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Sirius Black has the best kids (doggingdoes) wrote in flippedrpg,
@ 2012-08-24 16:56:00

Entry tags:

ch: div: remus lupin, ch: squib: sirius black, p: lisa ii, p: silyara

Who: Sirius Black^17-baby & Remus Lupin^21-div
What: Running times.
When: Friday afternoon
Where: Hogwarts Grounds
Warnings: IDK... lack of personal bubble?
Status: Threaded; complete.

Ravenclaw, like Gryffindor, lived up in a tower. His steps had taken him up and down stairs many times, as he made sure to spend time with Gamma, but Sirius remembered that Remus had been assigned to Hufflepuff, down near the kitchens, down near the exit to the grounds. His feet barely kept up with his legs as Sirius clutched his journal close to him, dictating a question to his quill. The quill, though not one of his experienced from the shop, managed to keep up in his handwriting, hardly messier than usual. Sirius closed the journal tight around the quill, not caring if there was ink left to smear. There was catch up to do.

Miraculously, his way to the pitch involved no faceplants or major stumbles of any kind. His lungs were at full capacity, and something was burning in his thighs, but Sirius saw someone in the middle of the pitch as he whipped around the corner. Someone male. Not Olivia Wood then. It wasn't any of the quidditch players. Remus. All shiny with sweat but standing there, first. Sirius grinned, slowing down as he opened his journal again. A tattoo then? He'd been thinking about getting one. His lungs still grabbing for air, Sirius waved with his free hand as he came to a general stop a few feet away.

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crescered
2012-08-27 09:13 pm UTC (link)

"Even then," Remus trailed off with a shrug, deeming it unnecessary to finish the thought. Who was to say you could really recognize yourself as the opposite gender? The scars might give Renee away, or the glasses for Jane, but otherwise he didn't expect they would look too similar - or else one of them wouldn't be very convincing. Time, he figured, was the only true way to get to know them all and as he didn't expect to go anywhere anytime soon, Remus made a mental note about this. Meet more people. Get to know at least a little about them.

The way Sirius seemed to confuse himself, or just couldn't find a way to put his thoughts, all bothered Remus on some level. He stopped walking and faced Sirius, listening with his head tilted just slightly. There was a lot to digest, but he said nothing until the other man was silent, and even then he didn't answer right away. The speech - and he did view it as a speech, fitting for a future politician - got to him more than anything else had thus far. It stirred something real within him. And of course he couldn't ignore the way he said he should be in love with himself. That was too vain for any Remus Lupin, but he honestly never thought of someone really loving him. Even this he was taking as a friendship type of love, not that he needed more.

"Hey," Remus finally spoke up, moving to stand only a foot or two in front of Sirius. "I'm not hurting myself, I've done enough unintentional damage to myself by now." All those full moons, all those scars. "It's difficult for me to take anything like that to heart, it's not easy to change, but - I do honestly appreciate it. I can't see myself the way you do, I may never." He placed a hand on Sirius' shoulder, just to have some contact with him, to get his full attention if there was even a sliver of a chance that he didn't already have it. "But thank you. For everything. For not abandoning a werewolf, for helping instead, for accepting everything I thought of as horrible about myself."

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doggingdoes
2012-08-27 09:41 pm UTC (link)

The words hadn't come out exactly right. They only showed a portion or what he meant, and even then it was like that phrase in that one muggle book he had half-read as a joke, that talked about something else that compared words and meaning to finger and the moon. It hadn't made any sense at the time, but Sirius felt it was appropriate here. The finger pointing at the moon is not the moon itself. What he was saying wasn't what he meant. It only helped point Remus in the direction of what he meant. Sirius had to hope that Remus would be able to follow it and see what he meant. And so he waited, feeling that he had reached the balance of having said enough, where saying more would just confuse things or veer them off course.

Sirius wasn't convinced either way, about Remus hurting himself. He was certain at least some did, but he had to get to know this one better to know if it were true or not, what he said. Padfoot planned to do just that, for many reasons, that included. And he listened in return. Sirius was amazingly good at listening, now that he was older. And he used it a lot. "I hope you can see yourself like I do someday," Sirius replied quietly with a small smile. "You're welcome," Sirius meant it, though he didn't think he'd done anything of particular merit by doing so. It was the right thing to do. "You're no more horrible than anyone else and possibly less horrible than some of us," Sirius spoke, something he's said many times in jest to his Remus back home. But it was a serious sentiment, and Sirius was sure about it with this Remus. His hand reached for his shoulder, lacing his fingers through Remus's.

"I am and always will be here for you," Sirius added, "For anything." His love for his people wasn't conditional, not in the way many people were about things. Yes, there were unforgivable possibilities, and apparently in some worlds one of his friends had done such things. But of those he had here, Sirius trusted them with his life and more. And his love showed like it. Anything more complicated was, well, not something he was looking into analyzing in the moment. These feelings and thoughts Sirius had had for years, and with the time he'd gotten with this Remus in this place, he knew they were still true. There were minor differences in the feelings because of it, but overall, he knew how he felt enough to act on them. Feelings had to have enough time to be sure of.

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crescered
2012-08-27 11:26 pm UTC (link)

While this Remus was admittedly bad at loving himself, he was good about not hating himself to the point of self-destruction. Most of the time he was too distracted to really think about and since it was too pitiful to focus on, he preferred to ignore it instead. He had work, his friends around at all times, and books upon books to occupy his mind during his free time. Honestly, he was rarely unhappy, especially from what other people could see. The most down he ever looked was when he contemplated something; that, however, was just thinking, not sadness. Only if someone else brought it up, or he randomly thought of it, was he reminded of the bad parts.

"That would be nice." The laugh that followed was full of breath and hardly any sound. It didn't bother him to think that might not happen, but he supposed it would be nice. He even wondered if it would change him dramatically, though he doubted that. Maybe he would simply feel wholly satisfied. "Well, that is true," Remus acted like he was thinking it over. Yes, plenty of people were a lot more horrible than he was on his worst days. And he tried to accept everyone, treat them nicely, with respect. Most people liked him because of that and his calming nature - they never had to know he turned into a monster once a month.

"I wouldn't expect anything less." Pulling their hands down, he used his free hand to pat the other side of Sirius', holding on for a few seconds. "But that goes for you as well." A breath brought a big smile to his face and Remus pulled both of his hands back, letting his arms swing at his sides several times. It was a wonderful sentiment that he could continue with forever, but it was time to change the subject for more than one reason. Grinning, he glanced Sirius over and asked, "So, have I worn you out yet? It's okay, really, you can tell me the truth...if you can't keep up." Moony raised an eyebrow; Sirius could decide if he wanted to find any innuendo in that.

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doggingdoes
2012-08-27 11:47 pm UTC (link)

There were so many times Sirius wished he could see what another person was thinking and feeling because, as well as he knew many people, there was almost always that barrier between two people of the minds. Sirius was fortunate to have twin mind moments more often than many people, but overall Sirius was okay with not knowing what was in Remus's mind, now or in any other moment. That provided all the more incentive to get to know a person on their terms, over time, and gain a deep understanding because they wanted him to know them that well. That feeling of being opened up to was not unlike some more physical activities, on an emotional level.

"I do mean me," Sirius pointed out, just to clobber Remus over the head with the obvious. There were few people who would argue Sirius Black hated himself in any way because he really didn't. He loved himself and, possibly, was in love with himself. It was just to let Remus know how good a person he was. Comparing oneself with some of the villains in people's worlds (or Barty Crouch Sr) just wasn't a high enough standard.

Still, as much as the moment had ostensibly been about Remus, Sirius liked having those moments of connection. The reciprocity had been felt before the words, but words had a need to be said sometimes, and they were nice to hear. Then Sirius laughed, his tongue slipping out to lick his lower lip for a moment. A smile lingered on his face afterward. "Physically, yes, you've worn me out," Sirius admitted honestly, "It's not my sport. But if you still want to run, Padfoot will be up for a lot more." He wore out people's wrists faster than he did Pads when it came to tennis balls. "Emotionally," Sirius relaxed a little, "We're both here for you, not worn out."

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crescered
2012-08-28 04:40 am UTC (link)

Remus gasped dramatically, his reaction overtly fake. When he composed himself with a straight face, besides a tiny smile, he explained, a jesting tone still present. "Well, I didn't want to say it." Anyone could tell that Sirius had done some bad things in his life, at least in comparison to Remus, but he continued to see him as a wonderful person anyway. The good definitely outweighed anything bad and that's what mattered most to him.

"Eh, I think I'm good for today." The training for the games in Greece did him good. He didn't particularly like the thought of falling behind while here, even if it was something of a vacation, but he was actually feeling worn out from the short jog. It was a jog, that was all they had done, but his body wasn't reacting in a normal way. Reflexively, he looked back up at the sky. "I'm good on the emotions, too," he shrugged, running a hand over his stomach with a sigh.

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