InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "That wasn't love."

Bruce Wainright has (onerule) wrote in doors,
@ 2013-08-14 02:33:00

Entry tags:

batman, flash thompson

adam w.
[A loooooot of cursor blinking. Then:] Hey.

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	Re: adam/luke flashofvenom 2013-08-14 07:24 am UTC (link)
	Yes. Talking would be good. Was just starting to come around to the idea. Maddie K painted the nursery. Bought it toys. Didn't want to get her hopes up, but was starting to want something stable, too. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: adam/luke onerule 2013-08-14 07:26 am UTC (link)
	~~You were~~ ~~Well shit, now I feel like an~~ [...] I'm sorry, Adam. ~~I thought you didn't want~~ It's not fair and it shouldn't have happened, but you can still have something stable. This doesn't mean you can't. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: adam/luke flashofvenom 2013-08-14 07:27 am UTC (link)
	Tired of trying. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: adam/luke onerule 2013-08-14 07:31 am UTC (link)
	[...] If you give up, Adam, it'll all have been for nothing. Everything you and MK went through. I know it's cliche and you probably think I don't know what I'm talking about, but things can get better. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: adam/luke

flashofvenom
2013-08-14 07:35 am UTC (link)

Had my best friend die. Almost lost the only woman I ever loved when she was kidnapped by a psychopath. Watched her spiral out of control on every drug you can think of. Accidentally tortured her through the Marvel door with Venom. Made her miscarry our child because of a shared dream.

Never had anything like that happen to you, Luke. And, she'll never forgive me for making her miscarry. Never.

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Re: adam/luke

onerule
2013-08-14 07:38 am UTC (link)

[Cursor blink.] This isn't about who's had it worse, Adam, and I'm not doing that with you. I'm not. You've been through a lot, and it's been horrible and unimaginable but you can either dwell on it and let it destroy you or you can fight past it.

You don't know that it was the dream, and even if it was, that wasn't your fault. You didn't make it happen. [...] Do you think she blames you?

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	Re: adam/luke flashofvenom 2013-08-14 07:43 am UTC (link)
	[No hesitation.] Know you'd lose. Know you have it good. Ever thought anyone from Seattle would be playing house like you do? Do you think about Seattle anymore? Was my fault. Told her things that weren't true about him to protect myself from her. Mind full of horrors she had to sit through. [...] Yes. [...] Don't care if she does. Still loves me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: adam/luke

onerule
2013-08-14 07:49 am UTC (link)

~~Are you joking~~ ~~What's wrong with~~ [More cursor blinking.] I think about it all the time, actually. Why does it matter, Adam? Will it make you feel better if I told you that yeah, you have it worse, and my life is fucking awesome? Is that what you want? I mean, hell, would it help if Wren and I were miserable? Maybe us breaking up would make you happier.

Did you want her to have a miscarriage? Because if not, then it's not your fault. You thought it was just a dream. [...] Yeah, she does. She's completely in love with you. She needs you. And I know you love her too. That does count for something, you know.

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Re: adam/luke

flashofvenom
2013-08-14 07:54 am UTC (link)

Matters because you aren't one of us anymore. Used to be. Used to fight crime. Remember that? Remember how hard all of us worked to save a city that never loved us back? Remember how broken we were after Seattle? How bad it hurt? Now that you is buried under homemaker magazines. Now you're a cop. Remember how much help a cop did in Seattle? Might as well get a desk job.

Fine if it was my fault. Rather it be mine than hers. ~~which it~~ [...] Counts for something. You're right. Which is why she's here now. With me.

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Re: adam/luke

onerule
2013-08-14 01:16 pm UTC (link)

[Blink. Blink. Blink.] ~~Fuck you~~ I'm not one of you anymore? Seriously? I remember how miserable I was, Adam. I remember sacrificing myself again and again and watching everyone I cared about suffer. I remember trying to make people proud and always feeling like a failure. So, what, I'm not me anymore because I'm not broken like I used to be? Because I don't kill people anymore and I don't hate myself so much I wish I was dead? I'm not eighteen anymore. None of us are. [...] I'm a cop so I can make a difference. And, you know what, I want you to be happy. You and MK both, because you're my fucking friends but it's pretty clear you don't feel the same. Nice to know how you really feel.

A miscarriage isn't anyone's fault. [Pause.] Yeah, she's with you. Sober for months and now she's drinking again.

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	Re: adam/luke flashofvenom 2013-08-14 10:17 pm UTC (link)
	Not eighteen anymore. Still miserable. Haven't left Seattle. You have. MK and I both wanted you and Wren to be happy. Still do. Stating facts. [...] Really believe that? Between putting tourists in drunk tanks and arresting Elvis impersonators? So what if she is? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: adam/luke

onerule
2013-08-14 10:50 pm UTC (link)

[Frustrated cursor blink.] You can't say you want us to be happy and then lay on the guilt trip, like we don't deserve what we have. Wren and I had to fight like hell for it, okay? I'm not saying we're, I don't know, entitled or anything, because we're not. But it's not a competition. I don't want you to be miserable. You and MK don't deserve the shit that's happened to you. [...] Maybe not right now, but I can work my way up. I can't do what I used to do, Adam. That part of my life is over.

Come on. I know you care.

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	Re: adam/luke flashofvenom 2013-08-15 12:09 am UTC (link)
	Fought like hell and won. We fought like hell and lost. Tired of fighting. Been through what we have, you'd be tired, too. [...] How many people over the age of 40 still have the same job you do? Many of them. How many of them have families? Very few. Do care. Care more about numbing the pain. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: adam/luke

onerule
2013-08-15 01:36 pm UTC (link)

~~This isn't winning~~ I know you're tired. You have every right to be. But are you really just going to give up and self destruct? I don't want that, and I can't just sit and watch it happen. [...] I know it's not the best job, but it's money and benefits I didn't have before and it's better than working security for some stupid hotel. What else am I supposed to do?

That's only temporary, and it doesn't actually make the pain go away. We both know that.

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	Re: adam/luke flashofvenom 2013-08-16 12:49 am UTC (link)
	What could you do about it? [...] Telling you, as a friend, to give up trying to be a hero. Find a better paying job. Be a family man. Don't think she's ever going to fully heal. Can't tell me you think she can. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: adam/luke onerule 2013-08-16 12:22 pm UTC (link)
	I don't know. What could we ever do about anything? Didn't stop us from trying or wanting to fix things. [That makes the cursor blink for a while.] ~~I thought~~ ~~Is it really~~ I'm not sure I know how. I want to be both. [...] She wasn't doing too bad there for a while. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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