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Tweak says, "Ouchies! ...You lied to me."

Remus Lupin is a badass. (crescered) wrote in flippedrpg,
@ 2012-09-23 18:23:00

Entry tags:

ch: div: remus lupin, ch: squib: sirius black, p: lisa ii, p: silyara

Who: Remus Lupin^div & Sirius Black^baby
What: Talking. Remus is bringing tea.
Where: Sirius' room
When: Sunday afternoon/evening
Warnings: "Fan required" - Sil

It took Remus longer than he anticipated because he stopped to make tea. Since it would have been rude to show up at someone's door with your own tea and none to offer, he then had to make two cups. He then carried them to Sirius' room and tapped on the door with the toe of his boots. Sure, he could have used several spells to make the whole process easier, but he really didn't care. Especially not now with his mind distracted as it was. His earlier conversation with Theodora had his thoughts going in plenty of directions.

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doggingdoes
2012-09-24 03:58 pm UTC (link)

His heart was having troubles staying in his chest. His mind was all sorts of confused. Everything was pushed aside for the duration of the kiss, just making it a perfect moment in the moment, not to be tainted by anything else. His attention itched to every place between them, like the air itself was heating up from being pressed between them. And yes, Sirius noticed the caress, noted every little thing Remus did. And it left him breathless and catching up.

There were games between friends, but kissing James wouldn't have felt anything like that. And Sirius had kissed James before. In truth or date. This wasn't like that. The two weren't anything alike, and Sirius was almost staring a bit, at Remus, as he tried a little harder to breath. "You..." Sirius began, motioning toward Remus because sod the game, sod it all, it wasn't one. And if it were one to Remus, then Sirius didn't know him an eighth as well as he thought. "We," Sirius tried again, "Us.."

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crescered
2012-09-24 04:04 pm UTC (link)

"Are you going to string together enough words to make an actual sentence?" Remus angled his head to the side, somewhat pleased with himself for making Sirius of all people unable to come up with words. Well, maybe he never gave himself enough credit over all these years, a thought that had him chewing at his lower lip as he glanced back up to see if anything had changed.

"You shouldn't be surprised - unless you haven't actually been flirting so openly and heavily with me." Now it was his turn for an increased heart rate. This situation wasn't one he ever faced in a fear landscape.

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doggingdoes
2012-09-24 04:20 pm UTC (link)

His mind was still whirling to catch up. There had been little things, little hints, to himself that Sirius could have noticed had he been looking for them. Sirius wasn't a fool. They had been flirting like crazy. There had always been some kind of tension like that between them, and lately, well, lately- Sirius hadn't been thinking about whether it meant something, the entire time. It was possibly selfish and wrong of him, when he thought about how much he had been flirting with, well, a lot of people but two more than most. But it wasn't the time to think about everything and all he had done with everyone. It was time to think about Remus. It was a quick decision, yes, but it was the way Sirius operated. He shoved the complications of time away because his ethics had guided him this far in his life, and he wasn't about to abandon it to get lost in a moral quandary that, while difficult on him, was unfair to multiple people.

Merlin, he really was over Oscar, and that had been all he had been thinking about. But he was, and that meant it was okay, it was okay to think about other feelings. It was such an onslaught of emotion, not that he hadn't been feeling it before, but Sirius hadn't thought about what they were, about what it meant, about what it meant he wanted. Even for him, that was a bit much in a matter of seconds. But there was more between them, more than just a Padfoot and a Moony, more than inking their names on each other, more than just being friends.

"Not ... not surprised, well surprised, but not that," Sirius was still trying to find his tongue, "Never expected you to make the first move." That was almost a sentence. He was getting better with talking, even as his brain continued at warp speed, trying to figure stuff out. Sirius had wondered, even before Moony had shown up, if he there was something about the two of them that made it natural, just fitting together. But he hadn't felt this way toward the other Moony's. It was this one. He grinned.

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crescered
2012-09-24 04:32 pm UTC (link)

"Honestly? Neither did I." For good reason. Remus hadn't been trying to find someone in his world and this compound was only worse. He hadn't given any real thought to them because he didn't know what that really meant. Was he going to eventually give in and be with him, or anyone for that matter, when anyone could disappear at any moment? He didn't want to get attached to someone in that way, to fall in love with anyone, if they were just going to one day be gone. No warning. No way of finding them.

No, it was worse than that. It was a return to their normal life back in their own world. And Remus didn't want that to happen. He didn't want to have an entire family here, even, if he was just going to wake up back in his world and not have a memory of any of it. Well, all of those thoughts certainly depressed any happy feelings he'd started out with. Over the course of it all, his forehead increasingly pinched.

But they weren't at that serious stage or anywhere near it.

"Tease enough and someone's bound to collect," he shrugged. He knew it wasn't just harmless flirting between two people, even two friends. There was more to it than that but even though he'd made that first move, he didn't want to get caught up in it all just yet. Remus had to give it thought. And that made him feel guilty. "I probably shouldn't have." Doubt, second-guessing, self-conscious. Those words still applied, only on a Moony that was naturally a bit more daring than the others. He didn't think it was a great mix.

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doggingdoes
2012-09-24 04:47 pm UTC (link)

If there were a Moony around to start something, to make a first move, it really was the one sitting in front of him. Sirius knew that. The Dauntless lifestyle, so much as he'd heard about it and seen it in Moony himself, certainly pushed the envelope more than the average group, made Moony a bit more aggressive in ways Sirius hadn't seen before. And he liked it. There hadn't been enough time, just sitting with Moony, for Sirius to figure everything out, but his gut was telling him how it was going to go, and things were already moving inside along those lines. It was hard not to feel. It was hard to hold himself back at all, as that wasn't Sirius's style, but he didn't want to make Remus uncomfortable.

"It's not just teasing," Sirius replied, leaning forward a little, not enough to kiss Remus again, but he liked being close to him. Yes, Padfoot was growing more and more surefooted about the matter. But the way Remus was acting right in front of him worried him a little bit. It had been a perfect moment, a perfect act that started something, something real. And it what?

"No no no," Sirius countered immediately, "Don't say that." His hand reached out and grabbed one of Remus's, holding on to it tightly. Amid the happy remarkable feelings sorting themselves out, a small stone began to sink in Sirius's stomach, and he didn't like that at all. "Don't say that," he repeated.

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crescered
2012-09-24 04:58 pm UTC (link)

"More?" Apparently it was his turn to be low on words. But he didn't need to say anything else, and in fact he felt like even that wasn't necessary. If it wasn't just teasing, then obviously it was more, and he could see that; it was impossible to not see it. Remus was just so good at controlling every emotion from not expressing what he really thinks or feels all the way down to keeping a cap on every fear he's ever confronted.

"Sorry," Remus sounded breathy. He ran his free hand through his hair again, his eyes on their hands. "I shouldn't have left it like that without an explanation. This place...it just makes me hesitant about getting close to anyone. Friends, my children, you. I'm afraid of getting too close and having someone ripped away like it's nothing." Otherwise there wouldn't be a problem.

It was just another reason for him to do the fear landscape. Remus was going to do it tomorrow and he wondered if it would be any different than his last.

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doggingdoes
2012-09-24 05:12 pm UTC (link)

Sirius's head nodded, just a couple times and just slowly. But neither of those were really just. It was a modicum of self-control, which he actually had plenty of when he tried. It kept him calm, and it kept him sitting there with a bit of patience. It was always about two people, and Remus was as important in it as Sirius. He was, easily, capable of holding a relationship up on his shoulders, but that wasn't the best founding for one. And it wasn't best for him, if it took that to work. Not that Sirius thought that was what it was. No, he simply had all sorts of worried thoughts passing back and forth while he stayed calm and patient. Because really? Sirius rarely liked being patient, even though he had gotten damn good at it.

Holding Remus's hand strongly, without clutching it like a lifeline, Sirius didn't know what to make of the apology. If it were an apology for getting this whole thing started, which a tiny corner of Sirius's mind worried about, he didn't want it. And if it weren't, well, Sirius had to know what it was about. The hope and confidence Sirius applied every time he knew he liked someone was there, battling back the uncertainty of the situation, of their situation. Remus's concern wasn't one Sirius had ever acted on. Having met and lost his children, some of them more than once, he knew the pain, but that never stopped Sirius from getting close to anyone.

"That can happen anywhere," Sirius replied, "Here, back home. The manner someone can be ripped away is different. But I don't believe that's a reason to keep people out." Sirius paused, knowing the way he saw things was differently than Remus's usually did, than this one certainly did. His mind instantly brought up the relationship between Sirilla and color Remus, between color Sirius and party Remus (actually, that Sirius had aged, were they still together?). And yes, it was precarious, perhaps more so than in the worlds they came from. Merlin knew that he and Moony, the one before him, were two of the ones not in wars, so maybe it was less likely. But life had its way of doing whatever. And Sirius still threw his heart out every time. Eventually, it was going to do him some good.

"That's ... you have to decide that for yourself," Sirius added. He'd practically pushed himself on Oscar, in hindsight, and he wasn't about to do that again. Offering himself was different, but Remus had the free choice to do as he decided. Sirius just tried to keep on breathing, knowing he wasn't likely to get an answer that night. Nothing was going to happen, if he stopped breathing.

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crescered
2012-09-24 09:36 pm UTC (link)

"True," Remus said, and it was. In other worlds, James and Lily were killed in one night. Sure, there was some anticipation of danger, but he imagined that his other selves didn't exactly expect his best friends to be gone like that. Anyone could leave in several different manners. Sirius took that as a reason to not hold back while it gave Remus every reason to hold back. He wasn't used to this, had never been through a war like the others, and that gave him a much different perspective. Maybe going through that would make him less hesitant. He wasn't sure.

There was no question for Remus, in his mind, to answer. Nothing had been posed out loud. He wasn't even sure where to take it or what to say. But when he looked up again, he wrapped his hand around the back of Sirius' and slid it down his arm, fingers trailing over the skin as he took hold of the entire limb. "I think it's too late for me to give up on you - this, us, entirely anyway." It was half joking and mostly true at the same time. But it definitely wasn't a bad thing. At least, he didn't think of it that way, despite his concerns.

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doggingdoes
2012-09-24 09:51 pm UTC (link)

Sitting cross-legged on the couch with one of his best mates wasn't supposed to be so hard. He knew Remuses sometimes had that thing they did where they had to take particularly more time to think on things. Sure, some time was needed alone with thoughts. Sirius knew he needed some of that himself. But the direction it went, whether he'd consider going for it, that was all settled. He had already pursued one person not from his world while here, and sure that wasn't ever going to happen, but that didn't make it true about Remus. Unless Remus decided so. That was the root of it, really. And Sirius was neither ready to hear an answer on that nor expected Remus to entirely have one.

Still, his body leaned in a little more, pulled in by the way Remus moved. Sirius smiled at the statement, taking it as a positive sign but nothing binding. "I don't support giving up," Sirius replied, smiling to himself a bit. "I expect we'll have to get our thinking faces on," he added. It was true for both of them. Sirius never liked running into things half-cocked. It just didn't take him very long to make up his mind once he went about it. He leaned into Remus, turning a little, so he could rest his head on Moony's shoulder. "I like your thinking face."

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