Seamus Finnigan (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} openbottle) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} finnigans_rpg, |
Seamus's mumbled response to Dean wasn't truly audible. The only comprehensible word was 'coward'. He was a coward for turning and running during the battle, a coward for not telling Dennis about his scar and a coward for running away from him today. Sometimes, he wondered why he'd been put in Gryffindor at all. He turned his head away, listening to but not looking at Susan as he shuddered through another held-in sob. Her words didn't help, just reminded him how much stronger she was. How much stronger everyone was than him. Dean and Susan and Dennis, they'd all suffered through so much more than he had. Why was he the one attempting to run a post-war support group when he obviously had no idea what it was like? He pulled his arms in towards his body, cradling his hands against his chest.
He forced himself to take another even breath, to wet his lips. "Right. Feelings are..." He trailed off. The words had reminded him of something Dean had said he'd learned from therapy, about not blaming yourself for feelings or feelings not being wrong or... something. He couldn't remember the exact words right now. "Feelings are shit," he ended, a much more accurate reflection of his own current state. He didn't want to feel this way, or for Dennis to feel bad or for Susan - "This party was supposed to be for you. For that. To make you feel better, so you could have people you love around you." Well, he'd screwed that up good and proper. "You should go back downstairs." He didn't feel so bad about Dean missing out on the party, he knew that it was probably a few too many people for Dean to feel completely comfortable anyway. Besides, he was too selfish to want to be alone.
He managed the slightest twitch of a smile as he imagined Susan's parents bickering over baking. "You say that like you had to walk there," he managed, though the teasing still didn't have much heart in it. He felt Dean's hand reach for one and nodded. "Dean'll eat cookies for me."