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Sirius Black has the best kids (doggingdoes) wrote in flippedrpg,
@ 2012-08-24 16:56:00

Entry tags:

ch: div: remus lupin, ch: squib: sirius black, p: lisa ii, p: silyara

Who: Sirius Black^17-baby & Remus Lupin^21-div
What: Running times.
When: Friday afternoon
Where: Hogwarts Grounds
Warnings: IDK... lack of personal bubble?
Status: Threaded; complete.

Ravenclaw, like Gryffindor, lived up in a tower. His steps had taken him up and down stairs many times, as he made sure to spend time with Gamma, but Sirius remembered that Remus had been assigned to Hufflepuff, down near the kitchens, down near the exit to the grounds. His feet barely kept up with his legs as Sirius clutched his journal close to him, dictating a question to his quill. The quill, though not one of his experienced from the shop, managed to keep up in his handwriting, hardly messier than usual. Sirius closed the journal tight around the quill, not caring if there was ink left to smear. There was catch up to do.

Miraculously, his way to the pitch involved no faceplants or major stumbles of any kind. His lungs were at full capacity, and something was burning in his thighs, but Sirius saw someone in the middle of the pitch as he whipped around the corner. Someone male. Not Olivia Wood then. It wasn't any of the quidditch players. Remus. All shiny with sweat but standing there, first. Sirius grinned, slowing down as he opened his journal again. A tattoo then? He'd been thinking about getting one. His lungs still grabbing for air, Sirius waved with his free hand as he came to a general stop a few feet away.

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crescered
2012-08-26 05:10 am UTC (link)

"Moving up in the world, are we?" Despite the teasing nature of his words, Remus couldn't hide the proud expression on his face. How exactly this Sirius got himself that position was a mystery, but he expected a lot of things to differ. Just having a child so young would require a tremendous amount of responsibility, something he figured would even Sirius out and calm him down. Yes, he could see the domino effect in play when it came to other worlds, this one in particular since it was the one he was currently thinking about.

He laughed openly at the idea of a pregnancy clock. "That could be useful," if not downright weird, and he half-shrugged at the thought. Remus wasn't a big fan of quidditch either, though he could understand the excitement behind the creation. "And what sort of fancy clock would you make for me? If I asked for a surprise and all." The first idea Remus had was obvious, one that tracked the lunar cycle, but he already paid far too much attention to that. Besides, a constant reminder that he wore at all times would only add to the stress.

"I don't think getting stabbed in the lung is a legitimate concern," Remus grinned anyway. "Magic can fix most things, regardless."

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doggingdoes
2012-08-26 05:59 am UTC (link)

"Oh yes," Sirius replied, "This large head had to carry me somewhere. i just floated up." Sure Sirius hadn't given a damn about comments about his ego, but he was certainly capable of making jokes about them. He was aware of his self-confidence and believed in it (that was why it was called self-confidence). But that awareness changed things. Sirius had to be more aware about everything because he had children, because he had responsibilities. And as unlikely as it had been for Arthur to have been murdered and leave a widow with children behind, Sirius never forgot and had sworn to himself not to do that to Molly and the kids.

"Not too many people are interested in them actually," Sirius replied, "Even with all the babies we're having." That was also a reason not to be interested. There was enough sex and being pregnant as it were. Many women were pregnant for years and not necessarily in a hurry to return there immediately. But Remus's question really pushed for something more creative than his most popular sort of clock, the type with the people one cared about on it. His mind bounced around between what he knew about Remus, what he knew about this Remus, and what it actually made sense in any sort of way, by his logic, on a clock.

"Books," Sirius grinned, "It'd keep track of the books you're reading and where you are in them and such. And when you finish one, it'd suggest another one." That was a bit tricky to keep accurate to a person, as it would only be able to track so many books at once and would have to prioritize those Remus picked up on a regular basis. And there was the matter of taking into account what Sirius knew about Remus's book tastes while keeping it open ended enough to incorporate whatever books Remus read, as well as access to a source of books and their descriptions... It wasn't something he could just hand over next week. But Sirius never was the unambitious sort.

"No, and I know you wouldn't do that to me, not to my lungs," Sirius joked in a relaxed matter. "Some things magic shouldn't have to fix."

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crescered
2012-08-26 06:20 am UTC (link)

"With all of that air in there, hm?" Remus couldn't even pretend that was a serious statement, his composure breaking immediately into a laugh. Sure, the Sirius he was used to didn't always think much, but he always knew there was a lot going on up there. He was terribly clever, which was both good and bad, depending on the day and which side you were on.

"Too many babies to notice." It made sense that if everyone focused on having children in their world that no one would be too interested in a clock that told them they were pregnant; knowing which part of the 'cycle' a woman was in, well, he wasn't sure how helpful that would be. Remus never studied much about pregnancy for a lack of reason and interest.

His running slowed for only a couple of steps, his expression slacked before it picked up in wonder and something like excitement. "That would be useful," Remus nodded. He liked useful. The amount of books he went through, multiples at a time, they were hard to keep track of and lists only made it more frustrating if he tried keeping them as well. And if it could suggest suitable books for next time...Yes, it would definitely be perfect, so much so that he couldn't even find the words.

"Of course, I would never hurt you." And that was completely true.

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doggingdoes
2012-08-26 04:43 pm UTC (link)

His nod practically gave him away, had Remus not known better. Occasionally it was fun to pretend his head was full of fluff and pranks and nothing serious at all. But even those were small moments most of the time. The genius of the fun he had left few doubts, in his opinion, to the stuff his mind was made of. Sure Remus usually had 'better' focus on tangible subjects, such as school assignments, back in the day. But Sirius had done well enough, and given that he and James and Peter had become animagi, clearly they had learned their lessons from McGonagall.

Generationally, they were in the middle of an ongoing baby boom in his world. There had been a push for more children some time before, and it was still going to this day. Yes, at seven, the Black family was on the further side of things, but only children were a rare breed. It made for a strong economy for everything from baby clothes up through teenage fads and more now. That was only going to keep going for some time. But those were thinky thoughts for another time, such as when the events of his world affected what happened here.

It took half a moment for Sirius to notice Remus's reaction included slowing, and he shook his head in complete amusement. The main library they had the use of consistently was on the compound. If Sirius managed to build this watch, it'd have to be tied to that. Hogwarts was going to be gone sometime soon. It was how the worlds went. "Naturally you'd love it," Sirius laughed a little, "It's an ambitious project. There's no other worthwhile kind." That only made him want to accomplish it though. He'd thought of it. He just had to get the charms work and such to make it work.

"I know," Sirius added softly, not so much to the conversation as to himself. He trusted Remus with his life, and he trusted this Remus with his life.

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crescered
2012-08-27 12:54 am UTC (link)

Even if it appeared that Sirius understood, Remus always wanted to make himself absolutely clear. Unless he was purposefully avoiding that which was handy in the right situation. Now, however, he put on a light grin. "You must have done something right. Certainly had the cleverness thing down all those years." Remus was better with logic and reason; his attempts at coming up with good pranks usually fell short, though.

"You know me well, not that I'm surprised," he laughed easily. Of course Sirius would pick something so fitting. "Hmm, maybe, but it suits you." He learned a long time ago to never present Sirius with something difficult. The higher the difficulty, the more he wanted to complete it, no matter the consequences or amount of time it would take. This idea was a nice one but he didn't expect Sirius to actually try making it.

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doggingdoes
2012-08-27 01:03 am UTC (link)

"That must be what they're doing here," Sirius smiled back. He never doubted Remus's opinion of him. Had Moony thought so poorly of him, they would have stopped being friends ages ago. But Sirius and James were both more than full of hot air. And Remus was more than he sometimes thought himself to be. "Getting me in touch with my inner claw," he added as an explanation, "And you know I've done a lot of things right." It fell out of his mouth without much thought, but Sirius had a confident look on his face. And there was more to it than that, and it hung on for a moment, but Sirius let it go. For the moment.

"If I don't know you well enough, I can work hard to get to know you better," Sirius replied, half-joking. There were differences, beyond the tattoos. And Pads wanted to get to know them because each Moony was a joy in and of himself. "We'll see," Sirius still had one track on the book clock, "We do have Charms class here." He honestly was curious to see if he could do it. The actually having done it and giving it to Remus wasn't necessarily even the focus. The project motivated itself.

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crescered
2012-08-27 01:24 am UTC (link)

"Well if that's why you're here, I have no idea what I'm doing here. Except that Lily asked for me." He could understand why she would, and he would have probably done the same thing if he had been the one to show up first. In fact, he would have done anything at all to try to get all of his friends there.

At first, Remus didn't really give that last statement a second thought; of course everyone did some, even a lot, of things right. It was the look that caught him off guard. "Oh? Like what?" While it would have been easy to make his own assumptions and opinions about that, it was far more telling for Sirius to answer it himself. Moony had a feeling that there was definitely more to that statement.

"There's always more to know, isn't there?" Even in a normal situation with two people it seemed that way, now there was loads more to add on top of that. But the idea was one he liked and he wouldn't mind getting to know this Sirius or telling him more about himself. He'd already said much more than he ever intended to. "Oh, I almost forgot about Charms class," he all but smirked.

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doggingdoes
2012-08-27 02:26 am UTC (link)

"Overall no," Sirius corrected, though he saw why it was easy to take what he said that way. "I meant in this flip, I'm a Ravenclaw," Sirius explained. As to their overall being in this place, it had to do with that saving the scientists' world thing that Gamma had mentioned. "I don't know why they go for the individuals they do, like why there are so many of us," Sirius replied more seriously, "But I know they are trying to save their world, somehow. Studying us and getting us to work together is a part of that. At least the latter part is my scientist's philosophy. I don't know about yours." He had a feeling Gamma didn't always agree with the others. Gamma block wasn't going anywhere, and Sirius liked it that way.

There was just a momentary pause before Sirius answered because his initial response had to do with matters he chose not to do unless it meant something. His eyes even closed for a second, as he smiled. But the words out of his mouth were on something else. "I maintain and upkeep Philip in perfect condition," Sirius was still playful, not holding everything in check, "Smooth and gleaming, best ride on or off the road." Or in the sky, as was often fun with his bike. Sirius was glad to have him back here, and he was treating him right. The bike was also the easiest substitute for talking dirty, which made him wonder if he were like that in Remus's world too. Well, a little sexual innuendo never killed anyone.

"That's one of the most exciting parts of any relationship," Sirius reasoned, "You can know someone better than they know the back of their hand, and they can still surprise you. It makes me want to just keep getting to know you." He really did like that, in all of his relationships. There was the comfort of knowing someone so well and the fun of surprise. Even as settled down as he was, Sirius needed an element of adventure. "Don't tell me I've become more studious than Remus Lupin!" he exclaimed, looking over.

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crescered
2012-08-27 02:56 am UTC (link)

"Do you think they put us in specific houses for a reason?" Remus raised a brow at the thought. "Because I doubt I've changed enough to be a Hufflepuff." No, that didn't make any sense at all. While some of the qualities fit him, he'd been in Gryffindor and then Dauntless, the ultimate life-version of Gryffindor. What wouldn't surprise him is if it were based on who the scientists really wanted to see mixed up in close quarters. A perfect experiment. "My scientist...seems to take everything as a joke. It's impossible to get a straight answer from her." Remus was already toying around with the possibility of them trying to save their world - was that true? Why did it need saving? And how exactly was their current tactic supposed to help the residents help the scientists?

"A flying motorbike," he mused aloud, actually tilting his head back to look up as he thought of other, some more suitable, answers. Most things would have worked, however. "The best?" It was a challenge the way he questioned it, glancing over like he couldn't believe this - as well as anything - without proof. "I'm sure there's always better." He wasn't entirely thinking of anything sexual, though he couldn't help with the way that Sirius said certain things. Even so, he did his best to avoid anything less than subtle.

"I agree completely." For all the time Remus seemed to enjoy being alone, he couldn't deny that other people offered much more than just himself and the books he surrounded himself with. They were always changing. "I'm sure there are much more interesting people to get to know here. Wouldn't want to bore you, after all." That would just make him feel guilty. "Ha ha. In all honesty, it is really strange being back here."

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doggingdoes
2012-08-27 03:10 am UTC (link)

Remus's question made Sirius think. He would have preferred to be in Gryffindor. He still remembered the Marauder dorm that Kappa had made for them, which had been amazing, increased in size as it was for all the versions of the marauders that had been on the compound at the time. But here it was a bit different. And when he thought about how many versions of them there were, it probably skewed the balance of houses. "I think they had too many Gryffindors, to do it the old fashioned way," Sirius replied, "So a lot of us had to go somewhere else. And they probably decided to mix it up for a lot people, just to make it more interesting to study. We're all more comfortable in our own houses, and being comfortable probably doesn't make for the best data or whatnot." He looked over at Remus, "No, I don't think you are a Hufflepuff, but there's some badger in you. I wouldn't have been surprised to see you in Ravenclaw, though I have a different Moony roommate." That Moony was from one of the newer worlds. And he was the newest Remus to show up. Sirius hadn't gotten to know him well, though the same couldn't be said about his Sirius.

"I made Philip fly," Sirius pointed out. He'd undone and reworked all of Philip's systems to the point it would have been hard for the manufacturer to recognize him. He had a great amount of pride in Philip, not to mention his use to sometimes pick up or treat a bloke. "I think you need another ride, Moony," Sirius replied, "So I can show you the error of your ways. There is no better." Take or leave the innuendo in that, it was true. Of course anyone for whom the innuendo was true had another reason to believe it. Sirius was in no position to deny Remus's appeal. A single glance over, seeing it all again, just confirmed many of the thoughts he was keeping to himself. Some things weren't worth denying. Of course, that wasn't enough to make Sirius do something, not on its own.

"I don't do boring people," Sirius sighed, rolling his eyes. He really hated the way both Remus and Peter could think so little of themselves sometimes. "I think you've already proven you're not boring a few times over," Sirius pointed out, his hand running along the letters on his chest. "You know my attention span," he remarked at his own expense, "And I still want to get to know you more. So you're stuck with me." And Sirius was oh so stubborn. He didn't even address anything else at the end. It just amazed him that with all the tattoos and the craziness of what he had heard of Dauntless that Remus still thought he was boring.

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crescered
2012-08-27 04:05 am UTC (link)

Given the amount of Marauders running around, Remus knew that they couldn't be equally divided into the four houses they had. He was used to having a fifth, so it was weird to see one house completely disappear, but he still realized that there far less Slytherins, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws. "But merely putting us in a different house wouldn't change too much besides who we're with. Of course, there were some rather loud reactions to the new sorting, too." Some weren't pleased one bit. "Yes, I've been told that Ravenclaw would have suited me well. At least you have another Marauder around." That would make things more interesting.

"Well no one ever said you weren't smart or creative," Remus noted with a brief nod. He would have never thought of trying something like that, mostly because he never had the reason to. A chuckle forced his lips apart in a wide smile. Sirius was just so cocky. "Well, until then, I suppose I'll just have to take your word for it."

That wasn't surprising in the least, though the implication that he wasn't boring didn't do much. "Maybe not to you," he shrugged. The tattoos, the daring nature, the fearlessness - that was something Remus was just used to. It was commonplace in his world where he ended up fitting in and getting lost even there. He felt more exposed in the compound since he was so different, but he couldn't see how others found it that interesting. "Either way, I'm certainly not stuck. You're welcome to get to know me if you really want."

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doggingdoes
2012-08-27 04:23 am UTC (link)

The whole thing was a large social experiment morphing from one form to another. They all had to live together, to a degree. And they had to work together, often in blocks. The dorms mixed it up again because the living arrangements were different, and it was different people, and as houses it mixed up whole blocks. Sirius liked keeping things fresh, so he really did well in this place. "The reactions were probably part of it," Sirius replied, not caring most of the time to try to analyze every move the scientists made, "You don't have any of us? Who are you living with then?" Trying to find everyone had been a hassle, not one Sirius had entirely memorized either. Again, multiple copies made it harder. And even his definition of family was rather large to track in this place.

"You're just doubting my word about the best ride ever," Sirius replied back, smiling at the slight innuendo there and just not caring. He'd always flirted with all of them to an extent. Sometimes he even flirted with women just because he flirted without noticing. But most of the time it didn't mean anything. Most of the time. "Until such time as I blow your mind, yes," Sirius smirked, "Then you'll be telling it right back to me."

The smile faded to a more serious expression. Remus Lupins had a dangerous tendency to be extremely difficult to convince their imaginary flaws were just that - unreal. Words rarely did the trick by themselves, and Sirius didn't see an easy way to go about showing it while they were running. "Anyone who misses how interesting you are suffers a great loss on their part," Sirius replied in a steady tone. He could have joked it, but Sirius meant it. It wasn't just about him, though Sirius knew some things biased his judgment. Remus was amazingly interesting, in ways tattoos barely scratched the surface of. "I do want to get to know you, and you'll get to know me."

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crescered
2012-08-27 01:35 pm UTC (link)

The flips so far were so dramatically different that Remus wasn't even used to his block or the compound at all. He wasn't exactly against change, but things were definitely more comfortable if he were given the time to acclimate. "Not in my dorm, no. There's...a Kirley, a Justin, a Filius, and two Harrys. I saw a James that's supposed to be in Hufflepuff, as well as my girl version." That would be interesting, at least, and he really wanted to talk with her if he had the chance. It probably wouldn't be too difficult.

"Maybe," Remus angled his head, his tone teasing further. No matter how much he avoided sticky situations with other people, the metaphorical kind, he wasn't stupid. And it was too hard not to keep up with a fellow Marauder in those terms, no matter who it was. "Oh, we'll see." Then, as if it to test it out, he added, "Tell you you have the best ride ever," in a quiet voice, laughing immediately after he said it.

This time when Remus slowed down, he meant to walk, taking in a deep breath of air that was delicious in his lungs. But then his expression scrunched at Sirius. "You don't have to do that, you know." He didn't need someone to tell him he was better than he thought; he'd heard it enough and wasn't interested in listening to how good or not-boring he was. There was no reason for it. For the last bit, he merely nodded several times in agreement.

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doggingdoes
2012-08-27 02:25 pm UTC (link)

A weekly cycle or so took time to get used to, when one week it was Christmas and the next it was Ancient Greece and the next a playground and the next it was Hogwarts. And so on and so forth as far back as Sirius had been here. But the grounding in it wasn't so much the place as much as having people. That was up for change as well, as Sirius had seen happen time and again with his children. But the people were still what was able to help through it all. Those who didn't have people had it harder for the most part. "I believe Justin is a Hufflepuff originally," Sirius replied with only a moment to check his memory, "Aren't most of the games world people in your house? It seemed like almost all of them were going to Hufflepuff during the sorting." James and Jane were easy enough to socialize with. There were more people in Ravenclaw too, than just his dorm.

There had better not be any solid posts or trees the direction they were running because Sirius's attention was called back to look at Remus again and again. That voice just made him want to take Remus on Philip right then and there, which after he thought about the phrasing was almost enough to make him laugh. But those words were like a tingling traveling up his spine, of a good sort. "Just like that," Sirius added. Merlin, he thought, let it sound like that.

There it was again though, and Sirius slowed to a walk with Remus, a bit frustrated. The words weren't the point. They weren't meant to be some ego boost, to inflate Remus's head. They were true, completely and utterly true. And Moony made it incredibly difficult to communicate just that. Sirius didn't know how to get it through to Remus, to this Remus, that he - specifically - was an incredible unique individual that Sirius would be happy to have as company if locked in a small room together for all eternity. His hands came up to his face, just covering it for a moment before pushing up and off through his hair. "I wish you could see yourself how I do," Sirius half-muttered quietly. There weren't proper words to tell him because telling never did it, and Sirius wasn't entirely sure how to show him all of it.

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crescered
2012-08-27 05:01 pm UTC (link)

"I'm not sure." There were so many people at the compound, so many versions of one person, all from a number of worlds and Remus found it hard to keep track of them all. He was nearly about to start making a list for himself to go along with the pamphlet about the worlds just to attempt to keep it straight in his head. "I - really don't know that many people here, and it's impossible to know where someone is from just by looking at them." As usual, he still spent far too much time by himself, especially when he had no reason to go out (like he used to for work, etc.) and thus didn't have much time to meet new people. Besides, his friends - the ones from his world and others, - versions of his child, or children, and the scientists were easily enough to occupy him.

Remus only laughed again at Sirius' response. But until that ride came and he had the opportunity to judge for himself then that statement would remain his, a secret in his mind that would catch in his throat. There was always some desire for him to please others, in all types of ways, and that meant he often played into both James' and Sirius' egos. Sometimes he countered it just for fun, but he liked making them happy, getting a laugh or a smile, no matter what it took. It was partially a matter of being close friends because that's what friends did for each other.

He watched Sirius stop and cover his face with some intensity that came from his need to study everything. Remus was certainly very observant and curious, but he glanced down at where his feet were going for some moments. "I'm sorry." He was sure that wouldn't help the matter much, apologizing for something so stupid and, from his point of view, insignificant. "Does it really matter all that much? I prefer not talking about it anyway." In fact, he didn't care to talk about himself at all, though he could when prompted. In the case of getting to know someone new, there was at least reason enough.

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doggingdoes
2012-08-27 05:19 pm UTC (link)

Keeping track of people got a bit easier over time, for Sirius. At first, family had been enough, and it had expanded to alternate versions instantly. Then, with the teamwork activities, Sirius had gotten to know Gamma Block very well. He found this whole thing fascinating, and so in the few moments that shot up now and again about trying to look at what the scientists were doing (it never stuck around forever long), Sirius learned a lot more about everything and everyone else too. There wasn't much of a system when it came to remembering people. Sirius just did. And it likely made no sense to someone who wasn't another version of him, if it made sense to anyone at all. But his social nature helped, and Sirius knew he was much more of an extrovert than Remus. "Unless you're seeing yourself with boobs, I agree," Sirius didn't expect everyone else to keep track of people who didn't matter to them. It was, in some ways, a politician's way, to keep track of the masses.

But he cared deeply about Remus, and Sirius had never been able to understand how such doubt and self-derision was healthy or good for a person. Such negativity seeped into other things and held them back. If nothing else, it affected their happiness, to think less of themselves. It wasn't just some extension of his ego that wished to force Remus to accept that he was awesome. Sirius knew that. He didn't need people to feed his ego either, though he certainly didn't object. But he saw the good when so many people only saw bad (that wasn't universally true, as Remus certainly would be able to testify to). But it remained a recurring problem, when spending time with some of his friends (and his brother).

Sirius sighed because he wasn't trying to make Remus feel worse - guilting him about not liking himself enough or something like that. "Yes, no, I don't know," Sirius stopped walking because walking and thinking and talking and explaining was getting to be too many things at the same time, and he was trying to focus, purely, on Remus. "I feel like you limit your own happiness sometimes, like your opinion of yourself hurts you," Sirius tried to explain, "And I hate seeing anything hurt you, even yourself. And I don't know how to make you see it because you're one of the most incredible people I've ever met. I could never get bored of you, of talking with you, of hearing about you and how you think and what you think. It's almost like you don't entirely know yourself, at least not how I do, because you should be in love with yourself." He stopped, not having meant to put it that way. Now wasn't the time to deal with any possible connotations of what he said meant about him. It was about Remus. "It's not like I want to spend twenty minutes a day every day preaching the wonders of Remus Lupin, but when it gets mentioned, it saddens me when you shoot it down."

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crescered
2012-08-27 09:13 pm UTC (link)

"Even then," Remus trailed off with a shrug, deeming it unnecessary to finish the thought. Who was to say you could really recognize yourself as the opposite gender? The scars might give Renee away, or the glasses for Jane, but otherwise he didn't expect they would look too similar - or else one of them wouldn't be very convincing. Time, he figured, was the only true way to get to know them all and as he didn't expect to go anywhere anytime soon, Remus made a mental note about this. Meet more people. Get to know at least a little about them.

The way Sirius seemed to confuse himself, or just couldn't find a way to put his thoughts, all bothered Remus on some level. He stopped walking and faced Sirius, listening with his head tilted just slightly. There was a lot to digest, but he said nothing until the other man was silent, and even then he didn't answer right away. The speech - and he did view it as a speech, fitting for a future politician - got to him more than anything else had thus far. It stirred something real within him. And of course he couldn't ignore the way he said he should be in love with himself. That was too vain for any Remus Lupin, but he honestly never thought of someone really loving him. Even this he was taking as a friendship type of love, not that he needed more.

"Hey," Remus finally spoke up, moving to stand only a foot or two in front of Sirius. "I'm not hurting myself, I've done enough unintentional damage to myself by now." All those full moons, all those scars. "It's difficult for me to take anything like that to heart, it's not easy to change, but - I do honestly appreciate it. I can't see myself the way you do, I may never." He placed a hand on Sirius' shoulder, just to have some contact with him, to get his full attention if there was even a sliver of a chance that he didn't already have it. "But thank you. For everything. For not abandoning a werewolf, for helping instead, for accepting everything I thought of as horrible about myself."

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doggingdoes
2012-08-27 09:41 pm UTC (link)

The words hadn't come out exactly right. They only showed a portion or what he meant, and even then it was like that phrase in that one muggle book he had half-read as a joke, that talked about something else that compared words and meaning to finger and the moon. It hadn't made any sense at the time, but Sirius felt it was appropriate here. The finger pointing at the moon is not the moon itself. What he was saying wasn't what he meant. It only helped point Remus in the direction of what he meant. Sirius had to hope that Remus would be able to follow it and see what he meant. And so he waited, feeling that he had reached the balance of having said enough, where saying more would just confuse things or veer them off course.

Sirius wasn't convinced either way, about Remus hurting himself. He was certain at least some did, but he had to get to know this one better to know if it were true or not, what he said. Padfoot planned to do just that, for many reasons, that included. And he listened in return. Sirius was amazingly good at listening, now that he was older. And he used it a lot. "I hope you can see yourself like I do someday," Sirius replied quietly with a small smile. "You're welcome," Sirius meant it, though he didn't think he'd done anything of particular merit by doing so. It was the right thing to do. "You're no more horrible than anyone else and possibly less horrible than some of us," Sirius spoke, something he's said many times in jest to his Remus back home. But it was a serious sentiment, and Sirius was sure about it with this Remus. His hand reached for his shoulder, lacing his fingers through Remus's.

"I am and always will be here for you," Sirius added, "For anything." His love for his people wasn't conditional, not in the way many people were about things. Yes, there were unforgivable possibilities, and apparently in some worlds one of his friends had done such things. But of those he had here, Sirius trusted them with his life and more. And his love showed like it. Anything more complicated was, well, not something he was looking into analyzing in the moment. These feelings and thoughts Sirius had had for years, and with the time he'd gotten with this Remus in this place, he knew they were still true. There were minor differences in the feelings because of it, but overall, he knew how he felt enough to act on them. Feelings had to have enough time to be sure of.

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crescered
2012-08-27 11:26 pm UTC (link)

While this Remus was admittedly bad at loving himself, he was good about not hating himself to the point of self-destruction. Most of the time he was too distracted to really think about and since it was too pitiful to focus on, he preferred to ignore it instead. He had work, his friends around at all times, and books upon books to occupy his mind during his free time. Honestly, he was rarely unhappy, especially from what other people could see. The most down he ever looked was when he contemplated something; that, however, was just thinking, not sadness. Only if someone else brought it up, or he randomly thought of it, was he reminded of the bad parts.

"That would be nice." The laugh that followed was full of breath and hardly any sound. It didn't bother him to think that might not happen, but he supposed it would be nice. He even wondered if it would change him dramatically, though he doubted that. Maybe he would simply feel wholly satisfied. "Well, that is true," Remus acted like he was thinking it over. Yes, plenty of people were a lot more horrible than he was on his worst days. And he tried to accept everyone, treat them nicely, with respect. Most people liked him because of that and his calming nature - they never had to know he turned into a monster once a month.

"I wouldn't expect anything less." Pulling their hands down, he used his free hand to pat the other side of Sirius', holding on for a few seconds. "But that goes for you as well." A breath brought a big smile to his face and Remus pulled both of his hands back, letting his arms swing at his sides several times. It was a wonderful sentiment that he could continue with forever, but it was time to change the subject for more than one reason. Grinning, he glanced Sirius over and asked, "So, have I worn you out yet? It's okay, really, you can tell me the truth...if you can't keep up." Moony raised an eyebrow; Sirius could decide if he wanted to find any innuendo in that.

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doggingdoes
2012-08-27 11:47 pm UTC (link)

There were so many times Sirius wished he could see what another person was thinking and feeling because, as well as he knew many people, there was almost always that barrier between two people of the minds. Sirius was fortunate to have twin mind moments more often than many people, but overall Sirius was okay with not knowing what was in Remus's mind, now or in any other moment. That provided all the more incentive to get to know a person on their terms, over time, and gain a deep understanding because they wanted him to know them that well. That feeling of being opened up to was not unlike some more physical activities, on an emotional level.

"I do mean me," Sirius pointed out, just to clobber Remus over the head with the obvious. There were few people who would argue Sirius Black hated himself in any way because he really didn't. He loved himself and, possibly, was in love with himself. It was just to let Remus know how good a person he was. Comparing oneself with some of the villains in people's worlds (or Barty Crouch Sr) just wasn't a high enough standard.

Still, as much as the moment had ostensibly been about Remus, Sirius liked having those moments of connection. The reciprocity had been felt before the words, but words had a need to be said sometimes, and they were nice to hear. Then Sirius laughed, his tongue slipping out to lick his lower lip for a moment. A smile lingered on his face afterward. "Physically, yes, you've worn me out," Sirius admitted honestly, "It's not my sport. But if you still want to run, Padfoot will be up for a lot more." He wore out people's wrists faster than he did Pads when it came to tennis balls. "Emotionally," Sirius relaxed a little, "We're both here for you, not worn out."

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crescered
2012-08-28 04:40 am UTC (link)

Remus gasped dramatically, his reaction overtly fake. When he composed himself with a straight face, besides a tiny smile, he explained, a jesting tone still present. "Well, I didn't want to say it." Anyone could tell that Sirius had done some bad things in his life, at least in comparison to Remus, but he continued to see him as a wonderful person anyway. The good definitely outweighed anything bad and that's what mattered most to him.

"Eh, I think I'm good for today." The training for the games in Greece did him good. He didn't particularly like the thought of falling behind while here, even if it was something of a vacation, but he was actually feeling worn out from the short jog. It was a jog, that was all they had done, but his body wasn't reacting in a normal way. Reflexively, he looked back up at the sky. "I'm good on the emotions, too," he shrugged, running a hand over his stomach with a sigh.

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