Of course more had gone wrong while Jamie tried to contain his private issues. Shit. Everything was going to fall apart and it was his fault because he thought he could reason with his dad and he was never going to be good enough because he wasn't his dad. So, what the fuck had he been thinking? "Rambling would probably make more sense," he admitted. "But, go back to the part about Al. He wants to what??"

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hd_scorpius
2021-05-07 07:54 pm UTC (link)

"I'm actually more impressed that you can admit that you are all of those things," Scorpius said with a gentle tone. "Mr. Griffindor, always put together, the entire school looking up to you." So many people had wanted to shag James Sirius Potter, but Scorpius had wanted to be him for a while, until he'd become friends with Albus and decided that being a Malfoy was much better.

Scorpius nodded. "Of course you can, but you forget that I know your brother and he has a way of deflecting when he wants to avoid talking about something. But to answer your question, I'm worried that the castle will send people back and I'm sad that people are hurting. I hate seeing my Dad like that, and I'm not particularly fond of seeing Al or you or anyone being hurt."

He chuckled. "So apparently Savannah decided to make Theo minister as punishment. Al decided to be a Potter and nominate himself. I haven't talked to him yet. It was last night and I was worrying about my dad." Maybe if all of the Potters worried about each other, they wouldn't be in this mess. "You really shouldn't worry about it though. You need to take care of yourself right now."

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curseseeker
2021-05-07 08:30 pm UTC (link)

"Don't get used to it," Jamie grumbled. "Apparently, my mouth won't shut up when I'm at a breaking point." Seriously, what was wrong with him? First Savannah after the memory swap, now Scorpius. Jamie was usually better about keeping this crap bottled up and doing the very deflecting Scorpius was talking about with Al. What the hell had happened to him since coming here? The castle had to have fucked him up somehow.

He shook his head. "I don't forget. Just not used to be called out on it except from Savannah."

There was no helping the tired sigh breathed out at Scorpius' words. "I'm sorry. It's my fault. I was worried about the same thing, I thought Dad was going to push Nott too far. So, I tried to talk him down privately. Instead, I pushed him over the edge. None of this would be happening if I'd just kept my damned mouth shut and hoped he didn't say something he'd end up regretting. To Nott, about Al and you, his Slytherin prejudices coming out stronger the more it went on. Now your dad's hurt -- and I can't believe mine broke up with him over this. Al's joining the self-sacrificing side of the family."

It was really hard not to worry about it when he was the one to blame for 'poking the bear' as Regulus had put it.

"Fuck, it won't even work, anyway. No one wants anyone but Dad except a couple who want anyone but him. We have his name, but we're not good enough because we're not him. No one will listen to us. And Dad will hate us, which, he already hates me...so, really, other than how the press, when they finally get hold of it, would react, nothing would really break. But...fuck, Al. What are you thinking?"

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hd_scorpius
2021-05-07 08:44 pm UTC (link)

If Scorpius had any doubt about Jamie's words, the rest of his diatribe was enough proof for anyone. He'd never seen Jamie like this, so terribly human and hurting, and what is one supposed to do when faced with that? Scorpius did the only thing possibly and hugged him tight. Jamie had always seemed bigger than life in school and it was so strange to realize that Scorpius was a few inches taller. It'd never seemed like it.

Scorpius pulled back and cupped Jamie's face. "It's not your fault, Jamie. You couldn't have known that this was going to happen. I'm pretty sure that this has a way to happen to them." He was sure that they had some major blow up in their own timeline. He had been certain before this and there was no convincing him otherwise now. "If there's anyone to blame is a war that scarred them all. You're powerful, but not so powerful to change history, and therefore you can't take the blame."

He let go and started walking again, arm going around Jamie's waist once more. "I don't have an answer to that. It seems to me that we have more important things to worry about, like ensure that everyone goes back to content at the very least so the castle doesn't get upset. The Minister can wait."

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curseseeker
2021-05-08 01:02 am UTC (link)

Jamie just held on, letting Scorpius hug him and trying not to break apart at the kindness. The difference in their height meant he could rest his forehead on Scorpius shoulder and just...be held. He hadn't even realized how much he needed that feeling until he started shaking from all the pent up emotion that was tired of being held back by the 'Mr. Gyrffindor, always put together' facade. When Scorpius pulled back and started talking, all he wanted to do was shake his head and duck back into that hug.

Godric, he was a mess.

"Not so powerful at all, it turns out," he mumbled, hearing what Scorpius said, but not truly hearing it through the haze of self-loathing. "I should have known better. If anyone should have known not to confront him when he gets in that mood, it should have been me. But, I did what I've always done, tried to save everyone from Harry Potter...including himself. Like an idiot. 'After breathing', he said. I asked him to take a step back and breathe. Doesn't get much clearer than that."

He didn't want to think about the theory that their fathers had argued in their youth because the aftermath to that was Jamie coming along to make them all miserable by being born.

"I don't know how you're going to get that without getting some resolution to the leadership question," he added with a sigh. "But, the castle does seem in a weird mood, if buildings can have moods. I asked for sanctuary, a way to fix things, it gave me a room full of ash and soot, then offered me a bottle of Firewhiskey."

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hd_scorpius
2021-05-08 01:17 am UTC (link)

"You don't have to be, love. That's the problem with being all powerful. You discover that you aren't and that's when you fall. You and your dad seem to have discovered that at the same time and it wasn't pretty." He gently squeezed Jamie. "You can't take responsibility for what he's done. I'm not saying blame him, and trust me, after seeing my Dad so miserable, I like to, but I've been my father, I've seen what they have gone through, all of them and I don't blame him, but I don't blame you either. You tried and that's all it matters."

He shrugged. "Things will get resolved. They always do. They got solved when they got here. They got solved when people got sent back. They will be solved this time." He snorted. "I don't think firewhiskey is really the way to fix anything."

He turned his head to look at Jamie. "Have you considered that it's not your job to fix anything? You're one of twenty-five. We all get to deal with this now. I think your job right now is to shower and then you're coming with me to see where the pool and sauna are going to be. The castle made the rooms but we need to fix a few things with the spells for the water and then we can open up. You can help me test the hot tub since Kirley has disappeared too."

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curseseeker
2021-05-08 09:43 pm UTC (link)

Jamie snorted, letting his arm settle around the younger man again. "Anyone who thought I was all powerful was an idiot." It would be nice to be able to just accept that his brother's best friend was right and that he wasn't to blame, didn't have to fix anything. But, no one was doing anything except naysay those who were actually trying to suggest solutions because, once again, nothing mattered except Harry Potter. Instead, he was reminded of a movie Cousin Dudley had showed them once when Dad took them with him to visit. "Do, or do not. There is no try," he quoted absently.

"I didn't either. But, the castle seemed to think I'd want it...or, well, an poor imitation, I suppose, since the Room can't provide real food." He frowned as a thought struck him. "Maybe that, too, was all about Dad. He wouldn't have turned the bottle down."

Laughing ruefully, he shook his head. "It's never been my job. But, someone has to and no one seems to be very interested in doing much except talk a lot about whose fault it is and how do they get Harry Potter back because we couldn't possibly survive without him. What if Dad had never been brought back? What would they have done, then? Wait around until the castle got around to it? Hoped Grandma Lily came through while pregnant and then waited seventeen years for him to be an adult?" Another sigh, heavy and tired, then he nodded. "Shower. Right. Then...hot tub?" he asked, bemused. "Really?"

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hd_scorpius
2021-05-08 10:48 pm UTC (link)

"You say that as if we were ever in danger of running out of idiots," he answered with a grin. "What sort of Gryffindor bullshit is that?" Scorpius asked with a raised eyebrow. "People learn through failure. Trying is what makes us human and what makes us learn. Just look at your father. He does splendidly, because some things come naturally to him, and yet he's still not learned all the things that he doesn't know. Trying and failing is what makes us grow. So whoever said that is the biggest idiot I know."

Scorpius snorted. "Even the castle is as fucked up as they are, not that we needed more proof of that. Or maybe it's just a bloody room, Jamie. It's not a test and it doesn't have some deeper meaning. The room is just used to people needing things and it offered."

He pinched his nose. "Merlin's balls, you lot are so screwed up. Stuff happens, people get upset, they blame others, and they look for the status quo. Your father just happens to be the status quo." He shook his head. "You can't play the what if games, because something else would have happened that would have put someone else in the middle of everything. It's what people do. They look for someone else to worry about things and let them deal with it. Now, I'm perfectly happy to do that with laws and magical theory, but clothes and a spa? No one else can do that so I'm doing it. Guess what? People will all do what they care about, so Roxanne will keep doing wands, Remus will keep trying with the werewolves. My grandfather will keep on trying to make deals that can make him rich even though it's meaningless. You? You seem to have this need to put yourself in the middle of things even when you don't want to and by you, I mean your entire family, and while I'm normally happy to just listen to Al complain, I can't, because my Dad is hurt and you are hurting, and really, darling, learn to relax, so yes, a hot tub."

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curseseeker
2021-05-09 03:07 am UTC (link)

Jamie shook his head as the came to the staircase that would them down to the floor his room was on. "I don't think that's what the saying actually means. 'I'm trying' or 'I'll try' is so often used as an excuse that really means 'it's too hard' or 'it's too much effort'. But, if you're really trying you'll either do and succeed, or do not and fail. Either way, you've kept at it without giving up just because it was hard."

He wasn't sure he believed there wasn't more to it. The Room of Requirement had too much history of providing exactly what was necessary to the one in need. But, he also wasn't capable of formulating a coherent argument, as his half-arsed job of explaining the little house elf character from the movie exemplified. So, he didn't even try with the more existential question of the castle's brand of sentience.

"That was kind of my point, that they would have had to have someone other than Harry Potter in the middle of everything if he'd never arrived here. And they would likely have managed just fine." Maybe it was because Harry Potter was his father, but Jamie didn't think it was that hard to come to that realization, that without that one person, someone else would have to manage out of necessity. He laughed, a harsh sound that no one from their time would have ever imagined coming out of James Sirius Potter. "Relax is quite literally the opposite of everything I've been taught my whole life. But, okay. Shower and then hot tub, why not. It can't make things any worse, right?"

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hd_scorpius
2021-05-09 03:23 am UTC (link)

"Maybe that's what it means, but that's not what it sounds like," Scorpius said with a shrug. "You know it's also okay once in a while to say this is too hard for me or I'm not suited for this and I'll let someone else do it. Truth is, darling, that everything in life has exceptions and those sayings leave little room for deviation."

Scorpius smiled. "You're right, but they would have found someone else to pin their hopes up. It just happened to be Harry Potter, because he makes it really easy. Maybe it would have been Snape or Dumbledore or someone else that isn't here. People always look for that one person though, even when they shouldn't."

He didn't like one bit the way Jamie was sounding. He was worse than Albus and he didn't think that was even possible. "Do you do anything for fun? Ever? And I don't mean now but at home, because you're way too tense. I hope that at least you got laid on a regular basis, because I don't know how you didn't explode otherwise."

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curseseeker
2021-05-09 07:43 pm UTC (link)

Jamie echoed the shrug. "Sure it's okay. Once in awhile, with a sincere attempt. But, a lot of people say it's too hard without even trying. Or they make a half-hearted attempt and give up because they don't really want to put in the effort. Sometimes you don't get a choice, either. You have to do it whether you're suited for it or not." He could understand his father that much, after all. Sometimes you had to do it because there was no one else.

"He makes it too easy. And, yet, for all they want to put him on that pedestal, they sure love to try to knock him off it, more."

The question caught him off guard, but he supposed it made sense to wonder. "I have both a social life and a sex life, thank you. Even if the latter's been a bit...slower the last year or so, while I try to sort out the whole 'not quite as straight as people think' thing discreetly." That was the last thing they needed was for the papers to get hold of that and make a big deal out of nothing. He could just imagine how his father would have reacted to those questions! "My job was actually fun. Probably wasn't supposed to be, but getting to play with magic is always fun. Used to enjoy flying and quidditch when I was little." Before it became about expectations and his parents.

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hd_scorpius
2021-05-09 08:05 pm UTC (link)

"It's impressive how you can give such a black and white answer when it comes to trying and so many qualifiers when you talk about not trying," Scorpius said. "It's also very telling of the type of ethics that were instilled in you. I wonder where you get it from," he teased, because it wasn't just Harry Potter, but also every Weasley he had met. They joked about how anal their Uncle Percy was, but they were all anal, just in different way.

"It's easy to want someone to be in charge, but it's even easier to resent him," he said with a sigh. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry about what happened."

Scorpius nodded. "It never occurred to you to have one night stands with women while you figured things out right?" Probably not, because it might have gone again some code of ethics that Scorpius didn't understand. "I wish I could give you your job back, but maybe if you want to play with magic, you should talk to Padma. It's not like we have an actual Minister now so you might as well do something you like."

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curseseeker
2021-05-09 10:41 pm UTC (link)

Jamie laughed, again more harshly than he intended. "Do the right thing and just in case are probably the only two lessons that ever mattered in the Potter household. And he never thought I learned them at all, never believed a single thing I did was ever the right thing, never thought I was prepared enough if a dark wizard showed up trying to use us to get to him." The joke would be on the dark wizard now because Jamie was pretty sure his dad wouldn't care if he lived or died...if he ever had. "He hated that none of us were going to be aurors. Even cursebreaker wasn't quite good enough for him. Probably my biggest failing in his eyes, other than being born. There was a time I actually wished I'd been born a Malfoy instead," he admitted. "Your relationship with your dad always seemed so...stable."

He leaned his head on Scorpius' shoulder for a moment as they walked. "I'm sorry, too. You know, you can tell me to shut up about the man the who hurt your father anytime. You don't have to listen to this."

Lifting his head again, he rolled his eyes. "Who says I haven't been. But, those are going to be fewer and farther between if I'm also trying to experience men, too. Contrary to what Scarlet wrote last year, I don't actually have a different date every day of the year. Merlin, that'd be exhausting." He supposed trying to figure out the castle was sort of like cursebreaking. "I should probably think about it when I'm in a better place for decision making. I'd told her sister I'd help her with ad campaigns. She seemed surprised at how used to getting offers to be in ad campaigns I was when I misunderstood her request at first."

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hd_scorpius
2021-05-09 11:00 pm UTC (link)

"I'm not saying do the wrong thing," he said chuckling, even though he knew that this was serious, but they had to lighten the mood a little. "And just in case isn't terrible either. It's those two at the exclusion of everything else that' a problem." He wasn't shocked about the admission about the Aurors, after all, he'd seen it with Albus back home. "I doubt he sees you being born as a failing," he said softly. "He couldn't. He's just- strange?"

He sighed. "You know how I have this whole theory about the love story gone wrong? It's not as fun now, because I can see it happen so easily. Hell, it is happening right now, and it's- It makes my stomach hurt just looking at them. You don't hurt so much if you don't love just as much. I wish I could do something, because this isn't my dad, but I can see him in this version." He smiled a little. "Our relationship wasn't always perfect, but he always loved me and that's what matters."

Scorpius laughed. "You're way too tense for shagging on a regular basis." He looked at Jamie with a mischievous smile. "Now I get why you turned me down. I'm too confusing with the whole men v. women." He nodded. "Sure, we already agreed that today is for the hot tub."

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curseseeker
2021-05-10 03:47 am UTC (link)

"Good. I don't think I'm cut out to be the bad boy type," Jamie teased back weakly. Biting his lip, he focused on walking. They weren't far from his room now and 'one foot in front of the other' made more sense than Jamie's complicated thoughts on his own existence. "I'm only here because Harry Potter always has to do the right thing. And when your ex-girlfriend, who you had sex with probably some drunken night when neither of you was thinking clearly, gets pregnant, the right thing to do is marry her and keep the baby...whether you actually want the baby or not. It's the right thing to do." He really hated that phrase.

As they came up to his door, it was Jamie's turn to pull Scorpius into a brief hug. "Unfortunately, your theory makes a lot of sense...I think we all wanted them to be happy, to have this. But, we forgot that my dad is still an angry sixteen year old buried in an alcoholic twenty-two year old's body. As far as he's concerned, the world needs saving more than any of us need him to be here." He smiled sadly. "Your relationship with your dad wasn't always perfect, but you knew he loved you."

He turned away then, so he could open the door and maybe shake off a little of the mood the conversation had engendered. "That must be it. Too confusing," he 'agreed' with a chuckle. Although, honestly, it was difficult remember why no-strings-attached sex was a bad idea when he desperately needed to get out of his own head. "Right, so did you want to wait while I take a quick shower? Or I can meet you down at the club?"

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hd_scorpius
2021-05-10 03:59 am UTC (link)

"I still think that's the right thing to do, because a world without you, Al and Lilu would be a much sadder place so I can't really be sorry about it," Scorpius answered honestly. "I'm sorry that your life wasn't as happy as mine. I'm sorry that your parents sucked. I'm not sorry that you are here. Or that Al and Lilu are here and maybe this place will give us the chance to make things better."

Scorpius sighed again. "Forgot would mean that we knew in the first place. I assumed that now that they were together, everything would go smoothly. I should have known better." He nodded. "I know how that's different for you."

He followed Jamie inside. "You don't know what you're missing," he said laughing. "Now, go shower. I'll wait right here. I wouldn't want you to skip the hot tub to do something heroic. The world can wait for today."

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