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Sirius Black has the best kids (doggingdoes) wrote in flippedrpg,
@ 2012-08-24 16:56:00

Entry tags:

ch: div: remus lupin, ch: squib: sirius black, p: lisa ii, p: silyara

Who: Sirius Black^17-baby & Remus Lupin^21-div
What: Running times.
When: Friday afternoon
Where: Hogwarts Grounds
Warnings: IDK... lack of personal bubble?
Status: Threaded; complete.

Ravenclaw, like Gryffindor, lived up in a tower. His steps had taken him up and down stairs many times, as he made sure to spend time with Gamma, but Sirius remembered that Remus had been assigned to Hufflepuff, down near the kitchens, down near the exit to the grounds. His feet barely kept up with his legs as Sirius clutched his journal close to him, dictating a question to his quill. The quill, though not one of his experienced from the shop, managed to keep up in his handwriting, hardly messier than usual. Sirius closed the journal tight around the quill, not caring if there was ink left to smear. There was catch up to do.

Miraculously, his way to the pitch involved no faceplants or major stumbles of any kind. His lungs were at full capacity, and something was burning in his thighs, but Sirius saw someone in the middle of the pitch as he whipped around the corner. Someone male. Not Olivia Wood then. It wasn't any of the quidditch players. Remus. All shiny with sweat but standing there, first. Sirius grinned, slowing down as he opened his journal again. A tattoo then? He'd been thinking about getting one. His lungs still grabbing for air, Sirius waved with his free hand as he came to a general stop a few feet away.

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crescered
2012-08-27 05:01 pm UTC (link)

"I'm not sure." There were so many people at the compound, so many versions of one person, all from a number of worlds and Remus found it hard to keep track of them all. He was nearly about to start making a list for himself to go along with the pamphlet about the worlds just to attempt to keep it straight in his head. "I - really don't know that many people here, and it's impossible to know where someone is from just by looking at them." As usual, he still spent far too much time by himself, especially when he had no reason to go out (like he used to for work, etc.) and thus didn't have much time to meet new people. Besides, his friends - the ones from his world and others, - versions of his child, or children, and the scientists were easily enough to occupy him.

Remus only laughed again at Sirius' response. But until that ride came and he had the opportunity to judge for himself then that statement would remain his, a secret in his mind that would catch in his throat. There was always some desire for him to please others, in all types of ways, and that meant he often played into both James' and Sirius' egos. Sometimes he countered it just for fun, but he liked making them happy, getting a laugh or a smile, no matter what it took. It was partially a matter of being close friends because that's what friends did for each other.

He watched Sirius stop and cover his face with some intensity that came from his need to study everything. Remus was certainly very observant and curious, but he glanced down at where his feet were going for some moments. "I'm sorry." He was sure that wouldn't help the matter much, apologizing for something so stupid and, from his point of view, insignificant. "Does it really matter all that much? I prefer not talking about it anyway." In fact, he didn't care to talk about himself at all, though he could when prompted. In the case of getting to know someone new, there was at least reason enough.

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doggingdoes
2012-08-27 05:19 pm UTC (link)

Keeping track of people got a bit easier over time, for Sirius. At first, family had been enough, and it had expanded to alternate versions instantly. Then, with the teamwork activities, Sirius had gotten to know Gamma Block very well. He found this whole thing fascinating, and so in the few moments that shot up now and again about trying to look at what the scientists were doing (it never stuck around forever long), Sirius learned a lot more about everything and everyone else too. There wasn't much of a system when it came to remembering people. Sirius just did. And it likely made no sense to someone who wasn't another version of him, if it made sense to anyone at all. But his social nature helped, and Sirius knew he was much more of an extrovert than Remus. "Unless you're seeing yourself with boobs, I agree," Sirius didn't expect everyone else to keep track of people who didn't matter to them. It was, in some ways, a politician's way, to keep track of the masses.

But he cared deeply about Remus, and Sirius had never been able to understand how such doubt and self-derision was healthy or good for a person. Such negativity seeped into other things and held them back. If nothing else, it affected their happiness, to think less of themselves. It wasn't just some extension of his ego that wished to force Remus to accept that he was awesome. Sirius knew that. He didn't need people to feed his ego either, though he certainly didn't object. But he saw the good when so many people only saw bad (that wasn't universally true, as Remus certainly would be able to testify to). But it remained a recurring problem, when spending time with some of his friends (and his brother).

Sirius sighed because he wasn't trying to make Remus feel worse - guilting him about not liking himself enough or something like that. "Yes, no, I don't know," Sirius stopped walking because walking and thinking and talking and explaining was getting to be too many things at the same time, and he was trying to focus, purely, on Remus. "I feel like you limit your own happiness sometimes, like your opinion of yourself hurts you," Sirius tried to explain, "And I hate seeing anything hurt you, even yourself. And I don't know how to make you see it because you're one of the most incredible people I've ever met. I could never get bored of you, of talking with you, of hearing about you and how you think and what you think. It's almost like you don't entirely know yourself, at least not how I do, because you should be in love with yourself." He stopped, not having meant to put it that way. Now wasn't the time to deal with any possible connotations of what he said meant about him. It was about Remus. "It's not like I want to spend twenty minutes a day every day preaching the wonders of Remus Lupin, but when it gets mentioned, it saddens me when you shoot it down."

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crescered
2012-08-27 09:13 pm UTC (link)

"Even then," Remus trailed off with a shrug, deeming it unnecessary to finish the thought. Who was to say you could really recognize yourself as the opposite gender? The scars might give Renee away, or the glasses for Jane, but otherwise he didn't expect they would look too similar - or else one of them wouldn't be very convincing. Time, he figured, was the only true way to get to know them all and as he didn't expect to go anywhere anytime soon, Remus made a mental note about this. Meet more people. Get to know at least a little about them.

The way Sirius seemed to confuse himself, or just couldn't find a way to put his thoughts, all bothered Remus on some level. He stopped walking and faced Sirius, listening with his head tilted just slightly. There was a lot to digest, but he said nothing until the other man was silent, and even then he didn't answer right away. The speech - and he did view it as a speech, fitting for a future politician - got to him more than anything else had thus far. It stirred something real within him. And of course he couldn't ignore the way he said he should be in love with himself. That was too vain for any Remus Lupin, but he honestly never thought of someone really loving him. Even this he was taking as a friendship type of love, not that he needed more.

"Hey," Remus finally spoke up, moving to stand only a foot or two in front of Sirius. "I'm not hurting myself, I've done enough unintentional damage to myself by now." All those full moons, all those scars. "It's difficult for me to take anything like that to heart, it's not easy to change, but - I do honestly appreciate it. I can't see myself the way you do, I may never." He placed a hand on Sirius' shoulder, just to have some contact with him, to get his full attention if there was even a sliver of a chance that he didn't already have it. "But thank you. For everything. For not abandoning a werewolf, for helping instead, for accepting everything I thought of as horrible about myself."

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doggingdoes
2012-08-27 09:41 pm UTC (link)

The words hadn't come out exactly right. They only showed a portion or what he meant, and even then it was like that phrase in that one muggle book he had half-read as a joke, that talked about something else that compared words and meaning to finger and the moon. It hadn't made any sense at the time, but Sirius felt it was appropriate here. The finger pointing at the moon is not the moon itself. What he was saying wasn't what he meant. It only helped point Remus in the direction of what he meant. Sirius had to hope that Remus would be able to follow it and see what he meant. And so he waited, feeling that he had reached the balance of having said enough, where saying more would just confuse things or veer them off course.

Sirius wasn't convinced either way, about Remus hurting himself. He was certain at least some did, but he had to get to know this one better to know if it were true or not, what he said. Padfoot planned to do just that, for many reasons, that included. And he listened in return. Sirius was amazingly good at listening, now that he was older. And he used it a lot. "I hope you can see yourself like I do someday," Sirius replied quietly with a small smile. "You're welcome," Sirius meant it, though he didn't think he'd done anything of particular merit by doing so. It was the right thing to do. "You're no more horrible than anyone else and possibly less horrible than some of us," Sirius spoke, something he's said many times in jest to his Remus back home. But it was a serious sentiment, and Sirius was sure about it with this Remus. His hand reached for his shoulder, lacing his fingers through Remus's.

"I am and always will be here for you," Sirius added, "For anything." His love for his people wasn't conditional, not in the way many people were about things. Yes, there were unforgivable possibilities, and apparently in some worlds one of his friends had done such things. But of those he had here, Sirius trusted them with his life and more. And his love showed like it. Anything more complicated was, well, not something he was looking into analyzing in the moment. These feelings and thoughts Sirius had had for years, and with the time he'd gotten with this Remus in this place, he knew they were still true. There were minor differences in the feelings because of it, but overall, he knew how he felt enough to act on them. Feelings had to have enough time to be sure of.

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crescered
2012-08-27 11:26 pm UTC (link)

While this Remus was admittedly bad at loving himself, he was good about not hating himself to the point of self-destruction. Most of the time he was too distracted to really think about and since it was too pitiful to focus on, he preferred to ignore it instead. He had work, his friends around at all times, and books upon books to occupy his mind during his free time. Honestly, he was rarely unhappy, especially from what other people could see. The most down he ever looked was when he contemplated something; that, however, was just thinking, not sadness. Only if someone else brought it up, or he randomly thought of it, was he reminded of the bad parts.

"That would be nice." The laugh that followed was full of breath and hardly any sound. It didn't bother him to think that might not happen, but he supposed it would be nice. He even wondered if it would change him dramatically, though he doubted that. Maybe he would simply feel wholly satisfied. "Well, that is true," Remus acted like he was thinking it over. Yes, plenty of people were a lot more horrible than he was on his worst days. And he tried to accept everyone, treat them nicely, with respect. Most people liked him because of that and his calming nature - they never had to know he turned into a monster once a month.

"I wouldn't expect anything less." Pulling their hands down, he used his free hand to pat the other side of Sirius', holding on for a few seconds. "But that goes for you as well." A breath brought a big smile to his face and Remus pulled both of his hands back, letting his arms swing at his sides several times. It was a wonderful sentiment that he could continue with forever, but it was time to change the subject for more than one reason. Grinning, he glanced Sirius over and asked, "So, have I worn you out yet? It's okay, really, you can tell me the truth...if you can't keep up." Moony raised an eyebrow; Sirius could decide if he wanted to find any innuendo in that.

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doggingdoes
2012-08-27 11:47 pm UTC (link)

There were so many times Sirius wished he could see what another person was thinking and feeling because, as well as he knew many people, there was almost always that barrier between two people of the minds. Sirius was fortunate to have twin mind moments more often than many people, but overall Sirius was okay with not knowing what was in Remus's mind, now or in any other moment. That provided all the more incentive to get to know a person on their terms, over time, and gain a deep understanding because they wanted him to know them that well. That feeling of being opened up to was not unlike some more physical activities, on an emotional level.

"I do mean me," Sirius pointed out, just to clobber Remus over the head with the obvious. There were few people who would argue Sirius Black hated himself in any way because he really didn't. He loved himself and, possibly, was in love with himself. It was just to let Remus know how good a person he was. Comparing oneself with some of the villains in people's worlds (or Barty Crouch Sr) just wasn't a high enough standard.

Still, as much as the moment had ostensibly been about Remus, Sirius liked having those moments of connection. The reciprocity had been felt before the words, but words had a need to be said sometimes, and they were nice to hear. Then Sirius laughed, his tongue slipping out to lick his lower lip for a moment. A smile lingered on his face afterward. "Physically, yes, you've worn me out," Sirius admitted honestly, "It's not my sport. But if you still want to run, Padfoot will be up for a lot more." He wore out people's wrists faster than he did Pads when it came to tennis balls. "Emotionally," Sirius relaxed a little, "We're both here for you, not worn out."

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crescered
2012-08-28 04:40 am UTC (link)

Remus gasped dramatically, his reaction overtly fake. When he composed himself with a straight face, besides a tiny smile, he explained, a jesting tone still present. "Well, I didn't want to say it." Anyone could tell that Sirius had done some bad things in his life, at least in comparison to Remus, but he continued to see him as a wonderful person anyway. The good definitely outweighed anything bad and that's what mattered most to him.

"Eh, I think I'm good for today." The training for the games in Greece did him good. He didn't particularly like the thought of falling behind while here, even if it was something of a vacation, but he was actually feeling worn out from the short jog. It was a jog, that was all they had done, but his body wasn't reacting in a normal way. Reflexively, he looked back up at the sky. "I'm good on the emotions, too," he shrugged, running a hand over his stomach with a sigh.

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