InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "The Chinaman is not the issue."

Colin Creevey (starshaped) wrote in flippedrpg,
@ 2012-09-16 02:08:00

Entry tags:

ch: bdh: dennis creevey, ch: love: colin creevey, p: emmy, p: kaitlin

Who: Coling^love & Dennis^bdh
What: Finding each other again
When: Saturday nightish?
Where: Outside Gryffindor Tower
Warnings: Emosads.

Colin was nervous, but nothing showed it. He was careful not to show things around others. There'd been a lot of feelings when he'd been writing in his journal, but he'd been careful about even making noise. He couldn't let anyone know. He had to be careful. It wasn't allowed. They weren't allowed to feel everything the way they did. He shouldn't feel as much as he did. It was dangerous. Still, he couldn't help it. Dennis was his brother. Dennis was everything to him. Justin...as far as he was aware, wasn't here. It made his heart do weird, stoppy things. Like it was stuttering. He didn't want Justin not to be there.

For a moment, he had to focus on breathing and he leaned against the wall, looking as even and calm as he could, though his eyes closed. They were always the things that could give him away the easiest. He counted down from ten at least two times before he opened his eyes again, a carefully constructed expression. Dennis would be here soon and he couldn't show too much. He had to be careful. If anyone saw...

It was one thing to say that he loved his brother. It was another for everyone else to see it. It was dangerous.

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starshaped
2012-09-17 05:32 am UTC (link)

Colin's heart was racing. It wasn't so easy to ignore the warning noises in his head. It had been years of training to put them and so it was only to be expected that it was going to still be there. He couldn't freak out on Dennis, though. Somehow...somehow he needed to be calm. He didn't know what was wrong, but he counted down from ten as many times as he needed. Always counting. It was the only way to stay calm. Numbers. Justin was better at numbers but at least they helped.

He was going to get dragged away any minute. Any minute. His body was still sure of it, still on the alert. Still, he squeezed tightly. "Shhh, Dennis. Shhh. It's okay. Shhh..." It was quiet, so quiet. This way they couldn't say that he'd said it unless they had some way of knowing. He was going to have to calm down again soon. He knew.

"It's okay." He wasn't sure whether he was assuring Dennis or himself, but that didn't really matter. If it worked for both of them, that was perfectly fine. "It's okay."

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artfuldennis
2012-09-17 06:05 am UTC (link)

He remained holding his brother for a few silent minutes further before his arms finally loosened. The older male took a step back and his eyes looked down cast, sheepish to the floor, as he took in as calming of a breath as he could manage. "I am very sorry, Colin," he whispered, his voice strained, and weak.

"I did not want to do that," he admitted after a moment passed, finally looking up to his brother. "It has...just been very hard without you." That said it all. His life had been very hard without his brother. He didn't need to state how long it had been but his tired expression gave a clue as to the possible length. It was far more then months.

"I am sorry," he repeated, before forcing himself to smile. "Gosh, look at you," he then said. It was almost as though he sounded proud. His tone was very much like an adult who was examining a child they had not seen in years. "A very wonderful sight for sore eyes,"he then assured.

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starshaped
2012-09-17 06:18 am UTC (link)

Colin watched Dennis cautiously for a few moments after the hug before his expression fell into something more neutral again. "It's..." There was a pause before he said, "It's fine. It happens." There was another pause before he said, "Only not really." Because people didn't hug. Not really. Not past 17.

The next words, however, made him frown just slightly before he forced himself to look normal again. He couldn't express too much. Always being careful. He had to. Not just for himself, but for Harry, too. "It is certainly a...strange thing to be without someone." He examined him closely for a moment, trying to see everything he needed...but he didn't have his camera on him. He'd left it up in the dorm, carefully tucked away. "But I am here now..." He didn't know how to finish that sentence so he left it.

Colin offered one of his practiced, emotionless smiles. It was the kind he'd seen all around him. There was no mirth, no true joy. No one was ever really happy, just there. Just existing. "You sound like..." He trailed off before saying Mum and Dad. He did sound like them, but he didn't want to put them in danger either. Just in case. "A couple people I know." He glanced down at himself for a moment before smiling again, this time allowing some real feeling to show through his eyes. "Forgive me if I've been late in my arrival."

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artfuldennis
2012-09-17 06:28 am UTC (link)

His eyes flashed up, watching Colin for a moment. In that moment, he truly examined his brother, and his head tilted to the side as he noticed the mark upon his brother. His hand reached out, finger tips brushing against it, the strange scar. His Colin had no such mark. "What is this?" He found himself asking, alarm in his voice, before he locked eyes with Colin.

Not really. It didn't happen for Colin. That was unsettling. He ignored the other comment for the present time, wanting an answer to his question. Colin was right. He was here now and that was what mattered.

"I'll always forgive you," he told him. And he would. Though he had a notion that Colin would not always forgive him. He feared what would happen if this Colin found out what he had done.

He doubted his Dennis would have strayed so far down a path. He shook that thought away.

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starshaped
2012-09-17 06:41 am UTC (link)

Colin stilled when Dennis touched his scar. He'd wondered when that was going to get noticed, but then he'd gotten so used to it being a non-incident sort of thing that he didn't really think about it too much. Everyone had them...it just depended on whether they were real or not. "It's..." He paused. "My cure scar." His fingers ran over it briefly and he shrugged slightly. He wasn't cured, but Dennis...Dennis should know without having to be told. He hoped.

He wondered if that bothered Dennis, though. The idea that his brother was scarred, marked. It was necessary for him, but he didn't know how his brother would feel about it. He hoped it wouldn't make him worry too much. While Colin and Dennis hadn't killed anyone, they hadn't been so innocent. They'd been part of a lot of Resistance schemes.

Colin watched Dennis quietly for a moment, chewing on his lower lip just a little before he caught himself and stopped.

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artfuldennis
2012-09-17 07:00 am UTC (link)

"You're cure scar?" He found himself repeating and he could not suppress the venom in his voice. He was not angry with Colin. No, he could never be angry with his brother. His mind flashed to the conversation they had just some time ago. They did surgery to take away love. A world that outlawed love. It had made him sick when he first read Colin's words, and it made him feel nauseous once again.

"You had to disfigure yourself to remain safe?" He then decided to ask, fury in his voice. The idea that a world was possible that had caused his brother to do that sent nothing but rage through him. No, Colin deserved all the love in the world, and he should have been able to express it, as he once did.

It explained it. Colin was so still and shielded in his demeanor. It looked fake to Dennis. He felt as though his brother were going to become frantic at any moment. Yet, if he was trying to pretend he had his basic emotions removed, then it made sense.

His hand curled into a tight fist by his side, finger nails digging into his skin, and he couldn't help the sight of anger upon his face.

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starshaped
2012-09-17 07:10 am UTC (link)

"Yes, Dennis." He nearly flinched at the way his brother sounded. He just looked down at the ground instead. His eyes closed briefly and he counted down from ten again. It was going to be fine. It had to be fine. Dennis wouldn't be upset with him for it. Dennis wasn't upset...with him. At least he hoped so.

"Everyone over seventeen has one." He peered up at Dennis quietly, a blush working over his cheeks and down his neck. He'd never had to deal with this sort of reaction and so it was harder to be prepared for it. He didn't know what to do. He reached back, fingers tracing over the three-pronged scar again as he tried to calm himself. It was a lie...in a manner of speaking. His parents didn't have one but they stayed in the Wilds. They didn't come to the cities.

The reaction from Dennis hadn't been exactly what he'd expected...but it was probably normal for someone else, for somewhere else. "We all have them."

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artfuldennis
2012-09-17 07:20 am UTC (link)

A hand moved over Dennis face, dragging down slowly as he thought upon this. It was normal for people in Colin's world. It was normal. He had to repeat this several times for it to properly sink in. The knowledge was necessary to calm him down.

"I do not like the sound of that," he finally whispered for he did not. He did not like that his brother was suppressing emotion. That he had to be marked for his own safety. He did not believe in marks. They served nothing but trouble in his eyes. They were either thrust upon those unwillingly or used by the most fanatical of minds.

"That is why you are trying to be so...unresponsive." It was not a question. It was a statement. His accepting, loving, and excitable brother was trying to act as something Dennis believed he was not. Calm, reserved, unmoved. He could act the part but Dennis believed it to be solely that. An act. A lie.

"You do not have to be shielded here, Colin. They may force us to do scenario after scenario, experiment after experiment, but they are not dangerous. And they will not ever make that scar an indication of truth. I will not let them," he swore, his hand gently coming up underneath of Colin's chin, guiding it up so he could look his brother in the eyes as he spoke the words.

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starshaped
2012-09-17 07:33 am UTC (link)

Colin was trying. He was. He could feel his heart starting to race again and his whole body felt hot and for the first time, in a very long time, he felt embarrassed. His fingers covered the scar. He'd never been embarrassed by his scar because it was a necessity. It was important. It was normal to have it there. Now? Well...now someone found it abnormal. He felt awkward and uncertain and emotions he used to be much better at controlling.

There was fear there, too. It took everything in his power to keep his breathing calm and even as Dennis made him look up. This was terrifying. He'd faced scientists and the law enforcement before. He'd faced men who could have killed him if they knew or hurt him or even put him in Azkaban, but this was the thing that terrified him. If they'd been in the Wilds...this wouldn't be.

He watched Dennis, almost certain he'd been entirely unable to keep from expressing everything he was feeling. Everything was there...and he didn't want Dennis to be worried. He was okay. Things were always difficult and he'd had to be careful, but he was okay. He was alive. That was the part that mattered. "How do you know they won't?"

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artfuldennis
2012-09-18 03:03 am UTC (link)

"If they were, wouldn't they have come by now?" He asked, logically, because if it was run by those Colin feared, then they would have very well known Dennis was expressing such raw emotion. They would have seen. Dennis knew they had eyes everywhere in this compound and if they were going to perform surgery to remove emotion, they would have certainly known Dennis was expressing it.

"I wasn't shielding my emotions. You were, and you were doing it so well, but I was not. If they were going to harm people who showed emotions, they would already be here, and ready to do so to me, would they not?" He further explained, watching his brother carefully, hoping that he had reassured him enough to possibly relax and believe he was safe.

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starshaped
2012-09-18 03:16 am UTC (link)

Colin knew it made sense. Dennis was making sense. It was just that he was still on full alert. He was so used to being that way that it was hard to stop being that way. His mind and body were in a state of confusion, both trying to do different things. "I..." He frowned slightly before forcing himself to look unmoved. But then he wasn't supposed to be doing that? He didn't know.

"It could be a trap," he whispered, unable to say anything any louder. He was worried that his voice would crack if he spoke any louder. "They could be trying to use you against me." He didn't want to believe that was true and he reached out to check...for the scar that wasn't there. There was nothing there. His Dennis had one but this Dennis didn't.

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artfuldennis
2012-09-18 03:25 am UTC (link)

Dennis frowned at Colin's suggestion. He could not argue that. He did not pull away from his brothers touch but his expression deepened, the frown setting in. "How would they remove the scar? And how would they clone people? You have seen the variants walking around by now, haven't you? Sirius Black? Lily Evans? Ginny Weasley? How would they do that, if this was a trap?"

He waited for an answer. He wanted Colin to trust him. He just didn't know what to say to make it so.

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starshaped
2012-09-18 03:44 am UTC (link)

Colin watched him quietly, studying him, studying everything about him. Dennis with his freeness of expression. Dennis with his perfectly natural expression of emotions. How could it be that people were allowed to express things without consequence? He wanted to understand, but he didn't He didn't understand at all.

"I don't know," he said quietly. "I don't know." A few pink sparks and he was instantly drawn out of his thoughts, eyes squeezing shut as he started counting again.

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