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Tweak says, "It's better the second day."

draco_draconis (draco_draconis) wrote in hogwarts_dawn,
@ 2021-05-06 14:09:00

Entry tags:

character: draco malfoy, character: harry potter

RP: Harry and Draco
Who: Draco & Harry
When: 6 May, late
Where: Harrys Room
What: Harry can't hide forever

To say Draco was angry would be an understatement. He'd spent the better part of yesterday and all of today looking for Harry, to bi avail. He'd even spent the night in Harry's room, assuming he'd come back eventually. But he didn't, and Draco was sure now that Harry was actively avoiding him.

He was back in Harry's rooms now, because the man would have to come here eventually. If he didn't show up tonight Draco was sicking the house elves on him tomorrow. This was ridiculous, and he could not believe that a minor journal argument about going for a walk had led to this. Not Harry quitting, Draco wasn't that shocked about that. No, what made him so angry was that Harry seemed to have decided to throw everything they had away because Draco didn't just agree with him. Well, Draco was someone who got thrown away. Just let Harry try.

He was beginning to think they Harry wasn't going to come back again, and was debating moving from the sofa to the bed, when he heard the door open.

"About time," he drawled, trying not to lost his temper immediately."

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	ab_harry 2021-05-07 12:44 am UTC (link)
	"Then what the fuck did you mean, Draco, huh? What was ridiculous? And What should I have done since I was being so ridiculous. Tell me," Harry said, because he was not going to repeat everything he had just said. (Reply to this) (Thread)

draco_draconis
2021-05-07 02:32 am UTC (link)

At least Harry seemed willing to talk to him now, which was a step forward. Not a big step, but Draco would take literally anything right now. Anything. Because he absolutely was not letting Harry cut him off over this. He let his desperation shine though, he had absolutely no pride to hold onto now.

"Harry, look, I'm not trying to say that you were wrong, or that you should have let him do what he wanted. But you have to understand that from the outside, having just read the conversation after it happened, it doesn't seem like something this drastic! It just seemed like a disagreement, with neither of you actually fighting. It looked like a minor thing! Obviously it wasn't, obviously it means a lot more to you than I ever realized. But I was flippant about it because it didn't seem that bad to me. It just looked like two men being stubborn. So to have you say that you literally cannot trust me anymore, that, that I'm supposed to just give up on us and go fuck Theo over this, it's utterly baffling. Please, Harry, I can see that I took something important too lightly. I didn't mean to, I should have realized, but I didn't. But please, please don't throw us away over this. Don't give up on me. I'll do better. I'll be better. But you have to understand that I don't always see things the way you do, and I can't just read your mind. I won't always see things the way you do, or understand the significance the way you will. I'm not Ron, and I'm not Hermione, and I'll never be them. But I swear I'm on your side." He was crying now, and didn't even care. He loved Harry too much to lose him this way. "Please."

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ab_harry
2021-05-07 02:47 am UTC (link)

"You thought it was a minor thing? Are you fucking kidding me? I gave up on the wizarding world because neither you nor my own son think that I should take a stand when things are important, because I can't do the bloody job right, and you think it's not that important," he said, voice getting louder.

"I gave up on everything we are as wizards and you tell me that you'll do better? Well too late, because I can't see a way to fix this damage. You, me, the job, the wizarding world, any of it, because let me tell you, it'll be a cold day in hell, before I do anything that Nott says." Or anyone else he mentally added but especially Nott. "I'm going to find that vault, I'm going to give everyone a chance and as soon as I find a way to leave without the castle screwing with people, I'll go live in Grimmauld Place and I'll be done."

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draco_draconis
2021-05-07 03:06 am UTC (link)

"Yes! Can't you see that from the outside, without knowing what it meant to you, that I saw it that way? I see now it wasn't, I can clearly bloody see that it meant a lot more to you than just a pissing contest with Theo! I thought you were stepping down because you had finally had enough of the bullshit, not that you'd given up on everything! How in fucking Hell was I supposed to know that!"

The anger was back, though the hurt didn't leave. He had never been more confused and blindsided in his life, which was saying something. Over a fucking walk.

"Can you really not get past the fact that I made a mistake? This was a bloody misunderstanding Harry, not a betrayal! I'm still on your side, I'll always be on your side, but you can't expect me to read your fucking mind! How can I even begin to fix damage I don't even know I've done!"

He stopped, scrubbing at his face with his hands.

"If you want me to go, I'll go. But just for now. This isn't done. We aren't done."

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ab_harry
2021-05-07 03:14 am UTC (link)

"How were you supposed to know? How about because you supposedly know me. Did you seriously think that I'd step down because it's not easy? Because I don't like it? Have I ever given up on something I believe is important because I don't want to do it? My entire life has been about doing what's right, regardless of whether I liked it or not, and you think I'd wake up one day and decide that I just quit?" He scoffed at the mere idea. "Maybe you don't really know me at all."

He wanted to believe it, because it would have been easier, but he wasn't sure he could. "Is it a mistake though? Even know, even after I explain, you still say that it was just a ridiculous argument, so it really makes no difference whether you know or don't know what's going on."

He shook his head. "I am done, Draco. I don't plan to be around much. I can't sit here and watch things go to hell. I'd want to fix them and then we're back to where we were. Seriously, find a life here, with- I don't know. Find the calm and safe life where there aren't ridiculous arguments."

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draco_draconis
2021-05-07 03:26 am UTC (link)

"I never thought it was because it wasn't easy." Draco said softly, his last hopes bleeding into every word. "Or because you didn't like it. I know how much you've always done for everyone around you. I thought you'd quit because you realized that you weren't getting anything but headaches from being minister. I thought maybe you'd decided that the best way you could save everyone would be to find the clues or something. To go out and do what you do best. To actually be out working to save the world, the way you have your entire life. You were never meant to be the man sitting behind a desk Harry. I thought you had decided to move on for everyone, and maybe I hoped you'd done it for yourself, too, because I wanted you to be happy. But that's just me projecting. Harry..." He reached out, but didn't touch him.

"Harry, I said it was ridiculous because I thought it was just the impetuous you needed to make a decision you'd already made. To move on and do what you thought was more important. That's all. It never even occured to me that you'd quit because you gave up on everything we are, because you have never given up on anything a day in your bloody life. That's what I was thinking. That is all that I was thinking. Whatever you think I meant, it wasn't that. I just didn't understand. I do now."

He closed his eyes for a second, then took a small, shuddering breath.

"You think I could be happy here? Without you? You think I could move on, after all of this? If you do then you're the one who doesn't know me. I married a woman once just because you were off the market. And that was before I'd ever done anything more than dream about you. Now? I won't give up on you Harry. I won't give up on us. I never will."

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ab_harry
2021-05-07 03:52 am UTC (link)

"You thought-" He shook his head. "You thought that I didn't like the headaches, because I loved having Dark Wizards trying to kill me. I totally said, 'know what? I'm tired of dealing with Voldemort, he's such a headache, let me do something else'. Do you think I wanted to be Minister? I knew that I'd be the one that make people agree, the one who could get people following, which is the only thing keeping us here. Tomorrow, someone else could decide to walk out. I could decide to walk out. There's literally nothing that keeps us here. The laws that Regulus is writing mean nothing with no Aurors and no jails, it's only the threat of what we- I could do that makes them mean something."

He threw his hands in the air. "I swear everyone thinks that I'm a bloody idiot, that I don't understand politics. Just because I don't play by the rules, it doesn't mean that I don't understand the rules. You think I'm a bloody idiot. I'm going out there to save the world? What the hell is that? I'm going out there to have fun, because once we open the doors to the international community, we don't need the vault. It'll be nice, but hardly important. It's what we do with the Confederation that's going to save us."

Harry sighed. "I don't think you even know who I am, Draco. You think you do, you might even love that image that you have of me, but this has proven that you don't really know me, and if you don't know me, you can't possibly love me, or even care for me."

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draco_draconis
2021-05-07 04:02 am UTC (link)

"That isn't what I said at all," Draco lamented, but with almost no energy behind it. It was like Harry was determined to take every single thing he said and twist it into the worst possible interpretation. He felt something heavy and harsh settle into his stomach, and he was suddenly very tired.

"I know you Harry. I know you as well as I can. But if you keep shutting me out, if you assume the worst about me, what else can I even do? How can I truly know you if you won't let me?" He shook his head. "I do love you Harry. Every part of you. I don't think you're an idiot, or that you don't understand anything. I never even implied that. I..." He trailed off. What was even the point? Harry wasn't listening, and he wasn't in any head space to hear a word of what Draco was saying.

"I'm still not giving up. I never will. I'll still be here when you're ready."

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ab_harry
2021-05-07 04:21 am UTC (link)

"I know what you said. You thought I'd give up the job I don't like to go find the vault, because that's saving the world, except I knew from the start that being minister is what would save us. I even told Remus that I had to do it, because no one else would. No one else could maybe," he answered. "Did I get any of it wrong?"

He snorted. "I didn't shut you out. Everything was done right in front of your eyes. It's not like I was hiding anything."

He didn't know what Draco even meant at this point, but at least he seemed to be done. "Sure."

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draco_draconis
2021-05-07 04:34 am UTC (link)

"I assumed you quit because you thought it was the right thing to do. I assume you do everything because you think it's the right thing. I was wrong this time. I don't know what you say to Remus. I don't know what you're thinking unless you tell me. Knowing someone and knowing exactly what they're thinking at all times are not the same thing. No one can know that much about anyone."

He shook his head, the folded his arms over his chest.

"You're not shutting me out physically, but you are shutting me out emotionally. Mentally. You decided what I meant, and you chose the worst possible interpretation for it. You built this wall around yourself before we even had a chance to talk, because of the assumptions you made. I didn't understand this one situation, and that's my fault. But you decided that meant I never did and never could understand you. That I didn't believe in you, or support you, or think the best of you. And you shut me out before that, when you were sure I would leave you. But I won't let you shut me out for good. I'm going to keep being here, and keep coming back. You can assume the worst about me, and I'll keep doing my best to prove you wrong. Some day you'll realize that I'm not here on a whim. That I am on your side. That you can trust me, that you can rely on me. That I'd never do anything to hurt you on purpose, and that when I hurt you by accident I'll do everything in my power to make it better. That I love you, with no conditions attached to it. I don't expect you to accept it right now, because it's late and you're hurting. But I'm not going to disappear. And I'm not going to let you disappear either."

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ab_harry
2021-05-07 02:35 pm UTC (link)

"Why would you do that?" Harry said. "Why would you want to be around if I don't want you? Are you really a masochist? Is it wanting to be near the Chosen One? Why would you even come around? If you think I'm overreacting, I can see you hexing me, but not crying and basically begging. What is- What's your game here? What do you want?"

Harry went to the table and poured himself a firewhisky not bothering to ask Draco since he knew the answer. He took a sip and looked at the other man. "I'm trying to see your play here and I can't, but then I'm not a Slytherin. Maybe I should ask Theo and he could tell me. Gotta give it to him, great way to get to power. So what's your play? Can't be becoming Minister. I've even given your father my blessing and he didn't take the bait."

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draco_draconis
2021-05-07 06:10 pm UTC (link)

The more Harry talked the sadder Draco got, but only because it was painfully clear that Harry had no idea how to accept love. He would never say that, because he didn't want to get hexed, but it made him even more determined to stick this out, no matter how deep Harry cut.

"I'm staying because I love you. That's it. No game. No ulterior motive."

He couldn't convince Harry that he meant it in one night though. He had hoped the months they'd already had together counted for something, but clearly not. Draco was stubborn though, and he worked for what he wanted. He wouldn't give up on Harry that easily.

"You don't have to believe me tonight. I'll still be here tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that."

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ab_harry
2021-05-07 06:22 pm UTC (link)

"I don't believe you, because you apparently missed the target by a mile. I thought you knew me, you understood me, but-" He let out a deep breath, because he wasn't going to start that all over again.

He sat down on the sofa, knowing that tonight was going to be a drinking night and he'd likely fall asleep right there. "I won't be. I can't sit here and watch whatever will happen. None of it will be pretty." He knew himself well enough to know that he wouldn't be able to stand back and watch things go to hell. He might have given Lucius his blessings, but he wasn't going to watch him destroy everything. Or Nott. "I'll come back to sleep, so the castle doesn't throw a hissy fit, but otherwise I don't think you'll see us much, unless we decide to look for clues here." He still thought that they would have to, once in a while, to keep the castle happy, but mostly they won't be here.

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draco_draconis
2021-05-07 06:28 pm UTC (link)

Draco wasn't going to start it up again, since Harry couldn't see the difference between not understanding once and never understanding at all. It was a dizzying, exhausting round and round and Draco still didn't understand how Harry could come to such worldendingly drastic conclusions from a few lines in a journal. Draco wasn't done trying, but he would carry some of the things Harry said to him tonight with him forever.

"Then I'll be here when you are. Or I'll go where you go, when you decide not to come back. But I'm not leaving. I told you I wouldn't, and I meant it. Believe me or don't."

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