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draco_draconis ([info]draco_draconis) wrote in [info]hogwarts_dawn,
@ 2021-05-06 14:09:00

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Entry tags:character: draco malfoy, character: harry potter

RP: Harry and Draco
Who: Draco & Harry
When: 6 May, late
Where: Harrys Room
What: Harry can't hide forever



To say Draco was angry would be an understatement. He'd spent the better part of yesterday and all of today looking for Harry, to bi avail. He'd even spent the night in Harry's room, assuming he'd come back eventually. But he didn't, and Draco was sure now that Harry was actively avoiding him.

He was back in Harry's rooms now, because the man would have to come here eventually. If he didn't show up tonight Draco was sicking the house elves on him tomorrow. This was ridiculous, and he could not believe that a minor journal argument about going for a walk had led to this. Not Harry quitting, Draco wasn't that shocked about that. No, what made him so angry was that Harry seemed to have decided to throw everything they had away because Draco didn't just agree with him. Well, Draco was someone who got thrown away. Just let Harry try.

He was beginning to think they Harry wasn't going to come back again, and was debating moving from the sofa to the bed, when he heard the door open.

"About time," he drawled, trying not to lost his temper immediately."


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[info]ab_harry
2021-05-06 09:28 pm UTC (link)
Harry was in a good mood. Snape was actually entertaining now that he didn't suspect him to wanting to kill him and every Muggleborn in existence. His knowledge of magic was amazing and while he was a terrible teacher, Harry could pick up spell pretty fast when he wanted it. So all in all, he had a good evening, but what he hadn't expected was finding Draco in his room.

"You shouldn't be here," Harry said, because that was the important part. "You can leave now. I need to get some sleep." Or maybe he'd start making a list of things that they had to search inside the school. They could mix it up so the castle didn't feel that they were leaving. "Whatever it is, I don't give a shit. So you know where the door is."

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[info]draco_draconis
2021-05-06 09:31 pm UTC (link)
"No." Draco didn't get up. In fact, he crossed his legs and settled back against the cushions. "I've spent the last two days looking for you, and we're going to talk about this whether you like it or not. So sit down, or stay standing, but I'm not going anywhere."

He was proud of how relatively calm he sounded, especially when all he wanted to do was hex Harry's stupid, irritating, beautiful, perfect, horrible face.

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[info]ab_harry
2021-05-06 09:39 pm UTC (link)
"No, we really don't have to talk, because there's nothing to talk, and you forget that there are about a few hundred rooms that I can use, so instead I'm just going to go and I'll get my things in the morning." That was much better.

In fact that gave him another idea, maybe they should set up Grimmauld Place again for the three of them and while there, he could find some clothes. How bad could they fit? He was never one to care about fit anyway.

"Right, enjoy the room," he said, going to the door.

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[info]draco_draconis
2021-05-06 09:44 pm UTC (link)
Draco locked the door with a flick of his wand, and stood up. His hand was shaking slightly with repressed anger, but his voice was steady.

"Yes. We do have to talk, and we are going to talk. You've told me over and over again that I'm the one person who always challenges you, or calls you out on your bullshit. You've asked me to do that for you. But now you're just, what, done with me? With us? Because I said the stupid journal argument you had with Theo was just that? No. Fuck no Harry Potter. You do not get to throw me away because I didn't immediately say you're 100% in the right. That isn't how this goes. So be an adult and talk to me, or at least have the decency to break up with me to my face."

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[info]ab_harry
2021-05-06 10:07 pm UTC (link)
Harry didn't need to reach for his wand, but he had to admit that for a moment as Draco reached for his wand, the idea that he'd have to defend himself crossed his mind. Probably not the best reaction for a relationship. Good thing it was over.

"Fine, if that's what you need to leave me alone, we're done. There, done to your face. Are you happy? Or was this too ridiculous?" Harry asked, with sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Now, don't make this worse and just go or let me go, because if I have to break that door down, bad things are going to happen, and guess what? There are no aurors, no jails, no minister, no wizengamot to tell me that I'm wrong. Not that I wouldn't hex the Minister too if Savannah's thing goes through. Now, leave, because we're done," he said in a much colder tone.

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[info]draco_draconis
2021-05-06 10:13 pm UTC (link)
Draco walked toward Harry, visibly shaking now.

"No. I don't accept that. You've been waiting for me to leave since this started, but I told you that I'm not going anywhere and that is still true. I cannot believe that you are ending things because I said your argument was ridiculous. It makes so little sense that it actually hurts. There has to be more to it than that. So if I've missed something I think you bloody well owe me an explanation. What did I do to make you this fucking angry with me?" The genuine hurt broke through the anger, making his voice quaver like the traitor it was.

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[info]ab_harry
2021-05-06 10:24 pm UTC (link)
"And that's where you're wrong. I don't owe you anything. I've never owed you anything. In fact I've gone over and above to make sure that I don't owe you anything." He'd paid his debts not because of some magical reason, but because he always felt that it was the right thing to do.

Harry laughed. "That's the thing. I'm not angry. I'm actually happy that for the first time in my life, I don't have to carry the wizarding world on my shoulders. Dad is a little chuffed that I vanished, but I haven't actually vanished."

He stepped closer. "But this proved what I should have known all along, proved that there's only a few people I can rely on. They are the same people I've always relied on. Ron and Hermione. My parents seem to fall in that category, but maybe Dad will change his mind soon enough from his tone. Maybe Albus, but I don't know if he's just being diplomatic to cover for his siblings. So basically it's Ron and Hermione and the woman who gave her life to keep me alive. As you can see, your name isn't included there and I can't be with someone I can't trust. I guess maybe that's why I ended up with Ginny. At least I knew I could trust her."

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[info]draco_draconis
2021-05-06 10:33 pm UTC (link)
"Trust me with what!" Draco shouted. "What the fuck are you even talking about? I didn't break a promise, or go behind your back, or even say I didn't agree with you leaving as Minister! I do agree! I fucking get it and I said so! What I do not understand is how saying that you and Theo were both being stubborn means you can't trust me! What did I say that was so bad that you'd cut me out of your fucking life?"

Draco wasn't ashamed of the tears that gathered in the corners of his eyes. The fact that this hard won relationship was falling apart over a damn day trip was git wrenching.

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[info]ab_harry
2021-05-06 10:48 pm UTC (link)
"Trust you. Period. You can trust people or you can't. It doesn't have to do with a promise." He shook his head. "You still don't get it. I would not have left the job! It doesn't matter that I don't want it. I still would have done it, because someone needs to do it and regardless of what everyone fucking thinks around here, I know that my name was the one thing that pulled us together, and now we're having some kind of farce Minister, your dear friend who will do what? Destroy what we have."

He scoffed. "You still think that it's about being stubborn. You're either blind or stupid and I know you aren't stupid. I was making a point, no special privileges for anyone when they can put us all at risk. It was about safety, everyone's safety, but apparently I'm stubborn, ridiculous and unable to be diplomatic. I can deal with you disagreeing with me, but I can't deal with you willing to put everyone at risk because your friend wants to take a walk."

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[info]draco_draconis
2021-05-06 11:07 pm UTC (link)
"I never said that! I never said you were ridiculous, I said the bloody argument was ridiculous, and it bloody well was! But that doesn't mean I didn't agree with you about the stupid fucking walk. I did, and I do, and I bloody well said so! If he had asked me I would have told him the same thing! He should have taken no as a complete answer, but you didn't need to say some of the things you said either! But this isn't even about that anymore! It's about you just deciding that I was willing to put people at risk, apparently, and I don't understand how you got to that conclusion! And you think I don't know you would never have left the job? You think that I don't understand how bloody self sacrificing you can be? If this is what it took to get you out of having the world on your shoulders than good! You deserve that! So don't go putting intentions in my mouth to suit your narrative! If you actually look back at what I wrote you won't see a single thing saying I think Theo was right and you should have given him what he wanted and I don't give a shit about the safety of the castle. That didn't happen. So if you don't trust me now because of it then you've done that all on your own, and that's bullshit Harry. I don't accept it. If I said the wrong thing I'm fucking sorry, I'm not perfect and I've never pretended to be, but this is not how we end. It's fucking not."

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[info]ab_harry
2021-05-06 11:18 pm UTC (link)
"Why not? Did I say anything that wasn't true?" he asked. "Or what? I should have stopped arguing and said 'sure, let's do what you want'? This way I would spare his feelings and put everyone in danger. I have a person who's undermining everything while I'm trying to achieve some sense of normality and the argument is ridiculous? I'm not sure that repeating it is doing what you think it's doing," he said.

"No, Draco, it's not fucking good, because look at where we are now? Savannah nominating Theo because no one else wants the job. That's where we are," he said. "I haven't given up my entire life to have some fuck up like your friend destroy everything, but here we are, and you still think that the argument was ridiculous. God, you and your keeping up appearances, saying the right things. All of that is more important than standing up for what's right."

He waved his hand, eyes on Draco, to open the door. "I think you need to go talk to your friend. He might need help dealing with the responsibilities of the ministry, maybe you get to fuck another Minister. Either way you need to get out of my room with these justifications that mean absolutely nothing."

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[info]draco_draconis
2021-05-06 11:49 pm UTC (link)
"Why are you doing this?" Draco begged, dropping all pretense. "Why are you doing this Harry? This isn't the war anymore. I'm not your enemy. When did I ever say anything about keeping up appearances or not standing up for what was right? Where are you even getting that from? And I didn't even know about Savannah or anything, I haven't checked my damn journal. Whatever I did I'm sorry, but I don't understand."

He wasn't going to just walk away from this. Clearly what had seemed like a simple journal disagreement had meant a lot more to Harry, but Draco couldn't follow his logic and it was maddening. Did Harry even care about him at all, if he could say things like that? If he could throw everything they had away over something this trivial?

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[info]ab_harry
2021-05-07 12:44 am UTC (link)
"Then what the fuck did you mean, Draco, huh? What was ridiculous? And What should I have done since I was being so ridiculous. Tell me," Harry said, because he was not going to repeat everything he had just said.

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[info]draco_draconis
2021-05-07 02:32 am UTC (link)
At least Harry seemed willing to talk to him now, which was a step forward. Not a big step, but Draco would take literally anything right now. Anything. Because he absolutely was not letting Harry cut him off over this. He let his desperation shine though, he had absolutely no pride to hold onto now.

"Harry, look, I'm not trying to say that you were wrong, or that you should have let him do what he wanted. But you have to understand that from the outside, having just read the conversation after it happened, it doesn't seem like something this drastic! It just seemed like a disagreement, with neither of you actually fighting. It looked like a minor thing! Obviously it wasn't, obviously it means a lot more to you than I ever realized. But I was flippant about it because it didn't seem that bad to me. It just looked like two men being stubborn. So to have you say that you literally cannot trust me anymore, that, that I'm supposed to just give up on us and go fuck Theo over this, it's utterly baffling. Please, Harry, I can see that I took something important too lightly. I didn't mean to, I should have realized, but I didn't. But please, please don't throw us away over this. Don't give up on me. I'll do better. I'll be better. But you have to understand that I don't always see things the way you do, and I can't just read your mind. I won't always see things the way you do, or understand the significance the way you will. I'm not Ron, and I'm not Hermione, and I'll never be them. But I swear I'm on your side." He was crying now, and didn't even care. He loved Harry too much to lose him this way. "Please."

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[info]ab_harry
2021-05-07 02:47 am UTC (link)
"You thought it was a minor thing? Are you fucking kidding me? I gave up on the wizarding world because neither you nor my own son think that I should take a stand when things are important, because I can't do the bloody job right, and you think it's not that important," he said, voice getting louder.

"I gave up on everything we are as wizards and you tell me that you'll do better? Well too late, because I can't see a way to fix this damage. You, me, the job, the wizarding world, any of it, because let me tell you, it'll be a cold day in hell, before I do anything that Nott says." Or anyone else he mentally added but especially Nott. "I'm going to find that vault, I'm going to give everyone a chance and as soon as I find a way to leave without the castle screwing with people, I'll go live in Grimmauld Place and I'll be done."

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[info]draco_draconis
2021-05-07 03:06 am UTC (link)
"Yes! Can't you see that from the outside, without knowing what it meant to you, that I saw it that way? I see now it wasn't, I can clearly bloody see that it meant a lot more to you than just a pissing contest with Theo! I thought you were stepping down because you had finally had enough of the bullshit, not that you'd given up on everything! How in fucking Hell was I supposed to know that!"

The anger was back, though the hurt didn't leave. He had never been more confused and blindsided in his life, which was saying something. Over a fucking walk.

"Can you really not get past the fact that I made a mistake? This was a bloody misunderstanding Harry, not a betrayal! I'm still on your side, I'll always be on your side, but you can't expect me to read your fucking mind! How can I even begin to fix damage I don't even know I've done!"

He stopped, scrubbing at his face with his hands.

"If you want me to go, I'll go. But just for now. This isn't done. We aren't done."

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[info]ab_harry
2021-05-07 03:14 am UTC (link)
"How were you supposed to know? How about because you supposedly know me. Did you seriously think that I'd step down because it's not easy? Because I don't like it? Have I ever given up on something I believe is important because I don't want to do it? My entire life has been about doing what's right, regardless of whether I liked it or not, and you think I'd wake up one day and decide that I just quit?" He scoffed at the mere idea. "Maybe you don't really know me at all."

He wanted to believe it, because it would have been easier, but he wasn't sure he could. "Is it a mistake though? Even know, even after I explain, you still say that it was just a ridiculous argument, so it really makes no difference whether you know or don't know what's going on."

He shook his head. "I am done, Draco. I don't plan to be around much. I can't sit here and watch things go to hell. I'd want to fix them and then we're back to where we were. Seriously, find a life here, with- I don't know. Find the calm and safe life where there aren't ridiculous arguments."

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[info]draco_draconis
2021-05-07 03:26 am UTC (link)
"I never thought it was because it wasn't easy." Draco said softly, his last hopes bleeding into every word. "Or because you didn't like it. I know how much you've always done for everyone around you. I thought you'd quit because you realized that you weren't getting anything but headaches from being minister. I thought maybe you'd decided that the best way you could save everyone would be to find the clues or something. To go out and do what you do best. To actually be out working to save the world, the way you have your entire life. You were never meant to be the man sitting behind a desk Harry. I thought you had decided to move on for everyone, and maybe I hoped you'd done it for yourself, too, because I wanted you to be happy. But that's just me projecting. Harry..." He reached out, but didn't touch him.

"Harry, I said it was ridiculous because I thought it was just the impetuous you needed to make a decision you'd already made. To move on and do what you thought was more important. That's all. It never even occured to me that you'd quit because you gave up on everything we are, because you have never given up on anything a day in your bloody life. That's what I was thinking. That is all that I was thinking. Whatever you think I meant, it wasn't that. I just didn't understand. I do now."

He closed his eyes for a second, then took a small, shuddering breath.

"You think I could be happy here? Without you? You think I could move on, after all of this? If you do then you're the one who doesn't know me. I married a woman once just because you were off the market. And that was before I'd ever done anything more than dream about you. Now? I won't give up on you Harry. I won't give up on us. I never will."

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[info]ab_harry
2021-05-07 03:52 am UTC (link)
"You thought-" He shook his head. "You thought that I didn't like the headaches, because I loved having Dark Wizards trying to kill me. I totally said, 'know what? I'm tired of dealing with Voldemort, he's such a headache, let me do something else'. Do you think I wanted to be Minister? I knew that I'd be the one that make people agree, the one who could get people following, which is the only thing keeping us here. Tomorrow, someone else could decide to walk out. I could decide to walk out. There's literally nothing that keeps us here. The laws that Regulus is writing mean nothing with no Aurors and no jails, it's only the threat of what we- I could do that makes them mean something."

He threw his hands in the air. "I swear everyone thinks that I'm a bloody idiot, that I don't understand politics. Just because I don't play by the rules, it doesn't mean that I don't understand the rules. You think I'm a bloody idiot. I'm going out there to save the world? What the hell is that? I'm going out there to have fun, because once we open the doors to the international community, we don't need the vault. It'll be nice, but hardly important. It's what we do with the Confederation that's going to save us."

Harry sighed. "I don't think you even know who I am, Draco. You think you do, you might even love that image that you have of me, but this has proven that you don't really know me, and if you don't know me, you can't possibly love me, or even care for me."

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[info]draco_draconis
2021-05-07 04:02 am UTC (link)
"That isn't what I said at all," Draco lamented, but with almost no energy behind it. It was like Harry was determined to take every single thing he said and twist it into the worst possible interpretation. He felt something heavy and harsh settle into his stomach, and he was suddenly very tired.

"I know you Harry. I know you as well as I can. But if you keep shutting me out, if you assume the worst about me, what else can I even do? How can I truly know you if you won't let me?" He shook his head. "I do love you Harry. Every part of you. I don't think you're an idiot, or that you don't understand anything. I never even implied that. I..." He trailed off. What was even the point? Harry wasn't listening, and he wasn't in any head space to hear a word of what Draco was saying.

"I'm still not giving up. I never will. I'll still be here when you're ready."

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[info]ab_harry
2021-05-07 04:21 am UTC (link)
"I know what you said. You thought I'd give up the job I don't like to go find the vault, because that's saving the world, except I knew from the start that being minister is what would save us. I even told Remus that I had to do it, because no one else would. No one else could maybe," he answered. "Did I get any of it wrong?"

He snorted. "I didn't shut you out. Everything was done right in front of your eyes. It's not like I was hiding anything."

He didn't know what Draco even meant at this point, but at least he seemed to be done. "Sure."

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[info]draco_draconis
2021-05-07 04:34 am UTC (link)
"I assumed you quit because you thought it was the right thing to do. I assume you do everything because you think it's the right thing. I was wrong this time. I don't know what you say to Remus. I don't know what you're thinking unless you tell me. Knowing someone and knowing exactly what they're thinking at all times are not the same thing. No one can know that much about anyone."

He shook his head, the folded his arms over his chest.

"You're not shutting me out physically, but you are shutting me out emotionally. Mentally. You decided what I meant, and you chose the worst possible interpretation for it. You built this wall around yourself before we even had a chance to talk, because of the assumptions you made. I didn't understand this one situation, and that's my fault. But you decided that meant I never did and never could understand you. That I didn't believe in you, or support you, or think the best of you. And you shut me out before that, when you were sure I would leave you. But I won't let you shut me out for good. I'm going to keep being here, and keep coming back. You can assume the worst about me, and I'll keep doing my best to prove you wrong. Some day you'll realize that I'm not here on a whim. That I am on your side. That you can trust me, that you can rely on me. That I'd never do anything to hurt you on purpose, and that when I hurt you by accident I'll do everything in my power to make it better. That I love you, with no conditions attached to it. I don't expect you to accept it right now, because it's late and you're hurting. But I'm not going to disappear. And I'm not going to let you disappear either."

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[info]ab_harry
2021-05-07 02:35 pm UTC (link)
"Why would you do that?" Harry said. "Why would you want to be around if I don't want you? Are you really a masochist? Is it wanting to be near the Chosen One? Why would you even come around? If you think I'm overreacting, I can see you hexing me, but not crying and basically begging. What is- What's your game here? What do you want?"

Harry went to the table and poured himself a firewhisky not bothering to ask Draco since he knew the answer. He took a sip and looked at the other man. "I'm trying to see your play here and I can't, but then I'm not a Slytherin. Maybe I should ask Theo and he could tell me. Gotta give it to him, great way to get to power. So what's your play? Can't be becoming Minister. I've even given your father my blessing and he didn't take the bait."

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[info]draco_draconis
2021-05-07 06:10 pm UTC (link)
The more Harry talked the sadder Draco got, but only because it was painfully clear that Harry had no idea how to accept love. He would never say that, because he didn't want to get hexed, but it made him even more determined to stick this out, no matter how deep Harry cut.

"I'm staying because I love you. That's it. No game. No ulterior motive."

He couldn't convince Harry that he meant it in one night though. He had hoped the months they'd already had together counted for something, but clearly not. Draco was stubborn though, and he worked for what he wanted. He wouldn't give up on Harry that easily.

"You don't have to believe me tonight. I'll still be here tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that."

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[info]ab_harry
2021-05-07 06:22 pm UTC (link)
"I don't believe you, because you apparently missed the target by a mile. I thought you knew me, you understood me, but-" He let out a deep breath, because he wasn't going to start that all over again.

He sat down on the sofa, knowing that tonight was going to be a drinking night and he'd likely fall asleep right there. "I won't be. I can't sit here and watch whatever will happen. None of it will be pretty." He knew himself well enough to know that he wouldn't be able to stand back and watch things go to hell. He might have given Lucius his blessings, but he wasn't going to watch him destroy everything. Or Nott. "I'll come back to sleep, so the castle doesn't throw a hissy fit, but otherwise I don't think you'll see us much, unless we decide to look for clues here." He still thought that they would have to, once in a while, to keep the castle happy, but mostly they won't be here.

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[info]draco_draconis
2021-05-07 06:28 pm UTC (link)
Draco wasn't going to start it up again, since Harry couldn't see the difference between not understanding once and never understanding at all. It was a dizzying, exhausting round and round and Draco still didn't understand how Harry could come to such worldendingly drastic conclusions from a few lines in a journal. Draco wasn't done trying, but he would carry some of the things Harry said to him tonight with him forever.

"Then I'll be here when you are. Or I'll go where you go, when you decide not to come back. But I'm not leaving. I told you I wouldn't, and I meant it. Believe me or don't."

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[info]ab_harry
2021-05-07 06:38 pm UTC (link)
"Sure, come hunting with me, Ron and Hermione," he said with a snort. He could just imagine how well that would go. "Despite everything, I am lucky. I'm lucky to have them, because no matter what happens, no matter what people say, think or do, they are always there." He'd been holding onto that since he was eleven. Even when Ron had faltered for a bit, Hermione had been there, steadfast and ready to help him and Ron had never faltered for long anyway. "That's love, Draco. It's not romantic, it's not family, but it's stronger than all of those combined."

He took another sip of his firewhiskey, draining the glass. "I hope you find it too. Maybe with Theo, because I can't see us ever coming close to what I have with them. I'm not saying it to hurt you, but the opposite. Whatever illusion you have, it's best that it ends now."

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[info]draco_draconis
2021-05-07 06:40 pm UTC (link)
"Alright." He agreed. "I will come with you. When do we leave?"

He was going to ignore the rest, because Harry might mean it but that was only because he didn't understand. He was too used to people letting him down. Draco wasn't going to be one of them. Whatever Harry thought he knew about how love worked.

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[info]ab_harry
2021-05-07 07:02 pm UTC (link)
"That was a joke, Draco. As shown by the rest that I said." He summoned the bottle of firewhiskey. He didn't use his wand. His magic seemed to be alive in a way that only seemed to be when things got serious and dangerous. He had to admit that he enjoyed the feeling.

"I have to hand it to you, you're even more stubborn than I am." He was still sure that there was some ulterior motive, even if he couldn't see it at the moment. Instead of worrying though, he just poured another glass. "But you're ruining my buzz. I was actually happy. Snape is brilliant company and he's shown me some pretty cool magic." And concentrating on the magic meant that he didn't have to think about anything else. Who'd have thought that Snape would end up being the one who was good for him.

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[info]draco_draconis
2021-05-07 07:06 pm UTC (link)
Draco was bone tired, and this dismissive Harry was somehow more hurtful than when he was actively being an asshole. Still, he'd made a promise. Those meant something to him. Especially to Harry.

"Alright. I won't go. But I'll see you tomorrow night, when you get back." It wasn't a question, and he didn't wait for Harry to answer. "You can tell me how it went. Enjoy your buzz."

He opened the door, walked slowly out, and closed it behind him. He felt like he'd gone six rounds with a Hippogriff. He just wanted to forget the cruel look on Harry's face. Maybe he had the right idea after all. The house elves would bring firewhiskey to his rooms if he asked. And why not? He'd need it for round too tomorrow.

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