Tweak

InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "You make my mouth drool!"

Seamus Finnigan (openbottle) wrote in finnigans_rpg,
@ 2014-09-14 08:53:00

Entry tags:

character: bryn cadwallader, character: dean thomas, character: dennis creevey, character: ernie macmillan, character: seamus finnigan, character: susan bones

Come cuddle
Who: Open to Hannah, Susan, Bryn, Dennis, Justin, Neville, Luna, Ernie, Ben, Megan & Dean - And also to anyone who may have followed them up from Battlescars / the pub.
What: Cuddles, cheering up. ETA: Or, as it turns out, angst.
Where: The Roost
When: After lunch Sunday - potentially Monday morning if people stay over
Rating: SFW (Seamus says no sex or nudity in his pub! Language is fine, I'll update the rating if we need it.)

Seamus hadn't bothered to get Dominic to alter The Roost for his impromptu cuddle party so the room was in more or less its natural stage. Wide open, taking up the whole of the second floor, with white walls and big windows along both sides it was pleasant if not particularly exciting. Before Battlescars, Seamus dragged not only his pillows and duvet down from his flat but also all the spare cushions from his couch. He'd used cleaning and freshening charms on all of it and then, in a fit of whimsy, charmed it all yellow in honour of Hufflepuff.

It wasn't quite 'the Hufflepuff common room' that he'd originally suggested to Dean in order to cheer up Susan, but he suspected it would do. It was the people more than the furniture that made a cuddle party what it was. The snacks he'd promised were already stowed in one corner - bags of marshmallows and popcorn, a stack of chocolate frogs and a thermos of hot chocolate. He suspected people would be adding to his supplies as they arrived.

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

artistdean
2014-09-15 11:20 am UTC (link)

Dean bolted after Seamus, instinct telling him that he'd likely fled to his flat. Dean had a leaden feeling in his stomach. He knew well just how uncomfortable Seamus was with his scar and it being exposed by more than the few people he'd already let see it for whatever reasons. For him it was just one of the things that made up his best friend, but he had his own problems with distress at things that seemed insignificant to others so he understood somewhat.

He headed up to the flat, feeling the wards give and let him through. He scanned the room, and found no Seamus in evidence. Probably the bathroom then, and he went over and tapped gently on the door. "Hey," gorgeous he almost said, blind instinct telling him this wasn't the time. "Hey, it's only me, and probably Susan in a minute. You want to talk?" he offered quietly, not sure if he should try the door or not.

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

openbottle
2014-09-15 11:39 am UTC (link)

"No," Seamus growled over the sound of the water in the sink. No, he didn't want to talk - not about this. He hated that he could have this much of a reaction to someone - a friend catching sight of the scar he'd had for years. He could have told himself that it was just that it had been unexpected, and public, but that would have required him to acknowledge that he wasn't as 'fine' with it as he insisted he was.

His breathing had calmed, but he was still shaking slightly and he wasn't entirely sure he wasn't going to be sick. "You can come in." Dean had seen him worse than this before, and even if Seamus wasn't proud of the reason why he'd shut himself in his bathroom he wasn't too proud to accept comfort. Not from Dean.

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

susanamybones
2014-09-15 11:47 am UTC (link)

Susan entered the flat, feeling the Identify Friend/Foe charm matrix of Seamus' wards authenticate her as she entered, resealing behind her. Dean was standing at the door, cooing quietly at Seamus who could be heard hyperventilating behind the door.

"Seamus? And/or Dean?" She looked around the dark flat, before noting that the bathroom door was open. "Hi," she said, approaching the threshold. "I talked to Dennis he ah," she paused and decided to leave off the fact that he had seemed pretty upset, figuring Seamus didn't need that at the moment. "Anyway, he left. Can I come in?"

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

artistdean
2014-09-15 12:09 pm UTC (link)

Dean had winced at Seamus' initial response. Talking was not always his go-to reaction either. Thankfully a few moments later he had an invitation to come in and he opened the door.

"Hey," he said quietly, shuffling inside, tiredness temporarily forgotten in the tiny adrenaline kick of helping a distressed Seamus. He took in the cloudy mirror and running water and Seamus' slightly unsteady breathing. "In for four, out for four," he said, sticking the toilet seat down and going to sit on it, still in touching distance. He wanted to wrap Seamus up in his arms and make everything okay, but he wasn't sure that was going to work right now, he knew distress and being touch averse, he didn't want to risk it.

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

openbottle
2014-09-15 12:21 pm UTC (link)

Seamus nodded, still braced over the sink, and was about to start counting breaths when Susan followed Dean into the small room. He looked up at her words. "He left? Shit." His fingers tightened on the sink, knuckles straining at the skin with the force of his grip. He was still furious - at Dennis? at himself? - but he hadn't wanted to upset him. His stomach lurched and he sucked in a breath - one, two, three, four - and let it out again slowly.

'Scars are sexy,' Dennis's voice in his head reminded him, a far sharper taunt than Dennis's actual words had been. Yeah, scars were really bloody sexy when they landed you in a bathroom with your two best mates trying not to throw up. He counted four in and four out again, but it didn't give him any inspiration as to what he was supposed to do now. His voice was flat and humourless as he attempted to joke, "So. Dennis knows about..." He glanced down, as if they could all see the scar burning through his t-shirt and jeans. Sometimes it felt like they probably could.

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

susanamybones
2014-09-15 12:56 pm UTC (link)

Susan sighed and entered the small room. "Yes, he left. But you can worry about that later." She put a cheerful edge to her voice and smiled at his reflection. "I'm sure he'll be fine," she said. Lie. "He probably just had something to do." Blatant lie. She watched him begin a breathing exercise and forcibly yanked off her Auror hat, which suggested that a hard slap would shock Seamus out of his hysterics. Instead, she turned to Dean. 'Help me get him out of here,' she mouthed at Dean.

"Yes Seamus, it does. Now it's time to leave the bathroom and come and sit down. Dean, do that, I'll get something with sugar." She disapparated to her flat before realising that there was no sugary things in there. Sighing, she disapparated to her parent's kitchen at Rosethorn Hall, and grabbed a plate of chocolate biscuits. She reappeared in time to see Dean leading Seamus out of the bathroom and towards the sofa. "Here, eat," she said.

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

artistdean
2014-09-15 01:14 pm UTC (link)

Dean looked up when Susan came in but couldn't quite read what Susan said, but he saw the words 'help' and 'out' and got the general idea, it was what he'd been aiming to do, albeit possibly more slowly than Susan might be suggesting. He nodded at Susan and turned back to Seamus.

He heard her apparating away and reached out to Seamus' shoulder, making sure he could see the gesture from the corner of his eye. "She's right, you know, we should get to somewhere more comfortable." He assessed Seamus carefully, suspecting he was feeling sick. "We can get the bin in case you throw up," he added softly.

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

openbottle
2014-09-15 01:39 pm UTC (link)

Seamus leaned into the hand on his shoulder, refusing to acknowledge the way his chest tightened with a repressed sob. He knew Susan was lying, but he tried to take the intention behind her words. Worry about Dennis later, because he was in no state to do anything about it now. It took him a moment to loosen his grip on the sink and tap the water off - he left the mirror clouded for now.

"'Mso feckin' p'thetic," he muttered under his breath - but he stooped to hook a hand around the bathroom bin and carry it with him. In the living room, he wedged himself into the corner of his couch, his left side pressed against the armrest and the cushion. He pulled his tshirt down as far as it would stretch. Even with all that, he only lasted a moment before he curled protectively, putting as much of his body between the outside world and his scarred left side as he possibly could. He pushed the biscuits away - still feeling too sick to eat. "Sorry," he added at length. "Ruined the party."

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

susanamybones
2014-09-15 02:17 pm UTC (link)

Susan watched Seamus wedge himself into his sofa with pity mingled with a tiny and shameful amount of exasperation. Nevertheless, she sat on the coffee table in front of Seamus, assuming without thinking that Dean would probably snuggle in next to him. She reached out and gently touched his knee. "Hey, there's no need to apologise," she said with a small smile. "On a scale of one to having to tell the parents of a friend and colleague that her killers tortured her for about six hours before finally letting her die, this is nothing at all." She winced, hoping he wouldn't take that to mean that she thought he or his freakout weren't important. "Ruining a party is drunkenly telling everyone that they're tossers and turning someone into a goat. You got upset about a thing that upsets you, and you're allowed to do that."

She looked down at the plate of biscuits in her hand, and ate one. "I am sorry you didn't want any of these cookies though. I went all the way to Cumbria to get them. I think my father baked them, on account of the fact that they are neither burnt or hard enough to be used as throwing weapons. No one likes a throwing biscuit Seamus, no one. Except my mother I suppose, as that's how she bakes them. When she bakes."

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

artistdean
2014-09-15 03:07 pm UTC (link)

Dean automatically went over and sat next to Seamus, resisting the urge to plaster himself to his side and instead kicked off his shoes and sat with his knees up, arms wrapped around his legs and just touching Seamus' side. "You're not pathetic," he said, resisting very hard the urge to compare his worst meltdowns to Seamus' current state. For one thing he knew from experience that it wasn't helpful, and for another his therapist had told him that sort of thing wasn't helpful too. He flicked his wand at the kitchen, setting tea to make itself. It was never as good by pure magic but he wasn't going to leave Seamus' side right now.

When Susan began to speak he nodded in agreement, but then she was saying things about torture and dead people and he didn't really think that was going to help and he widened his eyes at her, and then frowned. It didn't stop him holding his hand out for a cookie when she tried that method of cheering him up though.

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

openbottle
2014-09-15 03:36 pm UTC (link)

Seamus's mumbled response to Dean wasn't truly audible. The only comprehensible word was 'coward'. He was a coward for turning and running during the battle, a coward for not telling Dennis about his scar and a coward for running away from him today. Sometimes, he wondered why he'd been put in Gryffindor at all. He turned his head away, listening to but not looking at Susan as he shuddered through another held-in sob. Her words didn't help, just reminded him how much stronger she was. How much stronger everyone was than him. Dean and Susan and Dennis, they'd all suffered through so much more than he had. Why was he the one attempting to run a post-war support group when he obviously had no idea what it was like? He pulled his arms in towards his body, cradling his hands against his chest.

He forced himself to take another even breath, to wet his lips. "Right. Feelings are..." He trailed off. The words had reminded him of something Dean had said he'd learned from therapy, about not blaming yourself for feelings or feelings not being wrong or... something. He couldn't remember the exact words right now. "Feelings are shit," he ended, a much more accurate reflection of his own current state. He didn't want to feel this way, or for Dennis to feel bad or for Susan - "This party was supposed to be for you. For that. To make you feel better, so you could have people you love around you." Well, he'd screwed that up good and proper. "You should go back downstairs." He didn't feel so bad about Dean missing out on the party, he knew that it was probably a few too many people for Dean to feel completely comfortable anyway. Besides, he was too selfish to want to be alone.

He managed the slightest twitch of a smile as he imagined Susan's parents bickering over baking. "You say that like you had to walk there," he managed, though the teasing still didn't have much heart in it. He felt Dean's hand reach for one and nodded. "Dean'll eat cookies for me."

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

susanamybones
2014-09-15 04:11 pm UTC (link)

Susan watched Seamus curl in on himself, her words obviously not helping. She frowned at this, any mention of weaponised baked goods tended to be a surefire method of cheering people up.

She felt her heart break a little bit as he struggled to articulate what was bothering him. "Feelings are shit," she agreed. "I think I can speak for both myself and Dean here," she added, looking over at Dean, "When I say that feelings are definitely shit. But we're both here for you."

She smiled at him beatifically, right up until he suggested that she rejoin the party. Then she felt a blanket of indignation cover her. "Oh," she said, standing and trying her best to not look offended. Occasionally she almost got to the point where she didn't feel like the third wheel to a couple who refused to admit that they were a couple, and then something like this happened. "Well, that is very-" she took a deep breath. "Of course, if that's what will make you feel better Seamus, by all means I'll go," she finally said with a voice that could have frozen arctic winds. Turning smartly on her heel, she exited the flat, rather proud of the fact that she didn't slam the door behind her.

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

openbottle
2014-09-15 04:34 pm UTC (link)

In better circumstances, Seamus would have tried to call after her, to explain that he hadn't meant that! He had no problem with her staying, he just... He'd been trying to do something nice and he didn't want that nice thing to be undermined by his own (stupid, pathetic) problems. Instead, all Susan's reaction did was throw fuel on the fire already roaring through him.

"So," he said, his jaw tight. "Dennis is upset with me, Susan is cross with me. You gonna leave next?" He didn't turn to face Dean, stayed curled in on himself. Maybe he deserved to be alone. Dean probably had work to do, anyway. Tides of black doubt and bitter self-hatred lapped at the edges of him, eroding his usual sense that what he'd been doing for the last two years of his life was good - for his friends, for the magical community. Who was he kidding? He couldn't even be strong for the three people outside his family he loved most. "You can go. I'll be fine."

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

artistdean
2014-09-15 05:29 pm UTC (link)

Dean watched the exchange between Seamus and Susan, he'd heard the word 'coward' from Seamus but he didn't know what to say to that one quite, but then the whole mess that had followed happened and all he could do was wince.

He followed Seamus' logic, and how it had been taken by Susan and couldn't help but sit there and wince. "Susan!" he called, but by then the door had already closed and he sighed.

"I'm not leaving," he said, slowly wrapping an arm around Seamus' shoulders, half expecting to be shrugged off or pushed away. Then his jaw cracked in a yawn. "I may, however, accidentally fall asleep. But that's not you that's me." He was feeling a bit lost. He knew that Seamus had a problem with is scar, but he'd never seen him react like this before. Seamus was always taking care of him, protecting him from his own mind, and he didn't really know how to manage in return, at least not as well. What would Seamus do for him? Just be here mostly. That he could do. "You're not a coward either, you wouldn't let me get away with me calling myself that for running, and I won't either. You do what you can to make yourself feel safe, even when feelings are shit."

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

openbottle
2014-09-15 06:11 pm UTC (link)

Seamus didn't push Dean away, but nor did he relax or turn into the contact. He felt... shit. Even if he was experienced enough at this sort of thing to know it was irrational, he also knew nothing anyone said could completely drive the feelings away. Even if Susan had come back and Dennis had been fine, he'd still feel like someone had cut him open and shown all his soft, squishy, shameful feelings to a room full of people.

"Sleep," he suggested. "I don't want to talk anyway." Talking had just made things worse. He wanted to say he was a coward, wanted to explain that it was more than just running from Dennis - but that conversation couldn't be anything but circular. "Stay here and sleep." Even he couldn't think of anything else Dean could do.

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

artistdean
2014-09-15 09:41 pm UTC (link)

Dean hated that Seamus didn't relax. It was so rare that he didn't relax when Dean touched him, and vice versa, but the tension was still rolling off Seamus in waves. He couldn't think of anything more he could do, and waved away the tea preparation.

When Seamus told him to stay Dean shouldn't have been surprised, but he sort of was. He'd been planning to leave the party early anyway, but his plan had been to go home, he'd expected Seamus to stay. With Seamus like this though there was no way he was leaving him. "Okay, sure, you mind if I take the bed? If you're not sleeping you can wake me if you want anything," he said, rubbing faintly at his eyes

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

openbottle
2014-09-16 10:17 am UTC (link)

Seamus hesitated for a second as he realised that to sleep, Dean would have to move away, would stop acting as a further guard on his right side against the world. But all he said was, "Sure I'm not using it." Dean was obviously tired, and Seamus was hardly good company right now. He groaned slightly as he realised his pillows and duvet were still down in The Roost.

"There's a spare blanket in the bottom of the chest of drawers." He looked around for something he could transfigure into a pillow and ended up summoning a towel from the bathroom. Best to start with something already softish. A little quiet wandwork transfigured it into a fat, slightly oddly shaped, pillow which he offered to Dean.

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

artistdean
2014-09-16 04:31 pm UTC (link)

Dean saw the hesitation, he was watching Seamus like a hawk after all, but he wasn't quite sure of the source of it. He couldn't decide if it was better to stay on the sofa and be slightly uncomfortable or go to the bed and give Seamus space. His instinct was not to move, but he was really very tired.

Now unwilling to move he summoned the spare blanket Seamus had mentioned and stood to wrap it around himself as best he could and then took the proffered pillow. "'m gonna stay here, like on the sofa. Can I?" he said, not looking at Seamus any more. He had no idea how it would work space-wise, but he didn't want to leave any more, and it was usually Seamus curling up on him not the other way around.

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

openbottle
2014-09-16 06:18 pm UTC (link)

Seamus watched curiously as Dean pulled the blanket around himself, as if he were trying to dress up as a muggle superhero or an Ancient Roman woman, or something. He snorted slightly. "No," he said. They'd had this argument a million times. "The couch isn't big enough for giants to sleep on." Even though Seamus had maybe been hoping Dean would find a way to be comfortable to sleep curled around him, that was clearly off the cards.

Forcing himself to get up was like struggling though syrup, but Seamus managed it. "Go to bed. I'll - " He wasn't sure what he would do. Find some way to be comfortable in the bedroom. Sitting on the floor against the side of the bed, maybe, or else sitting up on the bed itself. He wasn't tired, he didn't want to sleep and he certainly didn't want to lie down or stretch out. He gestured vaguely to wrap up his unfinished sentence. He'd work out something.

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

artistdean
2014-09-16 06:40 pm UTC (link)

"Seamus I've slept on the couch before," he protested, but Seamus had already tried to get up. Dean could tell it was taking effort and he had to fight the urge to wrap Seamus up so nobody could hurt him again. Instead he stood up too, and yawned again. "C'mon," he said, grabbing his arm and tugging him in the direction of the bedroom. "You're," yawn, "staying with me."

He was holding the blanket around his shoulders and the newly transfigured pillow was gripped in the same hand, dangling in front of him like a fluffy shield. A lot of time he could work through the night and most of the following day without having to give in and sleep, but he'd foregone coffee for Battlescars and the shot of adrenaline which had got him following Seamus was worn off now and all he wanted to do was sleep and keep Seamus close by so he knew he was okay.

When they made it to the bedroom he dropped Seamus' hand and pointed at the bed. "Sit against the headboard. Get comfy. No arguments."

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

openbottle
2014-09-16 07:09 pm UTC (link)

"But never when I'm awake to stop you," Seamus pointed out. He didn't feel like he was going to be sick any more, though he still felt both humiliated and furious with himself for acting so stupidly. He didn't bother to protest that he'd be intending to come through to the bedroom - he just let Dean pull him steadily in that direction.

And when Dean ordered him to sit against the headboard, he did. Letting Dean make the decisions for him was easier than trying to work out logistics in his own mind. It wasn't so easy to 'get comfy', though. For a start, Dean had the only pillow. For another, Seamus couldn't find a position that didn't feel unnatural. He started with his left leg tucked under him, his right leg bent so he could almost rest his chin on it. Then he crossed both legs and slumped forwards - but that made his t-shirt ride up and expose his back so he quickly shuffled to lie on the bed. That put his neck at an unpleasant angle, with no pillows.

With a frustrated huff, he got up and started over - this time fitting himself into the corner where Dean's side of the bed - the side of the bed Dean usually slept on, when they shared - met the wall. There he could stretch his legs out without feeling too vulnerable, though his expression was miserable when he finally looked up at Dean, waiting patiently until he'd settled. "Sorry."

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

artistdean
2014-09-16 07:39 pm UTC (link)

Dean waved away the comment about Seamus not being awake to stop him sleeping on the couch with a little shake of his head and a mumble of noise.

He'd thought it would be relatively easy for Seamus to find a comfortable spot, but sadly he'd half forgotten the total lack of pillows despite the fact Seamus had to transfigure one for him. He mostly stood and tried to will his eyes not to close while still standing up. After Seamus had made a couple of tries he realised he should probably at least take his jeans off and dumped the pillow and blanket on the corner of the bed until he'd stepped out of them.

He shrugged when Seamus apologised. "S'fine." He'd been planning on just starfishing out like he usually did, but with Seamus on the side he usually slept on he made a little grunt and then crawled onto the bed, grabbing the pillow and dumping it on Seamus' lap. He dragged the blanket too, and paused before lying down. "That okay?" he asked, paused on his knees all ready to flop his head down and curl up.

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

openbottle
2014-09-16 08:07 pm UTC (link)

For a second Seamus went tense as the pillow hit his lap. Or, more specifically, when a very small part of the cushion came into contact through his clothes with the edge of scar on his thigh. Then he prodded the pillow so it was more on his right side. "Yeah," he breathed. If he was going to have anyone between his scar and the rest of the world, he wanted it to be Dean.

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

artistdean
2014-09-16 08:52 pm UTC (link)

Dean smiled ever so slightly as Seamus rearranged the pillow to his satisfaction. He shuffled himself forward and lay down quickly. It wasn't quite a flop but it wasn't very well controlled either. It took him several long seconds to arrange both himself and the blanket to his satisfaction and involved the flailing of limbs in a not-very-co-ordinated fashion. Eventually he settled with his torso curling in towards Seamus' legs, and his legs flung out as far across the bed as he could get while keeping them covered and not off the end.

He could feel himself begin to relax immediately, the safety of this room already set in his mind, especially with Seamus there too. "Wake me if you need to, 'kay?" he said, his words muffled by the pillow and sleepiness.

It wasn't long before he'd relaxed into sleep, soft huffs of almost-snores escaping his mouth.

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Re: Seamus and Susan-and-or-Dean

openbottle
2014-09-16 09:50 pm UTC (link)

"I won't need to," Seamus objected, his fingers resting lightly on Dean's shoulder. "But if I do, I'll wake you," he added, not wanting to start an argument when Dean needed to sleep. With Dean sleeping in his lap, it was easier not to let his thoughts run away from him. He tried not to think about Dennis or Susan or the fact that he'd have to deal with both come next week. He tried not to think about what Bryn might have seen, or what those who'd arrived after he'd left would think of his absence. Mostly he managed - pushing those thoughts aside whenever they slid into his mind.

Focusing on Dean's painting on the opposite wall helped, watching the farm scene he'd painted on one trip to Greencastle. Occasionally it cycled through to rain, the chickens huddling together to protect themselves and Seamus would close his eyes until the thoughts crept in again - by which time the rain was gone and there was a dog chasing one of the chickens towards a pair of wellies only just visible in the corner of the frame.

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